Writing Tips for Describing Emotions?

[EternalSunset0]

Hello. First post here, and I'll be asking for some writing tips.

I'm pretty deep into my series already, and I have reached the point where I'm having difficulty expressing emotions and feelings without being repetitive with something I have already written an arc/chapter or two ago.

I know some basic tips like appealing to the senses when describing scenes or environments, but when it comes to how people are feeling, when they're... say, alone in a room, what can you suggest for me to do? The story is written in third person perspective by the way.

Right now, it's very tempting to just say something like "She felt horrible about what happened" but that seemed very "tell-y" and weak as a description. I already used up all sensory descriptions that I know of, and I'd like some tips on how to improve in describing how someone is feeling.

 

[NotaNuffian]

+1 watched, I know jack sh*t about emotion expression.

 

[Lazy_Acorn]

I think you can write describing a physical reaction of the character. Imagine observing someone experiencing this emotion.

Does he grab his stomach or does he hide his face? Does he bury his head between his knees and start crying?

In a narrative, the deepest way to communicate a feeling is by describing the state of the body. (or at least that's what I learned from searching the internet, they always talk about the Show, Don't Tell)

 

[NotaNuffian]

I think you can write describing a physical reaction of the character. Imagine observing someone experiencing this emotion.

Does he grab his stomach or does he hide his face? Does he bury his head between his knees and start crying?

In a narrative, the deepest way to communicate a feeling is by describing the state of the body. (or at least that's what I learned from searching the internet, they always talk about the Show, Don't Tell)

I just wrote:

"James proceeds to clobber on the man, with his strength that can put a dent on the stone wall, one punch is enough, but he keeps punching, and punching, until the poor fool's face caves in."

Is this enough to show rage?

 

[UYScuti]

I just wrote:

"James proceeds to clobber on the man, with his strength that can put a dent on the stone wall, one punch is enough, but he keeps punching, and punching, until the poor fool's face caves in."

Is this enough to show rage?

James locks eyes on the man, and his body twitches from the adrenaline spike. The world around him narrows. His ears pound with every beat of his racing heart. The veins on his neck bulge as his head shakes. James utters a guttural roar through his clenched jaw and explodes towards the man, clobbering him with enough strength to dent a wall. One punch is enough, but he punches over and over until the poor fool’s face caves in.


For OP

Remember a time when you felt the emotion you’re trying to show, or when you’ve seen the emotion in a movie. What did your body do? Internally, did your body behave different? What were your thoughts when you were in that state? What did you want to do?

Humans express emotions in a similar fashion around the world and across cultures. If you describe what happened to you, and perhaps exaggerate it slightly due to circumstances, it should be clear enough what emotion you’re trying to portray.

 

[Lazy_Acorn]

I just wrote:

"James proceeds to clobber on the man, with his strength that can put a dent on the stone wall, one punch is enough, but he keeps punching, and punching, until the poor fool's face caves in."

Is this enough to show rage?

Looking only at this sentence I can only say that James was hitting someone a lot. He may end up being just a psychopath who likes to punch people.
In this case, the context helps the reader to see and feel the same as the character.

 

[Motsu]

There is a limit to describing a lot of different emotions using words, without the right knowledge of different words, especially when you can't put those feelings in your mind on what you wanted to write. In other words, keeping yourself supernumerary while inviting the right words is the right thing to do. Of course, you should also make sure that what you write don't choke the reader as it could ruin the emotions packed inside of it.

For example:
'His minds was enveloped with uncontrollable and unintelligible anger, his soul balms in direct confrontation and his mind deny all rationality. All his arms were heavily clenched, and whereas the dampness of revenge ran down his spine. With nothing to fear anymore, he walks as if he could rule the world.'

In this example, it is packed with the emotions of anger from our main protagonist himself. While it does invite the word that produces the feeling of rage, it disrupts a momentary understanding of the reading. My point is that the readers can't choke a lot of things at the same time, so make sure the reader understands the words of what you will write.

There is also the mirror-testing. Where-in you re-enact the scene in front of the mirror with the exact emotions that you want to write because it could re-enforce a better understanding of what it felt and how it looked so you can write it with a better perspective. But as I've said, without the knowledge of the different types of words, you may lack the right example to back up what you want to describe. (I've actually read all the Merriam Webster's for 3 months, and still can't remember a single thing I've read, so that wouldn't work either way.) I mean, you can't just write something nonsensically without ever experiencing it, right? Well, some do, but those are what we call 'professionals,' and they know how to pay taxes and responsibly do business.

Nonetheless, it is easy to give up when you can't think of anything and instead, just write the basic description of what the protagonist is feeling. Isn't it like Math? But the difference is that you aren't using your brain. You are using your head. Real Talk: But whether if I actually create a good example to describe what someone is feeling, the truth is that nobody cares about my story... which is sad. Ahem. Anyway, while I do love to write more of what I want to say about this discussion and tips&tricks... there are other articles, books, and videos that could improve your understanding.

 

[Kldran]

I rely almost entirely upon internal monologues and conversation... for everything. I think it can work pretty well for emotions though. Perhaps a character, when alone might lament: "God I wish I could've done something, anything to help. Having to just watch was... horrible."

 

[Dpresspotato]

Sometimes telling also works alongside with showing to make it shorter.

I've read Trash of count's family, and the beginning chapters are filled with 'telling'. But I found it very enjoyable to read, I pretty got hooked instantly. Which made me wonder about show not tell, tell not show, and show and tell.

So I came up with this(tho I don't know if it works):

"His teeth clattered from (anger)." Show+(tell)

"He burried his head between his knees with his muffled wail leaking out from (despair)."
Show+(tell)

Dunno, but looks simplified to me.

 

[NotaNuffian]

Looking only at this sentence I can only say that James was hitting someone a lot. He may end up being just a psychopath who likes to punch people.
In this case, the context helps the reader to see and feel the same as the character.

To be honest, I am making James going down that path, especially when he turns from a quiet village boy whose entire life purpose is to farm and get bullied by the local bully to one who suddenly possess the ability to snap people's bones in half with a simple squeeze. I am trying to write the inner turmoil of a person who is initially inferior, then got scared of his power, then drunk and got taught a lesson that was intentional misguided (the initial idea is that there is always a bigger bully, the takeaway for the guy who knocked James down after he got wee bit excited in beating up his past bully to near death is that to be a better man, what James got is to be the strongest bully by power up) and ended up committing atrocities he later regret.

 

[ChubbyLiv]

Sometimes telling also works alongside with showing to make it shorter.

I've read Trash of count's family, and the beginning chapters are filled with 'telling'. But I found it very enjoyable to read, I pretty got hooked instantly. Which made me wonder about show not tell, tell not show, and show and tell.

So I came up with this(tho I don't know if it works):

"His teeth clattered from (anger)." Show+(tell)

"He burried his head between his knees with his muffled wail leaking out from (despair)."
Show+(tell)

Dunno, but looks simplified to me.

I also prefer this one the most. (Show+tell)

 

[ForestDweller]

I also prefer this one the most. (Show+tell)

Yeah, I like this one as well.

 

[Nahrenne]

Hello. First post here, and I'll be asking for some writing tips.

I'm pretty deep into my series already, and I have reached the point where I'm having difficulty expressing emotions and feelings without being repetitive with something I have already written an arc/chapter or two ago.

I know some basic tips like appealing to the senses when describing scenes or environments, but when it comes to how people are feeling, when they're... say, alone in a room, what can you suggest for me to do? The story is written in third person perspective by the way.

Right now, it's very tempting to just say something like "She felt horrible about what happened" but that seemed very "tell-y" and weak as a description. I already used up all sensory descriptions that I know of, and I'd like some tips on how to improve in describing how someone is feeling.

Not really good at giving tips since everyone has a different style to their writing.
>w<

Here's how I would write about a character feeling alone, though:

'As she stood still in the room, a fiend of loneliness clawed its way through her mind. With every etch - every stab - her mind grew more feeble as the situation slowly dawned on her that she was truly alone.'

Meh, it probably looks crap. Anyway, I hope you manage to gain more insight from someone else's post!
I wish you all the best with your story!

*huggles*

X

 

[Freesia.Cutepearl]

I'm a bit curious too. I'm still pretty new to writing and I definitely feel like my character writing and emotions might be a weaker point for me? idk.

Also doesn't help I'm writing in multiple POV, from the first person for the main character and a couple of side chars, to 3rd person for some interactions.

Here is a recent except in 1st person from Lilith's narration. Edit: Anxiety is meant to permeate the scene

Spoiler: Story Excerpt: Anxious Lilith before breaking into the 'Party'

As I open my eyes I take another deep breath, exhaling slowly, I look down at my arms, holding them outward in front of me, and verify that I can turn them into the tentacle arms with sword blades. As they quickly shift form and two blades sit before my eyes, I can’t help but cackle softly at the ridiculous creation I have become.

Shifting my arms back to normal, I calmly walk up to the door, continuing to take my slow deep breaths. Trying to reassure myself, I open my status briefly and stare at the words ‘Vampiric Succubus,’ before looking over my abilities once more, I haven’t investigated them all yet, but seeing all this cool sounding stuff feels reassuring. “You got this Lilith,” I whisper to myself as I exhale another deep breath slowly. I pretend not to notice that my age is now 5 days, 2 hours, and 44 minutes, not wanting to accept how much time I’ve likely wasted before reaching this point.

I step in front of the locking mechanism with the 11 switches that can be turned on and off to unlock the door. I try to squash a moment of panic as I wonder if I remember the combination correctly. With another deep breath, I try to recall the code I recited in my mind previously, with a whisper I begin, “6th, 7th, 9th, Eleve— fuck. What was it?”

I tap my foot as I try to remember, I can recall it seemed to rhyme a bit so it should be rather easy, but I already forgot, gah! Curse my shitty memory! How do spies do that whole, here are your instructions, oh, good luck, they’re self destructing, bye! I’m out! *YEET My imagination shows me a cartoon of an anthropomorphized tape recorder lighting itself on fire and jumping out of a window while yelling.

My deep breaths pick up in pace as I fight off the panic, “Ok, Ok, O! K! Lilith,” I say to myself in a loud whisper, “it’s fine, everything is fine, you got this, you CAN remember, one, two, three, go! Uh… erm… ah! 1st, 3rd, Fifth— no, 6th, 7th, 9th, 11th…? Let’s hope, 1st, 3rd, Fi— 6th! 7th, 9th, 11th!” I finish confidently.

With another deep breath, I reach out to the mechanism, and begin pulling the small levers for the switches, I grab the first, and begin to pull it to the right, I can hear some movement in the mechanism and a click. I grab and pull the third to the right, with the same noises as the first.

Next, I put my hand on the fifth… and curse myself, “Stupid!” before moving to the sixth lever, pulling it to the right, I follow up with the seventh, the ninth, each with the same noises as the first. Finally, I reach out slowly and put my hand on the eleventh lever, with another deep breath, I pull it to the right.

Here's a recent except with some emotional stuff in written in 3rd person during one scene.

Spoiler: Story Excerpt: Lilith's Second Meeting with Izanami

Lilith could feel her heart beginning to race as she offered up her next question, “What are you expecting of me here?”

Izanami’s expression became warmer as she spoke sweetly, “My Dear, you need not concern yourself for now.”

Lilith’s anxiety rose to match her quickened heartbeat, as she began to speak “But I am concerned, I know nothing about anything, I can’t speak to anyone to learn, the RPG system won’t give me spells, where do I even get this ‘training’ I need? Worse yet, people tried to kill me, some maniac wants to experiment on me. I have no idea how to use most of my abilities, there’s barely a paragraph for most of them and some are just garbled text. I feel completely unprepared for anything!” She was breathing very heavily now, after her rant she was clearly agitated.

Looking at Lilith with a smile across her face, Izanami took another puff of her pipe and simply responded, “I see.”

Lilith felt angry, she understood that she was meant to be used, she was going to be Izanami’s tool, she didn’t really care, it was better than being in that hell of reliving her murder, but the anger, and frustration of it all, her past life, the murder, this world, feeling like a clueless toy, it erupted from her before she realized it, she found herself standing over the table, her claws ripped into the table as she slashed at the tray of fancy snacks, scattering them into the void.

“Mmhmhmhm, the passionate rage within your heart is exceptional, my dear,” Izanami chuckled as Lilith continued to stand there maintaining her angry posture while breathing heavily.

She stood there a moment, facing an unfazed Izanami who simply took another puff from her pipe. Further frustrated by Izanami’s continued nonchalant attitude, Lilith growls, “Use me how you like but be honest with me!”

Idk, maybe I did something good that can help, or maybe I'm an example of what not to do.. hah.. either way, you can learn from my stupidness I hope. And maybe I can pick up a thing or two here.

On the show vs tell thing, I've been trying to do more showing, I'm sure my first chapters were much heavier on the "tell"
Edit: Also sure I still suck at it weeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee

 

[placeintime]

When I try to describe emotions without being repetitive in the chapter, I tend to use a simile or something relatable to how everybody would feel if they were in that situation. An example of this would be like the phrase, " I feel like I just step on sh*t" it gives the reader something that's relatable and allows them to understand the emotions the character is feeling.

 

[Queenfisher]

Hmmm...

In my writing groups, there was a rule of "The stronger the emotion, the fewer words to describe it" -- but tbh I don't fully know where this advice comes from.

I think they mean that the truly strong emotions are simple and hit you like a train, full-speed. So to simulate the impact through writing to immerse the reader, they advise to keep it short, clear, and to the point. (Immense grief, rage, and shock are the best examples of what they usually talked about).

While the subtler emotions can go longer, with more in-depth descriptions to show off facets and a greater reliance on IM. (Literally every other emotion combo would fit this mode better and you won't be too repetitive because subtle emotions consist of combinations of several simpler ones).

Also beware of relying too much on physical descriptors of the body. They start feeling meaningless after a while and many readers skip them . A lot of physical descriptions associated with certain feelings are vague and can apply to any combination of emotions: like,

Spoiler: Examples

"clench fist" -- decisiveness, anger, futility, frustration, shame, grief, joy
"bite lip" -- seduction, doubt, frustration, anger, worry, anxiety, playfulness
"quickened breath/pulse" -- arousal, anger, panic, fear, horror, excitement, anguish, hesitation, etc

They always need the Tell to give them meaning and thus I usually only use them to punctuate the Tell+IM sections to break up the pace and improve the cadence. But NEVER on their own.

And I agree with @Kldran: Inner Monologue to the rescue to avoid repetitions and to immerse the reader better!

Well-placed deep thoughts of a character can sometimes gut me so raw they sound.

Also -- "gut" ^^. A good word for describing emotions in a concise and impactful way! Verbs like "gutted", "speared", "stabbed", "tore through", raked", "ached", "surged" get the point across quickly but also pack a punch because they are such strong words. People rarely use them unless they mean them.

 

[Assurbanipal_II]

Hmmm...

In my writing groups, there was a rule of "The stronger the emotion, the fewer words to describe it" -- but tbh I don't fully know where this advice comes from.

I think they mean that the truly strong emotions are simple and hit you like a train, full-speed. So to simulate the impact through writing to immerse the reader, they advise to keep it short, clear, and to the point. (Immense grief, rage, and shock are the best examples of what they usually talked about).

While the subtler emotions can go longer, with more in-depth descriptions to show off facets and a greater reliance on IM. (Literally every other emotion combo would fit this mode better and you won't be too repetitive because subtle emotions consist of combinations of several simpler ones).

Also beware of relying too much on physical descriptors of the body. They start feeling meaningless after a while and many readers skip them . A lot of physical descriptions associated with certain feelings are vague and can apply to any combination of emotions: like,

Spoiler: Examples

"clench fist" -- decisiveness, anger, futility, frustration, shame, grief, joy
"bite lip" -- seduction, doubt, frustration, anger, worry, anxiety, playfulness
"quickened breath/pulse" -- arousal, anger, panic, fear, horror, excitement, anguish, hesitation, etc

They always need the Tell to give them meaning and thus I usually only use them to punctuate the Tell+IM sections to break up the pace and improve the cadence. But NEVER on their own.

And I agree with @Kldran: Inner Monologue to the rescue to avoid repetitions and to immerse the reader better!

Well-placed deep thoughts of a character can sometimes gut me so raw they sound.

Also -- "gut" ^^. A good word for describing emotions in a concise and impactful way! Verbs like "gutted", "speared", "stabbed", "tore through", raked", "ached", "surged" get the point across quickly but also pack a punch because they are such strong words. People rarely use them unless they mean them.

Gut work.

 

[Queenfisher]

Gut work.

I knew you'd react to that!

I also couldn't help but pronounce it as "guuuut" when I edited the post but how else would I write that? ^^

 

[Assurbanipal_II]

I knew you'd react to that!

I also couldn't help but pronounce it as "guuuut" when I edited the post but how else would I write that? ^^

I knew it. I knew you knew I would know that you know.

 

[Freesia.Cutepearl]

I knew it. I knew you knew I would know that you know.

But did you know that she knew that you knew that she would know that you knew she would know that you would know when you knew that she had know you would have know and also knew that she would figure that you knew and she knew when you knew she would know that you know that she knew that you deduced that you know and so knew she would deduce that you would know she would know that you knew that you both know and now I don't know.

But if you knew that she knew that you knew that she would know and figured you would know she knew you would know but then you knew and what if you didn't know and she didn't know and who knows anything anymore