Synopsis rewritten but it felt off?

[Rinne1412]

I rewritten my synopsis as per advice. I took my time to carefully write it yet it felt as something was missing. Not sure what it could be tho. Any tips?

Here the revamped synopsis:

Have you ever wondered what it would felt like to be abandoned? Left behind, forgotten by the sands of time.

Despair, anger, helplessness. These emotions coursed through my mind as I walked against the path destined by fate. I had none by my side, memories of the distant past were nothing but a dream. Was this power a curse or a blessing? Holding immense power yet unable to even change even the course of future. I stood against them, alone in the broken empty world. When will I finally rest peacefully?

The sense of dread, despair,helplessness overcame my mind as I welcomed death once again.

 

[PrinceDinero]

Have you ever wondered what it would felt like to be abandoned? Left behind, forgotten by the sands of time.

Personally I wouldn't start a hook with a question. It's difficult to explain but the "have you ever" type questions always irks me.

Also the wording seems aggressive and bitter which might turn some people off. Try experimenting with 3rd person perspective and see how it works.

Anyways keep grinding

 

[Jailbreak571]

...
Maybe the first and second paragraph isn't connected?

Also repetition, 4 of them actually,

the power thingy,

Was this power a curse or a blessing? Holding immense power yet unable to even change even the course of future.

course,

These emotions coursed through my mind as I walked against the path destined by fate. I had none by my side, memories of the distant past were nothing but a dream. Was this power a curse or a blessing? Holding immense power yet unable to even change even the course of future.

Even,

Holding immense power yet unable to even change even the course of future. I stood

and the despair etc.

Despair, anger, helplessness. These emotions coursed through my mind as I walked against the path destined by fate. I had none by my side, memories of the distant past were nothing but a dream. Was this power a curse or a blessing? Holding immense power yet unable to even change even the course of future. I stood against them, alone in the broken empty world. When will I finally rest peacefully?

The sense of dread, despair, helplessness overcame my mind as I welcomed death once again.

The last sentence of the second paragraph is weird. Not saying it was wrong but I'm just saying it's weird.

Despair, anger, helplessness. These emotions coursed through my mind as I walked against the path destined by fate. I had none by my side, memories of the distant past were nothing but a dream. Was this power a curse or a blessing? Holding immense power yet unable to even change even the course of future. I stood against them, alone in the broken empty world. When will I finally rest peacefully?

The third paragraph is not necessary and only made it worse in my opinion. (Can ignore this one)

you forget the and and the.

here's the and's

Despair, anger, helplessness.

Should be despair, anger, and helplessness.

dread, despair, helplessness

Same here

Holding immense power yet unable to even change even the course of future.

You forgot the "the" in the course of future.

You could also say these things out loud. Can make it easier to point out the mistakes on your synopsis.




P.S: I'm not good at this, I'm not a professional, And I'm a terrible author, lol.

 

[LORD_SHAXX]

forgotten by the sands of time.

AND it will come like a flood of pain.

 

[K5Rakitan]

Keep tumbling those words over in your mind, and the right ones will click into place.

 

[CupcakeNinja]

I rewritten my synopsis as per advice. I took my time to carefully write it yet it felt as something was missing. Not sure what it could be tho. Any tips?

Here the revamped synopsis:

Have you ever wondered what it would felt like to be abandoned? Left behind, forgotten by the sands of time.

Despair, anger, helplessness. These emotions coursed through my mind as I walked against the path destined by fate. I had none by my side, memories of the distant past were nothing but a dream. Was this power a curse or a blessing? Holding immense power yet unable to even change even the course of future. I stood against them, alone in the broken empty world. When will I finally rest peacefully?

The sense of dread, despair,helplessness overcame my mind as I welcomed death once again.

Spoiler

Have you ever wondered what it would feel like to be abandoned? Left behind, forgotten?

Despair, anger, helplessness. Such emotions were my constant companions as I traveled down the road paved by destiny. I had none by my side, only memories of a distant past that felt like nothing but a dream. Holding such power, yet still being unable to change the course of fate. It all felt so meaningless. Was it really a blessing, or instead a curse?

I stood against them, alone in the broken, empty world. Longing for a peace that may never come.

...They came again, now. The fear, the dread. Clutching onto me as one did an old friend. And so I welcomed death.

someone else already broke it down so i didn't bother, i just rewrote it. Was a pretty vague synopsis, so mainly just touched it up a bit. Dunno if its to your liking or not?

 

[Lire]

I'd also like to offer a touch-up

Spoiler

Have you ever wondered what it would feel like to be Left behind? Abandoned? Forgotten?

Despair. Anger. Helplessness.

Such emotions were my constant companions as I traveled down the road paved by destiny. I had nobody by my side, only memories of a distant past that felt like nothing but a dream.

Holding immense power, yet still being unable to change the course of fate.

It all felt so meaningless. Was it really a blessing? Or was it a curse?

As I stood against them, alone in the broken, empty world. longing for a peace that may never come... THEY return. The fear, the dread. Clutching onto me as one did an old friend.

And so...

I welcomed death.

Overall, I don't really know how to feel about this, man. It's too vague, and it tells me too little.
Don't be afraid to add something spoilery to your synopsis. Not a lot, but a few will do. Just to provide a hook for the reader!

Also, I spaced it out a lot, since isolating certain sentences makes them more... well, noticeable. So it's ideal to do this for certain lines.
It's a personal style choice though. So take it with a grain of salt!

 

[CupcakeNinja]

I'd also like to offer a touch-up

Spoiler

Have you ever wondered what it would feel like to be Left behind? Abandoned? Forgotten?

Despair. Anger. Helplessness.

Such emotions were my constant companions as I traveled down the road paved by destiny. I had nobody by my side, only memories of a distant past that felt like nothing but a dream.

Holding immense power, yet still being unable to change the course of fate.

It all felt so meaningless. Was it really a blessing? Or was it a curse?

As I stood against them, alone in the broken, empty world. longing for a peace that may never come... THEY return. The fear, the dread. Clutching onto me as one did an old friend.

And so...

I welcomed death.

Overall, I don't really know how to feel about this, man. It's too vague, and it tells me too little.
Don't be afraid to add something spoilery to your synopsis. Not a lot, but a few will do. Just to provide a hook for the reader!

Also, I spaced it out a lot, since isolating certain sentences makes them more... well, noticeable. So it's ideal to do this for certain lines.
It's a personal style choice though. So take it with a grain of salt!

its always harder to work with vague synopsis. Theres basically nothing to latch onto, no real point of interest. The concept is there, and the sense of ambiguous tragedy, but yeah...my rule of thumb is to take what will be told within the first five to ten chapters and work that into your synopsis. Even if you haven't written them yet, you would still know the general direction the story is going on.

 

[Lire]

take what will be told within the first five to ten chapters and work that into your synopsis.

THIS.

Preferably pick something cool. Like some sort of event, maybe a fateful encounter. Maybe the death of a loved one. Or the destruction of his village. Maybe a MILF sneaks into his room and pops his cherry... I dunno. Anything.

It'll give the reader something to look out for.

Example:
After a mysterious MILF pops his cherry in the dead of night, Bob's life would never be the same.
Demons, Angels, Fairies, and Cat-eared people! Fantastical creatures surround him at every turn!
But what will happen when they discover his feet fetish!?
(Ignore the 2nd and 3rd lines. For some reason, I just wanted to add it. Couldn't get it out of my head until I did.)

The cherry popping can happen to the 2nd or 3rd chap, after you've done a good enough introduction of the MC, which is our — the reader's — window into your world.

 

[Jailbreak571]

Bob

...
Let us praise bob the Uchiha!

 

[Legi0n]

It tells me a pitful amount of information about the story.
Also, I see misuse of the italian sign.

 

[Lire]

It tells me a pitful amount of information about the story.
Also, I see misuse of the italian sign.

Please teach me de wey!

 

[CupcakeNinja]

THIS.

Preferably pick something cool. Like some sort of event, maybe a fateful encounter. Maybe the death of a loved one. Or the destruction of his village. Maybe a MILF sneaks into his room and pops his cherry... I dunno. Anything.

It'll give the reader something to look out for.

Example:
After a mysterious MILF pops his cherry in the dead of night, Bob's life would never be the same.
Demons, Angels, Fairies, and Cat-eared people! Fantastical creatures surround him at every turn!
But what will happen when they discover his feet fetish!?
(Ignore the 2nd and 3rd lines. For some reason, I just wanted to add it. Couldn't get it out of my head until I did.)

The cherry popping can happen to the 2nd or 3rd chap, after you've done a good enough introduction of the MC, which is our — the reader's — window into your world.

lol its an attention grabber from the first line. We live in the era of clickbait...its a shame not to be masters of it by now, eh?

 

[Rinne1412]

Damn look like writing even a simple synopsis is harder than writing a new chapter for my novel.

 

[Zakuro]

Just follow the secret formula of 5W1H and you're golden.

 

[Silbern]

Seems like a simple question yet it's a very important one to think about carefully if you want your story to stand out.

It's the first impression you make on a potential reader and should ideally make them think, "I just got to know more about this story," or "I need to read it, it's intriguing."

How many times have you heard or read something and immediately thought "Yeah, sounds good." You know? Something that makes you feel compelled to read more.


The purpose of a synopsis is to give the readers the gist of the story. Rewrite your synopsis again and include the following:

1. The setting (i.e. where the story is set, in other words, the characters location).

2. The characters (i.e. your protagonist, the people that will be interacting in your story.)

3. The plot (i.e. the conflict that your protagonist will be going through)


The plot is the structure of the story and how it unfolds. It will include the following:

1. The protagonist's goal (i.e. the purpose that the protagonist needs to accomplish).

2. The catalyst (i.e. the event that sets the protagonist's goal into motion).

3. The obstacles that the protagonist will have to face. (i.e. how the protagonist's goal will become harder as time goes by)


These are the key components that you should include in your synopsis as they make up the backbone of a story. Remember, keep your synopsis short yet concise. You don't need to write an entire book here. Just use these points to make it a good synopsis.

But if you feel you need to add more, feel free to do so. You could expand on the setting, for instance, or write more about your characters' backgrounds, or expand on the conflict. I believe it's important for a synopsis to show your readers the premise, how the plot works, and its conflict.

So don't feel pressured to write so much in your synopsis, don't feel the need to rush or get bored, just write the story that you want to write.

I hope this helped!

 

[Legi0n]

Please teach me de wey!

That sign basically means "the hell are you doing/saing"