Free feedback thread. No Gl or smut, or incest. NO INCEST! (Closed)

[T.K._Paradox]

Alright I only have three chapters, but I trust your judgement, apple grotto nymph was pretty nice:

Drift Hero - Prologue: The Beginning | Scribble Hub

www.scribblehub.com

 

[doravg]

Alright I only have three chapters, but I trust your judgement, apple grotto nymph was pretty nice:

Drift Hero - Prologue: The Beginning | Scribble Hub

www.scribblehub.com

done

 

[Spilled_Soup]

I'd like to hear your thoughts

Spark of the Revenant

In the far corners of the multiverse, anarchy reigns supreme. Entire sectors are dominated by smugglers and raiders vying for control over an ancient energy source that grants supernatural abilities alongside levels and stats. On a seemingly normal day, Eon, a hacker, comes in contact with...

www.scribblehub.com

 

[doravg]

I'd like to hear your thoughts

Spark of the Revenant

In the far corners of the multiverse, anarchy reigns supreme. Entire sectors are dominated by smugglers and raiders vying for control over an ancient energy source that grants supernatural abilities alongside levels and stats. On a seemingly normal day, Eon, a hacker, comes in contact with...

www.scribblehub.com

done

 

[Spilled_Soup]

done

Thanks. It's nice to be able to step outside of what you wrote, and hear about it from another's perspective

 

[Neiryl]

Feel Free to look into my book, if you are free.

Link => The Omniscient Author

 

[LiteraryWho]

What an admirable goal. I'm not sure my writing will be of any help to you, but I'd still appreciate your feedback if you're still giving it.

My story, Nova is an action story about mercenaries in a sci-fi/fantasy setting. I put a lot of effort into making the world feel very grounded, and (hopefully) having some fun characters and an interesting plot.

 

[doravg]

Feel Free to look into my book, if you are free.
View attachment 14413
Link => The Omniscient Author

done.

What an admirable goal. I'm not sure my writing will be of any help to you, but I'd still appreciate your feedback if you're still giving it.

My story, Nova is an action story about mercenaries in a sci-fi/fantasy setting. I put a lot of effort into making the world feel very grounded, and (hopefully) having some fun characters and an interesting plot.

done
Ten reviews done. I wish I could get a badge for reviewing.

 

[CrazyKid21]

I want to try

 

[RainingSky]

Feel free to try it out if you want.

We the Villains | Scribble Hub

No smut, no Gl, no incest, I promise

 

[LiteraryWho]

done.

done
Ten reviews done. I wish I could get a badge for reviewing.

Thank you very much for the feedback :D

You are a true American hero :D :D

Edit: also, would you mind if I asked you a few in depth questions about your experience? There are a few things I was trying to get across, which didn't seem to make it.

 

[doravg]

Thank you very much for the feedback :D

You are a true American hero :D :D

Edit: also, would you mind if I asked you a few in depth questions about your experience? There are a few things I was trying to get across, which didn't seem to make it.

Sure, ask away.

 

[LiteraryWho]

Sure, ask away.

great :D

What were your thoughts on the PoV change (from first to third person) between the first and second section (from the action scene to the classroom scene)? Also, in the first scene, did you notice the "slippage" in time (where the fight jumped from the beginning to the end)? And, if so, what did you think I was going for (i.e. why did you think I included it there)?

 

[doravg]

great :D

What were your thoughts on the PoV change (from first to third person) between the first and second section (from the action scene to the classroom scene)? Also, in the first scene, did you notice the "slippage" in time (where the fight jumped from the beginning to the end)? And, if so, what did you think I was going for (i.e. why did you think I included it there)?

Well, the POV change was necessary. Just use it carefully. Some people find too many POV changes annoying.
The second one confused me. I thought that the MC author was playing a game. (You meant when he blinked and ended up in the classroom at the end of the period, right?)
What slippage in time? I tend not to pay too much attention to fight scenes.

 

[LiteraryWho]

Thanks for the answers :)

It's hard to get different perspectives on one's own writing, so it's nice to hear what other people saw in it.

Good luck working on your writing. Sampling different genres is a good idea, though I suggest you mix in a few published books as well, to get a feel for professionally edited prose.

 

[doravg]

Feel free to try it out if you want.

We the Villains | Scribble Hub

No smut, no Gl, no incest, I promise

done

 

[RainingSky]

done

Thanks a lot :)

 

[Jailbreak571]

Can you review this thing? A new writer by the way. Just a few weeks ago.

Project H.A.L

This might be the weirdest day of my life. First off, I somehow finished my test exams which is quite a feat considering that I didn't study, at all, like always. Secondly, my sister didn't rush her work making me doubt if that was my sister. Lastly, this woman right...

www.scribblehub.com

Also, If you want you could read the original one and compare them if you like.

 

[doravg]

Can you review this thing? A new writer by the way. Just a few weeks ago.

Project H.A.L

This might be the weirdest day of my life. First off, I somehow finished my test exams which is quite a feat considering that I didn't study, at all, like always. Secondly, my sister didn't rush her work making me doubt if that was my sister. Lastly, this woman right...

www.scribblehub.com

Also, If you want you could read the original one and compare them if you like.

done

 

[Jailbreak571]

done

Tx