How do girls feel about Harems for guys?

[Sylverius]

I probably can't speak for girls, but I as a consumer always had the feeling that the "harem" bit of anime isn't there for the relationship. At least I don't react to it that way. It's for marketing mostly, and I feel that some people (I'm very guilty of this) don't even watch those harems for the romance.

I want to see the my favorite tropes thrown in with some unique character development drama here and there, but overall, the main appeal of a "harem" (emphasis on the quotes) for me is not the romance or even making sense of the situation (like your example with bringing home many other girls) but the fact that you'll have a roster of girls to feel attracted to. Eventually, someone would find a waifu or something among the six or so.

For me, it's never about the romance which is why I actually prefer what some anime often do with pushing the actual romance/relationship part aside in favor of a more "traveling/battle companions with many girls" approach. Or maybe not even those actiony parts, but basically in a way that shows like Saekano do it. Then probably just have MC choose one, all, or none once the adventure's completely over.

Hey @EternalSunset0, good to see you again!

The main reason why I could put in the "Harem" bit in my story is because of his personality. His personality includes Pure loyalty to his loved ones and he is full of kindness as well to those he chooses to be kind to. In the very far part of the story, I plan on adding more side characters, meaning more guys and more gals, which is where the problem lies. The girls could fall in love with him, which is what I'm saying. Though, I haven't planned out that much in the middle yet, if I were to take down the route of where the girls WILL fall in love with him because of who he is as a person, it might create a waifu war in the future (which I kinda hope people would do, because if they do, then that means my novel is popular enough).

You see, the MC's personality is based off of mine, but a lot more exaggerated. The only thing exaggerated from him, however, is his violence. Nothing else. Now, if a girl who helped you out so damn much says that she likes you, it'd be SUPER HARD to say no to her, since you're already in love with someone else. At least that's in my case.

Though, if I were to put a harem, it'd not just be because they're "waifus", but because the MC actually loves them. But I don't know what to do really, that's why I'm trying to ask the people of scribblehub.

Just bringing ten people home out of the blue? No, that would be a very dramatic break-up and a story I'd be telling people for the rest of my life. The nerve of the guy!

Polyamory, even if it's the "one person with many lovers" type, should always be done with full honesty and the genuine consent of everyone involved, otherwise it's just a scumbag cheating.

Even if they came back with 10 people and tried to negotiate a polyamorous relationship before getting with any of the people, their original lover might not want polyamory and might be put off by the knowledge that this is what their lover truly wants.
So, you're opening yourself up to that first relationship ending no matter what.

To ensure a no or low-drama harem, the possibility of a harem happening has to be established long before it begins to form, or before any relationship starts. And everyone involved would have to realise that's where this is heading and accept that.

That's the plan chief.

 

[Agentt]

Do you have any sexual attractions to Astolfo?

Yes!

 

[Sylverius]

It isn't in human nature to share important things unless they have an excess of the resource. At the same time, more or less, readers immerse themselves in the stories to a certain extend.

So, if you think you can have too much of your loved one, and you are fine with giving some to other people, then you probably don't really like that person all that much. Therefore harem/reverse harem is fine for playing around/sexual kinks, but it definitely doesn't make sense for a love story.

Yeah, I get what you mean. But like, what would you do if the girl was actually someone who cared for you and helped you out for a long time suddenly confesses to you while you already love someone else? Sure, let's say that the main girl says okay or actually likes the other girl as well (not sexually), what would happen then? And if I were to do that, is it human-like?

I wrote this story about a guy having to deal with an oversized harem that increases rapidly over a few weeks, and everyone coping with the situation including the guy who isn't exactly 100% onboard. Lots of character fleshing out, arguably only one character up to this point still feels ancillary, but that'll be hammered out soon enough.

I see... I guess I'll read it for inspirational purposes.

"Inspiration"

As a dude, I don't like harem unless it is for nutting purpose, though I do enjoy harems like Sevens with the women in the group actually interact like normal human beings.

The key word is "normal", I can enjoy a gossip where a man ends up hooking with many women and a shitstorm is brewing, I am having a hard time to digest easy capture targets like CCGs.

I don't plan on doing sevens lmao. Maybe just 3 or something if I were to ever implement the Harem in the story.

Harems are normal in most medieval or fantasy settings. Especially for rich people like CEO or Royalty. Being a part of their harem is a guaranteed risk. Nothing wrong with that. As long as I can still do anything I want.

Good to see you again @Leti!

The main problem I can see with the harem part is "Is it human-like?" and "Is it fair?" because I for one, support gender-equality.

Harem is good if you develop it well. What makes it special isn't about making collection but how you flesh out the characters and how you want them to stick into the story. If you want harem but for collection only, I recommend you never touch harem since you'll likely think more of your lower part than actually making it good.

Harems in my part are something to write and let the character grow like how the harem grows. Look at Nisekoi and how it develops the girls. They all got quirks and differences that people trying to ship them into the MC in a way they want, not knowing how the ending fcked them all. Harems are mostly collecting girls but how to develop them into proper humans depends on you.

I for one can write my own harem, the problem being is that I have a hard time making interactions with one person, much less multiple people.

The harem I plan on making isn't the sort of stupid-ass harems you usually see, but I aim for it to be similar to the GOLDEN ONES. I don't want to go for the Harem route just for the sake of "Ooh waifu, me likey" sort of shit, but rather, "I love her, but I love someone else" type of thing. My MC is a kind yet immature person, he doesn't like seeing people suffer or get sad because of his own naivety and weakness, which is why I'm asking here, so I can know whether to take the Chad way or the puss-puss way.

Yes!

GOOD

 

[Agentt]

Yeah, I get what you mean. But like, what would you do if the girl was actually someone who cared for you and helped you out for a long time suddenly confesses to you while you already love someone else? Sure, let's say that the main girl says okay or actually likes the other girl as well (not sexually), what would happen then? And if I were to do that, is it human-like?

I see... I guess I'll read it for inspirational purposes.

"Inspiration"

I don't plan on doing sevens lmao. Maybe just 3 or something if I were to ever implement the Harem in the story.

Good to see you again @Leti!

The main problem I can see with the harem part is "Is it human-like?" and "Is it fair?" because I for one, support gender-equality.

The harem I plan on making isn't the sort of stupid-ass harems you usually see, but I aim for it to be similar to the GOLDEN ONES. I don't want to go for the Harem route just for the sake of "Ooh waifu, me likey" sort of shit, but rather, "I love her, but I love someone else" type of thing. My MC is a kind yet immature person, he doesn't like seeing people suffer or get sad because of his own naivety and weakness, which is why I'm asking here, so I can know whether to take the Chad way or the puss-puss way.

GOOD

Good luck! I pray for your success

 

[Snusmumriken]

Why dont you imagine a reverse harem then? put yourself in the shoes of the one who has to contend with others surrounding the "protagonist" And try to justify to yourself under what circumstances you would be okay with that.

it doesn't matter if MC loves them equally or any other stuff like that what matters is whether the other side is okay with being a part of a larger group instead of a single object of affection.

Edit: imagine a pure kindness heroine that is surrounded by guys, yourself included that she loves equally and welcomes their affections. and see how it can be done. I find it is usually the easiest way to figure out how a character would react to something.

 

[Moonpearl]

That's the plan chief.

Then it should be fine, right? The worst part about most harems is that the women's needs, desires and agreement to the situation are completely ignored in favour of making them collectable characters/free ecchi experiences for the harem-having character.

I actually enjoy a harem, regardless of the genders involved, so long as the harem-having character has an attractive personality and the harem dynamics are properly played out.
Most of the male-aimed harems that are available to read give their MCs the personality of cracked sandpaper, and their women no personalities at all, and that's why I avoid them.

As for whether or not harems are realistic for humans... Everyone has their own tastes. If they're agreeing to a harem situation, that's probably something that's personally fine with them, otherwise they would leave.

 

[EternalSunset0]

The main reason why I could put in the "Harem" bit in my story is because of his personality. His personality includes Pure loyalty to his loved ones and he is full of kindness as well to those he chooses to be kind to. In the very far part of the story, I plan on adding more side characters, meaning more guys and more gals, which is where the problem lies. The girls could fall in love with him, which is what I'm saying. Though, I haven't planned out that much in the middle yet, if I were to take down the route of where the girls WILL fall in love with him because of who he is as a person, it might create a waifu war in the future (which I kinda hope people would do, because if they do, then that means my novel is popular enough).

Waifu wars are fun. Pretty much a writer's dream because as you said, it means your work is popular enough.

As for the actual content, I guess we could have him stick with being kind? Well, that's how I like it in my anime, personally speaking. Have him just not commit to someone early romantically. You could say that he is loyal to someone as a brother/senior/friend/whatever, and start throwing in the other girls as the plot progresses. Even if they fall in love with him, if the feeling's yet to be reciprocated, I think it's fine, and you won't have to have the loyalty aspect come into play.

 

[AliceShiki]

Regarding reading harems: I'm totally and absolutely fine with them myself. As long as the characters are properly developed, I'll gladly read harem without a care in the world.

Like, I reaaaaally don't care if the MC has one or many love interests, as long as I enjoy the characters, I can easily enjoy the ride.

And if the harem evolves into polyamory? Well, that's fine too, I don't mind it at all~


Regarding harem IRL: That's kinda complicated to answer... I would never want to get into a polyamorous relationship myself, but if my loved one wanted to get into one, and felt like it was really necessary to keep our relationship going, I think I could give it a try.

I'm just not a girl that can think of having multiple partners myself, and I don't like sharing either... But if sharing is a necessity to keep the relationship going, then I think I could try it out at least, it would be better than giving up altogether.

 

[Redemit]

So as a guy I've given this quite a bit of thought and made a number of observations based on modern real life and historical relationships not just romantic but also friendships here's what I'll say in regards to harems and why the majority of them are one guy with multiple women as opposed to one woman with multiple guys and why they can sorta kinda work as MFFF but not FMMM

Women are often more comfortable sharing intimate things and being in physical contact with one another they'll share clothes make-up hell even "toys" with their best friends and they're often more comfortable with one another's body's enough to be naked with each other or cuddle up together under the same blanket to watch movies

now imagine the Guys trying to do the same at most they'll share a shirt if their buddy needs it but they're not going to be trying on each other's outfits to see what looks good on each other there's not much else they can share but most men probably aren't comfortable being naked around each other more then necessary and they certainly wouldn't snuggle up together under a blanket to watch a movie nope it's not going to happen ever unless they're gay

Now what about sex?

Well if it's FMMM you can imagine what that looks like and at that point you need to ask if she actually likes any of the Guys or just likes the sex most Men In that kinda relationship would feel easily replaceable because they are they're nothing but boy toys to the woman just another stick in a hole sure there might be some emotional attachment there but one stick is just as good as any other to her at the end of the day and there's plenty of sticks she can find to replace the ones she loses

But what about MFFF sex? Why are they different? Why aren't the women just another hole? Well that leads into the next subject but first

the reason they're not just another hole is simply because most men can't go more then a few rounds before he runs empty and it starts to get sore and you only have 2 hands so you can only do so much as one guy so unless your women are willing to please one another the guy will need to pick and choose who's in the most need of attention and to do that he'll need to not only know them but also care enough to give them what they need

now I'm not saying every guy can do this but that's why not everyone is in these kinds of relationships in the first place if the guy can't do it his harem is doomed to collapse but on to the last and most important point

Baby making/family building

F + MMM = all kinds of issues 9 months of pregnancy + Birth + 6 to 8 week recovery period + the 18 to 24 months between pregnancies would not only make the woman feel like she's just a birthing machine if she even survives but also breeds LOTS of conflict between the men over who's turn it is and who's kid gets the mothers attention the most all kinds of stuff it's just a whole shitshow that would destroy any relationship

These problems are almost entirely absent in a MFFF relationship each woman can be although unadvisable pregnant at the same time and if done right and if the women all have a good relationship they can and would be happy to help one another with the kids and while a father's love is important and necessary and irreplaceable he can be more distant than a mother can be with the children still growing up happy and healthy and generally the only time conflict would rise between these children is if there's inheritance involved of some kind of money or throne

But these are just my conclusions based off of what I've seen in real life in history and in fiction

Also the max number of women I've ever fantasized about having in my harem is 3 anymore and it would just not work and they'd all need to at the very least love each other like sisters if not more while also loving me the guy even more so otherwise I might get jealous of their relationship lol

 

[Sylverius]

Why dont you imagine a reverse harem then? put yourself in the shoes of the one who has to contend with others surrounding the "protagonist" And try to justify to yourself under what circumstances you would be okay with that.

it doesn't matter if MC loves them equally or any other stuff like that what matters is whether the other side is okay with being a part of a larger group instead of a single object of affection.

Edit: imagine a pure kindness heroine that is surrounded by guys, yourself included that she loves equally and welcomes their affections. and see how it can be done. I find it is usually the easiest way to figure out how a character would react to something.

That's the thing, that's why I'm asking here wtf

As for the actual content, I guess we could have him stick with being kind? Well, that's how I like it in my anime, personally speaking. Have him just not commit to someone early romantically. You could say that he is loyal to someone as a brother/senior/friend/whatever, and start throwing in the other girls as the plot progresses. Even if they fall in love with him, if the feeling's yet to be reciprocated, I think it's fine, and you won't have to have the loyalty aspect come into play.

You know what?... That's actually a good idea. Wtf how'd I not think of that?

So as a guy I've given this quite a bit of thought and made a number of observations based on modern real life and historical relationships not just romantic but also friendships here's what I'll say in regards to harems and why the majority of them are one guy with multiple women as opposed to one woman with multiple guys and why they can sorta kinda work as MFFF but not FMMM

Women are often more comfortable sharing intimate things and being in physical contact with one another they'll share clothes make-up hell even "toys" with their best friends and they're often more comfortable with one another's body's enough to be naked with each other or cuddle up together under the same blanket to watch movies

now imagine the Guys trying to do the same at most they'll share a shirt if their buddy needs it but they're not going to be trying on each other's outfits to see what looks good on each other there's not much else they can share but most men probably aren't comfortable being naked around each other more then necessary and they certainly wouldn't snuggle up together under a blanket to watch a movie nope it's not going to happen ever unless they're gay

Now what about sex?

Well if it's FMMM you can imagine what that looks like and at that point you need to ask if she actually likes any of the Guys or just likes the sex most Men In that kinda relationship would feel easily replaceable because they are they're nothing but boy toys to the woman just another stick in a hole sure there might be some emotional attachment there but one stick is just as good as any other to her at the end of the day and there's plenty of sticks she can find to replace the ones she loses

But what about MFFF sex? Why are they different? Why aren't the women just another hole? Well that leads into the next subject but first

the reason they're not just another hole is simply because most men can't go more then a few rounds before he runs empty and it starts to get sore and you only have 2 hands so you can only do so much as one guy so unless your women are willing to please one another the guy will need to pick and choose who's in the most need of attention and to do that he'll need to not only know them but also care enough to give them what they need

now I'm not saying every guy can do this but that's why not everyone is in these kinds of relationships in the first place if the guy can't do it his harem is doomed to collapse but on to the last and most important point

Baby making/family building

F + MMM = all kinds of issues 9 months of pregnancy + Birth + 6 to 8 week recovery period + the 18 to 24 months between pregnancies would not only make the woman feel like she's just a birthing machine if she even survives but also breeds LOTS of conflict between the men over who's turn it is and who's kid gets the mothers attention the most all kinds of stuff it's just a whole shitshow that would destroy any relationship

These problems are almost entirely absent in a MFFF relationship each woman can be altogether unadvisable pregnant at the same time and if done right and if the women all have a good relationship they can and would be happy to help one another with the kids and while a father's love is important and necessary and irreplaceable he can be more distant than a mother can be with the children still growing up happy and healthy and generally the only time conflict would rise between these children is if there's inheritance involved of some kind of money or throne

But these are just my conclusions based off of what I've seen in real life in history and in fiction

Also the max number of women I've ever fantasized about having in my harem is 3 anymore and it would just not work and they'd all need to at the very least love each other like sisters if not more while also loving me the guy even more so otherwise I might get jealous of their relationship lol

This guy gave out a whole fkin essay with experience, kudos mate! Also, not gonna lie, I also fantasized about a harem, same as yours, like sisterly love with the others but only wanted 2 girls. Though a harem is a man's dream, I wanted a more "Realistic" approach since my story also has "Realistic" aspects to it.

 

[Kazesenken]

As a guy, I completely understand the need for having multiple options for girls that cater to your audience. That's why harems work so well in attracting people. If you don't like the one or two females that are paired with the guy, then it will get dropped. But a host of likable girls? Many will read on.

Personally, I like reading harem. It's cheap thrills and mindless fun.

But writing them, I feel very bleh about it. It doesn't seem natural. It disregards a lot of things, especially involving the feelings of the women involved. And even when it does, it's usually some exaggerated caricature. Or the personalities coincide to make things convenient for the MC or only just mildly inconvenience him.

I write an Isekai series where the MC is seemingly surrounded by 'options'. But there is a big difference. Female readers that I have talked to are surprised how real the ladies are. They possess complex feelings that evolve into complicated relationships with the MC that doesn't necessarily lead to romance. Of course, that doesn't satisfy the readers that call for harems, but that's the story I want to write. It's not what is trendy, but I'd rather have my readers truly enjoy something that I came up with than write to satisfy their desires.

 

[Deleted member 49654]

Yeah, I get what you mean. But like, what would you do if the girl was actually someone who cared for you and helped you out for a long time suddenly confesses to you while you already love someone else? Sure, let's say that the main girl says okay or actually likes the other girl as well (not sexually), what would happen then? And if I were to do that, is it human-like?

@Sylphias
Let me confirm the setup: I like girl A and am just good friends with girl B. Then girl B confesses to me? You are asking me if I would choose A, B, or both?

My answer is A. Why? Because according to the setup, I am in love with A. Don't take my feelings lightly.

Choosing B just because she confessed to me, is cheap and dishonest. I think that B deserves my respect for being such a good friend. Don't you find it dirty to go out with her because of pity? Or is it to make yourself feel better and enter a relationship even though you don't really love her? Don't waste the girl's time. It is way better to be sincere and straightforward, so that she can move on and find someone who will love her back.

Choosing B while still aiming for A is even more despicable. These are human beings, not toys you play with. You should make your mind and love wholeheartedly one of them. Otherwise, you deserve to get none. And if I was A or B in this setup, I'd gladly give up on this scumbag of a man. I have no intention to be a collection item in some dude's harem fantasies.
As A and B are friendly toward each other, the best course of action is for both of them to kick his butt, and go hang out together.

PS: I have 0 tolerance toward cheating, and I classify harem protagonists as cheaters. If you fell out of love just say it, no need to backstab your partner. For me, the same logic applies to harems too. Therefore, I directly skip the novel/webtoon if I see this tag.

 

[Sylverius]

Female readers that I have talked to are surprised how real the ladies are.

... Let's talk. HAHAHA

But yes, I do understand what you're saying. Though, I do want to learn how you made the girls "humans" since that's my main goal. To make the characters more "human".

Let me confirm the setup: I like girl A and am just good friends with girl B. Then girl B confesses to me? You are asking me if I would choose A, B, or both?

My answer is A. Why? Because according to the setup, I am in love with A. Don't take my feelings lightly.

Choosing B just because she confessed to me, is cheap and dishonest. I think that B deserves my respect for being such a good friend. Don't you find it dirty to go out with her because of pity? Or is it to make yourself feel better and enter a relationship even though you don't really love her? Don't waste the girl's time. It is way better to be sincere and straightforward, so that she can move on and find someone who will love her back.

Choosing B while still aiming for A is even more despicable. These are human beings, not toys you play with. You should make your mind and love wholeheartedly one of them. Otherwise, you deserve to get none. And if I was A or B in this setup, I'd gladly give up on this scumbag of a man. I have no intention to be a collection item in some dude's harem fantasies.
As A and B are friendly toward each other, the best course of action is for both of them to kick his butt, and go hang out together.

PS: I have 0 tolerance toward cheating, and I classify harem protagonists as cheaters. If you fell out of love just say it, no need to backstab your partner. For me, the same logic applies to harems too. Therefore, I directly skip the novel/webtoon if I see this tag.

Yeah... I know. I know it's like cheating, that's what my brother says as well, but like... It's hard saying no in my case. I say "in my case" because I'm the type of guy who's very emotional, short sighted, dumb, irrational, and a very loyal (self-proclaimed) guy. Now, of course I'd pick Girl A, that's who I started with, right? (Gosh it's hard without saying spoilers, but anyways, I'll try to deliver what I can)

I never take feelings lightly, that's why for my MC, who's based on me, but his violence is just more exaggerated, it's hard saying no to girl B considering I also know of her situation. This is why I loved @EternalSunset0's suggestion, what if I make them just be friends for now, you know?

This is why I wanted to ask first, because I don't want the same shit that Isayama got on his story to happen to me. I don't like dogshit endings, I also don't like AssPulls, and although Harem's are every man's dreams, I want it to be realistic. My biggest problem, which is the reason why I'm asking this stupid shit of a question, is because I have never experienced sexual love before.

 

[Deleted member 49654]

Harem's are every man's dreams

They aren't lol. There are plenty of men out there that don't like harems...

I have never experienced sexual love before.

You don't need that to write a story. Just use imagination while adhering to logical human behavior. The story will be way better if the MC has a loyal and good female friend that is always there for him than a cheap harem. You can even consider this girl acting like a matchmaker or a helper in his relationship. If you still want her to be in love with him, you can make them openly discuss their feelings toward each other. You can describe her pain for being rejected, yet how she values friendship more than the fleeting dream of romance, etc.

 

[Snusmumriken]

Modern society values individual freedoms and benefits. Within it the notion of the harem is considered cheating/unwillingness to commit and plenty others.

The reason harems could exist historically is for two reasons - the value of the society was placed on the family, not on an individual (this is where arranged marriages shine as well as harems - they deliberately strengthen families first and people second. Mostly through the political unions)

The second reason is extreme power discrepancy. For a long time women were extremely marginalised they either belonged to their fathers or grooms. And a good groom with other brides might be preferable to a single one who is poor.


If you want to set up a harem with individualistic values and emotions it shouldn't be a harem specifically. but a union of equals.

Similar to threesome sex ideally you want to constantly shuffle who is receiving the pleasure and who is giving it. its no longer about two chicks and a guy but three people making each other happy.

 

[Sylverius]

They aren't lol. There are plenty of men out there that don't like harems...

Sorry, I forgot that I shouldn't generalize. My mistake.

You don't need that to write a story. Just use imagination while adhering to logical human behavior.

I just want to make people immersed in my story. I want people to be as amazed and as hyped as people that read "Beginning after the End", seeing their interactions and all that.

Modern society values individual freedoms and benefits. Within it the notion of the harem is considered cheating/unwillingness to commit and plenty others.

The reason harems could exist historically is for two reasons - the value of the society was placed on the family, not on an individual (this is where arranged marriages shine as well as harems - they deliberately strengthen families first and people second. Mostly through the political unions)

The second reason is extreme power discrepancy. For a long time women were extremely marginalised they either belonged to their fathers or grooms. And a good groom with other brides might be preferable to a single one who is poor.


If you want to set up a harem with individualistic values and emotions it shouldn't be a harem specifically. but a union of equals.

Similar to threesome sex ideally you want to constantly shuffle who is receiving the pleasure and who is giving it. its no longer about two chicks and a guy but three people making each other happy.

That's the thing, like, should I stick to modern societal values or ignore it and go full medieval-fantasy? I don't really know what to go for.

 

[Snusmumriken]

That wholly depends on your story and the characters of your story. you have characterization for a reason you know best what your characters want and like.

Edit: in my story, it is all pre-medieval norms not because I wanted them to be but because all my characters are born and raised in that culture and they adhere to their norms. Do they have personal desires? absolutely. But are these desires based on the values of their society - absolutely too.

If i had a group of modern characters in a medieval world they would probably stick to modern values.

Edit 2 - the realistic boogaloo: Another thing to consider - even in medieval times people didn't join harems out of love either. But out of obligation, necessity or outright mercenary reasons. these women wanted protection, a roof over their heads, food, and safety for their family and future children. And not because the hero was 'kind'

 

[Sylverius]

That wholly depends on your story and the characters of your story. you have characterization for a reason you know best what your characters want and like.

I guess I should abide that.

Edit: in my story, it is all pre-medieval norms not because I wanted them to be but because all my characters are born and raised in that culture and they adhere to their norms. Do they have personal desires? absolutely. But are these desires based on the values of their society - absolutely too.

If i had a group of modern characters in a medieval world they would probably stick to modern values.

What if my character has this mindset: "It is what it is."? Like, modernity isn't applicable in the medieval world, so he'd just fucking go medieval as well, "fuck my world" is basically what I set in his character. What do you think?

Edit 2 - the realistic boogaloo: Another thing to consider - even in medieval times people didn't join harems out of love either. But out of obligation, necessity or outright mercenary reasons. these women wanted protection, a roof over their heads, food, and safety for their family and future children. And not because the hero was 'kind'

Ohhh... You know, it's really my fault for not really doing research and shit.

 

[Deleted member 45782]

Now, if a girl who helped you out so damn much says that she likes you, it'd be SUPER HARD to say no to her, since you're already in love with someone else.

Ik everyone has different opinions on this, but for me, it'd be no. As a girl, just because someone is nice doesnt mean I'll accept them if I fall in love with someone else already. If accept every nice guy out there just because they so nice to me, haha what I would be known as to some/society behind my back?

Its also sorta why I don't like always the disney princess stories. They fell in love and its always someone who helped save them. It feels more like because I save you, I have to be in love with you and marry you. Is it love though or more of just gratitude for being saved?

So to me idea of they're nice to me so should include them in, doesn't feel too right. Unless the person fell in love with them, otherwise just accepting anyone who is nice doesn't seem develop a relationship beyond just gratitude.

I only know one person who sorta marry person bc they were always there and helpful for to them, but they also love each other. And work together as teammates through thick and thin.

Yeah, I get what you mean. But like, what would you do if the girl was actually someone who cared for you and helped you out for a long time suddenly confesses to you while you already love someone else? Sure, let's say that the main girl says okay or actually likes the other girl as well (not sexually), what would happen then? And if I were to do that, is it human-like?

If someone just confesses they love you, but do you or the main love them back the same way? I think has be mutual (unless you're talking about historically where they didn't had much choice who they marry and how many partners their spouses without many of them agreeing to it happily). This just feels like more accept out of pity or gratitude, but not really bc the mc love this character too, but just bc they helped a lot. So it seems less romantic bond between them right there.

Now if the main girl knows about it and is okay with it, then maybe. Every relationship (s) are different. Would imagine it to be like accepting friend or companion. It sounds like couple just taking in their friend tbh thu.

But that is if main girl is comfortable with it or you let them know beforehand. Otherwise it'd make em pissed and as a few said, i would consider it cheating as well. Having another partner besides your main when supposedly in a monogamous relationship with the main would leave that partner feel cheated on and experience heartbreak, anger, pain. Especially if all secretive or way they treat the main is different from how they treasure their mistresses and the main knows about it but nothing they can do.

Ik one great grandma found out great grandpa had another wife after many years, she was Not happy.

As for harem stories, I'm not really into harem stories so can't really say. The stories I do read may include harem but bc of harem court politics, the main couple never has a harem and/or chooses no harem, just the one. I'm more into monogamous relationships stories since that is what I'd prefer too. But everyone is different and if you still wanna go for harem route do what you do. Its a story anyways.

 

[Snusmumriken]

What if my character has this mindset: "It is what it is."? Like, modernity isn't applicable in the medieval world, so he'd just fucking go medieval as well, "fuck my world" is basically what I set in his character. What do you think?

I think he isn't going medieval really. Nothing you described so far sounded medieval to me. He has extremely individualistic values you can even say selfish, but they aren't medieval. He wants a harem for personal reasons, not because he needs to make babies and make his clan prosper for example.