Gay, but not gay

[Reinaislost]

Late at night yesterday, I had what would be considered a relatively (tame) homoerotic exchange with my friend, and while they aren't uncommon in my friend circle, one guy friend, as always, had inquired about the nature of our relationship, including if this is how girls generally behaved with each other. Neither of us think we have really flirted with each other; all the compliments, blushing, and calling them names are playful jokes, platonically affectionate at large.

On the topic of boys, as someone who has been around the guy communities for a long time, I've seen both people at the opposite end of the spectrum about the subject, from people who act explicitly gay with each other to people who are afraid of doing anything they think may seem remotely gay. The reason for such contrast can be discussed and explained, but the affectionate gesture of cuddling, sharing a bed, or complimenting differs from the more sexual nature of a jokey approach practiced by men. This is not to say that we don't have similar versions.

At the end of it, I'm not foolish enough to suggest that the nature of a homoerotic relationship may not vary from person to person, which really ties down to my question: for the girls out there, do you have friends you are close with that you think you can flirt with? And the guys, if you can express your affection straight-faced to a guy friend.

How gay do you act around them?

 

[Insomniologist]

Friends?
What are those?
( ；∀；)

 

[RepresentingEnvy]

I don't have any IRL friends anymore, but I think I flirt with people without realizing it. I'm different. I try to watch for other people’s boundaries. But often I'm too socially inept to recognize cues, so I spend most of my time not talking to people nowadays.

Online I have more time to think, but I spend too much time thinking. I don't really know if I do it or not.

 

[DannyTheDaikon]

I am a very flirty person in general, but I will act flirty only when I like the person and trust them. Pretty much all of my friends IRL (most of them are women) are people whom I flirt with to a varying degree. Online is the same.

I won't lie, though, that it never went further than being platonic. On a few occasion innocent flirting turned into less innocent flirting and we ended up being an item even when they claimed to be straight...

 

[dummycake]

when I was in middle school, I was extremely afraid of being outed as gay so I avoided everything that could be seen as that or was homophobic
I had a friend that sometimes made some weird jokes saying that a local celebrity here (known for his giant penis (don't ask)) fucked me or something, it made me extremely uncomfortable and also made me question if he was in the closet as well (he even crossdressed one time, though that doesn't necessarily mean anything)

in high school, I massaged a male friend and I think someone asked me if I was gay or something and I just said yes. I don't remember flirting or anything, but I remember I was more open and talked about the LGBT community to my straight friends.

 

[vzymmer]

Friends?
What are those?
( ；∀；)

Comrade, I feel yoir pain.

 

[Voidiris]

I suprisingly act more gay around the same gender even if the opposite gender is in my opinion more attractive.
Most of my gay behavior is more jokingly though, for a reminder I'm pan because I'm genderblind as hell.

 

[TheMonotonePuppet]

Late at night yesterday, I had what would be considered a relatively (tame) homoerotic exchange with my friend, and while they aren't uncommon in my friend circle, one guy friend, as always, had inquired about the nature of our relationship, including if this is how girls generally behaved with each other. Neither of us think we have really flirted with each other; all the compliments, blushing, and calling them names are playful jokes, platonically affectionate at large.

On the topic of boys, as someone who has been around the guy communities for a long time, I've seen both people at the opposite end of the spectrum about the subject, from people who act explicitly gay with each other to people who are afraid of doing anything they think may seem remotely gay. The reason for such contrast can be discussed and explained, but the affectionate gesture of cuddling, sharing a bed, or complimenting differs from the more sexual nature of a jokey approach practiced by men. This is not to say that we don't have similar versions.

At the end of it, I'm not foolish enough to suggest that the nature of a homoerotic relationship may not vary from person to person, which really ties down to my question: for the girls out there, do you have friends you are close with that you think you can flirt with? And the guys, if you can express your affection straight-faced to a guy friend.

How gay do you act around them?

For those I have been friends with IRL, I just love hugs and I will genuinely compliment everyone. They deserve the compliments! I can freely express affection to virtually anyone, no shame! If I can't say it (though this doesn't apply to many others), then I am not enough! I used to be able to cuddle with any of my friends, but I grew apart from them.

Nowadays, it is harder and extremely painful to consider any form of physical contact when I am depressed. The way my parents had treated me in certain circumstances, as well as paranoia and anxiety, make it difficult.

 

[BernKatstel]

It is a thing for sure. I only like doing it with friends I am very comfortable with.

As for the guys I know, they don’t seem to have much of a problem expressing their sincere affection for each other with words or hugs, at least. They get gropey in public as a joke, but I don’t think they would ever do anything ‘gently’, like cuddling lol. Culture also affects things.

 

[NotaNuffian]

I rubbed my penis over everything and that scared people away from me.

 

[TotallyHuman]

If you don't clap your homie cheeks you're no homie
... is what I'd say if I had any friends
jk who needs friends anyway?

It is a thing for sure. I only like doing it with friends I am very comfortable with.

literally eating your friend and then vomiting her out in a shower of sweets is the gayest thing ever

 

[Hans.Trondheim]

Late at night yesterday, I had what would be considered a relatively (tame) homoerotic exchange with my friend, and while they aren't uncommon in my friend circle, one guy friend, as always, had inquired about the nature of our relationship, including if this is how girls generally behaved with each other. Neither of us think we have really flirted with each other; all the compliments, blushing, and calling them names are playful jokes, platonically affectionate at large.

On the topic of boys, as someone who has been around the guy communities for a long time, I've seen both people at the opposite end of the spectrum about the subject, from people who act explicitly gay with each other to people who are afraid of doing anything they think may seem remotely gay. The reason for such contrast can be discussed and explained, but the affectionate gesture of cuddling, sharing a bed, or complimenting differs from the more sexual nature of a jokey approach practiced by men. This is not to say that we don't have similar versions.

At the end of it, I'm not foolish enough to suggest that the nature of a homoerotic relationship may not vary from person to person, which really ties down to my question: for the girls out there, do you have friends you are close with that you think you can flirt with? And the guys, if you can express your affection straight-faced to a guy friend.

How gay do you act around them?

I have no idea how to flirt, nor go overboard with flirting. But I do express my affection for my friends, be it online or real life, through my love language, which are words of encouragement. and acts of love. We share the same Discord community, and you've seen my interactions with everyone, including you. For me, standing by my friends' side and staying with them--even to the point of inconvenience sometimes--is how I express my loyalty and love for them.

... is what I'd say if I had any friends
jk who needs friends anyway?

Seriously, I treat you as one, though you're online.

Online I have more time to think, but I spend too much time thinking. I don't really know if I do it or not.

You're an online friend, and I don't see your interactions with me as flirting, so I guess you'll be fine.

 

[Voidiris]

I have no idea how to flirt, nor go overboard with flirting. But I do express my affection for my friends, be it online or real life, through my love language, which are words of encouragement. and acts of love. We share the same Discord community, and you've seen my interactions with everyone, including you. For me, standing by my friends' side and staying with them--even to the point of inconvenience sometimes--is how I express my loyalty and love for them.

So this is how affection is shown?

 

[Hans.Trondheim]

So this is how affection is shown?

Well, for me, at least. I can stay talking with you, even when sometimes I have to sacrifice my hours sleeping or doing something else, especially if you need someone to talk to. Or make you happy by giving you free illustrations (provided, I have free time). Or offer words of encouragement, not just lip-service, since I love observing people's behaviors--online or real life.

Growing up in a conservative culture, it's awkward for me to get too intimate with touches, see? And my work as a public high school teacher made me averted to touching anyone. So I avoid touching people, lest it's necessary (there are times when an extremely sad and depressed person needs that, even a gentle head pat).

As for the jokes, I'm aware I'm in an international community, so I'm afraid to offend people by joking too much.

Hence, I show my love and affection for my online friends through the things I already said in my previous reply.

 

[MintiLime]

My friend group had a running joke that we were a harem. I was then appointed to be the center of the harem for comedic effect (I had a reputation for being a prude but I also owned a collection of leather jackets). Peak comedy.

 

[Bobple]

I have plenty friends will make gay comments, remarks, say that kind of stuff to each other, and just act very gay with each other. None of them actually gay though, but they are all good friends.

I personally don't make those types of comments with them, mostly because that's not my style of humour. I'm very much the straight man in that group, but I can say those things comfortably.

With affection, I'm pretty good at verbally expressing that my friends are important to me.

 

[Reinaislost]

Friends?
What are those?
( ；∀；)

You don't have imaginary friends? My friend beside me thinks you are talking strange.

Nowadays, it is harder and extremely painful to consider any form of physical contact when I am depressed. The way my parents had treated me in certain circumstances, as well as paranoia and anxiety, make it difficult.

 

[Voidiris]

Well, for me, at least. I can stay talking with you, even when sometimes I have to sacrifice my hours sleeping or doing something else, especially if you need someone to talk to. Or make you happy by giving you free illustrations (provided, I have free time). Or offer words of encouragement, not just lip-service, since I love observing people's behaviors--online or real life.

Growing up in a conservative culture, it's awkward for me to get too intimate with touches, see? And my work as a public high school teacher made me averted to touching anyone. So I avoid touching people, lest it's necessary (there are times when an extremely sad and depressed person needs that, even a gentle head pat).

As for the jokes, I'm aware I'm in an international community, so I'm afraid to offend people by joking too much.

Hence, I show my love and affection for my online friends through the things I already said in my previous reply.

Well I only state my affection, I honestly can't really understand how someone would think that you show affection or that this behavior shows affection.

 

[Hans.Trondheim]

Well I only state my affection, I honestly can't really understand how someone would think that you show affection or that this behavior shows affection.

Depends on people, really, and culture too.

That's why I have the 'for me' phrase. I don't know about other cultures' show of affection except for mine.

 

[Voidiris]

Depends on people, really, and culture too.

That's why I have the 'for me' phrase. I don't know about other cultures' show of affection except for mine.

Well it was more of a realisation that I don't know how to show affection.