Need feedback on a contest story

[EncryptedWriting]

Hiya!

So, I have been writing for ages, and I recently started a new story for a contest! I just need some feedback on the first chapter to know whether it is intriguing or not. I have gone back and edited 3x but I know there are still a few, very small, errors hidden within there.

Obviously if you’re up for it, then you can read on and give me more feedback. If not, then that is fine! Thank you loads!

Synopsis/summary: Earth is ruined. All that is left are wastelands from where humans used to live. People are resigned to different stations around the world where they fight to stay alive. It is a caste system so strict that one step out of line will mean certain death.

Willow has awoken in a place she doesn't know and with no memory of who she is. She is known by a number and treated like an animal trapped within a cage. She wants to find out who she is, what is happening to her, and why she is there.

With war raging, climate change growing, and people dying, the world is looking towards a new variation of weapons, but what if those weapons don't want to be controlled like puppets? What if they want to be... free?

Genre: Dystopian, sci-fi, low-fantasy, and YA fiction.

Patient 227

 

[Kilolo]

oh, this is pretty nice writing. i like it. (i've only read until chapter 2 by the way)

tbh, the things that swirling in my mind while reading these are: for someone who lost their memory, she sure had plenty of vocabulary to explain things around her, lol. (she even knows her own estimate age despite she never saw a mirror.)

what i do really like tho, is when the other people words aren't in line with the FL narration. things were actually explained subtly afterwards showing that you didn't just randomly put words without any consideration.

the FL's character are really showing herself as well, what she did by far is certainly not the most clever things to do. but it actually makes me understand the FL condition are in right now.

i hope you keep up the good works, if you ask me which part is lacking, i guess it's the other character perhaps? the whole stuff from the start are way too focused on the female lead herself and giving no room for the others (like the facility, the others reaction, and even the green haven itself)
i'm not saying the other stuff are too lacking with the information by the way, it just the way you putting them are like obviously saying: these guys are just background purposes, just pay them no mind.
to which makes me picture the female lead as the only one who got color illustration in my head
its like you putting a nice & tasty bread besides a tasteless salt soup

 

[EncryptedWriting]

oh, this is pretty nice writing. i like it. (i've only read until chapter 2 by the way)

tbh, the things that swirling in my mind while reading these are: for someone who lost their memory, she sure had plenty of vocabulary to explain things around her, lol. (she even knows her own estimate age despite she never saw a mirror.)

what i do really like tho, is when the other people words aren't in line with the FL narration. things were actually explained subtly afterwards showing that you didn't just randomly put words without any consideration.

the FL's character are really showing herself as well, what she did by far is certainly not the most clever things to do. but it actually makes me understand the FL condition are in right now.

i hope you keep up the good works, if you ask me which part is lacking, i guess it's the other character perhaps? the whole stuff from the start are way too focused on the female lead herself and giving no room for the others (like the facility, the others reaction, and even the green haven itself)
i'm not saying the other stuff are too lacking with the information by the way, it just the way you putting them are like obviously saying: these guys are just background purposes, just pay them no mind.
to which makes me picture the female lead as the only one who got color illustration in my head
its like you putting a nice & tasty bread besides a tasteless salt soup

Hahah! I love the last sentence! Noted! I will be sure to add more information and detailinig to the side characters! I also might need to add detaill to the mc as well for appearence lol.