I hate my parents.
Now, while I'm saying that I hate them, I do love them. Their my family, they raised me, they've cared for me pretty well. It's just that, today...
I hate my parents.
"Andy, get down from there." I'm so done with this already.
"Shhh!" My brother whisper-shouted at me. "Stop trying to give away my secret identity!"
I placed head in my hands. If there's one person in this world that I hate my parents right now it would be my brother.
Why did my parents decide it would ever be a good idea to have me babysit this little monster?
Oh yeah. They didn't think it would be a good idea. They just stopped caring this weekend. A big "I can't take this anymore!" moment happened, and they realized they needed a break from everything. So, they needed a babysitter to take care of my little brother. Someone who is calm, collected, and most important of all? Someone who they don't have to pay, and won't speak of this event to anyone.
Because while my brother is an excitable ball of chaos, his personality isn't the big problem. It's what he also has.
Super powers.
...
Did I mention that I hate my parents? While they gave the idiot that is my brother a handful of super powers, I got a whole lot of nothing. Nada. Zilch.
I hate my brother. And I hate my parents for leaving me with him. Take me with you, damnit!
I'm having a mental breakdown while my brother is planning his great debut as the great "Awesome Man", the most awesomest of them all.
"Andy, if you don't get down from there, we're going to have a lot more problems than just your 'secret identity.'"
"What, are you worried I'm going to fall? I can fly, remember?"
"Yes, I remember. It's how you got on top of the fucking flagpole, isn't it?." Thank whatever deity there is that my brother has super-hearing. He can never use the excuse that he can't hear you. It's been pretty much ingrained in him by our parents that if he tries to ignore them or me with the response "I can't hear you," he's going to find himself in a whole lot of trouble. It's a shame super-hearing is not the same as super-listening.
"Then you should know that I, the great 'Awesome Man,' have nothing to fear from heights. I'm so awesome!" You are so not.
The not-so awesome thing about Andy going off on his adventure isn't that people find out who he is--I couldn't care less about that. The problem is much more simple than that.
Mom and Dad are going to kill me.
How the hell can I even try to escape super powered parents? Super speed makes sure I have nowhere to run. X-ray vision makes sure I have nowhere to hide.
I'm so screwed.
I'm so, so so so screwed.
Unless I can find a way to get my brother out of his hodgepodge of halloween costumes, arts and crafts pieces, and spaghetti strainer, I'm not going to survive this night.
"Well, great 'Awesome Man,' if you don't get your ass down here, I'm going to be telling mom and dad about this."
"What was that?" I heard him call down in a slightly timid voice.
I hate my brother.
"Mom and Dad are going to kill us both if you don't get down here right now. Take off that stupid costume too. Or else I'll..." I need some time to think of a suitable threat.
"MY COSTUME IS NOT STUPID! IT'S AWESOME! IF YOU HAD A COSTUME, MINE WOULD BE BETTER!" The voice of the boy I reluctantly acknowledge as a part of my family tree was loud enough to wake the neighborhood.
"Okay, okay. Have fun. I'm going to eat some cookies and watch 'Superman,' but hey, you have fun." I turn around and start walking away. Half of me hopes this works, and that my parents will leave me alone. The other half wants my brother to leave me alone, so I can spend my last few hours in peace but,
"Cookies?" My brother hovers upside down with his face not one foot away from my own. I hate it when he does that.
"Yes. Cookies. Chocolate chip. The good ones. You know, the ones Mom and Dad made sure you couldn't find with X-ray vision?"
The secret identity of "Awesome Man" was not revealed to the neighborhood that evening. Instead, "Awesome Man" was thwarted by his greatest nemesis of all.
Sugar.
