Opinion wanted on story idea

LunaSoltaer

Spicy Transbian
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*takes the rails back* bad forum.

anyway:

You have a fairly standard premise, nothing too exotic, but also nothing too immediately exciting.

Your biggest hurdle I bet is going to be striking that balance with prose and marketing and overall skill such that your book gets reckoned as being good, because the premise could just as easily nosedive.

You will have an advantage because there are quite a few readers who will read this kind of book regardless, but if I had to give one piece of advice it would be this:

Find a theme. Find a central underlying message that you can communicate and tie as much of your book's plot to (You ARE planning this book, right? Right?!), and then do it.

Readers like me will adore finding what your central message is and then seeing how deeply woven in it is and itll providecthis literary rush of climactic memeticism when everything was so masterfully put together (writers little secret though: it totally isn't planned down to the sentence and we both know that but we can make the reader think it was),

Basically, find the WHY you are writing this. Not the surface level one like LOL its NaNoWriMo or whatever. Dig deeper, delve until your sanity breaks.

Write to THAT.
 

TheEldritchGod

A Cloud Of Pure Spite And Eyes
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It's going to be inspired by Gate-Thus the JSDF fought there, it's going to have sci-fi elements and fantasy elements
Why?

Summary of story: Humanity with everything figured out lived a life of luxury while the citizens were enjoying the merits of solving poverty.
How?

The Heads of States.
What is this?

however, were making plans to "visit" other universes but something goes wrong horribly wrong
The heads of states? So government run project? Like a moon shot? Why? Poverty has been solved. Who needs the resources? Why "visits"? Why the quotes? What are they actually planning to do?

instead of a stable wormhole a gaping wound has been created in reality itself.
Okay...

but soon it stabilizes.
So problem introduced and problem solved. Boring.

the wound is mended soon the horrors are contained and stripped of their powers.
So monsters exist, but they aren't a problem, so why should I care?

The unification war
WHAT THE FUCK?
Wars are usually fought over RESOURCES, but there is no POVERTY. Therefore, there would be no wars. An increase in resources results in a diversity of society, not a narrowing.

are now over
Oh. Well. It was a thing and now gone. Whee.

and The United Terran Empire
Seriously? Lets unpack this.
"The" meaning Only. "United" meaning there were different groups now under one banner. "Terran" meaning, not earth. No. Everyone on Earth calls it earth. Nobody would call it Terran unless they there were from another world, or pretentious dicks.

And... "Empire"

Do... you know what this word means? You... are going to use Empire? Really? The world is free of poverty. People decide to go looking for other universes for the fun of it, accidentally wound reality and the people of the Planet do not rise up as one and say, "FUCK THAT SHIT." and move heaven and earth to close the fucker, but INSTEAD, for some reason, go to war to unify the planet (which is just a bad idea from a geo political stand point. It's just bad politics, bad economics, bad over all. Top down, one size fits all solutions always end badly, especially on a planetary scale.), then, for some reason, FUCK DEMOCRACY, let's form an EMPIRE.

Do... you have any idea how HARD it is to occupy a country that doesn't want to be occupied?

America is basically isolationist, in spite of our leaders. But either America spearheads unifying the world, or it is taken over, and I assume the latter because America ain't doing "EMPIRE". If America is conquered, then you are opening your world government to ENDLESS guerilla bullshit. We don't like it when our own national guard shows up during a DISASTER. An invading army is going to be subjected to Endless HELL.

But okay... Shock and awe bullshit. Carry on.

has taken responsibility for all humanity
HOW? I mean this... HOW? Mind control? Even then, Humanity is a wily beast. 1% of us are FUCKIN INSANE. No. By statistics, about 1% of the population is nuts. 4% is neurotic. That's 1 out of 20 people are unstable mutherfuckers and you think a top down solution is going to fix it?

Decentralization and local solutions to problems work best. There are many examples of this. Look at any socialist country for how top-down solutions fail.

with the second Golden Age
Whoa whoa whoa... You can't just hand-wave this one. I need to know HOW, there is a second golden age, much less a FIRST golden age.


proclaimed a plan to invade the other side
WHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHYYYYYYYYY???

Okay. We had PARADICE in a post-scarcity society. Someone FUCKED UP... and WOUNDED REALITY. Okay? Not... made a little boo-boo... WOUNDED THE FABRIC OF TIME AND SPACE. You can't put up WINDMILLS to generate power and reduce Carbon emissions because GOT DAMN SEA GULLS GET KILLED AND PEOPLE FREAK OUT.

You think... that after wounding REALITY IT SELF, every eco-FREAK on the GODDAMN PLANET isn't going to protest the fuck out of that? PEOPLE STRAP EXPLOSIVES TO THEMSELVES TO BLOW UP WHALING CRAFT for what is basically a REALLY FAT COW OF THE SEA. If the blue whales died out, the oceans wouldn't notice. Sorry for the hot take, but they don't do much for the earth's biodiversity. And frankly, I'm not a big fan of saving the dolphins either. (Tuna hasn't tasted the same since they started making it dolphin free, IMHO)

You think that people are just gonna be, "Oh. Wound in the skin of the universe with monsters pouring out? Oh. Should I be concerned?"

NO.

They are going to DEMAND that shit gets shut down. They want to ban AIRSOFT GUNS in REAL LIFE! You think people aren't going to want to ban all research into technology that can DUMP EXTRA-DIMENSIONAL HORRORS ON TOP OF YOUR CHILDREN??? They will not only do that, but demand that entire ARMIES of people who look for this shit are created to scower the world looking for this forbiddeon and unholy technomagic.

But okay... For some reason the WOUND CANNOT BE CLOSED.

And then, the other side invades, theres a war, and everything gets fucked up. Okay... FINE.

It's SO BAD that the world unifies under The UNITED TERRAN EMPIRE. or the UTE. Or as we call it in the medical field, A Urinary Tract Exam. Lovely abbreviation there. I suppose United Earth Empire or UEE isn't much better, But I'd just go with United Earth. (But it's not, because it's more than one world. How can you unite more than one Terran? It implies one world defeated the other. How about just The Federation? Why make it complicated? You are far more likely to get a federation of countries than an empire. But Hey, that's just me.)

So Trump beats up everyone and declared himself God Emperor of the First United Terran Empire. Okay.
All hail the new boss, same as the old boss, whatever.

We are now in our SECOND GOLDEN AGE. Because, we have an unlimited number of monsters we have pacified and thus an unlimited amount of renewable resources. I'm assuming we have Magic and Technology and because we had a post-scarcity world BEFORE the magic, we have DOUBLE THE PARADISE with Magic and Technology combined. Okay... FINE.

How we got here, I dunno, but we got here.

But then...

as many call it has begun.

Why, in the name of all that is holy, would ANYONE WANT TO?

Look at America. We live at the pinnacle of civilization. We have everything.
THERE IS AN OBESITY EPIDEMIC AMONG THE POOR.

That has never happened in all of human history.

There has never been an epidemic of FATNESS among the poor, EVER, in any other country.

There are no poor in America. We are the 1%. Everyone in America is living at the apex of human civilization where even homeless bums sleeping in gutters in their own human waste have access to the internet and the accumulative knowledge of all mankind. If you are homeless in America (and a citizen), it is your own choice. No. Really. I worked in this field for decades. The vast majority of homeless in America are like that because they are insane and are unwilling to take the medication we offer them to treat their illnesses. If it was only possible to FORCE people to take medications, We could clean up homelessness in less than five years.

(Oh, if you are homeless and in Central New York, I'll get you somewhere. Just DM me. I got family in half the non-for-profits.)

Most poverty, homelessness, starvation, or what have you (at least in America) is a distribution problem. There are people who would rather die than submit to being part of a government program. But if you are willing to take your government-paid meds, you can live in a government-paid home, get government-paid food, and get really shitty medical treatment by most American's standards, but by the standards of 95% of the planet is AMAZING. As crappy as Medicaid and Medicare is, I'd rather be a penniless bum in America than anywhere else in the world.

And I've worked in Group homes, Mental Hospitals, and Transitional Living programs. I have seen every stage of the system. As crappy as it is, it is FAR SUPERIOR to anywhere else... with the exception of California. Get the fuck out of that state, if you are living there. Run. Run while you still can.

My point is, given how things are, I am assuming your golden age brings everyone up to at least American's worst. Given an unlimited amount of food, free housing, clothing, and medical care, basically turns Americans into couch potatoes, why, for the love of god, would we want to poke the bear and INVADE ANOTHER WORLD?

It's a golden age. We got everything we want right here. America, in the real world, is so well off, we can waste billions of dollars on arguing about people's PRONOUNS. If anything, your setup would create a world that would basically be grinding to a halt as people had no motivation to do anything.

So, yer gonna need to explain some of these things and explain why the world wound up as you described before I'd tell you your idea was any good. Because, right now, I can tell, I'd read your introduction with some exposition backstory and want to tear my hair out.
 

BearlyAlive

Certfied Super Secret Final Secret Final Boss
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If they have everything figured out how come they don't have wormholes figured out? That's a "somehoe palpatine has returned" level of plot hole right there in first sentence. Otherwise good premise for a portal (science) fantasy.
 
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