Free First Chapter Feedback (V2)

[shadowniy]

no problem i do appreciate the chance and like i said i understand

 

[ATTICLover]

Symphonia: Rebel Against the World of Machines and the Sleepless Cities of Rhythms! | Royal Road

"The night city is always glimmering with life isn't it? Millions of lights, all of them feels alive at night and they pulse their heart for one reason. It's Music!" -Martin Forth, The Soundtrack of Defiance (3rd Live Concert ver.) The Musical Revolution had began after the rumor of an ancient...

www.royalroad.com

I would like to know how I fair as well.

What I'm writing is the prologue of the story so the other half of my synopsis will happen after the build up.

In the first chapter you'll see immediately that it was written like a content creator video documentary.

I experimented trying to introduce my world and the vibes by putting the reader in a perspective of a social media user and also the term "newborn" (something similar to clones but not really) for readers to see the oppression of the common folk in the eyes of the most relatable yet also the chaotic neutral people, the terminally online addicts.

I put quotations of inside world references that exist in that world's media to increase that immersive feel.

For me, I have mixed feelings to what I've written. I think it is unique and can be used but I don't know if I became overly descriptive immediately at the first chapter.