Write a conversation between a psychiatrist and a member of their fantasy race.

[Reinaislost]

Fairy Psychiatrist: You’re very welcome, Miss Fairy. Now, shall we continue our session? Or would you like to end it here?

Revised the ending. It is still horrendous, but better than before.

 

[RepresentingEnvy]

Revised the ending. It is still horrendous, but better than before.

Edited scores! I really like it! I don't know why you thought it was/is horrendous?

 

[TheMonotonePuppet]

Basically, just write it as if it were an appointment. The psychiatrist should be the same race as the patient. It doesn't need to be any sort of format.
Example:
Vampire Psychiatrist: "Have you been drinking enough blood recently?"
Me: "I drink about 4 wine glasses full a day, bleh-bleh,bleh..."
Vampire Psychiatrist: Marks that down on her parchment pad
Me: "By the way, you won't tell any of the others about this right?..."
Vampire Psychiatrist: "Nope! This is all confidential! You would probably have my head on a pike if I told your subjects anyways! By the way...Have you been getting enough sleep? Your eyes have lost a bit of their glow since last time..."
----------
Well you get the point, I hope!

Psychiatrist of a Princess Elf: "Now, I see you have a rather spotless bill of health here. What ails you? I will do my utmost to help you, I swear on the towering tree of my abode, family, and life."
Princess Elf: "Ah, my older brother worries for me. With all of the work I have taken care of, and rearranging of departments I have done in service of our Royalty and Forests, he simply wishes to provide an ear where he cannot," she says with a genial air, a perfectly royal countenance that is every bit the demure princess that the people know and love.
Psychiatrist of a Princess Elf: Oh? Have you noticed any issues from lack of work? I fully understand if this has impacted your life negatively, working so hard," he inquires understandingly.
Princess Elf: "I promise you. It is absolutely..." at this she pauses to word her sentences carefully, "... and exactly the duty I should be doing. And I will put as much effort as I can into my work for my fellow elves. As it should be, for a servant of her elves, to provide help under the green canopy," she says, nodding affirmatively with a kind glint in her eyes.
Psychiatrist of a Princess Elf: "Perhaps to help ease the mind of your brother so that he may continue his duties for the Forest as he has, I would suggest delegating to the Evergreen Court. After all, it is important that the Royal duties are not interrupted," he suggests leadingly.
Princess Elf: "I already have a public promise that has been planned for release in a short while, and to retract it is as good as being so unfilial to the elves as retracting it after sending. I would be no princess if I shirked the duties I had planned for myself. It is sincerely sad that my brother is suffering. My phloem and xylem ache for his plight, but I promise I do this for him. To change course would be to undermine the Royals, and as a result, undermine him. This would no doubt hurt his filial heart, seeing the elves' trust in our parents decrease," she declares fiercely. A tear of amber wells in her apple-skinned eyes, supposedly at the thought of her brother suffering.
Psychiatrist of a Princess Elf: His eyebrows raise for a brief second as the hidden meanings within her declaration. The Princess has officially joined the scene, and in a good position politically as well. This is unfortunate. The psychiatrist did not enjoy the report he would be making. The stone it would be carved on may just be repurposed as a weight if he doesn't phrase it carefully.
...

 

[Reinaislost]

Edited scores! I really like it! I don't know why you thought it was/is horrendous?

Severely lacking in writing skills, unfortunately. The previous version had a poor excuse for an ending, and this one is just not very smooth, even after cutting away a lot of content.
Idiot as I was, I made the mistake of following others, and I didn't add body language, actions or descriptions to the conversation, even though you said there was no specified format. :<

 

[Sola-sama]

Dragon Psychiatrist: How's your hoard looking?
Me: Aside from the portion lost in the ethereal plane, it's looking pretty good.
Dragon Psychiatrist: Did you recoup a respectable fortune by plundering some towns?
Me: No, of course not. Why would I do that?
Dragon Psychiatrist: Well, that's what we dragons do, we burn stuff with our breath and sleep on the loot.
Me: There are other ways of growing a hoard.
Dragon Psychiatrist: What does your hoard consist of?
Me: Memes, art, works of favored friends... fond memories really.
Dragon Psychiatrist: WHAT?! You need to get out there and start a real hoard!
Me: I'm beggining to wonder which one of us needs their mind healed...

The real treasure that you hoard was the friends you made along the way.

 

[RepresentingEnvy]

Severely lacking in writing skills, unfortunately. The previous version had a poor excuse for an ending, and this one is just not very smooth, even after cutting away a lot of content.
Idiot as I was, I made the mistake of following others, and I didn't add body language, actions or descriptions to the conversation, even though you said there was no specified format. :<

Sometimes less is more, and I think you did a good job even if you don't.

Psychiatrist of a Princess Elf: "Now, I see you have a rather spotless bill of health here. What ails you? I will do my utmost to help you, I swear on the towering tree of my abode, family, and life."
Princess Elf: "Ah, my older brother worries for me. With all of the work I have taken care of, and rearranging of departments I have done in service of our Royalty and Forests, he simply wishes to provide an ear where he cannot," she says with a genial air, a perfectly royal countenance that is every bit the demure princess that the people know and love.
Psychiatrist of a Princess Elf: Oh? Have you noticed any issues from lack of work? I fully understand if this has impacted your life negatively, working so hard," he inquires understandingly.
Princess Elf: "I promise you. It is absolutely..." at this she pauses to word her sentences carefully, "... and exactly the duty I should be doing. And I will put as much effort as I can into my work for my fellow elves. As it should be, for a servant of her elves, to provide help under the green canopy," she says, nodding affirmatively with a kind glint in her eyes.
Psychiatrist of a Princess Elf: "Perhaps to help ease the mind of your brother so that he may continue his duties for the Forest as he has, I would suggest delegating to the Evergreen Court. After all, it is important that the Royal duties are not interrupted," he suggests leadingly.
Princess Elf: "I already have a public promise that has been planned for release in a short while, and to retract it is as good as being so unfilial to the elves as retracting it after sending. I would be no princess if I shirked the duties I had planned for myself. It is sincerely sad that my brother is suffering. My phloem and xylem ache for his plight, but I promise I do this for him. To change course would be to undermine the Royals, and as a result, undermine him. This would no doubt hurt his filial heart, seeing the elves' trust in our parents decrease," she declares fiercely. A tear of amber wells in her apple-skinned eyes, supposedly at the thought of her brother suffering.
Psychiatrist of a Princess Elf: His eyebrows raise for a brief second as the hidden meanings within her declaration. The Princess has officially joined the scene, and in a good position politically as well. This is unfortunate. The psychiatrist did not enjoy the report he would be making. The stone it would be carved on may just be repurposed as a weight if he doesn't phrase it carefully.
...

Therapy Factor: 2/5
Intrigue: 4/5
Personal Enjoyment: 4/5
This feels less like therapy and more like advice (?) Still fun to read, but it is like when you get a fortune cookie that is instead an advice cookie.

 

[TheMonotonePuppet]

Sometimes less is more, and I think you did a good job even if you don't.

Therapy Factor: 2/5
Intrigue: 4/5
Personal Enjoyment: 4/5
This feels less like therapy and more like advice (?) Still fun to read, but it is like when you get a fortune cookie that is instead an advice cookie.

I can totally understand that! I viewed it from the lenses of therapy as a therapy session, rather than as actual therapy. Instead of the therapy that her brother states she would receive, it is actually an operative of his which he is using for a therapy session to get the Princess to back out of the political machine, either by miswording something that would allow him to push her out of the way 'for her own good' or because she inferred something that would turn public opinion against her.
So you kinda saw what I was going for!
If she actually revealed anything that was troubling her, it could be spun as her not being capable enough or some other type of thing.

 

[LowinKeshin]

"What problem Vol'yir need resolution."

"Me didn't bathe blood. Hairless-monkee banged me head. Me slept."

"Therapist know resolution." bent down to retrieve a club.

"Me beat you. Me bathe Therapist blood?"

"Vol'yir not understood. Vol'yir needed more Orc Pride. Me therapist teach you pride." stood up and towered over Vol'yir.

"Me beat you. Vol'yir accept the pride" Therapist grin.

 

[RepresentingEnvy]

"What problem Vol'yir need resolution."

"Me didn't bathe blood. Hairless-monkee banged me head. Me slept."

"Therapist know resolution." bent down to retrieve a club.

"Me beat you. Me bathe Therapist blood?"

"Vol'yir not understood. Vol'yir needed more Orc Pride. Me therapist teach you pride." stood up and towered over Vol'yir.

"Me beat you. Vol'yir accept the pride" Therapist grin.

Monke Factor: /
Orc big club: Yes

 

[Tyranomaster]

Kobold Psychiatrist - So, Snik, have you been keeping your urges under control this week?

Snik (kobold) - Me think so. Me only add four shinies to my horde.

Psychiatrist - And where did you find these shinies? (The psychiatrist starts absent mindedly rotating a cup on his desk, filled with various metal pens of different shapes and sizes.)

Snik - Me find them while doing job, cleaning in office.

Psychiatrist - Where abouts in the office? (The psychiatrist seems more focused again, picking out a pen to use, and begins writing.)

Snik - Me find them on desks!

Psychiatrist - Now Snik, remember, this is why you're here to begin with. Human society isn't like our homeland. You have to return those shinies. Otherwise, you'll be in more trouble.

Snik - Me no want! Horde too small! Me~

Suddenly, a human man walks in, seemingly lost in thought.

Man - Dr. Glim, have you seen my commemorative pen? It's normally on my desk and... Oh! My apologies, I didn't realize you had a patient now, I'll come back later. Again, my apologies. (He nods at the Psychiatrist and patient respectively).

Snik - (Begins looking at the pens on Dr. Glim's desk). As me saying, me rather die than have small horde.

Dr. Glim - Yes, well... (Dr. Glim awkwardly looks at the pens on his desk.) Just be sure to return any shinies that are missed before anything bad happens. We'll meet again next week to check in on how you're adjusting on this topic. Now, should we also discuss the issue of the complaints about... (he looks down at his own pictures he's doodled as notes) eating meat? Oh no, that's right eating "rotten" meat in the cafeteria...

 

[RepresentingEnvy]

Kobold Psychiatrist - So, Snik, have you been keeping your urges under control this week?

Snik (kobold) - Me think so. Me only add four shinies to my horde.

Psychiatrist - And where did you find these shinies? (The psychiatrist starts absent mindedly rotating a cup on his desk, filled with various metal pens of different shapes and sizes.)

Snik - Me find them while doing job, cleaning in office.

Psychiatrist - Where abouts in the office? (The psychiatrist seems more focused again, picking out a pen to use, and begins writing.)

Snik - Me find them on desks!

Psychiatrist - Now Snik, remember, this is why you're here to begin with. Human society isn't like our homeland. You have to return those shinies. Otherwise, you'll be in more trouble.

Snik - Me no want! Horde too small! Me~

Suddenly, a human man walks in, seemingly lost in thought.

Man - Dr. Glim, have you seen my commemorative pen? It's normally on my desk and... Oh! My apologies, I didn't realize you had a patient now, I'll come back later. Again, my apologies. (He nods at the Psychiatrist and patient respectively).

Snik - (Begins looking at the pens on Dr. Glim's desk). As me saying, me rather die than have small horde.

Dr. Glim - Yes, well... (Dr. Glim awkwardly looks at the pens on his desk.) Just be sure to return any shinies that are missed before anything bad happens. We'll meet again next week to check in on how you're adjusting on this topic. Now, should we also discuss the issue of the complaints about... (he looks down at his own pictures he's doodled as notes) eating meat? Oh no, that's right eating "rotten" meat in the cafeteria...

Therapist Score: Hypocrite/5
Patient Score: Gib Shiny/
Man Observation Score: 0/5
Conclusion: Rotten meat bad.

 

[Jailbreak571]

...

Zombie: ergg-urg-arrg

Zombie psychiatrist: Ergh-ugh-wa-wa-arrg

Zombie: werr-gor-arggh-ger-arrg

Zombie psychiatrist: grrr

Zombie: brr-ugh-wa-wa?!! Arrg

Zombie psychiatrist: brr-gar-gar-ugh-wa-wa-brains-arrg?

Zombie: uerr-agh-a-agh-arrg

Zombie psychiatrist: arrg-wa-grrh-errggg-ugh-wa-wa-Brains

Zombie: *sad noises*

 

[RepresentingEnvy]

...

Zombie: ergg-urg-arrg

Zombie psychiatrist: Ergh-ugh-wa-wa-arrg

Zombie: werr-gor-arggh-ger-arrg

Zombie psychiatrist: grrr

Zombie: brr-ugh-wa-wa?!! Arrg

Zombie psychiatrist: brr-gar-gar-ugh-wa-wa-brains-arrg?

Zombie: uerr-agh-a-agh-arrg

Zombie psychiatrist: arrg-wa-grrh-errggg-ugh-wa-wa-Brains

Zombie: *sad noises*

Brains?
No brains.
*Sad*

 

[ACertainPassingUser]

Miss Ashley : We're no strangers to love
Psychiatrist Rick : You know the rules and so do I
Miss Ashley : A full commitment's what I'm thinking of
Psychiatrist Rick : You wouldn't get this from any other guy

Psychiatrist Rick : I just wanna tell you how I'm feeling
Miss Ashley : Gotta make you understand

Psychiatrist Rick : Never gonna give you up
Miss Ashley : Never gonna let you down
Psychiatrist Rick : Never gonna run around and desert you
Miss Ashley : Never gonna make you cry
Psychiatrist Rick : Never gonna say goodbye
Miss Ashley : Never gonna tell a lie and hurt you

***​

A Certain Bizzare Fantasy World where Pshycolocal therapy is done by singing Rick Roll back and forth

Or maybe Canon RickRoll AU where Rick Ashley became psychiatrist and sing Rick roll back and forth with his wife in a cheap karaoke

Or Both (?)

 

[RepresentingEnvy]

Miss Ashley : We're no strangers to love
Psychiatrist Rick : You know the rules and so do I
Miss Ashley : A full commitment's what I'm thinking of
Psychiatrist Rick : You wouldn't get this from any other guy

Psychiatrist Rick : I just wanna tell you how I'm feeling
Miss Ashley : Gotta make you understand

Psychiatrist Rick : Never gonna give you up
Miss Ashley : Never gonna let you down
Psychiatrist Rick : Never gonna run around and desert you
Miss Ashley : Never gonna make you cry
Psychiatrist Rick : Never gonna say goodbye
Miss Ashley : Never gonna tell a lie and hurt you

***​

A Certain Bizzare Fantasy World where Pshycolocal therapy is done by singing Rick Roll back and forth

Or maybe Canon RickRoll AU where Rick Ashley became psychiatrist and sing Rick roll back and forth with his wife in a cheap karaoke

Or Both (?)

Score: I kinda don't like you/10

Rick Roll Yourself out of here

 

[Deleted member 113259]

Miss Ashley : We're no strangers to love
Psychiatrist Rick : You know the rules and so do I
Miss Ashley : A full commitment's what I'm thinking of
Psychiatrist Rick : You wouldn't get this from any other guy

Psychiatrist Rick : I just wanna tell you how I'm feeling
Miss Ashley : Gotta make you understand

Psychiatrist Rick : Never gonna give you up
Miss Ashley : Never gonna let you down
Psychiatrist Rick : Never gonna run around and desert you
Miss Ashley : Never gonna make you cry
Psychiatrist Rick : Never gonna say goodbye
Miss Ashley : Never gonna tell a lie and hurt you

***​

A Certain Bizzare Fantasy World where Pshycolocal therapy is done by singing Rick Roll back and forth

Or maybe Canon RickRoll AU where Rick Ashley became psychiatrist and sing Rick roll back and forth with his wife in a cheap karaoke

Or Both (?)

Whose Rick Ashley?

 

[TotallyHuman]

Progenitor Ancient High Elf patient (Pat): sorry for being late, doc, the traffic was crazy on the way here

Progenitor Ancient High Elf Psychiatrist (Psy): don't worry, it's alright. Please sit.

Pat: don't mind if I do. How long ago has this new thing been built, by the way?

Psy: excuse me, what 'new thing'?

Pat: that human country. I don't remember seeing it

Psy: oh, just recently, only around two hundred years ago or so.

Pat: sigh, time sure flies by fast. Do you ever feel as if you are being left behind the times?

Psy: *scribbles something down* do you? Does it worry you?

Pat: yes, doctor. It worries me greatly. I keep thinking about how quickly time flies and before you notice it, you are all alone and by yourself. Everybody who used to be around you has dissappeared somewhere. Some went to another world, some went to another continent. It's the latter I feel the most about.

Psy: why? *scribbles*

Pat: They seem so near, only a short ride away and you can find them - yet they are so, so far away... My great great great grandson lives just a continent over, but last time I've seen him was 6 aeons ago. Not even a letter from him! At least my niece keeps messaginge every now and again in the chatgroup from her new world. And when you meet them? Don't they feel like strangers? It's the most hurtful to meet someone who was close to you and not have anything to talk about. Do you understand, doc?

Psy: Of course. This problem is very common nowadays. With the advent of transdimentional magic the traditional familial connections and bonds keep dissolving on a mass scale. To combat it, I usually recommend...

 

[RepresentingEnvy]

Progenitor Ancient High Elf patient (Pat): sorry for being late, doc, the traffic was crazy on the way here

Progenitor Ancient High Elf Psychiatrist (Psy): don't worry, it's alright. Please sit.

Pat: don't mind if I do. How long ago has this new thing been built, by the way?

Psy: excuse me, what 'new thing'?

Pat: that human country. I don't remember seeing it

Psy: oh, just recently, only around two hundred years ago or so.

Pat: sigh, time sure flies by fast. Do you ever feel as if you are being left behind the times?

Psy: *scribbles something down* do you? Does it worry you?

Pat: yes, doctor. It worries me greatly. I keep thinking about how quickly time flies and before you notice it, you are all alone and by yourself. Everybody who used to be around you has dissappeared somewhere. Some went to another world, some went to another continent. It's the latter I feel the most about.

Psy: why? *scribbles*

Pat: They seem so near, only a short ride away and you can find them - yet they are so, so far away... My great great great grandson lives just a continent over, but last time I've seen him was 6 aeons ago. Not even a letter from him! At least my niece keeps messaginge every now and again in the chatgroup from her new world. And when you meet them? Don't they feel like strangers? It's the most hurtful to meet someone who was close to you and not have anything to talk about. Do you understand, doc?

Psy: Of course. This problem is very common nowadays. With the advent of transdimentional magic the traditional familial connections and bonds keep dissolving on a mass scale. To combat it, I usually recommend...

Therapy Score: 3/5
Absurdity Score: 3/5
I kept expecting a punchline somewhere ngl.

 

[Succubiome]

Patient: So... I don't know how to say this.
Therapist: Go on?
Patient: I think I have a hoarding problem.
Therapist: Oh, is this a new thing?
Patient: No, it's been going on since before I started seeing you. It's... just way too embarrassing to talk about, but now I feel like I kind of have to.
Therapist: Hey, remember, this is a judgement-free zone.
Patient: Yeah, yeah, no paladins allowed. I feel safe here, just... talking about it makes me judge myself, you know?
Therapist: So what changed that made you want to talk about it?
Patient: Okay, so, the other day I was kinda flirting with this cute girl, you know, the princess type?
Therapist: Sure.
Patient: And I kinda got the feeling that she was totally open to me taking her back to my place.
Therapist: Ahhhhh.
Patient: ...Yeah. I just ended up just flying out of there, because... I kept thinking we'd get back to my lair, and she'd look at the pitiful little pile of gold and gems, and just... yeah.
Therapist: Not all humans care about treasure, you know.
Patient: Well, sure, but like... maybe if I was cool about it, I could just play it off... but I know I couldn't be cool about it. I'd be judging me the entire time, wondering if she was judging me... I'm such a failure.
Therapist: Okay, I think I hear how you're feeling here. So it's having a negative impact on your life in that it's hurting your self-esteem?
Patient: Yeah. It feels really shameful.
Therapist: Does shaming yourself about it make you hoard more?
Patient: No, it makes me not even want to think about it, really? Makes me want to distract myself with other things.
Therapist: So it's not a useful thought pattern.
Patient: No, not really. No.
Therapist: Okay, I think we might want to try out a little DBT? It can be pretty useful for those who find themselves overwhelmed by emotions.
Patient: Yeah, that sounds maybe-useful? Hey, maybe that could help me not burn down so much when I feel slighted? Like, burning bridges or villages feels good in the moment, but then a week later there's a bunch of knights I need to slay or whatever, and sometimes one of them slights me, and then... kinda a vicious cycle. It just feels like it's taking up too much of my life.
Therapist: For sure, we can absolutely try it for that too.

 

[RepresentingEnvy]

Patient: So... I don't know how to say this.
Therapist: Go on?
Patient: I think I have a hoarding problem.
Therapist: Oh, is this a new thing?
Patient: No, it's been going on since before I started seeing you. It's... just way too embarrassing to talk about, but now I feel like I kind of have to.
Therapist: Hey, remember, this is a judgement-free zone.
Patient: Yeah, yeah, no paladins allowed. I feel safe here, just... talking about it makes me judge myself, you know?
Therapist: So what changed that made you want to talk about it?
Patient: Okay, so, the other day I was kinda flirting with this cute girl, you know, the princess type?
Therapist: Sure.
Patient: And I kinda got the feeling that she was totally open to me taking her back to my place.
Therapist: Ahhhhh.
Patient: ...Yeah. I just ended up just flying out of there, because... I kept thinking we'd get back to my lair, and she'd look at the pitiful little pile of gold and gems, and just... yeah.
Therapist: Not all humans care about treasure, you know.
Patient: Well, sure, but like... maybe if I was cool about it, I could just play it off... but I know I couldn't be cool about it. I'd be judging me the entire time, wondering if she was judging me... I'm such a failure.
Therapist: Okay, I think I hear how you're feeling here. So it's having a negative impact on your life in that it's hurting your self-esteem?
Patient: Yeah. It feels really shameful.
Therapist: Does shaming yourself about it make you hoard more?
Patient: No, it makes me not even want to think about it, really? Makes me want to distract myself with other things.
Therapist: So it's not a useful thought pattern.
Patient: No, not really. No.
Therapist: Okay, I think we might want to try out a little DBT? It can be pretty useful for those who find themselves overwhelmed by emotions.
Patient: Yeah, that sounds maybe-useful? Hey, maybe that could help me not burn down so much when I feel slighted? Like, burning bridges or villages feels good in the moment, but then a week later there's a bunch of knights I need to slay or whatever, and sometimes one of them slights me, and then... kinda a vicious cycle. It just feels like it's taking up too much of my life.
Therapist: For sure, we can absolutely try it for that too.

Therapy Score: 4/5
Personal Enjoyment: 3/5
Idk how much a shrink would help with burning down villages, but I am all for it