SHF High-school Fanfic

[DannyTheDaikon]

Judging by your reaction, it was mid as hell.

It was... mid. What we got for the actual chinese devs was mid as fuck and imho the most disappointing boss fight so far There are other issues, more glaring issues that I have, but.... hmm... I don't know how to not sound like a dick while saying it.

Morning~
Did you now~?

I did... You were right. Previous 2 parts were much better. I'm pretty disappointed with how it all turned out in the end I think Xianzhou was much much better section than Penacony

 

[Simple_Russian_Boi]

It was... mid. What we got for the actual chinese devs was mid as fuck and imho the most disappointing boss fight so far There are other issues, more glaring issues that I have, but.... hmm... I don't know how to not sound like a dick while saying it.

You do know that when I finish the story too, I'll be spitting poison in the Gatcha/miHoYo thread anyway, so... Speak freely, daughter of mine.

 

[DannyTheDaikon]

You do know that when I finish the story too, I'll be spitting poison in the Gatcha/miHoYo thread anyway, so... Speak freely, daughter of mine.

Oke, then I'm gonna post my rant there

 

[quagma]

we give up. everyone is better at writing than us. how???

 

[Azure_Fog]

Oke, then I'm gonna post my rant there

Me too~ Well, once I have the time to...

 

[Simple_Russian_Boi]

we give up. everyone is better at writing than us. how???

Wha- Oh, Rhaps dropped his chapter?

 

[quagma]

Wha- Oh, Rhaps dropped his chapter?

yeah.

 

[Simple_Russian_Boi]

yeah.

*pats you on the shoulder*
yeah... I get you.

 

[DannyTheDaikon]

Me too~ Well, once I have the time to...

I'm interested to hear your thoughts about it, so you can tag me when you do eventually

 

[quagma]

things we find ourselves struggling with when it comes to writing:
extraneous details (we keep trying to be as concise and clear as possible so as to be as unconfusing of what we are trying to communicate as possible, and somehow this turns into lengthy sentences)
characterization (inconsistent, unclear)
observations are rote and mechanical, falling into a few set patterns and phrases
repeats itself for some reason
does a lot of tell rather than show
lacking in the emotional department (seriously, does anyone know how these emotion things and passing thoughts stuff are supposed to work?)
conversation barely sounds like anything a human would say, they mostly just state a few facts relevant to the situation and hardly emote
tenses keep flipping around because it feels more comfortable writing like that but that's not the story being written (an omnipresent being WOULD see everything all at once in a single defining moment)
infodumps
pace and tone are all over the place

we've got so much more learning to do before we get anywhere near the level of storycrafting as some of other writers contributing to this weird ass collaboration

 

[MatchaChocolate69]

things we find ourselves struggling with when it comes to writing:
extraneous details (we keep trying to be as concise and clear as possible so as to be as unconfusing of what we are trying to communicate as possible, and somehow this turns into lengthy sentences)
characterization (inconsistent, unclear)
observations are rote and mechanical, falling into a few set patterns and phrases
repeats itself for some reason
does a lot of tell rather than show
lacking in the emotional department (seriously, does anyone know how these emotion things and passing thoughts stuff are supposed to work?)
conversation barely sounds like anything a human would say, they mostly just state a few facts relevant to the situation and hardly emote
tenses keep flipping around because it feels more comfortable writing like that but that's not the story being written (an omnipresent being WOULD see everything all at once in a single defining moment)
infodumps
pace and tone are all over the place

we've got so much more learning to do before we get anywhere near the level of storycrafting as some of other writers contributing to this weird ass collaboration

Rhaps is a truly talented and successful writer, and his numbers prove it.
But that doesn't mean you're any less than him.

Personally, I appreciate your writing style, and it's definitely distinct from others. I recognize it immediately. If we compare the two chapters, which are essentially both displays of brutal massacres, in yours I can say I've seen more of... how to put it... humanity? Empathy?

Rhaps' character is intentionally inhuman, and it works; they're unique, a top-notch villain. But can I empathize with them? Quagma isn't human either, yet it's easier to put myself in their shoes.

Of course, I may have some biases because I adore you, but I also admire Rhaps and his cryptic writing style.
For me, the chapters are on the same level, but from a subjective point of view, I prefer yours.

 

[Stealthy_Enigma]

I iz' going to bed...
Nighty night everyone~

˝/\___/\˝
(❀⌒_⌒⁠)˝∩˝

 

[esThr]

*Dear diary,

It has been almost half a day since I ended up in this.... school. Though my situation before this wasn't any much better, I much rather not be stuck with a bunch of fantasy creatures, eldritch beings and... what the fuck is that a ninja on a roof?
On the bright side, I at least don't really stand out compared to some of the "students" here. Though I pride myself in being a man, my looks and body structure is unfortunately a lot more feminine than I would like. My long shoulder length hair doesn't help my case either... It's not like I want to be mistaken for a woman okay?!?! It's just extremely troublesome to keep cutting my hair since it grows back so fast. I just eventually stopped caring...*
Ugh, now I am arguing with myself while writing this diary...

Speaking of which, what type of school is this anyways? We are supposed to have a teacher but what are we supposed to learn? Theres no textbooks or anything either... Ugh, thinking too much about it will do no good for now it's best I just observe those "people"


Non rp notes:
(Yes I'm going to this hard and yes I definitely did not just explained my irl features... this is my first time doing something like roleplay so its probably going to be extremely cringe and embarrassing...)

 

[quagma]

writing process be wild. and haaard.

Spoiler: may contain spoilers for future chapters

 

[Azure_Fog]

Speaking of which, what type of school is this anyways?

All of them… none of them…

(Yes I'm going to this hard and yes I definitely did not just explained my irl features... this is my first time doing something like roleplay so its probably going to be extremely cringe and embarrassing...)

It’s all about having fun~ You’ll be fine~

Ugh, thinking too much about it will do no good for now it's best I just observe those "people"

*teleports behind you*
Boo~

 

[esThr]

*teleports behind you*
Boo~

Ah! What the... it's the craz- ah, I mean hello.. how can I help?

*shit, of all places she goes to... why here?!?! Ah, I'm screwed...*

 

[quagma]

Ah! What the... it's the craz- ah, I mean hello.. how can I help?

*shit, of all places she goes to... why here?!?! Ah, I'm screwed...*

*in front of you a tentacle emerges from... (throws dart at chart) your locker. it is holding an apple. it extends it out towards you. do you take the apple from the strange and star-studded appendage before you?*
*behind you, in front of you, and 3 dimensions sideways to you, we wait for your answer. a voice as vast as the stars are old speaks into your head, rattling and buzzing within your brain. the voice has no distinguishable gender or direction, and leaves an aftertaste in the thoughts of most beings that We've thought to ask.*
*a small octopus appears on top of your head. they are sky blue, stars and circles in the patterning of their skin. a glowing pink dot orbits around them, moving so quickly that the streak of light appears like an angelic halo. their mouth does not move, yet you hear their voice anyways.*
[Hello, and welcome to this totally normal school. What will you do?], *We ask.*
> Examine the {apple}
> Accept the {apple}
> Interrogate the {apple}. It offers knowledge, and power, dark and forbidden. It knows you. It's always known you.
> Fight the {apple}
> Smooch the {apple}
> Abscond
> Skills
> Inventory

 

[esThr]

*in front of you a tentacle emerges from... (throws dart at chart) your locker. it is holding an apple. it extends it out towards you. do you take the apple from the strange and star-studded appendage before you?*
*behind you, in front of you, and 3 dimensions sideways to you, we wait for your answer. a voice as vast as the stars are old speaks into your head, rattling and buzzing within your brain. the voice has no distinguishable gender or direction, and leaves an aftertaste in the thoughts of most beings that We've thought to ask.*
*a small octopus appears on top of your head. they are sky blue, stars and circles in the patterning of their skin. a glowing pink dot orbits around them, moving so quickly that the streak of light appears like an angelic halo. their mouth does not move, yet you hear their voice anyways.*
[Hello, and welcome to this totally normal school. What will you do?], *We ask.*
> Examine the {apple}
> Accept the {apple}
> Interrogate the {apple}. It offers knowledge, and power, dark and forbidden. It knows you. It's always known you.
> Fight the {apple}
> Smooch the {apple}
> Abscond
> Skills
> Inventory

Eh? What's this now.. examine?

 

[quagma]

Eh? What's this now.. examine?

*it appears to be an ordinary apple. fairly round, large, a single leaf still on the stem. it appears as though there is some heft to it. it looks juicy and sweet, or it would if it weren't ALSO the bluest blue you've ever blued*
[What will you do?]
> Examine the {apple}
> Accept the {apple}
> Interrogate the {apple}
> Fight the {apple}
> Smooch the {apple}. It's winking at you, and it doesn't even have eyes.
> Abscond
> Skills
> Inventory

 

[esThr]

*it appears to be an ordinary apple. fairly round, large, a single leaf still on the stem. it appears as though there is some heft to it. it looks juicy and sweet, or it would if it weren't ALSO the bluest blue you've ever blued*
[What will you do?]
> Examine the {apple}
> Accept the {apple}
> Interrogate the {apple}
> Fight the {apple}
> Smooch the {apple}. It's winking at you, and it doesn't even have eyes.
> Abscond
> Skills
> Inventory

*A blue apple... I have a feeling this being above my head will likely kill me if I refuse it... oh well I don't really have a choice here. I hope it doesn't kill...*
Thank you for the apple... I guess?