Hello everyone, I am currently working on a book that I would like your input on. I am new to writing so any feedback is important to me. Here is a link to my book: Mighty Malice | Scribble Hub
First time writing would appreciate some feedback
- Thread starter rcolin02
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WasatchWind
Writer, musician, creator of worlds
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I am usually down to read people's work - but litrpg just isn't really my thing. I'm sure you'll find someone more interested in the genre though that will give it a read.
Zirrboy
Fueled by anger
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Especially regarding the status elements, try to avoid redundancy.
For the initial skill table, you had the names without context and then the names again, this time with description
In other cases, your MC explains things again that can be guessed from the descriptions already.
For the initial skill table, you had the names without context and then the names again, this time with description
In other cases, your MC explains things again that can be guessed from the descriptions already.
You can do this. Once your character stats grow, it might even be better than showing the window. But instead, not in addition. People will just start skipping.
Ai-chan
Queen of Yuri Devourer of Traps
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Ai-chan has no real problem with your story. It feels like something Ai-chan would be interested to read, judging from the first chapter alone. So take this as a constructive criticism.
Ai-chan's advice is to just reread your sentences and make it flow instead of making people go back to the previous 4-5 words to understand the sentence. Try to simplify or streamline your sentences so that it doesn't take the readers much effort to enjoy your story. Here are some examples
I sought for decades a way to never die, a way to become immortal by any means and I thought necromancy was the antidote of death.
For decades, I sought a way to never die. I sought a way to become immortal by any means possible and thought that necromancy was the antidote for death.
I spent countless years of research finding out ways to never die, to live forever, but it was all for naught.
I spent countless years researching ways to cheat death, to live forever, but it was all for naught.
People feared me and that caused me to grow bitter as I grew older.
People feared me and that made me grow bitter of people as the years pass.
These are just examples. There are other sentences that you could've improved too, but you could also choose not to improve because they could be considered author quirks. Every author has quirks. Sometimes you want to leave tiny signs in your writing here and there, a way for people to recognize that it is your work. You don't have to leave these quirks right now, but if you want to be a serious author, you might want to start thinking of it once you've gained some experience. It's like your signature.
Ai-chan's advice is to just reread your sentences and make it flow instead of making people go back to the previous 4-5 words to understand the sentence. Try to simplify or streamline your sentences so that it doesn't take the readers much effort to enjoy your story. Here are some examples
I sought for decades a way to never die, a way to become immortal by any means and I thought necromancy was the antidote of death.
For decades, I sought a way to never die. I sought a way to become immortal by any means possible and thought that necromancy was the antidote for death.
I spent countless years of research finding out ways to never die, to live forever, but it was all for naught.
I spent countless years researching ways to cheat death, to live forever, but it was all for naught.
People feared me and that caused me to grow bitter as I grew older.
People feared me and that made me grow bitter of people as the years pass.
These are just examples. There are other sentences that you could've improved too, but you could also choose not to improve because they could be considered author quirks. Every author has quirks. Sometimes you want to leave tiny signs in your writing here and there, a way for people to recognize that it is your work. You don't have to leave these quirks right now, but if you want to be a serious author, you might want to start thinking of it once you've gained some experience. It's like your signature.