Casual reader feedback

[overclockedw]

Dropping this here, if you have the time to do a casual read/review of another.

The Ultimate Extra – No Treasure Needed

Our protagonist is just a simple young man, one who enjoys playing games more than anything else. Until one day, he answers a question. A simple act that changes his life forever, as he's thrown into the game he's played more than any other. However he enters not as the...

www.scribblehub.com

 

[BernKatstel]

You're a brave little cat.

Here's mine, only 7 chapter out right now.

The Weaver – A Dark LitRPG Fantasy

Peter is a broken and bitter man with nothing left to live for. The loss of his best friend, his loyal dog Zeus, threatens to drive him over the edge. However, as events take an unexpected turn and bizarre circumstances surround him, he refuses to die. Despair, struggle, and mystery....

www.scribblehub.com

I read all available chapters.

This is the score I decided on:
Overall: Who the hell are you calling little? (Enjoyable)

Grammar: 5/5
Seems fine to me. There were no errors that brought me out of my reading so it gets a 5.

Style: 4/5
This was a little hard to judge. Your style is the norm, prose is fine, and your sentences are constructed well for the most part. One thing I have to mention is that sometimes you drone on for longer than necessary. It made my attention shift and I had to refocus. Other than that, I feel like some of your paragraphs could be better broken up. Could just be me, take this one with a grain of salt.

Story: First chapter (4.5/5) After that (3.8/5)
First chapter was great, in my opinion! Writing was on point and emotions were easy to feel. The final confrontation is a pretty nice hook. After that? It kinda loses momentum. I can understand why, but it began to feel very slow, not exactly in the ‘dark souls’ kind of way either.

Characters: 4/5
You showed a lot of the MC’s personality in the first couple chapters! You hinted at his past and current relationships pretty well and managed to make me care about him somewhat despite the few chapters. I do like his thoughts in the narrative, but I think they are some times unneeded.

It was a nice read. I like dark stories, so I will keep an eye on it. Hope you continue and get more readers! Don’t call me lil again, though, for your sake.

I'd love some thoughts if its okay with you?

The Crystal – A Cyberpunk Mystery

In the neon-soaked, rain-drenched streets of Novus Aether, a city of splendor shadowing a world of despair, a former guardian finds himself summoned to the enigmatic Crystals. An invitation, simple yet profound, propels him into the heart of the metropolis's glittering dangers and whispered...

www.scribblehub.com

I could only read chapter 0.

This is the score I decided on:
Overall: Alright.

Grammar: 5/5
Good grammar. I did not notice any errors (other than some capitalized words). It automatically gets a 5 since my reading went unimpeded.

Style: 2/5
I could not force myself to click the next chapter button. The sheer amount of unneeded detail was a bit too much for me to bear. Too many adjectives and adverbs, quite a bit of repetition when the average reader can read between the lines, etc. Sentence and paragraph structure are both alright, I would just suggest polishing up your chapters. Purple prose can be fine, I think, but this wasn’t it for me.

Story: 3/5
There wasn’t anything groundbreaking or exciting on the first chapter. Quite the average start— which is why I will give it an average score. Would probably need to read much further to judge it well.

Characters: 3.5/5
There was some amount of personality shown through MC’s thoughts and actions, but nothing to write home about. As of the very first chapter I would say he is a pretty bland character with potential to be more the further the story goes.

I would suggest getting more feedback to see if they hold similar opinions to mine. I hope you continue with your story and I wish you luck.

 

[Mikan_Citrus]

Oh hey, you're the user who couldn't post your story on RR because of the cover art, right? How did that go, still dealing with RR or did they let you submit your story?

For now I'm not dealing with RR, but I still wanna tap into the readerbase there so eventually I'll try again, but with a new cover that would offend them next time I suppose lol.

 

[Dhael_Ligerkeys]

I read all available chapters.

This is the score I decided on:
Overall: Who the hell are you calling little? (Enjoyable)

Grammar: 5/5
Seems fine to me. There were no errors that brought me out of my reading so it gets a 5.

Style: 4/5
This was a little hard to judge. Your style is the norm, prose is fine, and your sentences are constructed well for the most part. One thing I have to mention is that sometimes you drone on for longer than necessary. It made my attention shift and I had to refocus. Other than that, I feel like some of your paragraphs could be better broken up. Could just be me, take this one with a grain of salt.

Story: First chapter (4.5/5) After that (3.8/5)
First chapter was great, in my opinion! Writing was on point and emotions were easy to feel. The final confrontation is a pretty nice hook. After that? It kinda loses momentum. I can understand why, but it began to feel very slow, not exactly in the ‘dark souls’ kind of way either.

Characters: 4/5
You showed a lot of the MC’s personality in the first couple chapters! You hinted at his past and current relationships pretty well and managed to make me care about him somewhat despite the few chapters. I do like his thoughts in the narrative, but I think they are some times unneeded.

It was a nice read. I like dark stories, so I will keep an eye on it. Hope you continue and get more readers! Don’t call me lil again, though, for your sake.

Thank you very much for your feedback, Mr Big Cat. It's much appreciated.

Yeah, it does slow down a bit after the first chapter. Don't think I have much of a choice there, maybe with a bit of clean up it might improve a bit.

Don't suppose you could give a couple of examples of the droning on and thoughts that you felt were unneeded, could you?

 

[BernKatstel]

Thank you very much for your feedback, Mr Big Cat. It's much appreciated.

Yeah, it does slow down a bit after the first chapter. Don't think I have much of a choice there, maybe with a bit of clean up it might improve a bit.

Don't suppose you could give a couple of examples of the droning on and thoughts that you felt were unneeded, could you?

Yeah! This is all my personal opinion anyways, do keep that in mind. I can send you some examples in PM’s after I am done checking out the other stories

 

[Dhael_Ligerkeys]

Yeah! This is all my personal opinion anyways, do keep that in mind. I can send you some examples in PM’s after I am done checking out the other stories

That's be great. Thank you.

 

[BernKatstel]

Hello! I am new to Scribble Hub and would like to receive constructive feedback on the chapters that I have posted here so far. Please let me know what you think, and I look forward to getting along with the community.

Arisaka: Celestial Violet (Action Packed Urban Fantasy!)

The Republic of Arisaka stands tall as the most powerful nation in the entire world. However, even this almighty superpower state of extraordinary metahumans and mages have struggled with an ancient conflict, one that has raged on for millennia—the war between humans, demons, and all sorts of...

www.scribblehub.com

I read till chapter 7.

This is the score I decided on:
Overall: Alright

Grammar: 4.8/5
There were some words and tenses that felt misused, and some punctuation was missing. Minor, but occasionally noticeable.

Style: 3/5
“There was the hallway leading into the kitchen. A while ago I could have expected for this place to be filled with at least a few people, but now it was empty, void of anyone else's presence. In fact, now the entire house was empty aside from me, the sole resident of this old place. A kitchen was intended to be used for cooking and dining, but now it barely got any use out of me aside from convenient storage. I didn't know a damn thing about cooking, never learned to, and that culinary class back in freshman year of high school didn't teach me anything really. I have dabbled in the skill before, but I didn't really get into it too deeply. This part of the house has more or less acted like an obligatory set piece nowadays.”

“just some basement room modified to accommodate the only person living here—me.”

I think this is a good example of what I feel is wrong with your style. It’s a chunk of text that could have given readers the same info in three sentences or less. You already told us the kitchen is useless, no need to emphasize it again at the end. You already told us you the MC didn’t learn the slightest thing about cooking, no need to say it again in a different way right after. This happens from time to time throughout the chapters. I would suggest reading through them again to sharpen them up. Your paragraph structure is fine, but some sentences could stand to be shorter and more concise.

Story: 3.5/5
Interesting setting… I like the concept of guns and magic instead of swords. I also appreciate the fact that their country seems to be very militaristic. The first chapter was a bit of a drag, but things certainly picked up afterwards. I was curious enough to want to keep reading.

Characters: 4/5
Your writing shows a lot of the characters’ personality. Clear thoughts and body language that allows us know how they constantly feel. I do not like the MC’s character, but the score I give is based off of how well I think you portrayed them. He certainly spoke like someone not very happy with his place in life at first, and like the usual innocent harem protagonist afterwards.

I did not like the dialogue too much, though. Felt a tiny bit awkward and junky, especially during the demon fight part in the first few chaps.

It was an interesting read. I hope you keep working on this and get many more readers in the future.

 

[Sylver]

For now I'm not dealing with RR, but I still wanna tap into the readerbase there so eventually I'll try again, but with a new cover that would offend them next time I suppose lol.

Not to defend them but with a bust size like that, I'd be offended too. Well, more jealous than offended really

 

[BernKatstel]

Oh hey, you're the user who couldn't post your story on RR because of the cover art, right? How did that go, still dealing with RR or did they let you submit your story?

Neat, I could always use more feedback! Slight warning though, a lot of smut in the early chapters. I'd appreciate if you read up to chapter 15.

Enjoy!

Monster Girl Chronicles Book 1: KuliKuli the Nekomata - A Tale of Tails Begins! | Scribble Hub

www.scribblehub.com

I read till chapter 17.

This is the score I decided on:
Overall: Enjoyable

Grammar: 4.5/5. Some missing/misspelled words, repetition, and punctuation errors from time to time. Definitely noticeable. I suggest you re-edit your chapters, would definitely help quite a bit.

Style: 4.6/5
I like your style of writing. Simple and effective. There is the odd chunk of text here and there, but I could see improvement the further I read along. It felt very easy to read. A few sentences could be better structured, though.

Story: 4/5
Nice start. First chapter was captivating and the ones that followed were pretty good as well. I liked the pacing. I don’t have much else to say since this seems like a slice-of-life story for the most part with different monster girls as the ‘protagonists‘. It is certainly relaxing, at least.

Characters: 4.5/5
I managed to understand your characters fairly well and I grew to like them. Very nicely done! Dialogue could use some work, in my opinion, and I dislike the Japanese from the wolf-girl, but that’s just a personal gripe and doesn’t affect the score.

It was a great experience. I would consider reading through the rest of your book, but smut and happy stories aren’t really my thing. I believe your story is pretty successful for a reason, since you seem to know what you are doing content-wise. Good work.

 

[Sylver]

I believe your story is pretty successful for a reason, since you seem to know what you are doing content-wise. Good work.

You haven't the slightest clue how much you have made my day with this quote
Bless you, kind soul!

smut and happy stories aren’t really my thing

I've been wondering that perhaps my story could be more appealing if I label which chapters include smut and which do not. I'm not asking you to read the whole thing, but in your opinion, would you be more willing to give the novel a read if the smut chapters were mentioned so that you can avoid them?

Fortunately, the smut content are kept in single chapters so they don't disrupt the main story

 

[BernKatstel]

For Want of A House

Waking up is always a difficult part of anyone's day- it's even worse if you wake up inside some squalid room to spit out mysterious black cubes in a land you are not familiar with. Now imagine what Sybil's going through. Watch this short and tempered child grow, seeking a...

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I took a break from writing to have dinner and saw this, decided to toss my hat in the ring

Oh dear, a mutt… No worries, I shall translate my review appropriately.

I read till Chapter 12

This is the score I decided on:

Overall: Ruff ruff (Enjoyable)

Grammar: ()
There were some pretty minor mistakes, but they didn’t interrupt my reading. Gets a full score automatically.

Style: ()
Your writing is simple, but effective. I liked it. I do think you could break your paragraphs a little bit better, though. There are many things done at once and it often results in bigger chunks of text that become harder to read. Other than that, sentences seem to be well written and of appropriate length. No real complaints here!

Story: ()
Memory loss coupled with transportation, classic start. The mystery of her many circumstances is a nice way to make it exciting. I enjoyed the little plot progression I managed to witness in the chapters I read. Not too much to say since it took a while for her to get swept away from her mother.

Characters: ()
You showed off the MC’s character well through her thoughts and actions! There were a few moments that made me chuckle and I genuinely like what I understood of her. Even if I do find her a lil dull until the chapter where I stopped. Other characters I can’t speak much about, as I did not know what they were saying and they were pretty temporary.

Woof wo- I mean, this is a pretty good story with potential! I do not like the fact that the chapters are so short, but I’ll be keeping an eye on your story for sure. Hope you keep working on it! Feel free to pat yourself on the back and go play fetch or whatever it is that your kind does nowadays.

You haven't the slightest clue how much you have made my day with this quote
Bless you, kind soul!

I've been wondering that perhaps my story could be more appealing if I label which chapters include smut and which do not. I'm not asking you to read the whole thing, but in your opinion, would you be more willing to give the novel a read if the smut chapters were mentioned so that you can avoid them?

Fortunately, the smut content are kept in single chapters so they don't disrupt the main story

If I liked wholesome stories with little amount of smut? Yeah, I would give it a try if they were labeled!

 

[HelloHound]

Oh dear, a mutt… No worries, I shall translate my review appropriately.

I read till Chapter 12

This is the score I decided on:

Overall: Ruff ruff (Enjoyable)

Grammar: ()
There were some pretty minor mistakes, but they didn’t interrupt my reading. Gets a full score automatically.

Style: ()
Your writing is simple, but effective. I liked it. I do think you could break your paragraphs a little bit better, though. There are many things done at once and it often results in bigger chunks of text that become harder to read. Other than that, sentences seem to be well written and of appropriate length. No real complaints here!

Story: ()
Memory loss coupled with transportation, classic start. The mystery of her many circumstances is a nice way to make it exciting. I enjoyed the little plot progression I managed to witness in the chapters I read. Not too much to say since it took a while for her to get swept away from her mother.

Characters: ()
You showed off the MC’s character well through her thoughts and actions! There were a few moments that made me chuckle and I genuinely like what I understood of her. Even if I do find her a lil dull until the chapter where I stopped. Other characters I can’t speak much about, as I did not know what they were saying and they were pretty temporary.

Woof wo- I mean, this is a pretty good story with potential! I do not like the fact that the chapters are so short, but I’ll be keeping an eye on your story for sure. Hope you keep working on it! Feel free to pat yourself on the back and go play fetch or whatever it is that your kind does nowadays.

thanks for your review and all the fun toys and treats! I was on a bit of hiatus due to sickness but I'm now much better and working on my next chapter! now to play fetch

 

[BernKatstel]

Dropping this here, if you have the time to do a casual read/review of another.

The Ultimate Extra – No Treasure Needed

Our protagonist is just a simple young man, one who enjoys playing games more than anything else. Until one day, he answers a question. A simple act that changes his life forever, as he's thrown into the game he's played more than any other. However he enters not as the...

www.scribblehub.com

Good day. Your Kobeni picture makes me want to be a little mean, but I’ll hold back.

I read all available chapters.

This is the score I decided on:
Overall: Enjoyable.

Grammar: 5/5
As usual, I am giving this full marks as I didn’t have to reread any of your paragraphs nor pause due to grammar issues. There might be a couple errors but they are minor ones.

Style: 3.7/5
Your writing style isn’t anything groundbreaking. It works and I usually like simple. The only problem is that you oftentimes repeated some ideas or words that the user could have understood by themselves without it needing to be reinstated. In the first couple chapters, at least. I noticed it happening less as I went along. A few sentences are also kind of weirdly structured or just sound weird to read. I would suggest running the chapters through an app that can read them back to you, don’t know if you are doing something like that already.

Story: 4/5
I like the setting and the build up to what happened with the Mc’s original body. I thought it was pretty nicely paced so far and I like what’s going on in the latest chapters. It is fitting that there’s so much going down in that place since it IS the starter area. Power system has potential to be even more interesting depending on your future creativity!

Characters: 4.5/5
I disliked the MC in the very first chapter, but you presented him better and better as the story went on. I don’t think his thoughts in the narrative were excessive or anything as I usually do either. Other characters show potential to become even more interesting than the MC. I especially like Arianwen and hope to see what becomes of her in the future. Hope you take your time fleshing them out!

I enjoyed it despite the first chapter. I’ll add it to my reading list. Hope you continue working on it!

 

[overclockedw]

Good day. Your Kobeni picture makes me want to be a little mean, but I’ll hold back.

Oh no...

Good day. Your Kobeni picture makes me want to be a little mean, but I’ll hold back.

I read all available chapters.

This is the score I decided on:
Overall: Enjoyable.

Style: 3.7/5
Your writing style isn’t anything groundbreaking. It works and I usually like simple. The only problem is that you oftentimes repeated some ideas or words that the user could have understood by themselves without it needing to be reinstated. In the first couple chapters, at least. I noticed it happening less as I went along. A few sentences are also kind of weirdly structured or just sound weird to read. I would suggest running the chapters through an app that can read them back to you, don’t know if you are doing something like that already.

Characters: 4.5/5
I disliked the MC in the very first chapter, but you presented him better and better as the story went on. I don’t think his thoughts in the narrative were excessive or anything as I usually do either. Other characters show potential to become even more interesting than the MC. I especially like Arianwen and hope to see what becomes of her in the future. Hope you take your time fleshing them out!

I enjoyed it despite the first chapter. I’ll add it to my reading list. Hope you continue working on it!

I'm glad to hear both of these. I did hear that my first chapter/prologue was a bit weak. I've even gotten feedback from people that they didn't bother reading any further just because of those alone. I think I'll go back and rewrite both.

I will say that as I made more chapters, I did get a lot more settled in, writing-wise. I also started taking it a bit more seriously, since I really just came to this site to write casually and easy. I didn't realize how much mistakes I was making 'till I had people pointing it out...daily writing is a totally new venture for me.

I'm glad to see the characters came through strong. Honestly, they're what I put the most effort into, maybe even more than the story. When it eventually does reach that 'harem' territory, I want the girls to actually have personality, backstories, and interesting powers/character arcs of their own. So the characters coming through as they do shows me that I'm really doing well! Thank you so much for reading!

 

[BernKatstel]

Oh no...



I'm glad to hear both of these. I did hear that my first chapter/prologue was a bit weak. I've even gotten feedback from people that they didn't bother reading any further just because of those alone. I think I'll go back and rewrite both.

I will say that as I made more chapters, I did get a lot more settled in, writing-wise. I also started taking it a bit more seriously, since I really just came to this site to write casually and easy. I didn't realize how much mistakes I was making 'till I had people pointing it out...daily writing is a totally new venture for me.

I'm glad to see the characters came through strong. Honestly, they're what I put the most effort into, maybe even more than the story. When it eventually does reach that 'harem' territory, I want the girls to actually have personality, backstories, and interesting powers/character arcs of their own. So the characters coming through as they do shows me that I'm really doing well! Thank you so much for reading!

You are already doing way better than many others on the site! Will keep up with your story~

 

[miyaskya]

Would you like to read mine? Any feedback is appreciated. Thanks!

Grand Epic Elemental

In a world overseen by the goddesses of the four elements, Leiyu accompanies a trade caravan traveling westward to the Kingdom of Ishkhandar. Little does he know, he is about to meet someone who will change his life and embark on a journey to escape fate. *** This story is a...

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[Numero]

Hello! Please take a look. https://www.scribblehub.com/series/1019722/age-of-spirit-fantasycultivation/

 

[harrydouthwaite]

Here is my recently edited story. Hopefully you find it intriguing.

Feelings and Fondness

In the mid-2000s, eleven-year-old Robin Brush lives in the commuter belt village of Stanstead Abbotts in Hertfordshire, England. He suffers constantly from being bullied, ridiculed, or misunderstood by almost everyone. Forced to live an isolated life as an outcast, he doesn't even have any...

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[MaitreyaGem]

Hello :D please check out my story The Winds of Tepr

 

[Deleted member 156229]

I would love to hear your first impressions!
https://www.scribblehub.com/series/1028921/mankind-diaspora-the-trappist-gambit/