I will tell you when and why I stopped reading your story.
- Thread starter OatMush
- Start date
fluffypie374
Well-known member
- Joined
- Jan 24, 2024
- Messages
- 115
- Points
- 63
Stop reading on chapter one on my story? 
Eternity Starts From His Seed
Eternity Starts From His Seed
DaisukeHanashi
Once a horny writer, now a happy writer
- Joined
- Feb 2, 2023
- Messages
- 74
- Points
- 48
Check mine. Link is in my signature
SleepingFox
Active member
- Joined
- Feb 24, 2019
- Messages
- 17
- Points
- 43
I’ve sort of been enjoying writing in a vacuum for a while and after accumulating a large backlog, decided to publish (*most) of what I’ve written so this morning.
As smut, I imagine that most people are likely going to be shy or reluctant to post reviews. I could really use a fresh viewer’s perspective, even if it is extremely simple review like I stopped reading on chapter 2 because I didn’t like [XYZ].
Daily World of Magic: An Elf’s Immortal Life | Scribble Hub
There’s always minor grammar issues and mistyped words lurking around in the story like tiny bugs. I’ve squashed most of them as I’ve proofread the story 7-8 times before publishing it, but every time I re-read it, I find more of the little critters to my endless annoyance.
As smut, I imagine that most people are likely going to be shy or reluctant to post reviews. I could really use a fresh viewer’s perspective, even if it is extremely simple review like I stopped reading on chapter 2 because I didn’t like [XYZ].
Daily World of Magic: An Elf’s Immortal Life | Scribble Hub
There’s always minor grammar issues and mistyped words lurking around in the story like tiny bugs. I’ve squashed most of them as I’ve proofread the story 7-8 times before publishing it, but every time I re-read it, I find more of the little critters to my endless annoyance.
Last edited:
harrydouthwaite
Member
- Joined
- May 4, 2023
- Messages
- 26
- Points
- 18
Okay, I think I'm finally ready for this. I apologize for deleting my request a few days ago, but I had a lot of work to do based on some other feedback I received.
www.scribblehub.com
In it you will find themes from popular titles such as The Curious Incident Of The Dog In The Nighttime, Diary of a Wimpy Kid, and The Railway Children. As the protagonist is interested in railways and is young at heart, there are also references to anthropomorphic tales such as Thomas The Tank Engine and Cars.
I've just finished revamping the first three chapters. Hopefully you find it intriguing.
Feelings and Fondness
In the mid-2000s, eleven-year-old Robin Brush lives in the commuter belt village of Stanstead Abbotts in Hertfordshire, England. He suffers constantly from being bullied, ridiculed, or misunderstood by almost everyone. Forced to live an isolated life as an outcast, he doesn't even have any...
In it you will find themes from popular titles such as The Curious Incident Of The Dog In The Nighttime, Diary of a Wimpy Kid, and The Railway Children. As the protagonist is interested in railways and is young at heart, there are also references to anthropomorphic tales such as Thomas The Tank Engine and Cars.
I've just finished revamping the first three chapters. Hopefully you find it intriguing.
Last edited:
twin_makes
New member
- Joined
- Oct 5, 2023
- Messages
- 5
- Points
- 1
That is very cool to offer your honest review like that. I would love to hear your thoughts on my story, that is when you stopped reading (I hope English as a second language does not deter you) :) https://www.scribblehub.com/series/1019128/alchzard-world/
lilwriter
Active member
- Joined
- Feb 20, 2024
- Messages
- 115
- Points
- 28
Wanna read Lady Ori Has a Dark Side?
DJ_Rhaposdy
Active member
- Joined
- Apr 27, 2022
- Messages
- 22
- Points
- 43
I've been working on a fantasy/comedy adventure for fun. If that intrigues you, please check out my story. Title says it all:
www.scribblehub.com
Former Isekai Hero was Corrupted by His Over-Poweredness, and Now the People Need Me, a Prince of this World, to Defeat Him and Save Our Land
That boy was supposed to save our world from the wrath of the Demon King. And while the King is dead, an even worse threat has arisen: the boy himself! I don't know how he came to this world, but I'm going to be the one to take him out...
MaitreyaGem
Active member
- Joined
- Jun 3, 2022
- Messages
- 5
- Points
- 43
Hello :D thank you for doing this thread! Please check out my story!
www.scribblehub.com
The Winds of Tepr
In the vast and volatile lands of Tepr, the Jabliu and Alinkar tribes, long-standing enemies, have forged an uneasy alliance. The price of peace? A union through matrimony between Naci, the fiery and ambitious daughter of Jabliu's chieftain, and the elusive heir of Alinkar. From the windswept...
Hopper
Intruding Person's account, yes.
- Joined
- Aug 10, 2023
- Messages
- 715
- Points
- 93
My guy, he said he's on mobile.
He's oblivious to your signatures, dummy.
I will not post my story for the moment, seems like you have more requests than your free time.
I'll check this thread back later, see if you're done reviewing the others' story
D
Deleted member 156229
Guest
I would love to hear your first impressions!
https://www.scribblehub.com/series/1028921/mankind-diaspora-the-trappist-gambit/
https://www.scribblehub.com/series/1028921/mankind-diaspora-the-trappist-gambit/
DaisukeHanashi
Once a horny writer, now a happy writer
- Joined
- Feb 2, 2023
- Messages
- 74
- Points
- 48
D
Deleted member 156316
Guest
Hello!
New writer here, mind if you can take a look at mine, oh and I also have side stories that go along with the plot as a type of 'in-depth or backstory explanation'
I'm not consistent with my upload schedule due to school and stuff though.
FutaKay
New member
- Joined
- Jan 26, 2024
- Messages
- 7
- Points
- 3
Hello.
I would appreciate your (or any) feedback on my story.
Thank you <3
https://www.scribblehub.com/series/981931/the-value-of-hard-work/
I would appreciate your (or any) feedback on my story.
Thank you <3
https://www.scribblehub.com/series/981931/the-value-of-hard-work/
christian.bradley
New member
- Joined
- Mar 20, 2024
- Messages
- 2
- Points
- 1
I'd love it if you'd check mine out: https://www.scribblehub.com/series/1037759/nanobots-murder-and-other-family-problems/.
AspiringMaker
New member
- Joined
- Mar 23, 2024
- Messages
- 6
- Points
- 3
SomePersonOfEarth
New member
- Joined
- Mar 22, 2024
- Messages
- 8
- Points
- 3
If you are still interested in reading new stories and giving reviews, can you, please give mine a look?
Lost In The Multiverse | Scribble Hub
Lost In The Multiverse | Royal Road
Lost In The Multiverse | Scribble Hub
Lost In The Multiverse | Royal Road
Nevafrost
Hooman bone lover
- Joined
- Apr 5, 2024
- Messages
- 260
- Points
- 93
Ok, so... here is mine. I don't mind any criticism.
Last edited:
FlyingPotatoes
Member
- Joined
- Apr 3, 2024
- Messages
- 77
- Points
- 18
As a new user here I would love to hear your review. Please do try reading my work Dicera and tell me what is your opinion.
Last edited:
OatMush
up to no good
- Joined
- Nov 15, 2023
- Messages
- 107
- Points
- 63
I'm back baby!
Catch Up Round I
Life has been a bit busy for me, and I ended up procrastinating on this thread so I'm very sorry to everyone that you've had to wait this long! I'm a bit more settled and I'm gonna start reviewing again!
A few months ago I tried to do a super mega ultra post and catch up with all the submissions at once (as is my way), but that was too daunting so instead I'm gonna do a few reviews every now and then instead. If I haven't gotten to you today I'll try to get to you in the next few weeks.
And so...
lettuce begin ~
Ok ok! Sorry for the delay! Now obligatory warning that xianxia really isn't my genre of choice, in truth I probably wouldn't of read past your title, so keep in mind I'm probably not the best person to give you a review. I will of course give it a go anyways and try my best to give you some meaningful feedback!
I've now read the first chapter. Overall it's quite good and I'd probably read more if I didn't have another 20 stories to review and it was a different genre! I enjoyed the fairly light hearted tone and contrast between the characters, but I do have a few nitpicks:
"Are ye sure t'will it be alright?"
Are ye sure t'will be alright? Isn't the 'it' redundant? Ignore if this just a dialectual thing i don't know.
The description for the necromancer's voice is best described with the phrase 豆沙喉 (dau6 saa1 hau4) - a rough/husky voice, literally the necromancer's voice sounds like their throat is full of bits of beans.
Not a nitpick but I thought it was funny, but it does bring up the question- is this a translation or an original work? Or was it an original story you wrote then translated into english? If so why do you have translator notes in your own story?
Aiteann Court: Aiteann – 'furze' or 'gorse'.
I still have no idea what this means or which language this is, is welsh? Geaelick? Fantasy european?
Shī fùx: 師父 (si1 fu6/shī fù).
I have no idea what this means, is it the master's name? I did notice something a bit odd about the footnotes, you use them a lot but I didn't really find them helpful in understanding the story.
Sou Yuet or Yuān Yì Fēng.
I'm a bit confused about what the monk's name is? Is it a cultural thing I don't understand or am I missing something?
So in general I'd say it is quite good, there's no grammar mistakes I noticed and the plot\characters seem to be developing, it's just not a genre I'm particularly interested in.
Anyways, as I said at the start I'm not the best person to review your story, but keep it up and have fun!
Anyways I see that you've completed the story since you submitted here, congratualtions! Let us begin reading:
Ok so I read your synopsis and four paragraphs into the prelude, stopping here: This is my story. It has a beginning, but lacks an ending.
So far this is way too waffle-y, I've already read a few hundred words and haven't found anything substantial, stop waxing nolstalgically about a story I haven't read yet and get to the meat! You've explained the premise in purple prose whithout giving me any hook! Maybe this should be at the end of the story rather than the start? I will skip the rest of the prelude and try again on the first chapter.
Ok, I've read the first chapter now, your writing style is not to my taste. This isn't to say it's bad, but I have the attention span of a budgerigar and on a website with thousands of stories to read, this story is just developing too slowly and there's nothing to make we want to read more. Here are my notes:
Chapter Theme Music
I actually like this idea, wish more stories did it.
<08/11/2009 - 05:30 | 559 Motion Street, Austell, GA, USA>
Im not american and have no idea where GA is, Galifornia?
The minutes wandered in the silence of my room, until so suddenly, I became part of something much bigger than myself, much more important than anything I ever could have endured...
You're still waffling! I don't care yet!
"Sssssshhhhhyeaah!" Without trying, the air escaping my teeth made such a strange sound mixed in with a minor scream. I had no idea what just surprised me. What?! What happened?
I'm not so sure about this onomatopoeia, is it pain? Excitement? I've chosen to interpret it as the sound made when one stubs one's foot while realising they've won the lottery.
I hate this town, this place so much!
I dislike this phrasing, this sentence so much!
Enough internal monologing!
Tell me about it brother!
preparing to dig into the oatmeal I microwaved during that time.
Hayo! I'm in this story! Just kidding! I am mush not meal
Anyways, remember my opinion is just that of some guy, congratulations on finishing the story even if it wasn't for my palette, and have fun writing your next one!
Ok I've read the first chapter. It's a bit odd. Kinda meta? I'm not sure if it's trying to be a parody but you keep referencing video games and other real world things, which just feels odd. Here's my notes:
An 18th century style battleship
I'm not sure how I feel about using real world history to describe a fantasy boat, it gets the point across efficiently but also takes me out of the immersion.
“Huh? Are you afraid Tiana? I guess you are huh, druids are weak after all” Erick the archer of the unit sarcastically remarked.
This doesn't sound like something a real person would say... Let alone two people who have supposedly fought together for years.... I understand he's teasing bit it feels awkward.
On average they were the equivalent of AP rounds
Ok... What's an AP round? I'm assuming a video game thing and again you're making me think of something other than your story.
Winson was leading at the front with his sickle, dismantle, at his side. It was about two meters long, with three blades attached instead of the typical two
Shouldn't dismantle be capitalised? Also what sickle has 2 blades? I'm having difficulty picturing what this weapon is.
Despite the dangers of this island, it was quite a fantastical setting filled with both old and new tropes. The Sakura trees were flourishing in various spots along the forest path, their petals being gently swept away by the wind. There were also a variety of unfamiliar plants and animals here. That included creatures resembling frogs that could spit acid, rabbits with six eyes and black fur that could easily chomp through trees and the typical wyverns, although those were mostly circling overhead. This combat unit, however, had failed to notice something.
Huh? Now you're just telling me what tropes you're using? Even if I can picture what you're describing there's no immersion.
Overall I'm not really sure what to make of this story, what's it trying to be? Is it satire? It's not funny so I don't think so. Maybe I'm just not your target audience. Regardless, I hope you continue writing and continue to have fun!
that's all for now folks~
I'll try to keep reviewing when I can.
Catch Up Round I
Life has been a bit busy for me, and I ended up procrastinating on this thread so I'm very sorry to everyone that you've had to wait this long! I'm a bit more settled and I'm gonna start reviewing again!
A few months ago I tried to do a super mega ultra post and catch up with all the submissions at once (as is my way), but that was too daunting so instead I'm gonna do a few reviews every now and then instead. If I haven't gotten to you today I'll try to get to you in the next few weeks.
And so...
lettuce begin ~
Ok ok! Sorry for the delay! Now obligatory warning that xianxia really isn't my genre of choice, in truth I probably wouldn't of read past your title, so keep in mind I'm probably not the best person to give you a review. I will of course give it a go anyways and try my best to give you some meaningful feedback!
I've now read the first chapter. Overall it's quite good and I'd probably read more if I didn't have another 20 stories to review and it was a different genre! I enjoyed the fairly light hearted tone and contrast between the characters, but I do have a few nitpicks:
"Are ye sure t'will it be alright?"
Are ye sure t'will be alright? Isn't the 'it' redundant? Ignore if this just a dialectual thing i don't know.
The description for the necromancer's voice is best described with the phrase 豆沙喉 (dau6 saa1 hau4) - a rough/husky voice, literally the necromancer's voice sounds like their throat is full of bits of beans.
Not a nitpick but I thought it was funny, but it does bring up the question- is this a translation or an original work? Or was it an original story you wrote then translated into english? If so why do you have translator notes in your own story?
Aiteann Court: Aiteann – 'furze' or 'gorse'.
I still have no idea what this means or which language this is, is welsh? Geaelick? Fantasy european?
Shī fùx: 師父 (si1 fu6/shī fù).
I have no idea what this means, is it the master's name? I did notice something a bit odd about the footnotes, you use them a lot but I didn't really find them helpful in understanding the story.
Sou Yuet or Yuān Yì Fēng.
I'm a bit confused about what the monk's name is? Is it a cultural thing I don't understand or am I missing something?
So in general I'd say it is quite good, there's no grammar mistakes I noticed and the plot\characters seem to be developing, it's just not a genre I'm particularly interested in.
Anyways, as I said at the start I'm not the best person to review your story, but keep it up and have fun!
Expect the unexpected! Bwahahaha!Not sure what to expect, but I'll give it a try.
I can probably save some time by admitting that the pacing of this story starts off slower than most. That said, it isn't as difficult in this story to jump to any random later chapter and see something interesting unfold.
Let me know if you want to review it or not, and do have fun ~ that is the ultimate goal of reader/writer.
Overlap
Two minds; one body. Two souls; merged perceptions. I thought I knew what it meant to be human, until I crossed those boundaries. I believed I knew my limits, until I expanded all I am. My senses mapped over hers, and I learned how incredible her alien world was for...
Anyways I see that you've completed the story since you submitted here, congratualtions! Let us begin reading:
Ok so I read your synopsis and four paragraphs into the prelude, stopping here: This is my story. It has a beginning, but lacks an ending.
So far this is way too waffle-y, I've already read a few hundred words and haven't found anything substantial, stop waxing nolstalgically about a story I haven't read yet and get to the meat! You've explained the premise in purple prose whithout giving me any hook! Maybe this should be at the end of the story rather than the start? I will skip the rest of the prelude and try again on the first chapter.
Ok, I've read the first chapter now, your writing style is not to my taste. This isn't to say it's bad, but I have the attention span of a budgerigar and on a website with thousands of stories to read, this story is just developing too slowly and there's nothing to make we want to read more. Here are my notes:
Chapter Theme Music
I actually like this idea, wish more stories did it.
<08/11/2009 - 05:30 | 559 Motion Street, Austell, GA, USA>
Im not american and have no idea where GA is, Galifornia?
The minutes wandered in the silence of my room, until so suddenly, I became part of something much bigger than myself, much more important than anything I ever could have endured...
You're still waffling! I don't care yet!
"Sssssshhhhhyeaah!" Without trying, the air escaping my teeth made such a strange sound mixed in with a minor scream. I had no idea what just surprised me. What?! What happened?
I'm not so sure about this onomatopoeia, is it pain? Excitement? I've chosen to interpret it as the sound made when one stubs one's foot while realising they've won the lottery.
I hate this town, this place so much!
I dislike this phrasing, this sentence so much!
Enough internal monologing!
Tell me about it brother!
preparing to dig into the oatmeal I microwaved during that time.
Hayo! I'm in this story! Just kidding! I am mush not meal
- character- the introverted middleschooler with an unhappy home life is maybe relatable, but not actually very interesting, or in what I've read, likeable. Also I have no idea how old a middleschooler is, I am not american.
- I understand it's maybe realistic, but so far I don't care about what happens to Mc, and in the first chapter that's a problem. I think you also tell me too much without showing me, you pretty much just list off his family situation rather than showing me any examples, maybe show his interactions with his step dad in the morning rather than bring him up out of nowhere.
- setting- again so far there's nothing I'm overly invested in, you've already spoiled in too many words that Reed's gonna psychically bond with some alien gal and fall on love, I just don't feel the need to read more.
- In general I don't like this start, I know plenty of films and books start with naration from the main character reflecting back, but what does it really do for the story? Maybe the story gets good in a few chapters, but I'm not gonna get there because you lost my interest in the beginning!
Anyways, remember my opinion is just that of some guy, congratulations on finishing the story even if it wasn't for my palette, and have fun writing your next one!
Hello. I can!
Ok I've read the first chapter. It's a bit odd. Kinda meta? I'm not sure if it's trying to be a parody but you keep referencing video games and other real world things, which just feels odd. Here's my notes:
An 18th century style battleship
I'm not sure how I feel about using real world history to describe a fantasy boat, it gets the point across efficiently but also takes me out of the immersion.
“Huh? Are you afraid Tiana? I guess you are huh, druids are weak after all” Erick the archer of the unit sarcastically remarked.
This doesn't sound like something a real person would say... Let alone two people who have supposedly fought together for years.... I understand he's teasing bit it feels awkward.
On average they were the equivalent of AP rounds
Ok... What's an AP round? I'm assuming a video game thing and again you're making me think of something other than your story.
Winson was leading at the front with his sickle, dismantle, at his side. It was about two meters long, with three blades attached instead of the typical two
Shouldn't dismantle be capitalised? Also what sickle has 2 blades? I'm having difficulty picturing what this weapon is.
Despite the dangers of this island, it was quite a fantastical setting filled with both old and new tropes. The Sakura trees were flourishing in various spots along the forest path, their petals being gently swept away by the wind. There were also a variety of unfamiliar plants and animals here. That included creatures resembling frogs that could spit acid, rabbits with six eyes and black fur that could easily chomp through trees and the typical wyverns, although those were mostly circling overhead. This combat unit, however, had failed to notice something.
Huh? Now you're just telling me what tropes you're using? Even if I can picture what you're describing there's no immersion.
Overall I'm not really sure what to make of this story, what's it trying to be? Is it satire? It's not funny so I don't think so. Maybe I'm just not your target audience. Regardless, I hope you continue writing and continue to have fun!
that's all for now folks~
I'll try to keep reviewing when I can.