"Hikari you traitor!" a young dark-skinned woman with white robes cursed as she gritted her teeth in pain. Blood was pouring out from her belly.
“Hikari… you… traitor!” the woman with blood pouring out from the wound in her belly gritted her teeth in pain as cursed at the woman before. Her white robes, originally a contrast to her dark skin is now stained with an expanding crimson bloom.
Focus on what matters first. In this case, there is blood pouring out from her belly. That is very important. Her white robe is not important other than to specify that she's part of the staff.
She looked at the ten people before her. They were all wearing white robes like her and are the great researchers and scientists of earth.
She looked at the ten people standing before her with anger and disappointment. All of them were wearing the same white robes like her. Like her, they were all great researchers and scientists, perhaps among the best in the world.
Don't clutter your composition. It makes it harder to read. And also stiffens your style. Don't put too much into one sentence. You're not trying to make a point on how awesome you are at creating the longest sentence in the world.
"There is nowhere to run, so now hand over Project PQW!" A fair woman with short purple hair and black eyes said with a smug look on her face. She also wore a scientist robe which displayed her beautiful figure.
“There’s nowhere to run now. Why don’t you just hand over Project PQW? Who knows, maybe I’ll even be nice and let you go.” One of them, a fair-skinned woman with short bottle-purple hair and black eyes said with a smug grin. The unflattering, loose white robe failed to hide her curvy figure.
For someone smug, the purple hair scientist sounds awfully desperate and angry. Also, what is 'beautiful figure'? Describe it with words.
"Do you think I would give it to you knowing your intentions?" The dark-skinned woman snarled at the fair woman.
“Kuh… you think… I would give it...? Knowing your intentions?” the dark-skinned woman snarled at the fair-skinned woman.
She is awfully coherent while suffering such injury.
"The world is dying and we've been placed in a dire situation. So how could you all fight for power over Project PQW?" The dark-skinned woman yelled in frustration as she looked at the group of scientists.
“The world is… dying… and you… fight over this…?” the dark-skinned woman yelled in frustration at their betrayal.
She seems to be talking a lot with blood pouring out of her belly. Nobody does that. Not even Tupac Shakur when he was shot twice and left for dead.
"Only a fool wouldn't know that project PQW has the power to control the world," another scientist bellowed as they stared at the teenager at the end of the hall with greedy eyes.
“Only a fool couldn’t see the potential of Project PQW. With it, we can control the world!” another scientist laughed as he stared at the teenager, with eyes full of greed.
You do not need the 'end of the hall'. Nobody cares. Your readers definitely won't. It's needless detail that has no bearing whatsoever in the story. It would have context if you instead start the chapter with her attempting to escape but was shot from the back or something. But as of now, it is useless detail.
Now, those are examples of how you could improve. Here is Ai-chan's impression. Do not get offended, Ai-chan has no malicious feelings about giving this feedback so please take this with an open mind:
1. Project PQW is mentioned WAAAAAAAYYYYY too much! Get rid of most of the instances of such mentions. Replace them with 'my project', or 'the project' or 'my baby' or 'endeavour' or 'this project' or 'salvation'. Just think of something. You use this way too much. It gets to the point that just seeing this word makes Ai-chan sigh and lose interest in reading the rest of the paragraph. Special nouns should be used sparingly, not liberally. Here's a tip, reduce it to less than 5 in each 2000 words chapter.
2. You're not putting yourself in their shoes. The dialogues are too robotic, with no feelings or personality behind them. Some of these dialogues would not even be said in real life. For example: "Everyone run!!" nobody would say this as the facility is about to explode. They would say, "Out! Out! Out!" or "Outoutoutout!" or "Run!!!" or "Out of my way!" Personality is important, even for mob characters.
3. Ai-chan guesses you've never felt debilitating pain before. Those with debilitating pain would not be coherent in their speech, not even if they're some qigong master. It is very painful when your stomach is cut open to the point that blood poured out of it. When it happens, it gets extremely hard to do anything else, even your eyes would lose focus and your joints would refuse to obey you. That's why when people had that kind of injury, they'd just lie down or drag themselves with their hands. At that point, your legs are just gone. You can still use your legs, but it can't even hold your own weight.
4. You need to identify what is important in your story. In many cases, you focused on something unimportant, while putting the important bit to the side as if an afterthought. As a new author, you don't need to give a 'wow' sentence, just knowing what is important and what is not is a good way forward. Put the important thing on top, not on the bottom.
5. Now for the good news, the length is fine. You just need to provide proper details.
