What's the biggest lie you were told?

[Florestes]

Anything is fine, be it small or big, personal or just a general fact.

Even something as insignificant as the damn label saying that its chocolate chip cookies, but it's NOT! God damn raisins! Public whipping is an appropriate punishment for such a mistake!

 

[Minx]

"you're the best author!"

 

[SailusGebel]

That my opinion matters.

 

[TotallyHuman]

We get lied every day by world, God, the government, news, corporations, acquaintances, friends, family, ourselves. As a certain evil scientist once said: "lies are the glue that holds society together".
Money is a lie, words are a lie, your identities are lies, passage of time and the existence of the world are lies and so are most of the things we treasure or take for granted.
At some point, you realise that human existence and human experience are things we willingly get tricked by, deceived by. Nothing truly can be called real and everything is based on a subjective narrative the voice(s) inside your head tell you.

 

[bananapink]

Children does not know how to lie when in fact they can easily make up stories to get attention, escape situations or put the blame on anyone else but themselves :)

 

[NobleTalon]

Voting matters

*cough cough*

 

[Wohendum]

That I needed to go to a university to succeed in life. It's a lie that is encouraged by the universities themselves, and people buy it hook, line, and sinker, unfortunately. I went. Wasted MY MONEY doing so, while coming into contact with some of the most elitist pricks I've ever known. Activists...ugh. I wish the Pacific Ocean would hurry up and claim California already. The whole state serves no practical purpose beyond serving as an example to the rest of the country on what NOT TO DO. Glad I moved from that festering cesspool. But anyway, 3 years after graduating, I still hadn't found a job for my major. So I went to a Trade School, (these actually guarantee work transitions) and 10 months later I was apprenticed, and 6 months after that I had a full-time job that pays more (from cursory online research at least) than what I would have made on average had I went with employment under my major.

 

[Redemit]

My entire life till I was 26 I was under the impression that margarine was butter because my mother called it butter then one day I was asked to go get butter from the store I went and bought the brand I was familiar with took it home only to be told we couldn't use margarine in the recipe I was confused as I thought they were the same thing it turns out MY MOTHER was lying to me MY ENTIRE LIFE and now whenever she asks me to get butter I specify "butter or MARGARINE?" and she just laughs at me and asks when will I let it go I tell her "in 26 years"

Voting matters

*cough cough*

You should count the votes that's what really matters or at least program the machines that do

That my opinion matters.

That's like just your opinion bro

 

[Agentt]

Santa Clause doesn't exist, that's a lie my parents told me so that I don't get sad that I am on naughty list every year

 

[Redemit]

Santa Clause doesn't exist, that's a lie my parents told me so that I don't get sad that I am on naughty list every year

Technically he was a real person In history soooo it's not entirely a lie

 

[CheertheDead]

"I love you"

 

[Wohendum]

Santa Clause doesn't exist, that's a lie my parents told me so that I don't get sad that I am on naughty list every year

I have a really interesting story about Santa Claus. When I was 14, I was staying home alone on Christmas Eve. My family lived basically on our own and away from any family members. We moved where we were because both my parents despised my grandma on my dad's side, (long history of conflict there.) Anyway, there is no way relatives made a surprise visit around 4 A.M. in the morning, and my parents were several states away for a family emergency. I hadn't wanted to go and preferred to be home alone. All of this information is me explaining and proving that there is no one that I know, who could have been in my house at the time.

I got up to use the bathroom around 4 A.M., and was more or less half asleep, I know this because I went into the wrong bathroom the first time, (my usual one was being repaired due to leakage so I had to use my parent's bathroom on the other side of the house.). As I was returning to my room, I saw some dude bent over in front of the Christmas tree holding a small sack, I guess a rucksack, it was brown is all I know, and in my sleep-addled mind, I assumed it was my dad. The guy was wearing red, and he had my dad's general thin frame so I didn't question it. I went back to bed.

I woke up in the morning at around 10 A.M., and promptly freaked the fuck out when the memory returned. My parents were nowhere near home, not even in the same state. Went to my Christmas tree, and found 2 wrapped gifts, though they were unmarked so I have no idea who they were for or who they were from. I remember the guy was wearing a long dark red coat too. But not obese like Santa is supposed to be.

So, I got visited by the Skinny Santa when I was 14. My parents lost their shit when I told them. To this day, no clue who that was. I got to keep the gifts though.

 

[SailusGebel]

That's like just your opinion bro

What?

 

[Redemit]

What?

If I need to explain the Joke is it still funny
It's only your opinion that your opinion doesn't matter
so if others think that your opinion matters it proves that your opinion doesn't matter to others even if they say it does

 

[Agentt]

I have a really interesting story about Santa Claus. When I was 14, I was staying home alone on Christmas Eve. My family lived basically on our own and away from any family members. We moved where we were because both my parents despised my grandma on my dad's side, (long history of conflict there.) Anyway, there is no way relatives made a surprise visit around 4 A.M. in the morning, and my parents were several states away for a family emergency. I hadn't wanted to go and preferred to be home alone. All of this information is me explaining and proving that there is no one that I know, who could have been in my house at the time.

I got up to use the bathroom around 4 A.M., and was more or less half asleep, I know this because I went into the wrong bathroom the first time, (my usual one was being repaired due to leakage so I had to use my parent's bathroom on the other side of the house.). As I was returning to my room, I saw some dude bent over in front of the Christmas tree holding a small sack, I guess a rucksack, it was brown is all I know, and in my sleep-addled mind, I assumed it was my dad. The guy was wearing red, and he had my dad's general thin frame so I didn't question it. I went back to bed.

I woke up in the morning at around 10 A.M., and promptly freaked the fuck out when the memory returned. My parents were nowhere near home, not even in the same state. Went to my Christmas tree, and found 2 wrapped gifts, though they were unmarked so I have no idea who they were for or who they were from. I remember the guy was wearing a long dark red coat too. But not obese like Santa is supposed to be.

So, I got visited by the Skinny Santa when I was 14. My parents lost their shit when I told them. To this day, no clue who that was. I got to keep the gifts though.

Sounds like someone else accidentally entered your home thinking it was his

 

[SailusGebel]

If I need to explain the Joke is it still funny
It's only your opinion that your opinion doesn't matter
so if others think that your opinion matters it proves that your opinion doesn't matter to others even if they say it does

 

[Wohendum]

If I need to explain the Joke is it still funny
It's only your opinion that your opinion doesn't matter
so if others think that your opinion matters it proves that your opinion doesn't matter to others even if they say it does

Now do the thing with the picker who picked a pack of pickled peppers!! Do the thing!! Do it!!

 

[Redemit]

Now do the thing with the picker who picked a pack of pickled peppers!! Do the thing!! Do it!!

Peter Piper picked a pack of pickled peppers,
A pack of pickled peppers Peter Piper picked;
If Peter Piper picked a pack of pickled peppers,
Where’s the pack of pickled peppers Peter Piper picked?

I have a really interesting story about Santa Claus. When I was 14, I was staying home alone on Christmas Eve. My family lived basically on our own and away from any family members. We moved where we were because both my parents despised my grandma on my dad's side, (long history of conflict there.) Anyway, there is no way relatives made a surprise visit around 4 A.M. in the morning, and my parents were several states away for a family emergency. I hadn't wanted to go and preferred to be home alone. All of this information is me explaining and proving that there is no one that I know, who could have been in my house at the time.

I got up to use the bathroom around 4 A.M., and was more or less half asleep, I know this because I went into the wrong bathroom the first time, (my usual one was being repaired due to leakage so I had to use my parent's bathroom on the other side of the house.). As I was returning to my room, I saw some dude bent over in front of the Christmas tree holding a small sack, I guess a rucksack, it was brown is all I know, and in my sleep-addled mind, I assumed it was my dad. The guy was wearing red, and he had my dad's general thin frame so I didn't question it. I went back to bed.

I woke up in the morning at around 10 A.M., and promptly freaked the fuck out when the memory returned. My parents were nowhere near home, not even in the same state. Went to my Christmas tree, and found 2 wrapped gifts, though they were unmarked so I have no idea who they were for or who they were from. I remember the guy was wearing a long dark red coat too. But not obese like Santa is supposed to be.

So, I got visited by the Skinny Santa when I was 14. My parents lost their shit when I told them. To this day, no clue who that was. I got to keep the gifts though.

My oldest brother actually dresses up as Santa every year to deliver presents to his nieces and nephews after they go to bed their parents wake them up at midnight to have them "secretly spy" on Santa

Iz ok happens to all of us

 

[Draconite]

"Everything is going to be ok"

 

[Florestes]

My entire life till I was 26 I was under the impression that margarine was butter because my mother called it butter then one day I was asked to go get butter from the store I went and bought the brand I was familiar with took it home only to be told we couldn't use margarine in the recipe I was confused as I thought they were the same thing it turns out MY MOTHER was lying to me MY ENTIRE LIFE and now whenever she asks me to get butter I specify "butter or MARGARINE?" and she just laughs at me and asks when will I let it go I tell her "in 26 years"

You should count the votes that's what really matters or at least program the machines that do

That's like just your opinion bro

Hold up!
One question. Why would she lie about it? Maybe it wasn't a lie from her perspective? Was it just a personal quirk that she always used margarine and never liked butter?
I'm just curious.