I need help

[Rivertalon]

Hello, I am a new writer and publishing a book for some days now.

But today I noticed 5 people dropped the book. I Know it's rude to ask.

Can anyone please read the book and give a review help me find out what I am doing wrong.

Here is the Link thx

Reborn as a Goat [ A Progression Litrpg ]

Sakai Yuji had always aspired to control his own destiny and write his own story. One day, he found himself transported to a new world, one in which magic and cultivators were very real. Upon discovering that beast could speak, humans could fly, and immortals could live forever, Sakai Yuji...

www.scribblehub.com

 

[IsseiVeskitos]

No problem

Hello, I am a new writer and publishing a book for some days now.

But today I noticed 5 people dropped the book. I Know it's rude to ask.

Can anyone please read the book and give a review help me find out what I am doing wrong.

Here is the Link thx

Reborn as a Goat [ A Progression Litrpg ]

Sakai Yuji had always aspired to control his own destiny and write his own story. One day, he found himself transported to a new world, one in which magic and cultivators were very real. Upon discovering that beast could speak, humans could fly, and immortals could live forever, Sakai Yuji...

www.scribblehub.com

I read the first chapter, it's really good, the writing is good, but isn't the character too childish? With its history as the main character of the world? keep going it's very good (sorry for my English i’m a french author)

Hello, I am a new writer and publishing a book for some days now.

But today I noticed 5 people dropped the book. I Know it's rude to ask.

Can anyone please read the book and give a review help me find out what I am doing wrong.

Here is the Link thx

Reborn as a Goat [ A Progression Litrpg ]

Sakai Yuji had always aspired to control his own destiny and write his own story. One day, he found himself transported to a new world, one in which magic and cultivators were very real. Upon discovering that beast could speak, humans could fly, and immortals could live forever, Sakai Yuji...

www.scribblehub.com

I read the first chapter, it's really good, the writing is good, but isn't the character too childish? With its history as the main character of the world? keep going it's very good (sorry for my English i’m a french author)

Otherwise, the story is fascinating!

 

[Rivertalon]

No problem

I read the first chapter, it's really good, the writing is good, but isn't the character too childish? With its history as the main character of the world? keep going it's very good (sorry for my English i’m a french author)

I read the first chapter, it's really good, the writing is good, but isn't the character too childish? With its history as the main character of the world? keep going it's very good (sorry for my English i’m a french author)

Otherwise, the story is fascinating!

What should I do to make mc look more mature.

 

[Syringe]

People dropping stories is completely normal, but if you see it that fast it's probably due to grammar/readability more than anything else from my experience. Your first two chapters have weird spacing, almost like it's structured as a poem (looks fine on mobile, but on PC its a bit jarring). This is fixed on chapter 3, so I'd advise sorting out your first 2 chaps.

First impressions matter a lot.

 

[NotaNuffian]

Hello, I am a new writer and publishing a book for some days now.

But today I noticed 5 people dropped the book. I Know it's rude to ask.

Can anyone please read the book and give a review help me find out what I am doing wrong.

Here is the Link thx

Reborn as a Goat [ A Progression Litrpg ]

Sakai Yuji had always aspired to control his own destiny and write his own story. One day, he found himself transported to a new world, one in which magic and cultivators were very real. Upon discovering that beast could speak, humans could fly, and immortals could live forever, Sakai Yuji...

www.scribblehub.com

Paragraph spacing is an issue.

Sentence spacing is wacked, why you put spacing in places and cause the entire text to look messy. Like someone took a hammer and smashed the paragraph. Realign them.

Also, you have the habit, like many including me, to run on. One or two comma is fine, I was having even more headache at the run on.

Also, what is "yah"? I know this is sound effect, but is it necessary? Maybe, but it does take me out with the spelling.

Sakai Yuji Augustus.

Why?

Try go read other works, not just in SH, but also Wattpad or Royalroad. Read the top sellers, see that they have a flow.

Tidbit, try read out what you write.

 

[Rivertalon]

People dropping stories is completely normal, but if you see it that fast it's probably due to grammar/readability more than anything else from my experience. Your first two chapters have weird spacing, almost like it's structured as a poem (looks fine on mobile, but on PC its a bit jarring). This is fixed on chapter 3, so I'd advise sorting out your first 2 chaps.

First impressions matter a lot.

Thx I have tried changing them but can't. I'll try again

Paragraph spacing is an issue.

Sentence spacing is wacked, why you put spacing in places and cause the entire text to look messy. Like someone took a hammer and smashed the paragraph. Realign them.

Also, you have the habit, like many including me, to run on. One or two comma is fine, I was having even more headache at the run on.

Also, what is "yah"? I know this is sound effect, but is it necessary? Maybe, but it does take me out with the spelling.

Sakai Yuji Augustine.

Why?

I am trying to fix this for sometime but wasn't able to. It's fine in royal road

 

[NotaNuffian]

Thx I have tried changing them but can't. I'll try again

I am trying to fix this for sometime but wasn't able to. It's fine in royal road

A new world - Reborn as a Goat [ Litrpg Fantasy novel ]

[ Synchronization Started ] An abrupt sound forced Yuji’s eyelids to open, “ What’s the noise!” But to Yuji’s surprise, he wasn’t greeted by the lights (...)

www.royalroad.com

I am seeing a different version in Royalroad? More smooth. But why you capitalize your words randomly?

 

[Rivertalon]

A new world - Reborn as a Goat [ Litrpg Fantasy novel ]

[ Synchronization Started ] An abrupt sound forced Yuji’s eyelids to open, “ What’s the noise!” But to Yuji’s surprise, he wasn’t greeted by the lights (...)

www.royalroad.com

I am seeing a different version in Royalroad? More smooth. But why you capitalize your words randomly?

I use qilbot to correct the Grammer. I'll into it.

 

[NotaNuffian]

I use qilbot to correct the Grammer. I'll into it.

Nice.

 

[Rivertalon]

People dropping stories is completely normal, but if you see it that fast it's probably due to grammar/readability more than anything else from my experience. Your first two chapters have weird spacing, almost like it's structured as a poem (looks fine on mobile, but on PC its a bit jarring). This is fixed on chapter 3, so I'd advise sorting out your first 2 chaps.

First impressions matter a lot.

Can you please check again. Btw thx

 

[Syringe]

Can you please check again. Btw thx

It looks much better. But your 3rd chapter is broken/has the same weird structure.

 

[Rivertalon]

It looks much better. But your 3rd chapter is broken/has the same weird structure.

I'll look into it thanks