How do girls feel about Harems for guys?

[Kazesenken]

... Let's talk. HAHAHA

But yes, I do understand what you're saying. Though, I do want to learn how you made the girls "humans" since that's my main goal. To make the characters more "human".

Part of it is experience. I'm a bit on the older side, so I can base the characters off of real people and how they have interacted with me over the years. But in essence, I flesh out the characters and give them their moments to shine, away from the MC. They have their own goals and motivations. Not just those activated by the MC.

 

[Sylverius]

I think he isn't going medieval really. Nothing you described so far sounded medieval to me. He has extremely individualistic values you can even say selfish, but they aren't medieval.

Well, that's because he IS me, and it's kind of hard making "me" live in a medieval world when we lived in a modern world where we're sheltered or something.

He wants a harem for personal reasons, not because he needs to make babies and make his clan prosper for example.

You had me in the first half, not gonna lie.

Ik everyone has different opinions on this, but for me, it'd be no. As a girl, just because someone is nice doesnt mean I'll accept them if I fall in love with someone else already. If accept every nice guy out there just because they so nice to me, haha what I would be known as to some/society behind my back?

Its also sorta why I don't like always the disney princess stories. They fell in love and its always someone who helped save them. It feels more like because I save you, I have to be in love with you and marry you. Is it love though or more of just gratitude for being saved?

So to me idea of they're nice to me so should include them in, doesn't feel too right. Unless the person fell in love with them, otherwise just accepting anyone who is nice doesn't seem develop a relationship beyond just gratitude.

I only know one person who sorta marry person bc they were always there and helpful for to them, but they also love each other. And work together as teammates through thick and thin.


If someone just confesses they love you, but do you or the main love them back the same way? I think has be mutual (unless you're talking about historically where they didn't had much choice who they marry and how many partners their spouses without many of them agreeing to it happily). This just feels like more accept out of pity or gratitude, but not really bc the mc love this character too, but just bc they helped a lot. So it seems less romantic bond between them right there.

Now if the main girl knows about it and is okay with it, then maybe. Every relationship (s) are different. Would imagine it to be like accepting friend or companion. It sounds like couple just taking in their friend tbh thu.

But that is if main girl is comfortable with it or you let them know beforehand. Otherwise it'd make em pissed and as a few said, i would consider it cheating as well. Having another partner besides your main when supposedly in a monogamous relationship with the main would leave that partner feel cheated on and experience heartbreak, anger, pain. Especially if all secretive or way they treat the main is different from how they treasure their mistresses and the main knows about it but nothing they can do.

Ik one great grandma found out great grandpa had another wife after many years, she was Not happy.

As for harem stories, I'm not really into harem stories so can't really say. The stories I do read may include harem but bc of harem court politics, the main couple never has a harem and/or chooses no harem, just the one. I'm more into monogamous relationships stories since that is what I'd prefer too. But everyone is different and if you still wanna go for harem route do what you do. Its a story anyways.

Now that I've re-read my comment, let me rephrase it first, "-it'd be SUPER HARD to say no to her, since you're already in love with someone else while not wanting to hurt her feelings." Much better.

Now, THIS is why I wanted to ask so that I could get insights of both sides. Now, as for your comment, this is what I can say:

Yes, I'm too lazy and tired to edit this part but you get the idea.

Why is it hard to argue with your comment? Because it's all true, and it's the kind of answer I wanted! You really did it in-depth, and now, let's de-bunk it.

Ik everyone has different opinions on this, but for me, it'd be no. As a girl, just because someone is nice doesnt mean I'll accept them if I fall in love with someone else already. If accept every nice guy out there just because they so nice to me, haha what I would be known as to some/society behind my back?

True doh.

Its also sorta why I don't like always the disney princess stories. They fell in love and its always someone who helped save them. It feels more like because I save you, I have to be in love with you and marry you. Is it love though or more of just gratitude for being saved?

So to me idea of they're nice to me so should include them in, doesn't feel too right. Unless the person fell in love with them, otherwise just accepting anyone who is nice doesn't seem develop a relationship beyond just gratitude.

I did consult with my brother with this, and this is the same thing he said. Although this was what he said, I still need more insights. Can't really conclude a mystery when you only have one evidence, right?

If someone just confesses they love you, but do you or the main love them back the same way?

This just feels like more accept out of pity or gratitude, but not really bc the mc love this character too, but just bc they helped a lot. So it seems less romantic bond between them right there.

Well, the sad truth is the fact that I never experienced romantic love before, so I can't really say anything about that. What I can say though, is that the main character has been mind fucked in the far far future, seeing as he reincarnates repeatedly, keeping his memory each death and then going to another world to live another life again and again and again (No, this isn't a spoiler, it is literally in the first chapter after the prologue). So if I were in his shoes, I'd really have a hard time getting myself straight.

Now if the main girl knows about it and is okay with it, then maybe. Every relationship (s) are different. Would imagine it to be like accepting friend or companion. It sounds like couple just taking in their friend tbh thu.

But that is if main girl is comfortable with it or you let them know beforehand. Otherwise it'd make em pissed and as a few said, i would consider it cheating as well.

In one of the things I've mapped out just in case this actually gains a 2-girl harem in it, is that they'll have a friendly rivalry on "who the best wife is" kind of deal, you know?

Especially if all secretive or way they treat the main is different from how they treasure their mistresses and the main knows about it but nothing they can do.

Lmao, no. As far as I know, I, or my MC, won't like keeping secrets with my lover. Well, I never had one to begin with so I can't really say. But if I were to do something like that, I'd fucking shame myself. I may be dumb, stupid, over-emotional and short-sighted, but I at least think rationally. That's why I'm asking for insights before I do something I think I might regret. And gosh damn I did the right thing.

Ik one great grandma found out great grandpa had another wife after many years, she was Not happy.

Ah, sounds like Bill Gates IMO.

So, as of now, I think I know what to lean on. However, if someone says that my idea of "In one of the things I've mapped out just in case this actually gains a 2-girl harem in it, is that they'll have a friendly rivalry on "who the best wife is" kind of deal" is acceptable to the majority of the people here, then I might consider it. It really depends on my morality and the opinions of people here whom I take to be as "Judges" or "Critics". Although I'm the Author, I can write whatever shit I want, I don't want my readers to then say "Well that was Dogshit", I want them to say "Holy shit that was good shit". To those who actually reply to this thread, thank you for being interested. I'm looking forward to future answers, and besides, this part will still be very far, so keep the answers coming!

 

[Snusmumriken]

Well, that's because he IS me, and it's kind of hard making "me" live in a medieval world when we lived in a modern world where we're sheltered or something.


In one of the things I've mapped out just in case this actually gains a 2-girl harem in it, is that they'll have a friendly rivalry on "who the best wife is" kind of deal, you know?

1) that was my point - the values are still modern.

2) To make it realistic you have to actually explain why would she be okay with that and moreover have 'friendly rivalry' sounds extremely hard to implement.

to have that kind of attitude they both should have virtually zero concern and insecurity about their status. that means either

- this relationship had been going on for years and years where all wrinkles had been overcome.
- the ladies in question don't actually love/care about the protagonist thus not really concerned as much
- there are mind manipulation / soul bonds / magic contracts that enforce obedience among the entire party
- there had been extreme grooming involved.
- there is some fantasy morals involved that have girls thinking it is a good idea.

It like imagine you got yourself a girlfriend and now she wants to date some other guy at the same time - under which circumstances you would be like "okay I bet I am a better boyfriend though!"

 

[Deleted member 45782]

Now that I've re-read my comment, let me rephrase it first, "-it'd be SUPER HARD to say no to her, since you're already in love with someone else while not wanting to hurt her feelings." Much better.

Now, THIS is why I wanted to ask so that I could get insights of both sides. Now, as for your comment, this is what I can say:
View attachment 7937Yes, I'm too lazy and tired to edit this part but you get the idea.

Why is it hard to argue with your comment? Because it's all true, and it's the kind of answer I wanted! You really did it in-depth, and now, let's de-bunk it.


True doh.

I did consult with my brother with this, and this is the same thing he said. Although this was what he said, I still need more insights. Can't really conclude a mystery when you only have one evidence, right?


Well, the sad truth is the fact that I never experienced romantic love before, so I can't really say anything about that. What I can say though, is that the main character has been mind fucked in the far far future, seeing as he reincarnates repeatedly, keeping his memory each death and then going to another world to live another life again and again and again (No, this isn't a spoiler, it is literally in the first chapter after the prologue). So if I were in his shoes, I'd really have a hard time getting myself straight.

Its alright. Some of us never experience romance before so we just write how we think romance may be like. And writing helps us explore options that we may not actually do so irl, so more freedom to think doing things differently. And for some us, its the stories we heard from ours so it can also influence the perception we have towards certain things.

And since didn't really know the story behind the character it is a bit hard to say. Also writing vs how we feel bout harem irl may differ so yeah. Its fiction so what we feel irl may not cross over to fiction. Not too strongly at least. Not harem relationships irl, but harem in writing? While not my cup of tea, its more of would I care? Eh. But, someone else may enjoy it.

In one of the things I've mapped out just in case this actually gains a 2-girl harem in it, is that they'll have a friendly rivalry on "who the best wife is" kind of deal, you know?

Hmm...but if the main will always be the someone special in that mc heart and the 2nd one is only accepted bc they helped mc a lot...i wonder if there's a point in arguing who is the best wife or is it the girls point of who's the best and not the mc's view of who is the best?

Lmao, no. As far as I know, I, or my MC, won't like keeping secrets with my lover. Well, I never had one to begin with so I can't really say. But if I were to do something like that, I'd fucking shame myself. I may be dumb, stupid, over-emotional and short-sighted, but I at least think rationally. That's why I'm asking for insights before I do something I think I might regret. And gosh damn I did the right thing.

So, as of now, I think I know what to lean on. However, if someone says that my idea of "In one of the things I've mapped out just in case this actually gains a 2-girl harem in it, is that they'll have a friendly rivalry on "who the best wife is" kind of deal" is acceptable to the majority of the people here, then I might consider it. It really depends on my morality and the opinions of people here whom I take to be as "Judges" or "Critics". Although I'm the Author, I can write whatever shit I want, I don't want my readers to then say "Well that was Dogshit", I want them to say "Holy shit that was good shit". To those who actually reply to this thread, thank you for being interested. I'm looking forward to future answers, and besides, this part will still be very far, so keep the answers coming!

Yeah write what you want. Besides, harem is probably is popular here, so you'll do fine. Good luck with your writing! :)

 

[K5Rakitan]

I can't speak for girls, but seeing people like @K5Rakitan , I can say that a well written harem with actually human personalities can be enjoyed by all. Human personalities mean that the girls don't fall for MC just because he is MC. I have seen many girls who enjoyed We Never Learn.
So, Gambare!

Also, the MC doesn't need to be the only one with multiple partners.

Polyamory Glossary | Ready For Polyamory

Ready for Polyamory offers education, personal stories, and relationship advice on polyamory, relationship anarchy, and alternative relationships. Polyamory glossary

www.readyforpolyamory.com

If it was reverse, would a guy be okay with his girl bringing home 10 other guys? Maybe some cases and in some local customs, but that really depends; don't really see that as something commonplace.

 

[Deleted member 49654]

Also, the MC doesn't need to be the only one with multiple partners.

Polyamory Glossary | Ready For Polyamory

Ready for Polyamory offers education, personal stories, and relationship advice on polyamory, relationship anarchy, and alternative relationships. Polyamory glossary

www.readyforpolyamory.com

We are humans, not lions. In the first video, the word tribal is key. And The fact that it is something especially feathered in National Geographic speaks by itself how commonplace it is. And polyamory is not exactly a harem. It has an equal relationship between all participants, not all for one. Humans are not polygamic or polyandric animals. There are exceptions, but they are just that - exceptions.

 

[K5Rakitan]

We are humans, not lions. In the first video, the word tribal is key. And The fact that it is something especially feathered in National Geographic speaks by itself how commonplace it is. And polyamory is not exactly a harem. It has an equal relationship between all participants, not all for one. Humans are not polygamic or polyandric animals. There are exceptions, but they are just that - exceptions.

http://www.radicalanthropologygroup.org/sites/default/files/pdf/class_text_050.pdf

 

[Deleted member 45782]

Also, the MC doesn't need to be the only one with multiple partners.

Polyamory Glossary | Ready For Polyamory

Ready for Polyamory offers education, personal stories, and relationship advice on polyamory, relationship anarchy, and alternative relationships. Polyamory glossary

www.readyforpolyamory.com

Yep, that's why I said in some places it is still practiced and really depends on the culture and local customs. But its not as common common in society nowadays (if we look and generalize it across many places and the main majority of that society). There will always be exceptions though - some people do find multiple partners and they may be okay with it. Others just aren't into that.

 

[Moonpearl]

It has an equal relationship between all participants, not all for one.

Polyamory doesn't mean that everyone involved is in a relationship with everyone else. I keep seeing this being spread about like it's fact, and it's really wrong?

Think about it this way: just because you're dating someone, doesn't mean you share their taste in partners. Maybe your partner likes you because you're small and cute, but you like tall and buff people. All their other partners are going to be small and cute, so why would you end up taking an interest in them?

It's just overall rare that you'll be attracted to/fall in love with the same person as your partner while that person also ends up attracted to/falls in love with the both of you.

You might also have different relationships with your partners, like being in a very serious relationship with only one or two, but seeing some others as a fling.
And there are people who are happy for their partner to have more partners, but don't have an interest in dating more people themselves.

Anything where it's not strictly 1v1 and there's genuine consent between all parties is polyamory, really.

 

[Deleted member 49654]

http://www.radicalanthropologygroup.org/sites/default/files/pdf/class_text_050.pdf

I skimmed through a few pages (sorry, but I don't really feel like reading all 13 pages). And what I see is that biologically and mostly socially it is 1:1. There are places where there is partible paternity belief, but these places are not the majority. First, this belief sounds quite tribal and primitive. Second, what does this have to do with harems? Even if we accept this belief, the sharing of one's partner in these tribes should be a result only of their ignorance. It has nothing to do with wanting or feeling good about sharing. Unless you make your story full of people with such a belief it sounds quite implausible and illogical. Of course, your readers probably know how fertilization works as well.

Anyway as fiction I guess it doesn't need to be too strict. However, I find it a bit disappointing that nowadays it is hard to find ML without a harem. Most women definitely won't enjoy sharing their man.

Polyamory doesn't mean that everyone involved is in a relationship with everyone else. I keep seeing this being spread about like it's fact, and it's really wrong?

Think about it this way: just because you're dating someone, doesn't mean you share their taste in partners. Maybe your partner likes you because you're small and cute, but you like tall and buff people. All their other partners are going to be small and cute, so why would you end up taking an interest in them?

It's just overall rare that you'll be attracted to/fall in love with the same person as your partner while that person also ends up attracted to/falls in love with the both of you.

You might also have different relationships with your partners, like being in a very serious relationship with only one or two, but seeing some others as a fling.
And there are people who are happy for their partner to have more partners, but don't have an interest in dating more people themselves.

Anything where it's not strictly 1v1 and there's genuine consent between all parties is polyamory, really.

Still, it is not all for one type of relationship. If you want to compare it to a harem it should be: You have your own harem, I have my own. Not: You have a harem and I am hopelessly in love with only you. People still have more of an equal standing than a typical harem.

PS: Thanks for the info, I didn't know that. I don't really read polyamory stuff either. I have seen this genre once and by reading the story I saw it is all for all, thus I came to such a conclusion.

And there are people who are happy for their partner to have more partners...

Well, I guess, there are all types of people. My point is that it isn't a majority.

 

[Moonpearl]

Still, it is not all for one type of relationship. If you want to compare it to a harem it should be: You have your own harem, I have my own. Not: You have a harem and I am hopelessly in love with only you. People still have more of an equal standing than a typical harem.

You can have all-for-one situations, though - but it's typically on a smaller scale in real life. Like, you can easily have a closed V-relationship where two people love one person but not each other, and they're not interested in opening up to other people.

Admittedly, you probably can't have a healthy polyamory relationship where one person wants multiple partners but bans their partners from having other relationships. But if everyone just happens to be happy to agree to that, then it works.

Well, I guess, there are all types of people. My point is that it isn't a majority.

You don't need it to be a majority for it to exist in a story, though. You can just have that particular group of people being interested in and happy with that set up.

Or you can write a world where it's a societal norm.

 

[Deleted member 49654]

You don't need it to be a majority for it to exist in a story, though. You can just have that particular group of people being interested in and happy with that set up.

Or you can write a world where it's a societal norm.

That is true. I am not saying there shouldn't be any harem/polyamory stories. However, the topic of this discussion is what girls think about sharing their man. Therefore, my answer is - most won't be pleased with such a setup. The same goes for the other way around. Therefore if you want to appeal to more readers it is best to go with 1 vs 1 romance, add a few loyal friends, etc. If you want to appeal to a particular group of people and delusional virgin boys, then sure go for the harem. But you risk having lesser female readers. Of course, you(your work) can't be liked by all whatever you choose.

PS: Anyway, I am not a female, so I shouldn't be talking about what they would like to begin with, lol. However, although I am a man, I personally do not enjoy reading harems.

 

[Sylverius]

Holy shit I just slept for 7 hours and a lot of comments just fucking popped up.

So before I start debunking all of your comments, I'll show you guys my reaction to this whole thing:

Yep. I'm having quite a hard time choosing what option I should go for.

Alright, let's start debunking your comments.

Also, the MC doesn't need to be the only one with multiple partners.

Polyamory Glossary | Ready For Polyamory

Ready for Polyamory offers education, personal stories, and relationship advice on polyamory, relationship anarchy, and alternative relationships. Polyamory glossary

www.readyforpolyamory.com

... That's a lot to take in.
But yes, just like @TheHermit (tempted to write Kermit instead) said, they are exceptions, but not "just" exceptions seeing as they themselves have chosen to do so.

Yep, that's why I said in some places it is still practiced and really depends on the culture and local customs. But its not as common common in society nowadays (if we look and generalize it across many places and the main majority of that society). There will always be exceptions though - some people do find multiple partners and they may be okay with it. Others just aren't into that.

The main thing I'm currently looking for is, "is the norm okay with this?" because if we're talking about the past countries or society in the past, there are many that has commits to polyamory. But I do support your last statement.

Even if we accept this belief, the sharing of one's partner in these tribes should be a result only of their ignorance. It has nothing to do with wanting or feeling good about sharing.

Well... That I also support. My only reason for making a harem in the story is the fact that MC can't let go or has a really hard time letting go, especially with his current mental state of knowing all other mortals will die before him while he infinitely reincarnates into different lives and all that shit. I can't really spoil, but this was the only thing I could say.

it should be: You have your own harem, I have my own. Not: You have a harem and I am hopelessly in love with only you.

To be honest, I don't get this statement. I am slow . Feel free to elaborate!

Well, I guess, there are all types of people. My point is that it isn't a majority.

But, the point I'm looking for is if the majority of readers are actually okay with harems...

Like, you can easily have a closed V-relationship where two people love one person but not each other, and they're not interested in opening up to other people.

RIGHT! That's the statement I was missing. What if the 2 other partners only love the one person (again, not because he's MC, but because of him as a person), but they won't love anyone else? I was thinking that kind of situation, but seeing all the other people here makes me think it's a kind of a bad idea...

Admittedly, you probably can't have a healthy polyamory relationship where one person wants multiple partners but bans their partners from having other relationships.

But like, the MC doesn't really ban them for wanting to leave the relationship, seeing as he infinitely reincarnates, there will come a time where he can't come back due to his "curse", or that his partners will die before he could even return, or that they really miss him a lot and wanted more affection from him. So for him (me), it's understandable for his partners to leave him.

You don't need it to be a majority for it to exist in a story, though. You can just have that particular group of people being interested in and happy with that set up.

Or you can write a world where it's a societal norm.

Well, it IS medieval-fantasy...

If you want to appeal to a particular group of people and delusional virgin boys, then sure go for the harem.

NEVER HAVE I BEEN SO OFFENDED BY SOMETHING I 100% AGREE WITH HAHAHA

Therefore, my answer is - most won't be pleased with such a setup.

That's true.

But you risk having lesser female readers.

THAT IS ALSO TRUE.

Okay so, as I said earlier, my goal is to make the readers nut at the story the same as Isayama's Attack on Titan did (Manga readers, let's ignore the chapters 130 and above, deal?). Whenever Isayama dropped a chapter, everyone of the fans would go NUTS and immediately open it. That's my dream, along with the people who read till the end have this sort of reaction, "That was fucking good". I'll mention it again just in case, but the reason why I asked is so I can know what the best option for the readers is. I don't want to be that kind of author wherein he just puts the shit he wants and goes full on Naruto-Boruto.

 

[Deleted member 45782]

@Sylphias i think its fine on scribblehub. besides yuri, isekai, litrpg, harem seems to also be doing well on this site. so if you want to know if its alright for the readers on scribblehub specifically then i think a lot don't mind. you can find lot of harem novels on here. for other writing platforms? then im not too sure about it.

 

[Sylverius]

@Sylphias i think its fine on scribblehub. besides yuri, isekai, litrpg, harem seems to also be doing well on this site. so if you want to know if its alright for the readers on scribblehub specifically then i think a lot don't mind. you can find lot of harem novels on here. for other writing platforms? then im not too sure about it.

To be honest, if my novel won't get famous, then I might not make the 2nd season, meaning no harem at all. I'm just asking here just in case it does get famous enough to be able to make a 2nd season, which I really really want to, but if there's no readers or if there are barely any readers that are willing to enjoy my novel, then what's the point?

 

[K5Rakitan]

Forget what the normies want. Write the story you want to read.

 

[Deleted member 45782]

To be honest, if my novel won't get famous, then I might not make the 2nd season, meaning no harem at all. I'm just asking here just in case it does get famous enough to be able to make a 2nd season, which I really really want to, but if there's no readers or if there are barely any readers that are willing to enjoy my novel, then what's the point?

Well it depends what you want to do with it. Like I said before, a harem story can work on ScribbleHub. Are you asking if a harem story can see success on other writing platforms?

 

[Sylverius]

Well it depends what you want to do with it. Like I said before, a harem story can work on ScribbleHub. Are you asking if a harem story can see success on other writing platforms?

Nah, I'm asking if the harem stories aren't looked down or frowned upon.

Forget what the normies want. Write the story you want to read.

Sadly, I don't know which is which.

 

[Deleted member 49654]

To be honest, I don't get this statement. I am slow . Feel free to elaborate!

Ok, erm I mean it like this (let me flex my paint skills) xD

Spoiler

This is what I mean by polyamory being equivalent to each with their own harem.

Anyway, just write what you want to write.

 

[Deleted member 45782]

Nah, I'm asking if the harem stories aren't looked down or frowned upon.

Sadly, I don't know which is which.

Sylphias, your question is a bit broad and vague. Sorry if I am confused by the question. It depends on what platform you're trying gain audience from. Different platforms cater to audience with different popular tropes. Are you asking it just in general sucess vs specific sucess (type of platforms, etc.)? I don't feel like many like to share partner so it may deter some. Ofc there's always some who don't mind and enjoy reading harems in fiction.

Harem stories isn't frowned on exactly in ScribbleHub from what it seems. Only down is if you built it like mc playing pokemon and just collecting characters without giving them any development. There will always be others that are not interested in harems like me. You can't please everyone. Besides there's bunch of harem stories on ScribbleHub so if you just want to know if its okay on ScribbleHub specifically then it it could still work. It just depends whether if you made harem characters useful, or just characters with no development after being accepted into harem thereafter. The main complaint on here is more focus on how one writes harem stories in terms of character development, not how it is perceived. A harem story with good character development between harem characters may still be liked here on ScribbleHub. So if its specific to success on ScribbleHub it can still have sucess.

As for harem being popular outside of ScribbleHub, that depends on what platform and what kind of success you want see your story go. Asking how well harems generally are recieved will mostly get you responses on how it is received here on ScribbleHub. Does not mean other places may receive it the same way.