An archive of the events surrounding the before, during, and after of the Thread Tree incident of 1547. You are part of the Detective department. You are looking into the Thread Tree incident of 1547. You can send memos to the archive department, the exorcist department, the monastic...
www.scribblehub.com
An experimental detective story with quite short chapters. My second try at interactive stories. Currently slowly dripping clues while waiting for interaction.
If you like isekai litRPGs, you can check out mine anytime. Thank you.
docs.google.com
Try mine if you like witches.
Just to make a list.
New list. Also new requests are put to a halt for now.
You're always free to read through mine. I wonder how and what I'm doing.
@patrick_lansing
I will do as usual and write down my thoughts ... As scattered as they might be ...
The cover looks passable ... the writing a bit hard to read ... Could need some boxes or contrast ... Not optimal ...
Also, I don't like if you have a male MC, but a female cover ... Do you put so little trust into your MC? Come on, as a reader what I am supposed to think. I know sex sells, but how relevant can he be if he doesn't make it even onto the cover? I gives me some pause, certainly.
You're always free to read through mine. I wonder how and what I'm doing.
The gate of stone slid shut. The ensuing echoes reverberated in the empty dark, reduced to whispers above a yawning gap heading to the ends of creation. The light came only from that gate of stone over a featureless flat rock at the end of which was a sudden and unending drop; then the light escaped into nothing and was lost completely. The glow was fading.
Your paragraphs starts 4 times with the. I usually support repetitions, but I see no theme here. The thes don't combine well.
Prologue a tad mysterious, but satisfying. I wasn't bored to death, and there are many questions open. Let's see how things develop.
-
Your work reminds me of a Japanese Xianxia story.
-
Read far enough. Your writing is not really an issue, You seem experienced and I suspect this might be an alt account of yours. You know your craft technically speaking and you have a clear idea what you are doing, but there is an issue.
Your story is chaotic. Extremely so. The entire composition just feels unbalanced with too short and then suddenly long chapters. The plot feels rushed and scenes barely developed. I know little about his character or personality, and even less about the world. Your narration is strongly episodic, which hurts your work. There is no clear thread I can follow.
This is really all just a composition issue, how to put your parts well together.
In a dying universe a planet stands alone In The End heroes are born and forged, in The End heroes perish and suffer on his hands In the darkness the fires of hope will set us free This is the story of how three friends fought aggainst the evil in...
www.scribblehub.com
I would like any kind of criticism or feedback
In a dying universe a planet stands alone In The End heroes are born and forged, in The End heroes perish and suffer on his hands In the darkness the fires of hope will set us free This is the story of how three friends fought aggainst the evil in...
www.scribblehub.com
I would like any kind of criticism or feedback
I gave you a five star as I don't rate stuff lower usually, but your work is frankly unreadable ... Grammar. Orthography. Structure. You are writing a novel here. Not a screen action play. It is bothersome to read and incomprehensible.
It doesn't matter what you write, if people can't understand you and your format.
Ooooo, I would appreciate any feedback you have. Feel free to read any of my stories, The Orca’s Serenade is the most recent and still coming out.
Your story - the lich one - is breaking my suspension of disbelief. Rushed plot combined with exceedingly convenient repeated outcomes is a bad combination. Maybe that is normal for Litrpgs, but this is far too gamey for my taste. I would have preferred a more realistic take, but such is a personal opinion admittedly.
Just a music video. One less on my list.
www.royalroad.com
