I have mixed feelings about my story I don't find it good or bad tell me your negative opinion or not it doesn't matter I need to improve

[IsseiVeskitos]

The Rise of Hydra God

This story is related to The Rise Of Dragon God and takes place thousands of years after the story. Lee Sung is an orphan without a home or family, at the age of 5 he learned to kill and steal and grew up in a slum where aggression is common. But...

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[Kilolo]

I only read the first and the latest chapter, and if you think i wouldn't be able to understand the story that way, it doesn't really mattered. I never review a story plot anyway.

but what I gotta say is :

• Putting author note on the first chapter is fine, but just putting it as it is and not using the "quote" feature are making it looks very untidy.
• both in first and last chapter pacing are just... unpleasant. I mean, at first it said the MC is only 5 years old for his first murder, and then he is getting away after a murder. is he still 5 years old by this point? it doesn't really matter what the answer is, but putting a backstory like that while explaining what the character is currently doing is not a good idea, at least put it on a different paragraph. and then when they get away from people who's trying to murder the MC, you just add one line that you got away from them far into a forest after a comma, and the next one is you said 5 hours is passed then you just put comma and move on to the next explanation without pause. that, my friend. is what i called a bad pacing. at least show the nuance that the MC is already safe after getting away from the enemies, and put the 5 hours later as something the MC just realize by using monologue or something. at the very least, the current writing are felt so rushed. and it doesn't really change much during the latest chapter. like, there's 200.000 army attacking you, but suddenly a commander kicking you, then you retreat for a fucking 20 meters away. 20 meters is quite a distance bruh, you practically need to sprint for almost half minute to reach those distance. at least add a sentence of "back stepping a few times and reach 20 meters distance", that way it would give the nuance that the MC is an actual superhuman. and then the MC just transform and do his mass genocide skill and you're just be done with it as if it's just walking in a park. you didn't explain where the commander at and do when the MC doing that, how the rest of the soldiers fare after seeing such a scene. in other words : it's really hard to visualize while reading this part because I can't even sure how the other side perceiving it and the scene just move from one thing to another without any time to processing it.
• if you're using a full fantasy world setting, I suggest you change your currency from Euro to something else, any word you can comes up with. or maybe just use Gold if you're lazy. the thing is : using word from real life would make the reader associating it with the real word counterparts. so people will just assuming the setting is on apocalyptic Europe or something. but these part are just me, you can still keeping it if you wanted to.

those are the only glaring part, but for the most of it. it was okay.

 

[Cipiteca396]

Make your cover from Nightcafe or another AI art generator if you're too lazy to make/hire one yourself. Then you don't have to steal other people's work(mostly). Here's an example:

Other than that, I don't care enough for the premise to read more than a few paragraphs. Sorry. But here's a few links that might help you improve your writing:

Writing - Show don't tell: Emotions in writing

A list of showing emotion. I took this from my tumblr, I will link it if you want to make sure I didn't copy someone else's work. Embarrassment blushing fidgeting sweating hiding their face in their hands wide eyes crossing their arms around their body stutters stammering shifting their...

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Discussions & Writing Tips

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[IsseiVeskitos]

Wow, thanks for the review, it helps me a lot even if you only read two chapters
And thank you for the author note I did not know this function before. I am really new in writing