Review the story above yours.

[Monk_Origins]

Well, there are half a dozen threads where people post their stories to get some feedback or increase activity, but they all turn into graveyards where new stories are posted, only to be ignored. So, I am making this thread to try fix the issue with a rule:

1. Post your story.
2. Read at least 3 chapter (5k words) of the story that happens to be above yours.
3. Review that story(At least 50 words, Cmon lads.), and post it either to this thread or to the novel's page.
4. Profit!

PS: Post first before review the one above, because there can be times where multiple stories can be posted at the same time.
PSS: I will post my story after someone else posts their story here, to get the thread going.

 

[Ryudo1701]

Seems pretty nice, though one can never know if the story above is even one you would typically read based on your interests.
Well, if someone would review my story "https://www.scribblehub.com/series/131535/last-survivor--god-of-fire/" I would be pretty happy. And as there is no one above me yet just tag me if you want an extra review. Don't want to be the only (hobby) author here that didn't review anyone's novel.

 

[Monk_Origins]

Seems pretty nice, though one can never know if the story above is even one you would typically read based on your interests.
Well, if someone would review my story "https://www.scribblehub.com/series/131535/last-survivor--god-of-fire/" I would be pretty happy. And as there is no one above me yet just tag me if you want an extra review. Don't want to be the only (hobby) author here that didn't review anyone's novel.

Well, yours is free. Take it as a perk of being first :) And even if the genres doesn't match, there are always ways t nitpick or praise a story. I'll read yours in a jiffy.
For the next lovely member, here is mine: https://www.scribblehub.com/series/185681/the-ark-project/

 

[Monk_Origins]

Seems pretty nice, though one can never know if the story above is even one you would typically read based on your interests.
Well, if someone would review my story "https://www.scribblehub.com/series/131535/last-survivor--god-of-fire/" I would be pretty happy. And as there is no one above me yet just tag me if you want an extra review. Don't want to be the only (hobby) author here that didn't review anyone's novel.

This novel is very easy to read, allowing one to kick back and relax. Most of the issues I managed to spot were small ones, such as 'hanging AT that axe of yours', 'There was no sign(s) that he had any sense of humor' and ' further up ahead should be THE group', or ones like ' Little did I know that this should be the last time I saw him', where 'should' should be 'would' or 'could'. As I said, small error, not worth mentioning.
But then, there are times in prologue where tenses are not places correctly: 'Ahhh! I know, this fucker ignores me!' or 'My last food has been some kind of humanoid tiger'. These do detract from the story, making them my biggest problem with this novel.
However, these are all the issues I have. I dare say that with an editor, this story can easily become one of the best in the site, iif the quality seen in the prologue also continues all the way. 4.5/5
Want me to post it on the story page?

 

[Alkareel]

Although my story does start slow, I hope you grow to like it.

https://www.scribblehub.com/series/182500/land-of-erden/


Tag me as well, I'll read the ones above me and post a review later on :D

 

[Ryudo1701]

This novel is very easy to read, allowing one to kick back and relax. Most of the issues I managed to spot were small ones, such as 'hanging AT that axe of yours', 'There was no sign(s) that he had any sense of humor' and ' further up ahead should be THE group', or ones like ' Little did I know that this should be the last time I saw him', where 'should' should be 'would' or 'could'. As I said, small error, not worth mentioning.
But then, there are times in prologue where tenses are not places correctly: 'Ahhh! I know, this fucker ignores me!' or 'My last food has been some kind of humanoid tiger'. These do detract from the story, making them my biggest problem with this novel.
However, these are all the issues I have. I dare say that with an editor, this story can easily become one of the best in the site, iif the quality seen in the prologue also continues all the way. 4.5/5
Want me to post it on the story page?

Sure, go for it! Wanted a review there as it could get people into reading more.

Though I have to say that the quality goes up and down a little at times, sadly, as I got quite busy over a few weeks with little time to plan, write and review.

Still, hearing positive feedback makes me happy!

 

[Razmatazz]

Although my story does start slow, I hope you grow to like it.

https://www.scribblehub.com/series/182500/land-of-erden/

I'll read this one then, should have something by tomorrow evening latest

Here's mine

 

[Monk_Origins]

Although my story does start slow, I hope you grow to like it.

https://www.scribblehub.com/series/182500/land-of-erden/


Tag me as well, I'll read the ones above me and post a review later on :D

The one you should review would be mine then :P

 

[Ryudo1701]

The one you should review would be mine then :P

No, he was right, Alkareel should be the one to review your story, based on the posting times

 

[Alkareel]

The one you should review would be mine then :P

First impressions. The whole series is in the first person, so you'll be reading it from the point of view of the main character. Although the series lays a lot on you on the first two chapters, I don't think you have to read it in detail as I believe the story would make explanations the further it progresses. The action scenes are also written well enough to understand what is going on.

Note:

My whole body felt as if I was in a blizzard for a second, followed by a strangle tingling in my joints.

I do think you need to expound more on sentences like this. Since it follows,

The feeling of adding a point to Dexterity was not as weird as Reflex, but I could feel it, unlike Recovery.

Wouldn't it be better if it were written as,

My whole body felt as if it was in a blizzard. For a second, my skin was awashed with a cold sensation followed by a strange tingling in my joints.

I've never experienced a blizzard, so all I could infer from the original statement was "cold".
Would you like me to post this on your novel page? except for the note? or with it?

 

[Alkareel]

I'll read this one then, should have something by tomorrow evening latest

Here's mine

I'm okay with reading it as well, although, you'll have to wait for a few days for my thoughts :D

 

[BenJepheneT]

Who will I be reviewing then lmao

I'll post my link AFTER I review the work

 

[Monk_Origins]

I'll read this one then, should have something by tomorrow evening latest

Here's mine

@BenJepheneT This is the one for you.

 

[Suzumiya]

@BenJepheneT This is the one for you.

Reading it through while drafting my own 2.2.

Do you want the review directly on the main page of your story or in this thread?

 

[BenJepheneT]

Reading it through while drafting my own 2.2.

Do you want the review directly on the main page of your story or in this thread?

Wait who are you referring to? Monk or me.

 

[Suzumiya]

Wait who are you referring to? Monk or me.

Monk. I thought the rules were to review the poster's above you?

 

[Ryudo1701]

Monk. I thought the rules were to review the poster's above you?

It should be more among the lines like, review the newest person above you, as otherwise some works aren't gonna get any reviews...

Maybe we could ask @Monk_Origins to include a list of all who post in the threat for the first time to make sure none gets forgotten in the first post per edit, like:
Ryudo1701 < Monk_Origins < Alkareel < DMRhodes < BenJepheneT < Ilnksys

 

[Razmatazz]

Although my story does start slow, I hope you grow to like it.

https://www.scribblehub.com/series/182500/land-of-erden/


Tag me as well, I'll read the ones above me and post a review later on :D

So when I started reading this I was like, what? Wolves? Huh? Tower? What? Who? But then I realised I have the dumb because I started at "Age Eleven - Erden's Tower 4" (The latest chapter as of this post) and not chapter at 1. Derp. So I tried again and did that!

To to start off I really like the naming convention for chapters in this story. The fact that we follow the protagonist through a varied series of ages so far 10/11 is an interesting idea that offers a lot of potential to see the character grow and it bypasses the boring Chapter 1, Chapter 2, Chapter 3 system many novels use. I don't know what the 'end goal' is for this story just yet, but it will be interesting to see how the character changes over time not just from his experience but also literally from age and a changing body. For sure it will also be a challenge for the author to write a convincing, consistent character as he spans across the years.

I had a little trouble following the story at first (chapter 1) and I feel it could be tightened up for sure. There are a lot of name drops in the first chapters and a lot of faces that just suddenly appear. Many of the scene jumps are rather quick and leave an old man like me confused for a moment until I get my bearings again so I would enjoy a smoother transition between time gaps. I would also like to see a lot more of the side characters to help establish them deeper, especially more back and forth conversations between them and the protagonist. There is a huuuuuge exposition dump about mana seeds and the harvest festival in chapter 2 which felt more like I was reading magic-wikipedia than a mother explaining the day's plan to her child. What I will say though is that the author is excellent at the small chapter ending cliff-hangers that make you want to check out the next page!

All in all I like this story and the concept so far. There is a little polish needed, but there's for sure some good substance here if you are a patient reader.

Realistically I'd give it a 4.5/5, but in stars I'm setting 5 because 4 seems too low since there is clearly good work and effort at hand here! I will definitely keep reading this.

 

[Alkareel]

So when I started reading this I was like, what? Wolves? Huh? Tower? What? Who? But then I realised I have the dumb because I started at "Age Eleven - Erden's Tower 4" (The latest chapter as of this post) and not chapter at 1. Derp. So I tried again and did that!

To to start off I really like the naming convention for chapters in this story. The fact that we follow the protagonist through a varied series of ages so far 10/11 is an interesting idea that offers a lot of potential to see the character grow and it bypasses the boring Chapter 1, Chapter 2, Chapter 3 system many novels use. I don't know what the 'end goal' is for this story just yet, but it will be interesting to see how the character changes over time not just from his experience but also literally from age and a changing body. For sure it will also be a challenge for the author to write a convincing, consistent character as he spans across the years.

I had a little trouble following the story at first (chapter 1) and I feel it could be tightened up for sure. There are a lot of name drops in the first chapters and a lot of faces that just suddenly appear. Many of the scene jumps are rather quick and leave an old man like me confused for a moment until I get my bearings again so I would enjoy a smoother transition between time gaps. I would also like to see a lot more of the side characters to help establish them deeper, especially more back and forth conversations between them and the protagonist. There is a huuuuuge exposition dump about mana seeds and the harvest festival in chapter 2 which felt more like I was reading magic-wikipedia than a mother explaining the day's plan to her child. What I will say though is that the author is excellent at the small chapter ending cliff-hangers that make you want to check out the next page!

All in all I like this story and the concept so far. There is a little polish needed, but there's for sure some good substance here if you are a patient reader.

Realistically I'd give it a 4.5/5, but in stars I'm setting 5 because 4 seems too low since there is clearly good work and effort at hand here! I will definitely keep reading this.

Dang, you're making me wanna cry. This is the first detailed feedback I've ever received. And it's given me so much happiness. Thank you very much.
About the tight earlier chapters, I do plan on smoothening them out before I start putting it out for sale.
If you could post this one as a review on the novel page as well, it would help a lot. Thank you again!
I'll also read your story when I have time and try to give a detailed review.

I'm gonna hang this on a wall

 

[Monk_Origins]

Lads, there is no reason to over-complicate things. Just post the story you want to be reviewed, and review the latest posted story that happens to came before you.