Turns out trying to write a full fledged light novel just for fun when you have 0 experience is writing outside of essays/assignments is not exactly the most mentally soothing task...
I'm in a trial relationship with an actual femboy (born male, looks more masculine than me but goes for the feminine side and wear dresses and stuff)
She's one of the most understanding, communicative and nice person I've met... I think I'm full gay now.