LilTV1155
Well-known member
- Joined
- May 8, 2021
- Messages
- 905
- Points
- 133
Does not have Grammarly or whatever else. But want to ask peer their opinions about these.
Heavy criticism is ok. But please leave behind some suggestions of wording corrections or etc.
I want to eliminate repetitiions without affecting the story flow as much as possible.
.
*Note: Paragraphs below are for introduction scene.
.
.
.
.
A white lumpy rod shaped object flew out of the flaming light.
It has green phantom lines, red break lines, and a short yellow bar that appeared in the center of the spacecraft's body as the eye.
Then, the world was plunged into darkness when the last spark of brightness was extinguished.
The object fell to the bottom of the ocean with its red, green, and yellow glow.
Twelve metal wings emerged and unfolded from the object's four lumpy nozzles. It looked like a bizarre starfish or squid with twelve arms and yellow eye. Six wings were smaller than the others and connected to the larger ones via a membrane webbing.
On each small wing, there were six turbine propellers and two steering rudders.
Fftz.
The black sands shifted slightly as the object hovered over it. The object's yellow eye glowed like a guiding flashlight that illuminated the dark sea floor.
Two giant monoliths with glyphs that glowed like lava, stood in the far distance.
The object flapped its large wings and propelled itself toward the stone guardians of the deep.
A circle of strange runes laid between the monoliths.
The markings lit up as cyan liquid flowed through the canals toward the center from three triangular corners.
Tunk.
The circle was filled and sank deeper into a darker abyss. The starfish-like object dove after it.
Heavy criticism is ok. But please leave behind some suggestions of wording corrections or etc.
I want to eliminate repetitiions without affecting the story flow as much as possible.
.
*Note: Paragraphs below are for introduction scene.
.
.
.
.
A white lumpy rod shaped object flew out of the flaming light.
It has green phantom lines, red break lines, and a short yellow bar that appeared in the center of the spacecraft's body as the eye.
Then, the world was plunged into darkness when the last spark of brightness was extinguished.
The object fell to the bottom of the ocean with its red, green, and yellow glow.
Twelve metal wings emerged and unfolded from the object's four lumpy nozzles. It looked like a bizarre starfish or squid with twelve arms and yellow eye. Six wings were smaller than the others and connected to the larger ones via a membrane webbing.
On each small wing, there were six turbine propellers and two steering rudders.
Fftz.
The black sands shifted slightly as the object hovered over it. The object's yellow eye glowed like a guiding flashlight that illuminated the dark sea floor.
Two giant monoliths with glyphs that glowed like lava, stood in the far distance.
The object flapped its large wings and propelled itself toward the stone guardians of the deep.
A circle of strange runes laid between the monoliths.
The markings lit up as cyan liquid flowed through the canals toward the center from three triangular corners.
Tunk.
The circle was filled and sank deeper into a darker abyss. The starfish-like object dove after it.