Looking for general feedback on an action/drama sci-fi piece

[Beta_Krogoth]

Hey all, i'm used to writing adult content and i've had a ton of characters that i've wanted to write about for ages. Its only got two chapters at the moment and whilst i've been writing for a while now, i've not done something more focused, would appreciate feedback, also looking to write about real life various conditions with both humour and dignity where possible as you'll see if chapter 2.

Glass

Elise and her band of outcasts are forced to run from their makeshift home as hell finds its way to their door, but their journey to find a new home will be anything but easy... This is a story about an outcast group trying to navigate their way through a...

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[T.K._Paradox]

Your story throws the reader right into the action, and while that is exciting you are also introducing a lot at the same time. There are too many characters being introduced at once and even though they are in a drastic situation I feel detached from them and don't have a connection to said characters and could care less if they died. There are a few grammatical errors but they can be fixed quite easily.

But besides that, your descriptions are good, the instant action makes a good hook, the world-building is already set in quite nicely, actions feel fluid and characters don't seem one-dimensional thus far.

So overall decent story though I would cut back on introducing so many characters so soon.

 

[Beta_Krogoth]

Your story throws the reader right into the action, and while that is exciting you are also introducing a lot at the same time. There are too many characters being introduced at once and even though they are in a drastic situation I feel detached from them and don't have a connection to said characters and could care less if they died. There are a few grammatical errors but they can be fixed quite easily.

But besides that, your descriptions are good, the instant action makes a good hook, the world-building is already set in quite nicely, actions feel fluid and characters don't seem one-dimensional thus far.

So overall decent story though I would cut back on introducing so many characters so soon.

Wonderful, thank you!

Introducing too many characters seems to be a weakness of mine as I come up with tons of characters, Elises crew is supposed to be 7 strong although they come in and out of the story and I had more to introduce later as well... I do struggle with that. I thought i'd kept it quite low so far but I know she has that call where several names are mentioned.

Glad the rest is good, I'll have to have a think about when its right to introduce more...