Let me start by saying: Excellent story! Definitely one that I will keep on reading. Props to your consistency! And I am sorry, for I took over a month to review your work.
With that out of the way, here is my review—
#
1) Plot And Execution:
You have a solid plot with a clear execution path, the setup is logical and intriguing and could support various settings and themes as the story would progress. The basic premise is versatile in its application as it would work well not only for a transmigration isekai but all a crime thriller, mystery, and suspense. I could see how you have integrated these aspects into the story, but they seemed a bit weak, though that is not a problem if that is the direction you were going for or you are saving their potential for future use.
##
A) World-Building.
Have you ever read books from the seventeenth century plus minus a century? Whenever I pick up a book from that era, I am immediately hit with a sense of solemnness, even if the book is supposed to be humorous.
The reason, as I concluded, was simply because word usage and formal way of writing are just perceived differently in today's scenario.
The way you write reminded me somewhat of those books, perhaps this was intentional? Not in the way of writing or word usage particularly, but in the way readers perceive it, the book appears solemn and it is a good thing. The descriptions are quite well thought out and descriptive wherever required, though sometimes it does seem redundant details are added but not that I mind them.
##
B) Characters.
Usually, when I review characters, I focus more on their physiological aspects and interaction, but before I do that, here I would like to take a moment to appreciate their physical and tangible descriptions. You have used a very interesting way of describing the elements of your characters, and it makes the story a very fun and engaging read. Most things are not started directly, yet are not up for interpretation which forces the reader to comprehend what is written and hence visualize the character in their head. I am straight-up going to steal this, thank you.
Other than that, I do think that the characters have good chemistry from their interaction, though sometimes a little vague. Also, the motives are clear and I recommend that must be acted upon. Often times it is shown in such stories that an imminent threat exists, yet the characters act oblivious to it in order to get another plot going. This leaves a hanging frustration, which is not necessarily a problem with your story, just wanted to put it out there.
#
2) Literary Analysis.
Okay, this is a fun one.
##
A) Grammer And Word Usage.
Your grammar is excellent, often using passive voice to convey depth. When writing, the flow and the way of writing impacts a story, perhaps more than the words used. And you use that extremely well. I can feel a sense of having tension every now and then, and the descriptive passive nature really immerses you without making you aware. This is a sweet spot that you should be aiming to achieve for a story like yours, and you are doing a darn good job of handling it.
And your vocabulary is just perfect. Not too difficult but diverse. Impressive! Remember, the second-best word won't do!
##
B) Structure and Flow.
As aforementioned, the flow of your story is very well on the chapter-to-chapter bases and for the intent of engagement, though I reckon there is a real problem with structuring.
I don't think that structuring the story can use a little improvement, especially given how it is on SH (Gloria). I don't really have many tips on how you should do it, it is highly subjective and completely up to you, but I do think it was a bit confusing. Plus I think you changed and tweaked the story a bit since the last time I read it, so I was a bit extra confused.
##
C) Narration And Notions.
The general narration is good and I like the perspective aspect of the story, though the direct approach makes the storytelling a bit dull and hence reduces the validity of suspension of disbelief.
#
3 Literary Devices And Special Features.
This section will differ a lot for each story, depending on the purpose, expression, and genre. But a few general things would be—
##
A) Conflict.
Good conflict, I would recommend building a lot on it. Enrich the personality and desires of the protag and justify them more, giving deeper insight into the bases of the conflict. You could make the central theme a swift or slow-burning resolution, whichever you prefer. I think you are going for the latter, but make sure to make it sensible and engaging. It could get a bit difficult, but that is how I reckon most people would refer, including me, and presumably you too.
Generally, in this section I would comment further on stuff like foreshadowing and further advanced devices, though I would refrain this time for the story hasn't progressed yet and it seems like it is still trying to find its footing.
One this I would like to comment on, again, is your consistency. Keep up the good work!
In conclusion, keep doing what you are doing and keep improving! Wall the best with how it will turn out!
P.S. Reminder that I am by no means any sort of expert and all I said are my personal views and I am sure full of biases, I tried my best to back my reasoning with logic but still these are opinions which can completely be perceived as wrong.
I am sorry I wasn't able to say much this time around, but I hope it was helpful. As I say, feedback is a conversation. I wrote this one in many parts, feel free to reach out if there is any confusion!
As for the rest of the stories, I will review them soon so don't worry everyone! Perhaps I will be able to review only one or two per week though, sorry for the slow pace.
thank you for reading and reviewing, and yes you’re right, the story is still trying to get its footing as am I, I’m currently writing without a beta-reader or an editor, so everything is all on me, no professional second eyes before I release, but I’m hoping to get one down the line one day and make the story miles better. Thanks for your time
.