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AdOtherwise

AdOtherwise

Owl Who Reads · Hoot Hoot
Joined
Apr 8, 2023
Messages
89
Points
33
I've already requested feedback on here I'm pretty sure but I've done some revisions, if you got free time let me know how I did.
www.scribblehub.com

Lowly Ascent

Within a desolate realm, where discarded worlds were stitched together, a rupture tore open, releasing a small child into this fragmented expanse. Above him, the sky revealed three eerie moons, while an ominous black mass loomed ominously in their wake. Disoriented and engulfed by a putrid...
www.scribblehub.com www.scribblehub.com
 
MaitreyaGem

MaitreyaGem

Active member
Joined
Jun 3, 2022
Messages
5
Points
43
Hello :D please check my story!

www.scribblehub.com

The Winds of Tepr

In the vast and volatile lands of Tepr, the Jabliu and Alinkar tribes, long-standing enemies, have forged an uneasy alliance. The price of peace? A union through matrimony between Naci, the fiery and ambitious daughter of Jabliu's chieftain, and the elusive heir of Alinkar. From the windswept...
www.scribblehub.com www.scribblehub.com
 
N

Notadate

Well-known member
Joined
Oct 28, 2022
Messages
974
Points
108
only got a chapter up, getting back into writing. go soft on me. please do suggest a synopsis

nm its a rr link
you said no rr
HGECK IT. TANK YOU KINDLY
www.royalroad.com

HomosJarra - A tale in a terrarium [White board shenagins] | Royal Road

A rusty bolt. A photo of which will be his last. A cold and dark grave, far too deep to his liking. He meets his death and is offered, no, he doesn't know if it was a offer or more by force. He can only laugh, to give up choice for a next time. At the cost of choice the man was forced to roll...
www.royalroad.com www.royalroad.com
 
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Sylver

Sylver

Well-known member
Joined
Oct 11, 2023
Messages
292
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63
Glitched

Glitched

Moth Mommy
Joined
Jan 5, 2024
Messages
186
Points
63
Paul_Tromba said:
I'm down. If you wouldn't mind reading one of my stories
www.scribblehub.com

I accidentally summoned the hero! Now what?

After being framed for the use of necromancy, Nero was banished from his hometown and the great magic academy. Having nowhere else to go he was cast out into the swamps bordering his home country, Where he got lost in an Imperial city ruin and end up in a labyrinth....
www.scribblehub.com www.scribblehub.com
www.scribblehub.com

I was reborn as a demon lord in another world but my morals contradict my title

Having been summoned to this world as the next Demon Lord, Legion found himself surrounded on all sides by subservient demons. However, he has no idea what they want, nor does he know his purpose. Learning that these demons' morals were flipped on their head compared to his own, he...
www.scribblehub.com www.scribblehub.com
or if you would be so kind, you can read my book at https://www.amazon.com/dp/B0CL8BPLCH
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Okay, I'm finally back everyone. Had to take a break from reading mortal stubs to take care of my children.

As for you Paul, I stopped at Chapter 2 Part 1. Now the first issue I ran into when reading was the side characters. I mean it's the first chapter and I'm not hit with worldbuilding(thankfully), but instead a plethora of names and descriptions for 12 side characters, most of which are hard to remember because there are 12 of them, and some with very uncommon names.

The second problem comes back to the side characters again and the tone of the story. The first chapter is supposed to engage readers with your mc, or show that your story has potential, or do a bit of worldbuilding(I hate this). In your case, I'm hit with information about side characters and a less than reliable mc that I learn very little about aside from the fact that he is just trying to get by.

For the most part, grammar is fine, but I feel you could definetly reword and rewrite descriptions to either make them more vivid and less bland, or just more concise and to the point. It just felt bad reading blandish description after description whenever he saw or met someone new.

On the plus side, good job writing unique characters with some personality, and while I don't agree with their judging of the mc, it's ok. I feel like the more realistic thing they would do after summoning an otherworlder, would be education and instruction. Statistically, the odds of them summoning an evil person are VERY low, so I imagine they'd realistically have some plan to convert them after sacrificing so much to summon.

As for the mc himself, I can accept his personality bcs trope.

I'm not gonna let this collect dust in my library as its not my cup of tea, but it's a decent read nonetheless.

Style Score: 6
Story Score: 8
Grammar Score: 8
Character Score: 8
Overall Score: 7.5
 
Glitched

Glitched

Moth Mommy
Joined
Jan 5, 2024
Messages
186
Points
63
EldritchPotato said:
Oh hell yeah, shameless self-promotion. Feel free to read any of mine, whichever sounds most interesting. :)
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You...You, why did you have me review one of your stories? I decided to read The Orca's Serenade and I must say it was...ummm...perfect?

The characters, the premise, the formatting, the dialogue, the descriptions, the settings, it felt like I was reading a real, published novel. I don't think it gets much better than what you wrote. I know it sounds redundant, but I just want you to know that I am SO impressed by your writing.

Normally I stray from GL, but I've always had a liking for mermaids, and I must say this did not disappoint. Of course, I don't have the time to read through the entire thing, but I read up to chapter 8 + the epilogue, and honestly, I couldn't fine any problems to critique. Arguably one of the top 3 books I've ever read on scribble, and that's amazing considering my dislike for gl.

I've seen the whole captured person to friends with captor type thing before, several times, but you manage to tell it so well.

This is one of the few stories where the pov change is acceptable, and I actually look forward to the next chapter for the pov switches.

All in all, it's very hard to point out any mistakes. What we have here is a 6/5 story that deserves so much more attention. This belongs on a pedestal in my library, as one of my best reads.

Style Score: 10
Story Score: 9.5
Grammar Score: 10
Character Score: 9.5
Overall Score: 9.8
 
S

SomePersonOfEarth

New member
Joined
Mar 22, 2024
Messages
8
Points
3
Glitched said:
You...You, why did you have me review one of your stories? I decided to read The Orca's Serenade and I must say it was...ummm...perfect?

The characters, the premise, the formatting, the dialogue, the descriptions, the settings, it felt like I was reading a real, published novel. I don't think it gets much better than what you wrote. I know it sounds redundant, but I just want you to know that I am SO impressed by your writing.

Normally I stray from GL, but I've always had a liking for mermaids, and I must say this did not disappoint. Of course, I don't have the time to read through the entire thing, but I read up to chapter 8 + the epilogue, and honestly, I couldn't fine any problems to critique. Arguably one of the top 3 books I've ever read on scribble, and that's amazing considering my dislike for gl.

I've seen the whole captured person to friends with captor type thing before, several times, but you manage to tell it so well.

This is one of the few stories where the pov change is acceptable, and I actually look forward to the next chapter for the pov switches.

All in all, it's very hard to point out any mistakes. What we have here is a 6/5 story that deserves so much more attention. This belongs on a pedestal in my library, as one of my best reads.

Style Score: 10
Story Score: 9.5
Grammar Score: 10
Character Score: 9.5
Overall Score: 9.8
Click to expand...
Well, that's quite the review, I might have to go read this story now.
 
EldritchPotato

EldritchPotato

Eldritch deity & really hard thinker.
Joined
Mar 12, 2023
Messages
75
Points
48
Glitched said:
You...You, why did you have me review one of your stories? I decided to read The Orca's Serenade and I must say it was...ummm...perfect?

The characters, the premise, the formatting, the dialogue, the descriptions, the settings, it felt like I was reading a real, published novel. I don't think it gets much better than what you wrote. I know it sounds redundant, but I just want you to know that I am SO impressed by your writing.

Normally I stray from GL, but I've always had a liking for mermaids, and I must say this did not disappoint. Of course, I don't have the time to read through the entire thing, but I read up to chapter 8 + the epilogue, and honestly, I couldn't fine any problems to critique. Arguably one of the top 3 books I've ever read on scribble, and that's amazing considering my dislike for gl.

I've seen the whole captured person to friends with captor type thing before, several times, but you manage to tell it so well.

This is one of the few stories where the pov change is acceptable, and I actually look forward to the next chapter for the pov switches.

All in all, it's very hard to point out any mistakes. What we have here is a 6/5 story that deserves so much more attention. This belongs on a pedestal in my library, as one of my best reads.

Style Score: 10
Story Score: 9.5
Grammar Score: 10
Character Score: 9.5
Overall Score: 9.8
Click to expand...
Thanks, I really appreciate it. Feel free to add that to a proper review if you feel so inclined :blob_okay:
 
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