Who loves gender bender story anyway

[MasFaqih]

if you like gender bender stories, maybe you want to take a look at my novel, this is my first novel though. And i've been in need of feedback lately, because my reader just doesnt give me a feedback.
https://www.scribblehub.com/series/1056447/i-want-a-harem-but-not-this-kind/

 

[Cipiteca396]

1. Capitalize the first word in a sentence.
2. Place a period at the end of each sentence. You may substitute a period for an exclamation point or question mark at appropriate times.
3. Avoid capitalizing words that aren't proper nouns or names if they aren't the first word of a sentence.
4. Decide if you are writing in present or past tense, and between first or third person.
5. Make sure to properly pluralize words if more than one subject is being mentioned.
6. Is the character interested in men, women, or both? It's hard to tell based on the tags.

This concludes my review of your synopsis. Cultivation really isn't my thing though, so I'll refrain.

 

[GoodPerson]

if you like gender bender stories, maybe you want to take a look at my novel, this is my first novel though. And i've been in need of feedback lately, because my reader just doesnt give me a feedback.
https://www.scribblehub.com/series/1056447/i-want-a-harem-but-not-this-kind/

Here's a mental guide for you:

Don't expect comments in your chaps when you first publish your story. There ain't many novels people can quickly get invested in.

Just put your novel on the "Feedback" thread, some fellow writers will take notice and maybe criticize your novel, like what Cipi does.

if you like gender bender stories, maybe you want to take a look at my novel, this is my first novel though. And i've been in need of feedback lately, because my reader just doesnt give me a feedback.
https://www.scribblehub.com/series/1056447/i-want-a-harem-but-not-this-kind/

Oh yeah, it's better to publish some more chapters like 10 chaps before you ask for reviews. You can plan your story much further that way once you received several good feedbacks.

 

[melchi]

I'd suggest running it through a grammar checker.

 

[GoodPerson]

Ooh. nice cover.

Also, f*ckface, what'chu mean by your readers are unresponsive? They gave you plenty of votes. And what're they voting for? Wanting you to improve, dummy.

Does that count as unresponsive?

Yes, I am reading through all the chapters as I type.
Another question:

Did you write this while people are having meet-ups? You wrote these while in the middle of those visits, didn't you?
I'm gonna put my rants of your story here.

These are the rants:

-The word "Maid" already suffices the word "Servant". So, why?
-Somehow, I get the feeling that you're trying to tell the readers that "An American has reincarnated into an Eastern girl's body." Like damn, the MC swears a lot. Are you trying to get him to swear a lot? My guy, Indo-to-English swearing translation is not as easy as google-translating it.
Try other swearing words, or well, harassing words. Such as:

-Dip$hit
-Dumba$$
-Dickhead
-ShittyA$$
-Bitc- Oh wait, that sentence should not be completed.
-Bastard

These are general swear words. Most of the time, you don't need swear words to roast someone. You could harass people with just their appearances.

For instance:

-(To @BernKatstel) You sneaky little bastard.
-(To @Prince_Azmiran_Myrian) Screw you, piss-colored dragon!
-(To @Rhaps) Go see your facial doctor, faceless fairy.
-(To @Anon2024) Oh look, you're now the sanest dead body in the school! (This is a reference.)

You see the patterns? Good. If you don't, I'll get your mother to snuck all dat info down your brain.
Also, for those that were mentioned. Sorry, not sorry. I was giving someone a few examples.

 

[Jet]

I love gb but this looks horrible. Couldn't you come up with a proper title at least?..

 

[MasFaqih]

Ooh. nice cover.

Also, f*ckface, what'chu mean by your readers are unresponsive? They gave you plenty of votes. And what're they voting for? Wanting you to improve, dummy.

Does that count as unresponsive?

Yes, I am reading through all the chapters as I type.
Another question:

Did you write this while people are having meet-ups? You wrote these while in the middle of those visits, didn't you?
I'm gonna put my rants of your story here.

These are the rants:

-The word "Maid" already suffices the word "Servant". So, why?
-Somehow, I get the feeling that you're trying to tell the readers that "An American has reincarnated into an Eastern girl's body." Like damn, the MC swears a lot. Are you trying to get him to swear a lot? My guy, Indo-to-English swearing translation is not as easy as google-translating it.
Try other swearing words, or well, harassing words. Such as:

-Dip$hit
-Dumba$$
-Dickhead
-ShittyA$$
-Bitc- Oh wait, that sentence should not be completed.
-Bastard

These are general swear words. Most of the time, you don't need swear words to roast someone. You could harass people with just their appearances.

For instance:

-(To @BernKatstel) You sneaky little bastard.
-(To @Prince_Azmiran_Myrian) Screw you, piss-colored dragon!
-(To @Rhaps) Go see your facial doctor, faceless fairy.
-(To @Anon2024) Oh look, you're now the sanest dead body in the school! (This is a reference.)

You see the patterns? Good. If you don't, I'll get your mother to snuck all dat info down your brain.
Also, for those that were mentioned. Sorry, not sorry. I was giving someone a few examples.

Thank you really, My imagination of swearing word are so little,This is the feedback I Really Need,maybe my reader is responsive, but i want to improve more

I love gb but this looks horrible. Couldn't you come up with a proper title at least?..

I thought the title was Good, I Mean its the whole point Of The Story, Thank you thought, What Do You Sugest?.

Ooh. nice cover.

Also, f*ckface, what'chu mean by your readers are unresponsive? They gave you plenty of votes. And what're they voting for? Wanting you to improve, dummy.

Does that count as unresponsive?

Yes, I am reading through all the chapters as I type.
Another question:

Did you write this while people are having meet-ups? You wrote these while in the middle of those visits, didn't you?
I'm gonna put my rants of your story here.

These are the rants:

-The word "Maid" already suffices the word "Servant". So, why?
-Somehow, I get the feeling that you're trying to tell the readers that "An American has reincarnated into an Eastern girl's body." Like damn, the MC swears a lot. Are you trying to get him to swear a lot? My guy, Indo-to-English swearing translation is not as easy as google-translating it.
Try other swearing words, or well, harassing words. Such as:

-Dip$hit
-Dumba$$
-Dickhead
-ShittyA$$
-Bitc- Oh wait, that sentence should not be completed.
-Bastard

These are general swear words. Most of the time, you don't need swear words to roast someone. You could harass people with just their appearances.

For instance:

-(To @BernKatstel) You sneaky little bastard.
-(To @Prince_Azmiran_Myrian) Screw you, piss-colored dragon!
-(To @Rhaps) Go see your facial doctor, faceless fairy.
-(To @Anon2024) Oh look, you're now the sanest dead body in the school! (This is a reference.)

You see the patterns? Good. If you don't, I'll get your mother to snuck all dat info down your brain.
Also, for those that were mentioned. Sorry, not sorry. I was giving someone a few examples.

Actually I want It To be japanese People,but really when i write it for the first time,I think adding Swearing Word is good,but maybe its not that good huh.

 

[GoodPerson]

Thank you really, My imagination of swearing word are so little,This is the feedback I Really Need,maybe my reader is responsive, but i want to improve more

I thought the title was Good, I Mean its the whole point Of The Story, Thank you thought, What Do You Sugest?.

Actually I want It To be japanese People,but really when i write it for the first time,I think adding Swearing Word is good,but maybe its not that good huh.

Think of it like this.

If you're making a character who has a background of nice parents and the character always does good deeds, then, logically, he rarely swears, right?

 

[MasFaqih]

Think of it like this.

If you're making a character who has a background of nice parents and the character always does good deeds, then, logically, he rarely swears, right?

Yeah,i think it make sense, but his situation maybe Lead him To curse in the first place, I want to change it, I Mean in the following chapter he rarely Swear too, Any advice on what to change it?, I want My Mc to be pure at the beginning but still has personality.

 

[GoodPerson]

Yeah,i think it make sense, but his situation maybe Lead him To curse in the first place, I want to change it, I Mean in the following chapter he rarely Swear too, Any advice on what to change it?, I want My Mc to be pure at the beginning but still has personality.

Try make it like my OC in "Detention for a year".

He's religious, and swears, yes. But he always cuts out his swearing midway. For example:

"On the first night, you may find lots of lockers in the outpost. Then, the RNG says "Crap you" and gives you Scav War on the second night.



Pretty cool, right? I mean crippling death.



So, I got this stuff, and it looks like the storm will arrive in 10 Minutes. What a nice thing to have.

You better understand why I'm glad I have 10 Minutes before freezing to death because if you don't, ooohh boy. You'll never understand the pain of forgetting to loot the Immobilizing Splint."
Hold up, that's the wrong one. Let me pull out another one.


"So I went to the locker room, searching for my bag. But then, as I opened one of it, the bag is filled with sand.

"MOTHERFU-"

Okay... Chill... And also let's fill in a slug into the Mossberg."

 

[MasFaqih]

Try make it like my OC in "Detention for a year".

He's religious, and swears, yes. But he always cuts out his swearing midway. For example:

"On the first night, you may find lots of lockers in the outpost. Then, the RNG says "Crap you" and gives you Scav War on the second night.



Pretty cool, right? I mean crippling death.



So, I got this stuff, and it looks like the storm will arrive in 10 Minutes. What a nice thing to have.

You better understand why I'm glad I have 10 Minutes before freezing to death because if you don't, ooohh boy. You'll never understand the pain of forgetting to loot the Immobilizing Splint."
Hold up, that's the wrong one. Let me pull out another one.


"So I went to the locker room, searching for my bag. But then, as I opened one of it, the bag is filled with sand.

"MOTHERFU-"

Okay... Chill... And also let's fill in a slug into the Mossberg."

I think its a good skit, I will try that, Maybe U can Read it Again To See if Iam Doing Great At it or not.Thank You for your advice i really appreciate it

 

[GoodPerson]

Basically, if you want a polite MC who rarely swears, you can use the swears as a patience limit. So, when the MC swears once, that's when everyone knows he's done being patience.

Also, you can use the midway cutout swears to make the MC carries out personality or make him a polite but sinister MC.

I think its a good skit, I will try that, Maybe U can Read it Again To See if Iam Doing Great At it or not.Thank You for your advice i really appreciate it

No prob, my guy.

 

[MasFaqih]

1. Capitalize the first word in a sentence.
2. Place a period at the end of each sentence. You may substitute a period for an exclamation point or question mark at appropriate times.
3. Avoid capitalizing words that aren't proper nouns or names if they aren't the first word of a sentence.
4. Decide if you are writing in present or past tense, and between first or third person.
5. Make sure to properly pluralize words if more than one subject is being mentioned.
6. Is the character interested in men, women, or both? It's hard to tell based on the tags.

This concludes my review of your synopsis. Cultivation really isn't my thing though, so I'll refrain.

Thank you, I will make sure to fix my synopsis first

 

[JustKidding]

it is good.

 

[Anon2024]

-_-