Lloyd
Funny Guy :)
- Joined
- Jun 2, 2020
- Messages
- 2,460
- Points
- 153
1. Technical Proficiency is fine, if a bit simplistic. The only issue I have is that the chapters are way too short.https://www.scribblehub.com/series/857279/end-of-the-road/
I am more than open to let you roast my story however you see fit.
2. The story just doesn't have enough going on. It feels like a first draft with how little there is here. You have the beginnings of an interesting story, but what even is Smithport? What is going on in the world? I'd put more world-building into the first chapter and flesh out your setting and Seth more. From skimming through most of your story, I can see this is a consistent issue. Let your stuff cook a little longer! But at least you are posting chapters so that is better than me.
3. There isn't much of a draw here to keep reading besides finding out about the vague mystery of the road and why people don't return. Maybe if it was a little bit more fleshed out I could call it an X factor, but at this point, I can't.
technical
![Star :star: ⭐](https://cdn.jsdelivr.net/joypixels/assets/6.0/png/unicode/64/2b50.png)
![Star :star: ⭐](https://cdn.jsdelivr.net/joypixels/assets/6.0/png/unicode/64/2b50.png)
![Star :star: ⭐](https://cdn.jsdelivr.net/joypixels/assets/6.0/png/unicode/64/2b50.png)
![Star :star: ⭐](https://cdn.jsdelivr.net/joypixels/assets/6.0/png/unicode/64/2b50.png)
Story
![Star :star: ⭐](https://cdn.jsdelivr.net/joypixels/assets/6.0/png/unicode/64/2b50.png)
![Star :star: ⭐](https://cdn.jsdelivr.net/joypixels/assets/6.0/png/unicode/64/2b50.png)
X factor
![Star :star: ⭐](https://cdn.jsdelivr.net/joypixels/assets/6.0/png/unicode/64/2b50.png)
Overall
![Star :star: ⭐](https://cdn.jsdelivr.net/joypixels/assets/6.0/png/unicode/64/2b50.png)
![Star :star: ⭐](https://cdn.jsdelivr.net/joypixels/assets/6.0/png/unicode/64/2b50.png)