Depressing & Dad Jokes

Voidiris

Voidiris

Gaze into the abyss to truly see?
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A German and a Russian die. Neither has been the best person in their life, so they get sent down there. When they arrive in hell, the devil says, "Well, especially bad people have been dying lately, and we're all full up. I can only accept one of you, the other will go to purgatory and get a chance at redemption."

He proposes a simple test of their human decency: Each man is given a dog, a huge crate of sausages and one month to teach the dog a trick.

One month later, the devil returns to the German, who has clearly bonded with his now-plump dog. "Alright, let's see what you've got!" the devil says. The German plucks out a sausage and proceeds to wiggle it in the air. The dog, perfectly balanced on its hind legs, does an acrobatic pirouette. "Wow!" says satan. "Impressive!"

He walks over to the Russian his dog, whose relationship seems strained. The dog looks like a wild animal, but the Russian seems satisfied enough. "OK, show us your trick," the devil says. The Russian plucks out a sausage and proceeds to wiggle it in the air. The dog, wide-eyed, says "Please, Vanya, just one sausage!"
 
Simple_Russian_Boi

Simple_Russian_Boi

Maybe an alcoholic | Occasionally a cat
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Voidiris said:
A German and a Russian die. Neither has been the best person in their life, so they get sent down there. When they arrive in hell, the devil says, "Well, especially bad people have been dying lately, and we're all full up. I can only accept one of you, the other will go to purgatory and get a chance at redemption."

He proposes a simple test of their human decency: Each man is given a dog, a huge crate of sausages and one month to teach the dog a trick.

One month later, the devil returns to the German, who has clearly bonded with his now-plump dog. "Alright, let's see what you've got!" the devil says. The German plucks out a sausage and proceeds to wiggle it in the air. The dog, perfectly balanced on its hind legs, does an acrobatic pirouette. "Wow!" says satan. "Impressive!"

He walks over to the Russian his dog, whose relationship seems strained. The dog looks like a wild animal, but the Russian seems satisfied enough. "OK, show us your trick," the devil says. The Russian plucks out a sausage and proceeds to wiggle it in the air. The dog, wide-eyed, says "Please, Vanya, just one sausage!"
Click to expand...
Hehehehe~
 
RepresentingEnvy

RepresentingEnvy

En-Chan Queen Vampy!
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Voidiris said:
A German and a Russian die. Neither has been the best person in their life, so they get sent down there. When they arrive in hell, the devil says, "Well, especially bad people have been dying lately, and we're all full up. I can only accept one of you, the other will go to purgatory and get a chance at redemption."

He proposes a simple test of their human decency: Each man is given a dog, a huge crate of sausages and one month to teach the dog a trick.

One month later, the devil returns to the German, who has clearly bonded with his now-plump dog. "Alright, let's see what you've got!" the devil says. The German plucks out a sausage and proceeds to wiggle it in the air. The dog, perfectly balanced on its hind legs, does an acrobatic pirouette. "Wow!" says satan. "Impressive!"

He walks over to the Russian his dog, whose relationship seems strained. The dog looks like a wild animal, but the Russian seems satisfied enough. "OK, show us your trick," the devil says. The Russian plucks out a sausage and proceeds to wiggle it in the air. The dog, wide-eyed, says "Please, Vanya, just one sausage!"
Click to expand...
 
Simple_Russian_Boi

Simple_Russian_Boi

Maybe an alcoholic | Occasionally a cat
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Messages
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One man was bewitched by a sorcerer: he could only speak one word a year. He was silent for 3 years and accumulated as many as 3 words, after which he approached the sorcerer and said:
"Fuck you, sorcerer."
 
Stealthy_Enigma

Stealthy_Enigma

(❀⁠≽ᆺ≼)⊃~~~~✧ ꧁Floofy Ninja!!!꧂
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A computer repair technician fixes someone's computer by turning the power button on.

The owner returns to the room, and is happy to see it running. The owner asks, "What was the problem."

The technician replies, "It was an I.D.-Ten-T issue."

The owner is confused. "What does that mean?"

The technician gives a wry smile. "Spell it out."

The owner does.

ID10T
 
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