Writing Prompt Describe how a character is feeling through their narration on the environment.

Corty

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Iamnotabot said:
View attachment 16617checkmate

You sure ? Alright man, ey pullout on pod 208. Ye , Morpheous him.
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K5Rakitan

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Where did the last piece of the ladybug puzzle go? The kid had it in his hand ten minutes ago, before I started flossing my teeth. The turtle puzzle piece was behind his potty. I put that puzzle on the kitchen counter so he wouldn't take it apart again. The bag for the puzzles is under the highchair.
 
DiscoDream

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The rag going along the barrel of the gun, wiping away the thick sludge that clung to it. Black, murky, streaks of red. I'd made a mess again. The clumps were stubbornly sticking to my gun, unwilling to give up, always making things difficult for me.

Standing up I throw the crusted rag back on it's owner chest, his white eyes covered by it. Missed. The yellow and black fabric standing out from his gaping chest. The fertid liquid leaking from it making squelching noises with every step.

More muffled struggles, this time from the cupboard. the dull, dingy, broken lump of metal rocking with every one of the sow's shakes.
________
Think I was slightly off with the writing prompt. Also didn't know how to end this either, since the next part would require some actual speaking or blatant tellling(with my abilities at least)
 
JHarp

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ElijahRyne said:
Describe how a character is feel through their narration on the environment.
Here I am going for the feeling of loss.

Silently, we walked through long grass and tall weeds that poked out through the degraded railroad’s ballast. The roads wooden ties were rotten and ruined. The rusted rail marked our path. The old symbol of progress and modernity reclaimed by nature, nothing more than a fading scar.
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We silently trek through the overgrown brush poking through the corroded and snapped railway tracks as the grass clings to our legs. The rotting wooden ties cracking underfoot kicking up the smell of rust and croaking out a sad chorus for what they once were. Dark clouds looming overhead, staring at our struggles rumbling out a battlecry of thunder. Our path ahead to a failing shelter, a bent and broken metal barrier railroading our goal while being a steep reminder of natures constant domination of humanity. For every scar we gave it, a building it would claim back.

Would probably be how I would write that, making an emphasis to not repeat a descriptive word and to personify the surroundings.
 
ElijahRyne

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JHarp said:
We silently trek through the overgrown brush poking through the corroded and snapped railway tracks as the grass clings to our legs. The rotting wooden ties cracking underfoot kicking up the smell of rust and croaking out a sad chorus for what they once were. Dark clouds looming overhead, staring at our struggles rumbling out a battlecry of thunder. Our path ahead to a failing shelter, a bent and broken metal barrier railroading our goal while being a steep reminder of natures constant domination of humanity. For every scar we gave it, a building it would claim back.

Would probably be how I would write that, making an emphasis to not repeat a descriptive word and to personify the surroundings.
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Nice job, this gives off an ominous feeling as well as that feeling of loss, and thank you for the advice.

I think I did a bad job explaining the context of that passage. In context a group of friends, or people who once were friends, used to hang out at the place they are going to before one of their friends died a year ago. This place was the favorite place of that friend. The character doing the narration is reluctant to go or to even think about where they are going. He can’t personify the surroundings because the life in it is dead and can’t think of what happened without provoking the scar, so he avoids directly mentioning it.

“Silently, we walked through long grass and tall weeds that poked out through the degraded railroad’s ballast.”
This line shows both the fact that the characters haven’t moved on from the death of their friend.

“The roads wooden ties were rotten and ruined.“
This is the ties of their, the groups, relationship. While it is still there, it has faded away.

“The rusted rail marked our path.”
The old good memories tainted by grief painted the tracks.

“The old symbol of progress and modernity reclaimed by nature, nothing more than a fading scar.”
How the character in question personally feels. His old new is gone and forgotten, yet it left a scar that when seen or touched reminds him of the loss. It will also, like a scar, permanently be there for him.
 
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