Lloyd Reviews

[Lloyd]

https://www.scribblehub.com/series/857279/end-of-the-road/
I am more than open to let you roast my story however you see fit.

1. Technical Proficiency is fine, if a bit simplistic. The only issue I have is that the chapters are way too short.
2. The story just doesn't have enough going on. It feels like a first draft with how little there is here. You have the beginnings of an interesting story, but what even is Smithport? What is going on in the world? I'd put more world-building into the first chapter and flesh out your setting and Seth more. From skimming through most of your story, I can see this is a consistent issue. Let your stuff cook a little longer! But at least you are posting chapters so that is better than me.
3. There isn't much of a draw here to keep reading besides finding out about the vague mystery of the road and why people don't return. Maybe if it was a little bit more fleshed out I could call it an X factor, but at this point, I can't.

technical
Story
X factor
Overall

 

[KoyukiMegumi]

Hi Lloyd! I think I still remember you as blunt as this. If my story wasn't smut, I'd tell you to do me a mean review!

 

[2wordsperminute]

1. Technical Proficiency is fine, if a bit simplistic. The only issue I have is that the chapters are way too short.
2. The story just doesn't have enough going on. It feels like a first draft with how little there is here. You have the beginnings of an interesting story, but what even is Smithport? What is going on in the world? I'd put more world-building into the first chapter and flesh out your setting and Seth more. From skimming through most of your story, I can see this is a consistent issue. Let your stuff cook a little longer! But at least you are posting chapters so that is better than me.
3. There isn't much of a draw here to keep reading besides finding out about the vague mystery of the road and why people don't return. Maybe if it was a little bit more fleshed out I could call it an X factor, but at this point, I can't.

technical
Story
X factor
Overall

Thanks! And yeah, I'll need to do a rewrite eventually, I'll probably do it after the next batch of chapters.

 

[Lloyd]

Hi Lloyd! I think I still remember you as blunt as this. If my story wasn't smut, I'd tell you to do me a mean review!

thanks

 

[Lloyd]

I don't normally do there, but check out my signature if you'd like.

1. This has been a joy to read, with no technical problems whatsoever and well-crafted sentences.
2. The story is pretty solid. A lot is going on and it's all interesting. My only problem is that Kyraa's narration seems too human for a monster raised in a laboratory. It would have been more interesting if you allowed her to grow and become more civilized as the story progressed, but maybe I haven't read far enough to get the full content on that.
3. I'm not a huge fan of how you start this novel. It would be better to start with an experiment on Kyraa, rather than telling us about the experiments on her. You could start things off with a bang instead of exposition for the first few paragraphs. Having a hook right at the start would really up your X factor.

technical
Story
X factor
Overall

 

[supremechadd]

I would love for you to check out my fiction. It should be in my signature but here is the link regardless (its smut but doesn't have any sex scenes yet): https://www.scribblehub.com/read/10...-dual-cultivation-progenitor/chapter/1082255/

Hope you enjoy it! Looking forward to your feedback!

 

[Rookieqw]

I am once again for the first time offering free reviews of your novels. All I ask in return is that your writing isn't complete garbage or smut. I prefer to read fantasy or sci-fi, and if you give me anything else I'll probably forget about and not read it.

I will be reviewing your novel in three(3) distinct categories:
1. Technical Proficiency - Basically this is grammar, vocabulary, and sentence structure.
2. Story Content - Is your story interesting and are things actually going on?
3. X factor - Every story needs it, but few have it. The X factor is whatever I want it to be. Don't ask questions. But if I had to describe it, it would be like a hook to grab your reader's attention.

Just put a link to your novel below and I'll either get around to reviewing it eventually or tell you I ain't reading that shit.

Thank you for your kind offer. Here is my story:

https://www.scribblehub.com/read/1042505-hordedoom/chapter/1050298/

 

[RiaCorvidiva]

I offer to you my current work, Godslayer Lysette.

There's no on-screen explicit content, and I'd like to think the writing isn't unbearably difficult to read.

 

[Lloyd]

https://www.scribblehub.com/series/1052102/the-truth-is-mysterious/

i will just drop mine. Thanks.

I'm not reading Josei.

 

[Nevafrost]

I'm not reading Josei.

Ah, I was so excited to get a review from you. Can't be helped though.

 

[Lloyd]

Ah, I was so excited to get a review from you. Can't be helped though.

I tried but this is not for me

 

[Nevafrost]

I tried but this is not for me

Yeah yeah. I appreciate your effort.

 

[PrototypeHD]

Here's mine if you're interested:

https://www.scribblehub.com/series/1026411/reincarnation-of-wrath-can-i-become-the-strongest-in-this-new-world/

 

[Lloyd]

Here's mine if you're interested:

https://www.scribblehub.com/series/1026411/reincarnation-of-wrath-can-i-become-the-strongest-in-this-new-world/

Have you ever heard of a paragraph?

 

[PrototypeHD]

Have you ever heard of a paragraph?

I'm writing it like a light novel which to my understanding is "easy to read". Well, too late to change that now but thanks anyway.

 

[Lloyd]

I'm writing it like a light novel which to my understanding is "easy to read". Well, too late to change that now but thanks anyway.

Yeah, I flipped through it some, cause I have been wanting to read an Isekai. I'll come back to it after I finish the reviews ahead of yours.

 

[SirDogeTheFirst]

Here is my abomination: https://www.scribblehub.com/series/794596/generic-battle-academia/

 

[CrimsonGenius]

Power of the Elements: Recharge

Jake Ishida expected ordinary days when he moved to a new city. He did not expect the mysterious warrior, Pilot, to give him a strange crystal. The crystal transforms him into the Fire Radiant, a warrior of order. Now, he must learn how to utilize his new powers to fight...

www.scribblehub.com

If you want to

 

[Sunshine_Inferno]

... I would put mine but it's YA contemporary fiction.

 

[Rookieqw]

I wrote some bullshit on Space Battles.Its called Space Monster Bloodbath and it's a Doctor Who rip off.I wrote it twenty years ago and actually sold a handmade copy on eBay.Some guy out in Arizona actually bought the fucking thing! Then I didn't write again for twenty years until last week I read The Confidential Agent by Graham Greene.Man,it blew me away! I'm writing again and it's driving me crazy!

That bad, huh? Well, at least I know.

Good on you for writing! Keep having fun and stay healthy!