Write a conversation between a psychiatrist and a member of their fantasy race.

[RepresentingEnvy]

Basically, just write it as if it were an appointment. The psychiatrist should be the same race as the patient. It doesn't need to be any sort of format.
Example:
Vampire Psychiatrist: "Have you been drinking enough blood recently?"
Me: "I drink about 4 wine glasses full a day, bleh-bleh,bleh..."
Vampire Psychiatrist: Marks that down on her parchment pad
Me: "By the way, you won't tell any of the others about this right?..."
Vampire Psychiatrist: "Nope! This is all confidential! You would probably have my head on a pike if I told your subjects anyways! By the way...Have you been getting enough sleep? Your eyes have lost a bit of their glow since last time..."
----------
Well you get the point, I hope!

 

[SailusGebel]

Why 'bleh-bleh,bleh'?

 

[RepresentingEnvy]

Why 'bleh-bleh,bleh'?

 

[Corty]

Skeleton Psychiatrist: Sit, please. What seems to be a problem?
Skeleton: Dunno Doc, I feel... scattered somehow.
Skeleton Psychiatrist: Well, you do seem to miss some things here and there... *points at the empty rows in the ribcage*
Skeleton: Yeah, I know. *taps them, playing an out-of-tune accord* Haah...
Skeleton Psychiatrist: To me, it seems you lost your funnybone.
Skeleton: Very funny, Doc...
Skeleton Psychiatrist: See? I think a calcium-rich therapy is in order, Mr. Rattle.
Skeleton: That... does sound nice; I have been feeling rattled lately; that ought to help.
Skeleton Psychiatrist: I also suggest a trip where you can sit back and relax for a long time.
Skeleton: A trip? Where to?
Skeleton Psychiatrist: You will see... just sit back, *hands over a carton of milk* and enjoy the ride! *pulls a lever, and Mr. Rattle gets strapped to his chair while it starts moving on a rail, heading out of the office*
Skeleton: What? What is this? Hey! Mr. Bones! Doc! What-?! I... I want to get off! Stop!

Spoiler

 

[RepresentingEnvy]

Skeleton Psychiatrist: Sit, please. What seems to be a problem?
Skeleton: Dunno Doc, I feel... scattered somehow.
Skeleton Psychiatrist: Well, you do seem to miss some things here and there... *points at the empty rows in the ribcage*
Skeleton: Yeah, I know. *taps them, playing an out-of-tune accord* Haah...
Skeleton Psychiatrist: To me, it seems you lost your funnybone.
Skeleton: Very funny, Doc...
Skeleton Psychiatrist: See? I think a calcium-rich therapy is in order, Mr. Rattle.
Skeleton: That... does sound nice; I have been feeling rattled lately; that ought to help.
Skeleton Psychiatrist: I also suggest a trip where you can sit back and relax for a long time.
Skeleton: A trip? Where to?
Skeleton Psychiatrist: You will see... just sit back, *hands over a carton of milk* and enjoy the ride! *pulls a lever, and Mr. Rattle gets strapped to his chair while it starts moving on a rail, heading out of the office*
Skeleton: What? What is this? Hey! Mr. Bones! Doc! What-?! I... I want to get off! Stop!

Spoiler

Therapy Score: 2/5
Funny Factor: 99/5

 

[LORD_SHAXX]

Ghost psychiatrist: So, what seems to be bothering you.
Ghost: I don't know doc. I'm just feeling a bit empty is all. Form less without any direction.
GP: I see *scribbles on notepad* and have you been taking your daily prescription if ectoplasm.
G: twice daily. As you instructed. I don't know? Maybe I'm broken. Most Ghosts don't need this crap.
GP: Oh come now. We all need a little help one in awhile. Speaking of help. How us your love life?
G: empty as usual.... look can we not talk about this its.... too difficult.
GP: fine I won't push. But we will have to talk about that. How is your work life like. Found employment yet?
G: yeah actually! I'm a ghost writer.
GP: Nice! Congratulations. How do you feel about it.
G: Good. Pays well. Well enough for me too book a holiday.
GP:Oh? Where too?
G:MALIBOO. Its a place just of the co-
*BEEEEEP*
GP. And that's time I'm afraid. Same time next week?

 

[RepresentingEnvy]

Ghost psychiatrist: So, what seems to be bothering you.
Ghost: I don't know doc. I'm just feeling a bit empty is all. Form less without any direction.
GP: I see *scribbles on notepad* and have you been taking your daily prescription if ectoplasm.
G: twice daily. As you instructed. I don't know? Maybe I'm broken. Most Ghosts don't need this crap.
GP: Oh come now. We all need a little help one in awhile. Speaking of help. How us your love life?
G: empty as usual.... look can we not talk about this its.... too difficult.
GP: fine I won't push. But we will have to talk about that. How is your work life like. Found employment yet?
G: yeah actually! I'm a ghost writer.
GP: Nice! Congratulations. How do you feel about it.
G: Good. Pays well. Well enough for me too book a holiday.
GP:Oh? Where too?
G:MALIBOO. Its a place just of the co-
*BEEEEEP*
GP. And that's time I'm afraid. Same time next week?

Therapy Factor: 3/5
Funny Factor: 99/5
Between the ghost writer and the skeleton I don't know which is funnier.

 

[Prince_Azmiran_Myrian]

Dragon Psychiatrist: How's your hoard looking?
Me: Aside from the portion lost in the ethereal plane, it's looking pretty good.
Dragon Psychiatrist: Did you recoup a respectable fortune by plundering some towns?
Me: No, of course not. Why would I do that?
Dragon Psychiatrist: Well, that's what we dragons do, we burn stuff with our breath and sleep on the loot.
Me: There are other ways of growing a hoard.
Dragon Psychiatrist: What does your hoard consist of?
Me: Memes, art, works of favored friends... fond memories really.
Dragon Psychiatrist: WHAT?! You need to get out there and start a real hoard!
Me: I'm beggining to wonder which one of us needs their mind healed...

 

[RepresentingEnvy]

Dragon Psychiatrist: How's your hoard looking?
Me: Aside from the portion lost in the ethereal plane, it's looking pretty good.
Dragon Psychiatrist: Did you recoup a respectable fortune by plundering some towns?
Me: No, of course not. Why would I do that?
Dragon Psychiatrist: Well, that's what we dragons do, we burn stuff with our breath and sleep on the loot.
Me: There are other ways of growing a hoard.
Dragon Psychiatrist: What does your hoard consist of?
Me: Memes, art, works of favored friends... fond memories really.
Dragon Psychiatrist: WHAT?! You need to get out there and start a real hoard!
Me: I'm begining to wonder which one of us needs their minds healed...

Reverse Therapy Factor: 3/5
Personal Enjoyment: 5/5

Conclusion
I am adding this one to my own hoard. Dragons aren't the only ones with hoards!

 

[georgelee5786]

Therapist: how are you fe-gets punched in the face by member of my fantasy race

 

[Reinaislost]

Fairy: Doctor, I'm flummoxed. I have a bit of a quandary that's been weighing on me.

Fairy Psychiatrist: Oh my, do tell me.

Fairy: Well, picture this. Sisyphus is human, rolling a boulder towards Monty Hall, who has magic that will open one of three portals at his choosing. He will let Sisyphus peek at what is behind his first choosen portal, and then allow him to switch.

Fairy Psychiatrist: I see. And what's behind each portal?

Fairy: Behind the first is the Grand Hilbert Inn, which has infinite rooms but is always full. So they might not be able to accommodate poor Sisyphus or his boulder.

Fairy Psychiatrist: My, that does sound like a difficult situation indeed.

Fairy: Then there is the Ship of Theseus, which may be destroyed by the boulder. However, the ship has had all of its constituent parts replaced, so it may not actually be the same ship.

Fairy Psychiatrist: ...

Fairy: Behind the third portal is a box containing a container of poison, and a cat. If Sisyphus passes through this portal, his boulder will break open the box, causing the state of the cat within to be observed.

Fairy: Is Sisyphus happy? Whichever portal he chooses, there's a chance he could end up unhappy.

Fairy Psychiatrist: If I may ask, why are you so concerned about Sisyphus' happiness?

Fairy: Well, he's always been such a hard worker, rolling that boulder up that hill day after day. I just want him to be happy and rewarded for his efforts.

Fairy Psychiatrist: I understand. But Miss Fairy, why do you belive that Sisyphus is unhappy?

Fairy: I think he needs some sense of fulfillment for the task he does. I worry that circumstances beyond his control could undermine his efforts and leave him feeling disappointed or unhappy.

Fairy Psychiatrist: What makes you happy, Miss Fairy?

Fairy: Well, I like flying, singing and making friends.

Fairy Psychiatrist: And what makes you unhappy?

Fairy: Being lonely or bored or scared or hurt, perhaps.

Fairy Psychiatrist: Maybe Sisyphus don't have the same likes and dislikes as you.

Fairy: I don’t know. Maybe not.

Fairy Psychiatrist: Then why do you expect him to be happy or unhappy by the same things as you?

Fairy: pauses I guess I shouldn’t.

Fairy: Doctor, how do you know what happiness is?

Fairy Psychiatrist: smiles I don’t know, Miss Fairy. I don’t know what happiness is for you, or for Sisyphus, or for anyone else. I only know what happiness is for me.

Fairy: And what is that?

Fairy Psychiatrist: Happiness for me is helping others find their own happiness. Happiness for me is listening and learning and understanding. Happiness for me is being a fairy psychiatrist.

Fairy: That sounds wonderful, Doctor.

Fairy Psychiatrist: Thank you, Miss Fairy. It is wonderful. For me.

Fairy: And for me too, Doctor. You have helped me a lot today.

Fairy Psychiatrist: I’m glad to hear that, Miss Fairy. You have also helped me.

Fairy: I have?

Fairy Psychiatrist: Yes, you have.

Fairy: Oh, Doctor. That makes me happy too.

Fairy Psychiatrist: Then we are both happy, Miss Fairy. And that’s a good thing.

Fairy: Yes, it is. Thank you, Doctor.

Fairy Psychiatrist: You’re very welcome, Miss Fairy. Now, shall we continue our session? Or would you like to end it here?

 

[Rhaps]

Automaton Psychiatrist: So how is your modules feeling today?

Automaton: I just got them replaced but seems like that wasn't the main problem. I still have some issues with my data base.

Automaton Psychiatrist: Have you been taking mineral oil and strong Lithium batteries?

Automaton: yeah, I have... is something wrong about that?"

Automaton Psychiatrist: Did you take more than one glass and a battery lately?

Automaton: no...

Automaton Psychiatrist: It seems like we need to put you on a diet. You need to stop drinking mineral oil, replace it with normal motor oil, and only take one battery every week.

Automaton: I will, doctor... then about my—

Automaton Psychiatrist: you need to forget about her, she Exchanged Information (robot equivalent of sex) with a lot of other Automaton before. Your drives will overheat if you think about her.

Automaton: I know... but she was so sweet...

Automaton Psychiatrist: the data wipe is still on the table if you want it.

Automaton: I will try to clean myself, if things fail before the bext appointment... I will take the offer.

Automaton Psychiatrist: see you in the next seven solar cycle.

 

[RepresentingEnvy]

Fairy: Doctor, I'm flummoxed. I have a bit of a quandary that's been weighing on me.

Fairy Psychiatrist: Oh my, do tell me.

Fairy: Well, picture this. Sisyphus is human, rolling a boulder towards Monty Hall, who has magic that will open one of three portals at his choosing. He will let Sisyphus peek at what is behind his first choosen portal, and then allow him to switch.

Fairy Psychiatrist: I see. And what's behind each portal?

Fairy: Behind the first is the Grand Hilbert Inn, which has infinite rooms but is always full. So they might not be able to accommodate poor Sisyphus or his boulder.

Fairy Psychiatrist: My, that does sound like a difficult situation indeed.

Fairy: Then there is the Ship of Theseus, which may be destroyed by the boulder. However, the ship has had all of its constituent parts replaced, so it may not actually be the same ship.

Fairy Psychiatrist: ...

Fairy: Behind the third portal is a box containing a container of poison, and a cat. If Sisyphus passes through this portal, his boulder will break open the box, causing the state of the cat within to be observed.

Fairy: Is Sisyphus happy? Whichever door he chooses, there's a chance he could end up unhappy.

Fairy Psychiatrist: If I may ask, why are you so concerned about Sisyphus' happiness?

Fairy: Well, he's always been such a hard worker, rolling that boulder up that hill day after day. I just want him to be happy and rewarded for his efforts.

Fairy Psychiatrist: I understand. But Miss Fairy, don't you see? Sisyphus is happy precisely because he is able to roll his boulder. He does not need any of these portals to be happy, and only needs his boulder.

Fairy: Really? You think so?

Fairy Psychiatrist: Yes, I do. And I think you should let him be. He does not need your pity or your interference, for he has made peace with his condition.

Fairy: But what if he wants something more? What if he wants to see what's behind those doors?

Fairy Psychiatrist: Then he can make that choice for himself. However, I doubt he will.

Fairy: I see. Thank you, Doctor. You have given me a lot to think about.

Fairy Psychiatrist: You're welcome, Miss Fairy. I hope you find your own happiness as well.

PS: The ending was a struggle.

Therapy Factor: 5/5
Schrodinger Factor:

Spoiler: Box

5/5 or a cat

Personal Enjoyment: 5/5

Automaton Psychiatrist: So how is your modules feeling today?

Automaton: I just got them replaced but seems like that wasn't the main problem. I still have some issues with my data base.

Automaton Psychiatrist: Have you been taking mineral oil and strong Lithium batteries?

Automaton: yeah, I have... is something wrong about that?"

Automaton Psychiatrist: Did you take more than one glass and a battery lately?

Automaton: no...

Automaton Psychiatrist: It seems like we need to put you on a diet. You need to stop drinking mineral oil, replace it with normal motor oil, and only take one battery every week.

Automaton: I will, doctor... then about my—

Automaton Psychiatrist: you need to forget about her, she Exchanged Information (robot equivalent of sex) with a lot of other Automaton before. Your drives will overheat if you think about her.

Automaton: I know... but she was so sweet...

Automaton Psychiatrist: the data wipe is still on the table if you want it.

Automaton: I will try to clean myself, if things fail before the bext appointment... I will take the offer.

Automaton Psychiatrist: see you in the next seven solar cycle.

Therapy Factor: -5/5
Amusement Factor: 10/5

 

[Paul_Tromba]

Willowisp: *Tree-like groaning and creeking*
Therapist: Um, could you elaborate?
Willowisp: *More tree-like groaning and creaking with skeleton teeth clacking*
Therapist: I see. Now, how does that make you feel? I mean, having Rubin Reubin only use you for grocery trips and as bodyguards.
Willowisp: *rapid teeth clacking and snapping of twigs with a slight tentacle-tongue slap*
Therapist: I get that you don't fit in doorways. It's why I came out to the woods for our session but I think it would be good to consider that not everyone is 15 feet tall. Could you ask Rubin for a raise?
Willowisp: *More teeth clacking*
Therapist: Oh... he doesn't pay you and is technically your dad. Have you ever considered joining a union?
Willowisp: *angry groaning and creaking*
Therapist: Okay, okay. Unions are a no-go because you despise them and think they don't work in your line of work. Could you discuss your issues with him?
Willowisp: *Soft creaking and moaning*
Therapist: Yes. I agree. Bring him to our next session and we can discuss it together. Now... about my bill? Can you afford the $170 an-hour sessions or is your insurance covering it?
Willowisp: *Slight creaking before booking it as fast as he can*

 

[RepresentingEnvy]

Willowisp: *Tree-like groaning and creeking*
Therapist: Um, could you elaborate?
Willowisp: *More tree-like groaning and creaking with skeleton teeth clacking*
Therapist: I see. Now, how does that make you feel? I mean, having Rubin Reubin only use you for grocery trips and as bodyguards.
Willowisp: *rapid teeth clacking and snapping of twigs with a slight tentacle-tongue slap*
Therapist: I get that you don't fit in doorways. It's why I came out to the woods for our session but I think it would be good to consider that not everyone is 15 feet tall. Could you ask Rubin for a raise?
Willowisp: *More teeth clacking*
Therapist: Oh... he doesn't pay you and is technically your dad. Have you ever considered joining a union?
Willowisp: *angry groaning and creaking*
Therapist: Okay, okay. Unions are a no-go because you despise them and think they don't work in your line of work. Could you discuss your issues with him?
Willowisp: *Soft creaking and moaning*
Therapist: Yes. I agree. Bring him to our next session and we can discuss it together. Now... about my bill? Can you afford the $170 an-hour sessions or is your insurance covering it?
Willowisp: *Slight creaking before booking it as fast as he can*

Therapy Factor: ?/5
*Willowisp noises*: 5̵̛̪̐̅̉͑̒̀/̶̡͕̹̹̘͙̞̰̇5̸̹̜̹̳̫̝̙̱̱͕̩͇̰̙͋̑̿̑̾́̉̿̊̕̚̚͝ͅ

 

[Paul_Tromba]

Therapy Factor: ?/5
*Willowisp noises*: 5̵̛̪̐̅̉͑̒̀/̶̡͕̹̹̘͙̞̰̇5̸̹̜̹̳̫̝̙̱̱͕̩͇̰̙͋̑̿̑̾́̉̿̊̕̚̚͝ͅ

It's the first session

 

[Deleted member 113259]

Y'all stole all the good ones, so I'm gonna have to try something else.

KP: Now in our last session you informed me that you've been having trouble with your drowning lately, have their been any updates on your progress in the last week?
Kelpie: yeah doc, it's gotten worse.
KP: Please.
Kelpie: I had finally convinced a human to let me give her a ride...
KP: Well it sounds like there's no issue at all, where's the problem?
Kelpie: At the end of the ride I placed her neatly on the shore and went on my way.
KP: You didn't DROWN her?
Kelpie: Think so.
KP: What do you mean think so? You either know or you don't!
Kelpie: *sigh* I know so.
KP: How do you forget to drown someone? It's the main part!
Kelpie: I think I intentionally didn't kill her?
KP: ...
Kelpie: ...
KP: I'm sorry, I don't think I can be your psychiatrist after this. If it was an issue of competency we could fix it but there's some wrong with you mentally. I don't deal with insane people.
Kelpie: isn't that your job?
KP: Not this kind of insane. You've given up all honor and tradition of the Kelpie Clan. To restore your honor you must end yourself by the end of the night!
Kelpie: I know.
KP: As you are right now you're life has no value!
Kelpie: OH! I KNOW!
KP: So how does that make you feel?

 

[RepresentingEnvy]

Y'all stole all the good ones, so I'm gonna have to try something else.

KP: Now in our last session you informed me that you've been having trouble with your drowning lately, have their been any updates on your progress in the last week?
Kelpie: yeah doc, it's gotten worse.
KP: Please.
Kelpie: I had finally convinced a human to let me give her a ride...
KP: Well it sounds like there's no issue at all, where's the problem.
Kelpie: At the end of the ride I placed her nearly on the shore and went on my way.
KP: You didn't DROWN her?
Kelpie: Think so.
KP: What do you mean think so? You either know or you don't!
Kelpie: *sigh* I know so.
KP: How do you forget to drown someone? It's the main part!
Kelpie: I think I intentionally didn't kill her?
KP: ...
Kelpie: ...
KP: I'm sorry, I don't think I can be your psychiatrist after this. If it was an issue of competency we could fix it but there's some wrong with you mentally. I don't deal with insane people.
Kelpie: isn't that your job?
KP: Not this kind of insane. You've given up all honor and tradition of the Kelpie Clan. To restore your honor you must end yourself by the end of the night!
Kelpie: I know.
KP: As you are right now you're life has no value!
Kelpie: OH! I KNOW!
KP: So how does that make you feel?

Therapy Factor: -50/5
Drowning Factor: /

 

[ToushiroYA]

Dr. Snake: How have you been, Mr. Hissuan?
Hissuan: My thoughts~ have been overly intrus~ive recently, Doc. Even now they are creeping up on me.
Dr. Snake: Hm... Have you tried eating less speaking creatures?
Hissuan: I'd never, Doc. It's s~uch a tail-rattling joy to tas~te such refined cos~ine.
Dr. Snake: I know how hard it can be to hold one's tongue, sir, however doing so will benefit your mental health greatly.
Hissuan: Well, I don't know, Doc.
Dr. Snake: There's no need to rush, though. We can take it slow, just like with creating habits.
Hissuan: Mhm, if you s~lither it that way, then I might as~ well give it a try.
Dr. Snake: Great, I will note down a few method, and we can resume next week with your update. What do you think?
Hissuan: Sounds~ jus~t fine, Doc. I will try my bes~t!
Dr. Snake: Sure, for now, how about you let go of that human?
Hissuan: Erm, *strengthens the grip around the human's torso* this~ is~ jus~t a toy, Doc.
Dr. Snake: Haha ha...

 

[RepresentingEnvy]

Dr. Snake: How have you been, Mr. Hissuan?
Hissuan: My thoughts~ have been overly intrus~ive recently, Doc. Even now they are creeping up on me.
Dr. Snake: Hm... Have you tried eating less speaking creatures?
Hissuan: I'd never, Doc. It's s~uch a tail-rattling joy to tas~te such refined cos~ine.
Dr. Snake: I know how hard it can be to hold one's tongue, sir, however doing so will benefit your mental health greatly.
Hissuan: Well, I don't know, Doc.
Dr. Snake: There's no need to rush, though. We can take it slow, just like with creating habits.
Hissuan: Mhm, if you s~lither it that way, then I might as~ well give it a try.
Dr. Snake: Great, I will note down a few method, and we can resume next week with your update. What do you think?
Hissuan: Sounds~ jus~t fine, Doc. I will try my bes~t!
Dr. Snake: Sure, for now, how about you let go of that human?
Hissuan: Erm, *strengthens the grip around the human's torso* this~ is~ jus~t a toy, Doc.
Dr. Snake: Haha ha...

Therapy Factor: 0/5
Pers~onal Enjoyment: 10/5
PS: Totally using this for inspiration when I get to the snek people in my story.