Synopsis Feedback Thread

[PeacefulMyst]

Forgive me, I'm still pretty rusty on synopsis feedback, so take it with a grain of salt.
@PeacefulMyst :

First part of this sentence makes it sound like there's a catch or something.

Comma after with can be removed. You don't have to capitalize the words when you list them, unless its like a names, places, etc.

No need for a comma after Abraham.

Period within the quotations.

He can even loose control of his body to him? Who's him? Can even sounds bit weird. Like even sounds like something that's added after stating something. Missing a period after Them.
Periods within the quotations.

Yet at the end makes it sound like there will be something. Like despite this, there's a advantage. And yet refers to future time when something hasn't happened just yet. Are they losing right now or losing in the future?

Just a few grammar errors with capitalization and punctuation on certain parts. Some wording choices make it sound like there'll be something more to it, so it sounds slightly bit weird but its ok. Synopsis is not bad, for an isekai story.

Thanks for your help!

 

[Deleted member 57675]

Thanks for your help!

Np.

 

[K5Rakitan]

Synopsis gets to the point. Its short and brief, and reads like any other romance novels' blurb that have come across among Harlequin and Wattpad. Sadly no one stars, I'm not here to read the story. I'm just reading the synopsis.

Thanky!

 

[VyStarlit]

I would be interested in getting feedback on my synopsis.
Here is the link - https://www.scribblehub.com/series/507279/wayfarers-guild/

 

[Deleted member 57675]

I would be interested in getting feedback on my synopsis.
Here is the link - https://www.scribblehub.com/series/507279/wayfarers-guild/

When Nova Davis tries to help a girl in the rain she never expected to be pulled into another world. Suddenly, she finds herself thrown into a fantastical place with monsters, magic, and gods. Oh! And she's got this awesome System with skills. It's too bad that it's malfunctioning.

Wayfarer's Guild is a LitRPG that follows Nova as she struggles with a glitchy system and a class she's not sure how to use. Follow Nova as she starts a guild and explores a world filled with magic and mystery.

Updates Monday, Wednesday, Friday around 7pm EST. Crossposted to Royal Road.

Its straightforward and tells what the story is, but there isn't much of a hook. It's a bit generic, and nothing special that stands out. However, if you are aiming for a target audience that looks for LitRPG stories, then it may or may not pull them in.

 

[ToushiroYA]

I'd like some review too, here's mine.

Reincarnated as a Camera: I Will Build up a Worldly Portfolio

When I recovered my consciousness, I didn't know where I was or why I was there, but I found out right after that that I wasn't human anymore. I hoped that I had, at the very least, become something cool and durable. So, what is this? I can't move myself,...

www.scribblehub.com

 

[VyStarlit]

Its straightforward and tells what the story is, but there isn't much of a hook. It's a bit generic, and nothing special that stands out. However, if you are aiming for a target audience that looks for LitRPG stories, then it may or may not pull them in.

Thank you! I was thinking there wasn't much of a hook. I'll work on making it stronger and more enticing.

 

[Deleted member 57675]

I'd like some review too, here's mine.

Reincarnated as a Camera: I Will Build up a Worldly Portfolio

When I recovered my consciousness, I didn't know where I was or why I was there, but I found out right after that that I wasn't human anymore. I hoped that I had, at the very least, become something cool and durable. So, what is this? I can't move myself,...

www.scribblehub.com

When I recovered my consciousness, there was a lizard walking over me. I didn't know where I was or why I was there, but I found out right after that that I wasn't human anymore.

Combine the first two sentences into a paragraph. Try not to make many 1 sentence paragraphs as much as possible. I have heard of regained consciousness, recovered consciousness has a weird feel to it but it works. You an have two thats occasionally in a sentence such as the second one and it'll be fine. Reading it out aloud may make more sense for this scenario.

Also not sure if lizard walking over you is really necessary to story's main idea and concept. If its not needed, can cut it out and combine the two sentences into one.

I hoped that I had, at the very least, to become something cool and durable.

So, what is this? I can't move myself, I can't speak to others, I can't even blink, and you're telling me that I became a camera with only 10 shots left?

And I can't even take photos by myself!

Just you wait, I will show you what I can do once I grow into the best camera in this fantasy world.

So average protagonist grows strong but in the form of a camera? Well its not the first time heard of a wait-and-I'll-show-you-what-I-will-become, but first time hearing it from a sentient camera's perspective.

Synopsis sounds more comedic than tragic though doesn't seem to be labeled with a comedic tag.

 

[ToushiroYA]

Combine the first two sentences into a paragraph. Try not to make many 1 sentence paragraphs as much as possible. I have heard of regained consciousness, recovered consciousness has a weird feel to it but it works. You an have two thats occasionally in a sentence such as the second one and it'll be fine. Reading it out aloud may make more sense for this scenario.

Also not sure if lizard walking over you is really necessary to story's main idea and concept. If its not needed, can cut it out and combine the two sentences into one.

So average protagonist grows strong but in the form of a camera? Well its not the first time heard of a wait-and-I'll-show-you-what-I-will-become, but first time hearing it from a sentient camera's perspective.

Synopsis sounds more comedic than tragic though doesn't seem to be labeled with a comedic tag.

I'm thankful for your review, I agree that it sounds more comedic than tragic, but I don't think I can purposely write comedy so I didn't go with the tag.

I will make the changes you suggested, and maybe in the future I can turn the synopsis into a more serious one.

 

[Zinless]

Hey, i was wondering if you can review mine.

You said that it was lacking in my other post, so i changed it up a bit and wonder if it's alright now?

Reincarnated Into Two Bodies

After falling to his death, he wakes up with two bodies?! Reincarnated as both a humble commoner boy and a privileged young noble girl, our protagonist enjoys their new chance in life with two different perspectives. Although they only wished for a peaceful life, the world had other plans in...

www.scribblehub.com

 

[Deleted member 57675]

Hey, i was wondering if you can review mine.

You said that it was lacking in my other post, so i changed it up a bit and wonder if it's alright now?

Reincarnated Into Two Bodies

After falling to his death, he wakes up with two bodies?! Reincarnated as both a humble commoner boy and a privileged young noble girl, our protagonist enjoys their new chance in life with two different perspectives. Although they only wished for a peaceful life, the world had other plans in...

www.scribblehub.com

After falling to his death, he wakes up with two bodies?!
Reincarnated as both a commoner boy and a young noble lady, our protagonist enjoys their new life with two different perspectives. Even though our protagonist just wants to live a peaceful life, misunderstandings left by their own actions left a deep mark in the history of the world.
Will they achieve the peaceful life they sought?

Its much better now that there are more details so while its still generic, it doesn't sound as much as a blank slate like before. Sentence 1 and two does sound bit repetitive somehow - i could be wrong on that.

Deep mark in the history of the world? Very vague...
Will they achieve the peaceful life they sought?

Sometimes its okay to give a little bit more detail so it be more interesting or more clearer. Too vague isn't always the best. Just a pinch.

In short better, but could be better.

 

[Zinless]

Its much better now that there are more details so while its still generic, it doesn't sound as much as a blank slate like before. Sentence 1 and two does sound bit repetitive somehow - i could be wrong on that.

Deep mark in the history of the world? Very vague...
Will they achieve the peaceful life they sought?

Sometimes its okay to give a little bit more detail so it be more interesting or more clearer. Too vague isn't always the best. Just a pinch.

In short better, but could be better.

Thank you for the feedback! I'll change a few things to make it better.

Thank you for your time

 

[Deleted member 57675]

Thank you for the feedback! I'll change a few things to make it better.

Thank you for your time

Np.

 

[BluePheasant]

Hello! Here's my story..

Being A Mage Is Boring, So I Created A Class For Myself

'This fucking world…sigh…' Tsuriyama Ryoki had an eye-opening experience, betrayed by the close ones he grew up with. It matured him, realizing how fucked up the reality is. He no longer remained the happy go lucky kid, creating a thick wall around himself. 'If only I could be...

www.scribblehub.com

 

[Deleted member 57675]

This fucking world…sigh…'
Tsuriyama Ryoki had his eyes opened, betrayed by his close ones, the ones he grew up with. He realized how fucked up the reality is, and no longer remained the oblivious kid, creating a thick wall around himself.
'If only I could be isekai'ed like those novels.'
A pipe dream. He knew it was impossible in the real world. They were just some fiction after all.
But then he found out about Chaos, an MMORPG game with virtual reality.
The game truly was a chaos of the gaming world, with literally everything mixed up in a single game. But more importantly, it was a whole new world.
He could finally escape this fake and cruel society, and create genuine bonds that would last a lifetime or maybe even in the afterlife.
However, his new life faced another huge obstacle. He found himself stuck with as a Mage, a class he hated because of its lazy and tedious playstyle. Now unable to change the his class, he barely enjoyed the game.
But everything changed after he obtained a special ability. He then used that ability to create a unique playstyle no one had ever seen before.
Join Ryoki on his journey to find himself and to reach his ultimate goal, a gamer's perfect life.

Join ____ on a journey to _____ is pretty generic.

Your story synopsis, given the generic isekai type/litrpg type story, is not bad. Last paragraph, especially the last two sentences make it sound even more generic though. Leave a hook. You could have just made the sentence, "But everything changed after he obtained a special ability," as your last sentence. Yhe other two remaining sentences sum up what happens in the story, so as a reader, why I wish to read more when I already found out what's going to happen? Leave some vague opening at the end of the synposis helps hooks a reader's curiosity at what happens next.