All right now using the tips in this post I have edited the prologue. If you compare it to the original and tell me how did I manage?
---January Late Evening---
Tom Tailor drove his luxury company car on a winding highway in Bulgaria. The darkening, sky filling with heavy snowfall, made it hard to see the road. Getting worried, Tom wondered if he’d reach the construction site before roads closing. He scrunched his eyes behind the glasses trying to locate the path.
“This is some blizzard,” he muttered while navigating the white-out. Tom’s wife, Caroline, sat next to him pouting.
“I’m sorry,” he mumbled, glancing at her.
“Hah, you’re sorry? I was supposed to hit the mall with Tracy and Stephany today. Since everything's on sale after the holidays,” she replied while her voice raised to high pitch shouting.
"I am so-” Tom failed to finish.
"You are dragging Cristina and me over those dumpsters of construction sites all year round. Once! At least one time of the year me and my daughter expect, hope to relax back in the FAKIN civilization". Caroline screamed with a face full of disappointment.
“Hey don’t mix me in the argument BECAUSE I do not care!” Cristina intervened from the back seat. She sounded bored, scrolling her phone and listening her favorite songs with the headphones.
Tom glanced in the mirror at his one and only child. Warmth spread in his mind looking at her.
"What a fine lady she has grown up" A very conservative and traditional family man, Tom loved and cherished his precious wife and daughter.
The car slid left a little bit feeling very much unstable, which made him focus back on driving.
"It was an urgent call, so I have to be present for the testing of the auxiliary cooling systems. The Bulgarian government is pushing for an early completion of the nuclear plant than the arranged deadline" Tom explained.
“I don’t care. The worst holidays ever!” grumbled Caroline.
Tom turned his head right towards his wife to continue the argument. Right this moment, both his wife and daughter screamed in horror.
He immediately looked back at the road ahead and his eyes went wide as saucers. He didn't have time to scream as a 40-ton truck flew over the crash barrier from the opposite line to hit them with a massive force frontal- sideways. The Airbags blew up, inflating while the heavy car spun violently outside the road.
Tom's vision went blank, as only the horrible tire screeches and sounds of metal grinding remaining at the background.
Everything just happened in an instant.
Moments later, sharp pain in Tom's abdomen woke him from his blackout. He cried in shock, seeing a metal bar piercing him.
"Caroline, Cristina," Tom panicked remembering about his family. The pain immediately shut in the back of his mind, so he managed to drew his hand and shook up Caroline.
"Honey. Honey! Look at me, please!"
"What? What happened?" mumbled Caroline dazed but conscious.
"We had an accident! We crashed," Tom turned his gaze back to to check on Cristina who appeared to be fine.
The airbags deflated with a hiss and a horrid smell of gas rose from below the seats.
Shortly after, Caroline's eyes focused on him and her eyes shot wide open with tears already rolling down her face.
"Cristina! Oh, my daughter" she panicked.
-"Honey!! She is fine so please...! I don't like the smell so we must get out of here now!" Tom pressed Caroline to focus and move.
"Hurry up and open the door!" ordered Tom
"I can't. It is stuck!" replied the frightened woman
Tom pushed the driver's door open and removed the seat belt. He looked with horror at the metal piece still stuck in his body. The adrenaline pumped up throughout the bloodstream and he mastered all his will to pull it out.
"Aaaagh, Damn it, it hurts like hell"
The pain was suffocating!
Shortly after he managed to exit out of the vehicle. The world spun around him and his vision blurred. But Tom had a family to save no matter the cost so he forced himself go. Slumping badly he arrived at the other side of the car or what was left of it.
The middle of the car was badly damaged by several metal rods blocking Caroline's exit from the driver's side. So Tom elbowed the already cracked window of the passenger seat using every ounce of strength he managed to master and quickly cleared the residual glass. He grabbed Caroline's shaking hands and pulled her out. The pain in his abdomen flared, making him stumble for a bit. Tom gritted his teeth and moved to the back door where Cristina still struggled with the seat belt.
"Something is wrong with that damn belt" he thought and and briefly analyzed the situation. The top of the car was bent making the back windows unapproachable so there was impossible for Cristina to escape that way. Unfortunately the door refused to open and he began to panic. He could smell the gas leak from the tank and Tom judged that they have little time to spare.
“Cristina, come through your mom’s seat window! Hurry up!” shouted Tom
"I can't. I cant ! The seat belt won't come out. Daddy help me! Woaah" Cristina cried weakly and pulled her seat belt in a futile effort to free herself of her prison.
Tom’s trained engineer's mind went to overdrive working as a machine:
"->Seat belt problem-> A possible jammed mechanism-> The belt must be cut out-> time is running out". He slumped around back to the driver seat and opened the door’s pocket where he found his multi tool. A gadget every respected engineer must have. He enabled the knife function and while still seating in the driver's seat turned around and faced his teenage daughter.
"Here, Cris cut the belt!”
“It won't open daddy. It…” Cristina sobbed and couldn't finish as she burst in tears.
“Hey, sunshine look at daddy. Look at me, please!” Tom tried to sound calm and collected. It took some to for Cristina to look at him with some semblance of reason.
"Cristina dear, now you are gonna take this knife and cut that belt!"
"Yes, that’s my girl”
"Careful now..."
“There!!!” shouted Tom smiling as the girl finally managed to cut the stupid seat belt. It looked like eternity to him, but the process took less than 2 minutes.
“Quickly, out through the window, hurry!” ordered Tom
Cristina crawled swiftly to her mother's seat, and then throughout the window with Caroline's helping hands. Both mother and daughter fast retreated some distance from the already burning car.
Tom took a deep breath and mastered his strength, exited the vehicle and slowly arrived at the place where both his family were hugging and crying. He dropped next to his wife on the ground and inspected them carefully with his hazing sights:
"There! They are not injured"
It seemed like both Caroline and Cristina were going to make it intact so relief washed true his muddled mind. His family was safe! He was feeling tired, So he can rest now.
Tom was not stupid. Feeling dizzy and sleepy and losing tons of blood:
”I won’t make it” Tom felt the cold reality of his situation
-“Cristina come closer, sunshine” Tom whispered.
-“Papa, what is wrong? Mommy, papa doesn’t look OK!" Cristina said with a horrified face watching at the blood soaked clothes of her father.
-“Listen Cristina, I am so happy to had you, to watch you growing up from the little bundle of joy to the fine young lady you have become. I want you remember to keep going forward and never give up no matter what...". Tom coughed blood that cut his speech short
“Papa!”
“Honey! Oh dear Lord!”
Both of his beloved girls were shaking, crying rivers of tears.
"Shhh. Carol, the insurance will settle for several million. Then the savings...You won’t have money issues”. Tom made a deep pause, as he lost his sight, but at least the pain began to fade away.
“- I love you! I love…” Tom couldn’t finish as he drew his last breath in this cold January night, laying in the snow in the middle of nowhere, surrounded by his grieving family, in a distant foreign country. He was unfortunate indeed, but his early death triggered a chain of events affecting fates of billions.
----end of revised prologue----
- I have replaced past continuous tense with past simple JayDirex recommended "was=bad"
- I have tried to avoid shorter sentences as Sensei had advised
- I also tried to avoid "he said.. she said.... as another one suggested..
SO how did I do? Any progress comparing to the original???
Sensei Trondheim and 
Together!
= 
