So How Do Normal People Make Friends?

[TheEldritchGod]

TL/DR: If you could provide me with some pointers on how to write people as friends and how they act, that'd be great.

I've hit a bit of a wall. I'm trying to figure out the relationships with the MC and his friends, but I don't understand this "friends" thing.

And no, I'm not joking. Never had any. Basically got the crap beat out of me for about ten years during public school, went into college, and made some "friends", but they were friends as long as I had money. With the exception of a very limited number of people, just about everyone I have trusted has betrayed me, or someone I cared about. Basically, I have relatives, clients, and co-workers, but as far as "friends" go, I suppose I don't have any. Yes, talking to people on the internet is a relationship, but that's more of an acquaintance than a friendship.

Part of it is me, I have a hard time maintaining relationships because I just... drift off. I have spent so much time alone being forced to survive by myself that I simply cannot rely on others. I'm not angry, but neither am I happy. I guess I'm just vaguely... sad/numb about the whole thing. So when it comes to my writing, I've reached the part where things should be improving for the MC and I really don't know how to handle it.

I'm not blackpilled where "everyone is selfish" or that sort of thing. I know that's nonsense. I just don't have any experience with anyone who has your back or cares about you for any reason other than because of what you do for them. I suppose I have had people care about me from time to time over the years, but I simply couldn't understand. You'd think having been the subject of relentless torture for a decade would make me crave friendship, but it honestly means nothing to me. I remember this one person who I helped as a client, and afterward, they kept in contact and I think they were trying to be my friend, but I honestly found it more annoying to have to socially interact.

I couldn't see the point. I wasn't having any fun. I suppose that was it, I felt like it was a psychic drain on me. I had gotten so used to being alone and having to handle everything myself and never depending on someone, an actual attempt to be friends with me felt more like an attack than anything else. Like I was being drained of my time and energy. The only time I seem to enjoy myself in a group is when it's some sort of group project and we are working towards a goal.

The few times I really, TRULY needed someone to help me, every time, they thought about themselves first. I was TOLD, you can call on me for help, but when I really needed it, and left myself open and said, "I'm in pain. I need help." the response was... well... let's just say that at best the response was, "BUT WHAT ABOUT ME?" and at worst, my weakness was used later used against me. I've just learned the hard way that someone like me is not someone who is apparently worthy of "unconditional love". And no, don't get all weird on me. That's just the way the world works. It's fine. I accept it and I've moved on.

So I really can't figure out how to write a group of friends. It should be easy, but I just can't do it. I don't have a frame of reference. I can't... relate? I dunno. I feel like I'm spinning my wheels, here. I tried going in the opposite direction and said to myself, "What would I want from the people who bullied me?" Like, if one of them was here right now, what would I say? And... The answer is... nothing.

If they didn't have any remorse, there would be no point. If they did feel it, how could they do anything to fix it? If they said "sorry", it wouldn't mean anything. If they tried to make me happy, I don't even know how they could. I can't think of anything that would make me happy, in that situation. I suppose I'd just want to say, "Yeah, you made me an emotional cripple. Nothing to do about it now." Then wander off. I rather think prolonged contact would just... be draining.

So if I can't even figure out what sort of interaction I'd want from my enemies, how the hell am I supposed to figure out what friends like? Like... it'd be the opposite, but I don't have anything to uno reverse. Even looking up guides on how to write it, they give me the general pointers, but they tell me how to MAKE friends, not what friends DO. I can find plenty of guides on how to cynically manipulate people, but not on how to just... be someone's friend. Like... after they become friends, what happens?

I KNOW how to manipulate people, already. I'm trying to write someone LIKABLE, not a manipulative bastard. I know how to get inside someone's head. I know how to get people to come around to my point of view. I have no idea how just be someone people would want to hang around. It feels like being a 'likable friendly guy' is just being a manipulative bastard, except you have a desire for people to be happy and you just put in a lot of continuous effort, but I can't help but think that shouldn't be friendly come... easily?

I look up examples and they... just don't make any sense to me. Take Harry Potter, There were three close friends, right? But it always felt... wrong to me. Maybe it's because Harry was such a self-insert that I just couldn't relate to him? Like any Mary Sue character, people just Love the MC, except for the bad guys. If you hate the MC, you are clearly evil. I dunno... It's hard to explain.

Am I making sense?

TL/DR: If you could provide me with some pointers on how to write people as friends and how they act, that'd be great.

 

[Iamnotabot]

You ok man? sound like you need a friend more than writting about them.

 

[Tsuru]

HE IS ASKING FOR ADVICES HOW TO WRITE FRIENDS IN NOVEL

(wrote this for tldr people)

TL/DR: If you could provide me with some pointers on how to write people as friends and how they act, that'd be great.

I've hit a bit of a wall. I'm trying to figure out the relationships with the MC and his friends, but I don't understand this "friends" thing.

And no, I'm not joking. Never had any. Basically got the crap beat out of me for about ten years during public school, went into college, and made some "friends", but they were friends as long as I had money. With the exception of a very limited number of people, just about everyone I have trusted has betrayed me, or someone I cared about. Basically, I have relatives, clients, and co-workers, but as far as "friends" go, I suppose I don't have any. Yes, talking to people on the internet is a relationship, but that's more of an acquaintance than a friendship.

Part of it is me, I have a hard time maintaining relationships because I just... drift off. I have spent so much time alone being forced to survive by myself that I simply cannot rely on others. I'm not angry, but neither am I happy. I guess I'm just vaguely... sad/numb about the whole thing. So when it comes to my writing, I've reached the part where things should be improving for the MC and I really don't know how to handle it.

I'm not blackpilled where "everyone is selfish" or that sort of thing. I know that's nonsense. I just don't have any experience with anyone who has your back or cares about you for any reason other than because of what you do for them. I suppose I have had people care about me from time to time over the years, but I simply couldn't understand. You'd think having been the subject of relentless torture for a decade would make me crave friendship, but it honestly means nothing to me. I remember this one person who I helped as a client, and afterward, they kept in contact and I think they were trying to be my friend, but I honestly found it more annoying to have to socially interact.

I couldn't see the point. I wasn't having any fun. I suppose that was it, I felt like it was a psychic drain on me. I had gotten so used to being alone and having to handle everything myself and never depending on someone, an actual attempt to be friends with me felt more like an attack than anything else. Like I was being drained of my time and energy. The only time I seem to enjoy myself in a group is when it's some sort of group project and we are working towards a goal.

The few times I really, TRULY needed someone to help me, every time, they thought about themselves first. I was TOLD, you can call on me for help, but when I really needed it, and left myself open and said, "I'm in pain. I need help." the response was... well... let's just say that at best the response was, "BUT WHAT ABOUT ME?" and at worst, my weakness was used later used against me. I've just learned the hard way that someone like me is not someone who is apparently worthy of "unconditional love". And no, don't get all weird on me. That's just the way the world works. It's fine. I accept it and I've moved on.

So I really can't figure out how to write a group of friends. It should be easy, but I just can't do it. I don't have a frame of reference. I can't... relate? I dunno. I feel like I'm spinning my wheels, here. I tried going in the opposite direction and said to myself, "What would I want from the people who bullied me?" Like, if one of them was here right now, what would I say? And... The answer is... nothing.

If they didn't have any remorse, there would be no point. If they did feel it, how could they do anything to fix it? If they said "sorry", it wouldn't mean anything. If they tried to make me happy, I don't even know how they could. I can't think of anything that would make me happy, in that situation. I suppose I'd just want to say, "Yeah, you made me an emotional cripple. Nothing to do about it now." Then wander off. I rather think prolonged contact would just... be draining.

So if I can't even figure out what sort of interaction I'd want from my enemies, how the hell am I supposed to figure out what friends like? Like... it'd be the opposite, but I don't have anything to uno reverse. Even looking up guides on how to write it, they give me the general pointers, but they tell me how to MAKE friends, not what friends DO. I can find plenty of guides on how to cynically manipulate people, but not on how to just... be someone's friend. Like... after they become friends, what happens?

I KNOW how to manipulate people, already. I'm trying to write someone LIKABLE, not a manipulative bastard. I know how to get inside someone's head. I know how to get people to come around to my point of view. I have no idea how just be someone people would want to hang around. It feels like being a 'likable friendly guy' is just being a manipulative bastard, except you have a desire for people to be happy and you just put in a lot of continuous effort, but I can't help but think that shouldn't be friendly come... easily?

I look up examples and they... just don't make any sense to me. Take Harry Potter, There were three close friends, right? But it always felt... wrong to me. Maybe it's because Harry was such a self-insert that I just couldn't relate to him? Like any Mary Sue character, people just Love the MC, except for the bad guys. If you hate the MC, you are clearly evil. I dunno... It's hard to explain.

Am I making sense?

TL/DR: If you could provide me with some pointers on how to write people as friends and how they act, that'd be great.

Simple. Read and read some more.

Possibly novels that have same themes as yours.
ps : humans are douche
humans are evil from birth and law stop them to destroy themselves or others
Everyone wear a mask.
And people like me, that herited personality from my mom similar saint theresa, of being far too kind, are exploited.

Do you know ? Chinese webnovels, are the best.
Because, beside the fact ton of good novels in 2023, they often ton of golden sentences, or ton of advices on psychology.

BECAUSE unlike west that have budding internet, this mfs fast-forwarded their evolution in term of developement.
They experienced the coldness of human beings and the warmth of true friends.
They experienced girls that would break up for rich playboy.
Or even women that "greened" their husband and 3 kids arent the husband's.

Anyway, try to read some chinese webnovels.
Go to 69shu.com or uukanshu.com or trxs.com or qidian (and googling the chinese title to find free pirate version)


TLDR : Chinese golden sentence :
Villains live long while good people die fast
In fact, internet friends are just like irl friends
99% are unreliable but only a few can be trusted, and should cherish them. If none, then best luck next reincarnation.

There are ton of novels with backstabbing of friends or others.
Ton of rebirth where protag regret trusting the fake friends and not trusting the true reliable ones + family + lovers.

There is a method often done in novels to check if a friends is a good one. Which is probably taken inspiration/copied from their internet memes.
"Call your friends and ask if you can BORROW MONEY"
Depending on how they react and quantity of money, you know if they truly think of you as a friend.
You have novels where when MCs get rich, tell his parents "Dont tell them we became rich but ask if they can borrow money" because like the proverb they got "When poor you are alone but when rich distant mountain families come to you", this way MC's family know who to trust and stay close despite becoming rich.

 

[Deleted member 54065]

I...

It sort of happened. Like I exist, she exists. We're both at the same place, at the same time. Something funny happens. She laughs, I laugh. Then we have small talk.

As long as we stayed there, we talked. Then, her bus comes in. She rides it. I'm left alone in that spot.

I'd like to think she's my friend, but then, I'd wake up from my dream. Someone from the other side of the cart was happy to see me open my eyes, exclaiming, "Hey, you're finally awake."

Dragon attacks a few seconds later.

 

[NotaNuffian]

I...

It sort of happened. Like I exist, she exists. We're both at the same place, at the same time. Something funny happens. She laughs, I laugh. Then we have small talk.

As long as we stayed there, we talked. Then, her bus comes in. She rides it. I'm left alone in that spot.

I'd like to think she's my friend, but then, I'd wake up from my dream. Someone from the other side of the cart was happy to see me open my eyes, exclaiming, "Hey, you're finally awake."

Dragon attacks a few seconds later.

Ok, I laughed at the last two paragraphs.

TL/DR: If you could provide me with some pointers on how to write people as friends and how they act, that'd be great.

I've hit a bit of a wall. I'm trying to figure out the relationships with the MC and his friends, but I don't understand this "friends" thing.

And no, I'm not joking. Never had any. Basically got the crap beat out of me for about ten years during public school, went into college, and made some "friends", but they were friends as long as I had money. With the exception of a very limited number of people, just about everyone I have trusted has betrayed me, or someone I cared about. Basically, I have relatives, clients, and co-workers, but as far as "friends" go, I suppose I don't have any. Yes, talking to people on the internet is a relationship, but that's more of an acquaintance than a friendship.

Part of it is me, I have a hard time maintaining relationships because I just... drift off. I have spent so much time alone being forced to survive by myself that I simply cannot rely on others. I'm not angry, but neither am I happy. I guess I'm just vaguely... sad/numb about the whole thing. So when it comes to my writing, I've reached the part where things should be improving for the MC and I really don't know how to handle it.

I'm not blackpilled where "everyone is selfish" or that sort of thing. I know that's nonsense. I just don't have any experience with anyone who has your back or cares about you for any reason other than because of what you do for them. I suppose I have had people care about me from time to time over the years, but I simply couldn't understand. You'd think having been the subject of relentless torture for a decade would make me crave friendship, but it honestly means nothing to me. I remember this one person who I helped as a client, and afterward, they kept in contact and I think they were trying to be my friend, but I honestly found it more annoying to have to socially interact.

I couldn't see the point. I wasn't having any fun. I suppose that was it, I felt like it was a psychic drain on me. I had gotten so used to being alone and having to handle everything myself and never depending on someone, an actual attempt to be friends with me felt more like an attack than anything else. Like I was being drained of my time and energy. The only time I seem to enjoy myself in a group is when it's some sort of group project and we are working towards a goal.

The few times I really, TRULY needed someone to help me, every time, they thought about themselves first. I was TOLD, you can call on me for help, but when I really needed it, and left myself open and said, "I'm in pain. I need help." the response was... well... let's just say that at best the response was, "BUT WHAT ABOUT ME?" and at worst, my weakness was used later used against me. I've just learned the hard way that someone like me is not someone who is apparently worthy of "unconditional love". And no, don't get all weird on me. That's just the way the world works. It's fine. I accept it and I've moved on.

So I really can't figure out how to write a group of friends. It should be easy, but I just can't do it. I don't have a frame of reference. I can't... relate? I dunno. I feel like I'm spinning my wheels, here. I tried going in the opposite direction and said to myself, "What would I want from the people who bullied me?" Like, if one of them was here right now, what would I say? And... The answer is... nothing.

If they didn't have any remorse, there would be no point. If they did feel it, how could they do anything to fix it? If they said "sorry", it wouldn't mean anything. If they tried to make me happy, I don't even know how they could. I can't think of anything that would make me happy, in that situation. I suppose I'd just want to say, "Yeah, you made me an emotional cripple. Nothing to do about it now." Then wander off. I rather think prolonged contact would just... be draining.

So if I can't even figure out what sort of interaction I'd want from my enemies, how the hell am I supposed to figure out what friends like? Like... it'd be the opposite, but I don't have anything to uno reverse. Even looking up guides on how to write it, they give me the general pointers, but they tell me how to MAKE friends, not what friends DO. I can find plenty of guides on how to cynically manipulate people, but not on how to just... be someone's friend. Like... after they become friends, what happens?

I KNOW how to manipulate people, already. I'm trying to write someone LIKABLE, not a manipulative bastard. I know how to get inside someone's head. I know how to get people to come around to my point of view. I have no idea how just be someone people would want to hang around. It feels like being a 'likable friendly guy' is just being a manipulative bastard, except you have a desire for people to be happy and you just put in a lot of continuous effort, but I can't help but think that shouldn't be friendly come... easily?

I look up examples and they... just don't make any sense to me. Take Harry Potter, There were three close friends, right? But it always felt... wrong to me. Maybe it's because Harry was such a self-insert that I just couldn't relate to him? Like any Mary Sue character, people just Love the MC, except for the bad guys. If you hate the MC, you are clearly evil. I dunno... It's hard to explain.

Am I making sense?

TL/DR: If you could provide me with some pointers on how to write people as friends and how they act, that'd be great.

I have no good advices. I am friendless.

But it is always group activities, like play online games together, chitchat together (no need to keep talking, listening is fine), do things together.

Have a common interest is always good.

Good friends on the other hand... sorry I can't help you. I am watching this thread for help as well.

 

[Temple]

- You can start with a stereotype group. Yeah, it's cliche, but that's the easiest start. You know, there's the funny guy, the tough guy, maybe add in a nerdy girl.
- Then you can add in something more specific and will also give them life as a character. Maybe the tough guy likes to paint. The funny guy has a traumatic past (this one is really cliche).
- Next, all of them have to tolerate each other. That's the secret of being friends. They don't agree on everything, they don't relate to each other actually, but they tolerate each other no matter what. The friend groups in media you see are usually homogenous, but that's not how real friendships work. Even if people became friends because of a hobby, they'd be very different from each other and tolerate each other just the same.
- Going from there, an example could be a group of friends don't really appreciate fancy art but they still go to the museum with one friend who likes to paint. Something like that.

 

[J_Chemist]

Being the ass clown that I am, majority of my friendships started because of random conversation, bad jokes, passing encounters that happened over and over, regularity in both of our schedules that allowed us to interact often, and trauma bonding.

This biggest thing is regularity. You don't meet someone once and now all of a sudden they're friends. No, you meet them several times. It doesn't have to be in rapid succession either. Just enough for you both to naturally acknowledge/recognize each other and be comfortable in a shared space. The more you meet, the more comfortable you get.

In spaces where contact information is shared, it develops even faster because no one has to take the hurdle of asking for it. You already have each other's phone numbers so the texting and memeing just happens whenever someone decides to open the door for it. In the gym that's squashed by sharing Instagrams/Social Media accounts because everyone wants views and likes on their random exercise vids/pics they put up for whatever reason.

However, for some it's difficult because they toe the line of familiarity and try not to cross it due to past trauma or whatever experience they have. Add in those that just want no connection at all and they walk around like turtles everywhere- headphones in, glares/scowls naturally turned on, and stoic or curt responses at the ready just to get you to fuck off. So there's a good majority wandering about that aren't really open to friendships or good at making them. Is it a bad thing? Nope. It's just who you are and how you make friends is typically different, although it'll be more difficult if you're so closed off.

Then you have people like me. I'm an idiot. I don't know what that line looks like and it's probably because my two brain cells are too busy thinking about my next beer and that woman's nice butt over there. Which makes it easy for me to spit out a random joke about the shitty situation and that typically sets off a chain reaction of shared suffering and/or acknowledgement. Or someone calls me stupid and I tell them off and now all of a sudden either I'm the enemy number 1 with enough FAFO energy that people shut up, or that person just became the target for everyone else's ire and is now karen/kyle.



Edit: To add now that I think about it, there's also various levels of friendship that we sort of layer people into. People you chat with at work, people you invite to your house, people you call for a fling, people you call when you're crying. Everyone has a role in your life and people reach different levels of "comfort" based on how they interact with you, how you interact with them, levels of familiarity with one another, and also "TIS" or "Time in Service". In other words- how long have they been around? What's their trust level with you?

So when making characters and layering them in, take note of those details. Where did the characters meet, how did they mesh, for how long have they been resonating, and how much have they actually been through together? People with more of a backstory with one another will be a lot closer, but someone who trauma bonds with you will also be pretty close too.

 

[TotallyHuman]

You do realise that this thread will end up as a convention of friendless people whining about their life with the way you wrote it, right?

I'm not a psychologist so I will not even pretend to make sense of how irl friends work. It just happens, oftentimes without your input or consent.

Friends in fiction are not like friends irl. Irl friends are boring, most of the time vulgar and a little gay. Fiction friends are whatever you want them to be. If your reader can suspend disbelief at people being able to throw fireballs, they will suspend it at the existence of fiction friends.

And you can make characters make friends however you want - as long as you think "yeah that sounds abput right". Force the circumstances. Suspension of disbelief is a powerful thing.

 

[Syringe]

Friend is so broad of a term that the chances are what you're already writing comes across as being friends.

But what I'm getting is that you're looking for a way to make the MC feel likeable as a friend, or likeable enough where people want to be their friend.

Extrovert energy is a good place to start. If they're talkative, laugh and know how to joke or take one then that helps considerably compared to say someone that can't/struggles to.

Even if you don't understand you could try to replicate what you see in another story/movie/media.

What made Harry popular imo was not solely because they were the MC, but because of their upbringing. You really, really wanted to root for them to get to that magical place, which was probably something a lot of us wanted in our own lives as well.

 

[Sp4de]

A true guy's friend group is 90% shitpost-worthy conversations and 10% ultra deep philosophical discussions. And you mess with each other all the time, but at the end of the day when things really come down to it, each one would die for the other.
A girl's friend group? I don't even wanna think about it. Your guess is as good as mine.
And in a story setting? Depends heavily on the story. If you want some specific help or ideas I don't mind giving more advice if you dm me since I don't wanna write a massive guide here.
:)

 

[BlackKnightX]

Do you want friends? In real life, I mean. If the answer is no, then why bother writing about something you clearly have no interest on, have no experience with, and have no idea what it is or what it's like? Do you want to because you think most readers love the theme of friendship, and so if you want to succeed in this field, you have to jump up that bandwagon?

If you have no interest in friendship, then don't bother. Just write something you're really interested in. A story features a manipulative MC can be very interesting—like, Ayanokoji from Classroom of the Elite. I for one wanna know what's going on in the mind of a manipulative person. It'd be an interesting experience for sure.

On the other hand, if your answer is yes, then start by learning how to make friends in real life. By that, I mean "real friend," not the fake kind with ulterior motives.

You know, one thing I've learned from life experience is that more often than not, you are the one responsible for everything that happens in your life, be it good or bad. It's easy to blame others, but what good would that do aside from making yourself feel a bit better by thinking you're a victim? You can't control what others do, but you can control what you do. If something goes wrong, always ask yourself what you did wrong and how to improve. That's how you learn and grow from mistakes.

I can offer advice to you based on my own experience, but from that point on, you have to figure things out on your own. Don't be afraid of failure. Failure means you have more clues to help you improve yourself.

Here's my take on how to make a good friend: making friends or having any kinds of relationship at all is all about social skill. Now, this is not some kind of trick or technique; it's a skill you can develop.

At the heart of social skill is connection. Connection is everything. To connect, you have to engage and open yourself up. Engage means you are truly interested in the person you're interacting with and paying full attention. When you're interested, you'll naturally wanna know more about that person. Putting all your focus on that person also means you're not thinking about yourself, which in turn makes you not self-conscious whatsoever. The key take away is this: get out of your head and put your attention on the person you're talking to. That's the only thing you need to know about social skill. Everything else will follow right after, including opening yourself up and being vulnerable (I mean vulnerable, not miserable; you'll know what I mean after you interact with lots of people).

Being open can be hard because most people are scared of being judged and shunned. The cure to such fear is to say fuck it and be yourself anyway. If someone judge you, make you feel uncomfortable, then they might not deserve to be your friend. Just move on.

Also, if you find someone hard to connect with—their beliefs, values, interests, hobbies, or personalities are completely different from yours—don't stress out; just look for someone else. The easiest way to make friend is to find like-minded individuals (those who share the same interests, values, beliefs with you). Once you have real experience with friends, you'll have no need to go on some shady internet forum and ask such a question again.

Have fun, my friend~

 

[owotrucked]

Connect with commonality (like racism) and take part to group activities that naturally lead to spending time together (like burning stuff)

 

[Poleg]

TL/DR: If you could provide me with some pointers on how to write people as friends and how they act, that'd be great.

I've hit a bit of a wall. I'm trying to figure out the relationships with the MC and his friends, but I don't understand this "friends" thing.

And no, I'm not joking. Never had any. Basically got the crap beat out of me for about ten years during public school, went into college, and made some "friends", but they were friends as long as I had money. With the exception of a very limited number of people, just about everyone I have trusted has betrayed me, or someone I cared about. Basically, I have relatives, clients, and co-workers, but as far as "friends" go, I suppose I don't have any. Yes, talking to people on the internet is a relationship, but that's more of an acquaintance than a friendship.

Part of it is me, I have a hard time maintaining relationships because I just... drift off. I have spent so much time alone being forced to survive by myself that I simply cannot rely on others. I'm not angry, but neither am I happy. I guess I'm just vaguely... sad/numb about the whole thing. So when it comes to my writing, I've reached the part where things should be improving for the MC and I really don't know how to handle it.

I'm not blackpilled where "everyone is selfish" or that sort of thing. I know that's nonsense. I just don't have any experience with anyone who has your back or cares about you for any reason other than because of what you do for them. I suppose I have had people care about me from time to time over the years, but I simply couldn't understand. You'd think having been the subject of relentless torture for a decade would make me crave friendship, but it honestly means nothing to me. I remember this one person who I helped as a client, and afterward, they kept in contact and I think they were trying to be my friend, but I honestly found it more annoying to have to socially interact.

I couldn't see the point. I wasn't having any fun. I suppose that was it, I felt like it was a psychic drain on me. I had gotten so used to being alone and having to handle everything myself and never depending on someone, an actual attempt to be friends with me felt more like an attack than anything else. Like I was being drained of my time and energy. The only time I seem to enjoy myself in a group is when it's some sort of group project and we are working towards a goal.

The few times I really, TRULY needed someone to help me, every time, they thought about themselves first. I was TOLD, you can call on me for help, but when I really needed it, and left myself open and said, "I'm in pain. I need help." the response was... well... let's just say that at best the response was, "BUT WHAT ABOUT ME?" and at worst, my weakness was used later used against me. I've just learned the hard way that someone like me is not someone who is apparently worthy of "unconditional love". And no, don't get all weird on me. That's just the way the world works. It's fine. I accept it and I've moved on.

So I really can't figure out how to write a group of friends. It should be easy, but I just can't do it. I don't have a frame of reference. I can't... relate? I dunno. I feel like I'm spinning my wheels, here. I tried going in the opposite direction and said to myself, "What would I want from the people who bullied me?" Like, if one of them was here right now, what would I say? And... The answer is... nothing.

If they didn't have any remorse, there would be no point. If they did feel it, how could they do anything to fix it? If they said "sorry", it wouldn't mean anything. If they tried to make me happy, I don't even know how they could. I can't think of anything that would make me happy, in that situation. I suppose I'd just want to say, "Yeah, you made me an emotional cripple. Nothing to do about it now." Then wander off. I rather think prolonged contact would just... be draining.

So if I can't even figure out what sort of interaction I'd want from my enemies, how the hell am I supposed to figure out what friends like? Like... it'd be the opposite, but I don't have anything to uno reverse. Even looking up guides on how to write it, they give me the general pointers, but they tell me how to MAKE friends, not what friends DO. I can find plenty of guides on how to cynically manipulate people, but not on how to just... be someone's friend. Like... after they become friends, what happens?

I KNOW how to manipulate people, already. I'm trying to write someone LIKABLE, not a manipulative bastard. I know how to get inside someone's head. I know how to get people to come around to my point of view. I have no idea how just be someone people would want to hang around. It feels like being a 'likable friendly guy' is just being a manipulative bastard, except you have a desire for people to be happy and you just put in a lot of continuous effort, but I can't help but think that shouldn't be friendly come... easily?

I look up examples and they... just don't make any sense to me. Take Harry Potter, There were three close friends, right? But it always felt... wrong to me. Maybe it's because Harry was such a self-insert that I just couldn't relate to him? Like any Mary Sue character, people just Love the MC, except for the bad guys. If you hate the MC, you are clearly evil. I dunno... It's hard to explain.

Am I making sense?

TL/DR: If you could provide me with some pointers on how to write people as friends and how they act, that'd be great.

People become "friends" for several reasons, in my experience.

-They share some kind of goal (example: finishing school, a work project, the same political ideology, etc.).

-They share some interests (sports, anime).

- They like each other (relationships can be vastly different, can range from co-dependency to adoration from the more passive party).

-shared history (veterans, genocide survivors).

Depending on how a relationship is formed, its stability can be greatly influenced. It isn't strange for people who stopped sharing the same interests to stop spending time together. It also isn't strange that the friendship where they really like each other to be the most stable.

Also, your culture can impact the friendship. A cultural outlook on homosexuality, relationships, and so on can impact friendship a lot.

A culture where physical contact between males is strongly discouraged won't have hugging guys everywhere, and those who do would be "strange."

An ancient or medieval culture before the industrial revolution would have created interpersonal relationships that were a lot deeper (for example, look at Alexander the Great and Hephaestion). People in starvation could be more selfish, etc.

A dying culture could also impact the relationships between people. People would not be spending time with each other, and new cultures would take it's place.

Depending on the relationship, the behavior can vary. If you spend a lot more time with someone, you likely talk a lot more about yourself and your private life. Your childhood, your family, and the stuff you do in your free time.

Someone you've known for years can suggest appropriate topics. Personal beliefs, problems, important life choices, and so on.

Most talks will be pretty casual, however. Men like to banter and call each other names. They will try to flex their strength. They will laugh, and they will make jokes about others and themselves. Talking all day to Edgelord95 and Hannibal Lector isn't desirable for most people.

 

[whitewoman]

Man this entire thread is depressing as fuck

dunno how to actually help you. I just kinda write what I know yknow

 

[Jailbreak571]

...
Have common hobbies.

Always jokes around, not centered around one guy, but as a group.

Will blackmail you, then at your worst, will be there for you. Not those guys who just do the blackmail part though, those are just people who want to be a parasite.

Will always sought for the group, and not leave anyone behind.

Sometimes starts with one guy finding out the other guy's hobby(personal experience ig?) and then hangs out with them cuz they're the only ones that like what you like.

Some may be blunt, but some will cover up their faces just to make you feel good about whatever you are doing.

I don't know really, it's natural. This is coming from someone who didn't have any friends at all and gaining them in one day. (totally not the reason why I have been inactive on Scribble Hub.)

 

[TheMonotonePuppet]

Talking all day to Edgelord95 and Hannibal Lector isn't desirable for most people

Ooh! Ooh! Am I Edgelord95? Look guys! I’m getting referenced! So sadly reductionist… *sighs, leaning back into chair* but true.

It feels like being a 'likable friendly guy' is just being a manipulative bastard, except you have a desire for people to be happy and you just put in a lot of continuous effort, but I can't help but think that shouldn't be friendly come... easily?

Reading this paragraph is incredibly painful. I understand exactly what you are talking about this mindset, but you just need ignore it’s implications and be fine with getting fulfillment in return for putting on a manipulative act and a lot of effort to build such an act. Otherwise they’ll leave you, or in this case, you won’t grab them. As for me, I admitted to myself I am unhealthily avaricious for friendship and will be as happy as I need to get it. *grits teeth* there is a ridiculous number of times I, rather frustratingly, don’t succeed in hiding my personal failings and drained emotions. They’ll overlook it. Just make sure to find enough hobbies and books, as well as live a strange life (you sound like you’ve already done the last one) and they are less likely to leave you.

TL/DR: If you could provide me with some pointers on how to write people as friends and how they act, that'd be great.

In answer to your actual question, I write a psychological fantasy that specifically exposes the falsities found in building friendships. I’ve got shit experience in writing a healthy perspective/ignorance is bliss relationships.
But I understand wanting to try, so I would recommend writing it as you saw others in school. Try to replicate their exclamations of joy, shock, etc. Expressions are important to writing the friendship, as smugness, mock-expressions, and sarcasm can either dictate a more unhealthy relationship or a friendly roasting tradition/friendship built on wit and jokes. On the opposing side, you can have a basic frat bro relationship, hyperactive children, children hyperactive all the time because they are desperate, and the mythical perfect relationship between 2 mentally stable people that does exist (but nobody here is going to get it). These are characterized by smiles. Everything is softened with a smile, and none of the negative emotions are truly consuming and always fleeting. The smile, to express the happiness, is always present. I would recommend looking to how people at taverns cavort as drunkards. Friendship flows with ease.

 

[Simple_Russian_Boi]

Harry Potter is mid. Always has been.

If you need another example of a good person making friends, better look at Percy Jackson novels, heard they're good.

If the question is how people make friends, then I can provide little: some say immediately that you are their friend now (a rarity, never really lasts long, unless that person is a social butterfly).

Some just become friends after a long period of communication with each other without even noticing it (that's more human, at least to me).

Other people make friends out of necessity. Something like "We fell into the hands of a serial killer and we had to work together to escape from them. We've been best friends ever since."

If it's a tight group of friends, then they spent a lot of time together, something brought them closer, so be sure that you write something about that something.

I don't really know how normal people make friends. I was lucky in that regard: an introvert found me and adopted me into his group of friends because he thought I was cool.

For me, it has always been a mission to find people who can tolerate me and accept me for who I am. I was just lucky and such a group found me first.

 

[TheMonotonePuppet]

You do realise that this thread will end up as a convention of friendless people whining about their life with the way you wrote it, right?

I feel targeted.

 

[Simple_Russian_Boi]

I feel targeted.

Don't be, for me, you're already a comrade. Now, have a cookie.

 

[TheMonotonePuppet]

Don't be, for me, you're already a comrade. Now, have a cookie.