My Newest Story - Radiant Lodestar Aurora (A Dark Magical Girl Series)

[Rellawing]

Some time ago, I posted up a poll here on the forums asking people whether they thought such a story should take place in Japan or America. Someone gave an answer that intrigued me. Why set it in either of those countries if I can create a fictional new island off in the Pacific Ocean with the values of both countries! The idea inspired me and I tackled the project of remastering and old concept that I wrote but never published, feeling that it had some issues that had to be worked out.

Please let me know what you think of the resulting story once it's approved by the staff!

Radiant Lodestar Aurora

Enter Kenneth Hoshino, a typical student with many interests. He loves coding and playing basketball with his friends. Everything is perfect in Stellaris until a Victim, a magical girl and Perkons, a self-styled purple fuzzball god of light, appear on campus and they upend his whole life. He...

www.scribblehub.com

For those curious, since I can't afford artwork anymore, I've made use of a new AI technology to generate the cover. It's not perfect, but so cute I decided run with it! *grins* It is indeed generated by my writing!

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[RepresentingEnvy]

Some time ago, I posted up a poll here on the forums asking people whether they thought such a story should take place in Japan or America. Someone gave an answer that intrigued me. Why set it in either of those countries if I can create a fictional new island off in the Pacific Ocean with the values of both countries! The idea inspired me and I tackled the project of remastering and old concept that I wrote but never published, feeling that it had some issues that had to be worked out.

Please let me know what you think of the resulting story once it's approved by the staff!

Radiant Lodestar Aurora

Enter Kenneth Hoshino, a typical student with many interests. He loves coding and playing basketball with his friends. Everything is perfect in Stellaris until a Victim, a magical girl and Perkons, a self-styled purple fuzzball god of light, appear on campus and they upend his whole life. He...

www.scribblehub.com

For those curious, since I can't afford artwork anymore, I've made use of a new AI technology to generate the cover. It's not perfect, but so cute I decided run with it! *grins* It is indeed generated by my writing!

View attachment 16338

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Not enough content for me to give an opinion.

 

[georgelee5786]

AI art is OP

 

[Cipiteca396]

AI art is OP

Are you sure about that?

 

[georgelee5786]

Are you sure about that?

...some AI is OP

 

[melchi]

Try to get novel ai to draw shaking hands from a sketch and see what happens :P

 

[Rellawing]

That's why I said the AI hates hands and arms in general. XD'

And by arms, I mean weapons of any kind (and arms tend to fuse with things...) Gotta be persistent!

 

[K5Rakitan]

Lovely!

 

[Rellawing]

Thank you @K5Rakitan !

 

[Deleted member 93348]

Some time ago, I posted up a poll here on the forums asking people whether they thought such a story should take place in Japan or America. Someone gave an answer that intrigued me. Why set it in either of those countries if I can create a fictional new island off in the Pacific Ocean with the values of both countries! The idea inspired me and I tackled the project of remastering and old concept that I wrote but never published, feeling that it had some issues that had to be worked out.

Please let me know what you think of the resulting story once it's approved by the staff!

Radiant Lodestar Aurora

Enter Kenneth Hoshino, a typical student with many interests. He loves coding and playing basketball with his friends. Everything is perfect in Stellaris until a Victim, a magical girl and Perkons, a self-styled purple fuzzball god of light, appear on campus and they upend his whole life. He...

www.scribblehub.com

For those curious, since I can't afford artwork anymore, I've made use of a new AI technology to generate the cover. It's not perfect, but so cute I decided run with it! *grins* It is indeed generated by my writing!

View attachment 16338

​

Okay, first off, there’s no need to double-space the paragraphs. Here’s how they should look like:

Blah-blah-blah. Blah-blah-blah. Blah-blah-blah. Blah-blah-blah. Blah-blah-blah. Blah-blah-blah. Blah-blah-blah.

Blah-blah-blah. Blah-blah-blah. Blah-blah-blah. Blah-blah-blah. Blah-blah-blah. Blah-blah-blah. Blah-blah-blah.

See how there’s only one space between them? In your novel, it looked more like:

Blah-blah-blah. Blah-blah-blah. Blah-blah-blah. Blah-blah-blah. Blah-blah-blah. Blah-blah-blah. Blah-blah-blah.


Blah-blah-blah. Blah-blah-blah. Blah-blah-blah. Blah-blah-blah. Blah-blah-blah. Blah-blah-blah. Blah-blah-blah.

Now, I don’t know if it was intentional, but it still bothers me whenever I see it from others. It could work for a scene break, but in my opinion, you can emphasize that more with “***” intended in the middle of its own line.

As for your story in general, it’s pretty damn good for prelude! Usually, I keep stuff like that and go straight into the chapters, but for a magical girl novel, you’re hitting the right buttons.

 

[Rellawing]

Thank you! *grins* I'm trying my friend's formula for this project. Short and sustainable chapters for a long term running project rather than splurges like I've done (and burned out XD). I'm glad that you like it! I even had someone tell me the chapter was bad. But then I was like... I don't quite believe that. So I decided to believe in myself and post what I felt was good.