mom get the camera I'm about to SHILL

[BenJepheneT]

Alright, there's no good way to say this so I'll just lay it out straight.

I've promised not to promote myself until I've hit 100k words. But after hitting around 98k I decided to fuck it and wing it.

Long story short, I've been wanting to get a review or even a first-impressions on my series for a long time. Hell, since last December. You don't even need to read through until the final chapter. Just the general thought after the first one would be fine.

Just really need some feedback on this and see where I can take it.

Caninstinct

Shiro believes he's been sent to the wrong school. Rormund Academy: home to only the best of the best. A school so exclusive even its name remains elusive to the public. An establishment where only the wealthiest, smartest, and most athletic students of the world reside. Shiro exhibits none of...

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Spoiler: Synopsis

Shiro believes he is sent to the wrong school.

Rormund Academy, home only for the best of the best. An Academy where the wealthiest, smartest and most athletic students of the world reside. An Academy so exclusive even its name remains elusive to the public. Shiro exhibited none of the looks for such qualities. The mixed wolf has all the exclusivity of bread in a bakery with looks akin to a plain cracker. He has more in common with a sheet of plywood than royalty.

Still, regardless of it, he intents on spending the last of his school years as he planned; as a normal schoolboy and nothing more.

Until they saw the scars on his back.

Hope you guys can come through with this, thanks

 

[HURGMCGURG]

"Still, regardless of it, he intents on spending the last of his school years as he planned; as a normal schoolboy and nothing more."

intents

 

[Sii]

I've been meaning to get around to reading your novel and I like it so far.

I've only got some time to read the first chapter right now so I'll give my thoughts on that. I like the narrative voice you've been able to set. You have some really pretty prose, just barely toeing the line of being too purple for my own personal taste. But it's pretty enough to help capture the imagination while not being overly flowery. I really like your opening to the chapter. It had me imagining exactly how the scene would look if it were a motion picture or anime.

I think you've been able to create an MC and a world that's immediately interesting. I want to know more about Shiro and Rormund. You've hinted enough at an elaborate school and societal system that makes the reader want to know more. And I want to see those stuck up students get ripped apart. I also want to know why he doesn't want to fight anymore when he's obviously good at it.

On the technical side, I think you do a pretty good job of negotiating everything. The only points I would be a stickler about are some of the awkward turns of phrase, some of the pacing in the middle portion of the chapter, and some editing to tighten up some of the syntax, spelling, and balance of the sentences.

I'll definitely read until I catch up and I'll come back to give you a full review.

 

[BenJepheneT]

"Still, regardless of it, he intents on spending the last of his school years as he planned; as a normal schoolboy and nothing more."

intents

Yo English ain't my first language what am I supposed to write here

 

[HURGMCGURG]

Yo English ain't my first language what am I supposed to write here

Intend is the verb. Intent is the noun.
Intends is the correct form.

 

[BenJepheneT]

Intend is the verb. Intent is the noun.
Intends is the correct form.

Ay man thanks for the tip

 

[HURGMCGURG]

Ay man thanks for the tip

Reading through your story, I can honestly say that you've got a good grip on grammar. Your prose is pretty damn good too. Every once in a while though, you use verbs as nouns or use a noun in a spot that it doesn't exactly fit. I don't think you need an editor, as it's written pretty damn well, but I would recommend you get a proof reader.