Free feedback thread.

[RepresentingEnvy]

Why did the Vampire cross the Road?

 

[Sleds]

Hi!
Are you still giving feedbacks?
I'm a beginner writer and would like to have some feedback. Thanks!

Crystal Evolution

For months, Kieran's nights have been tormented by relentless nightmares. Every time he closes his eyes, he is thrust into a nightmarish realm where a brutal and bloody battle unfolds between countless races and an onslaught of infinite beasts. Amidst the chaos is a mysterious figure, a woman...

www.scribblehub.com

 

[SailusGebel]

Hellossu!

Are you still giving feedbacks?
If so, I would like you to take a look at my story. There's only one chapter for now, but I would really like it if you read it and give a feedback.

Infinity Seed | Scribble Hub
Thanks for reading!

Obligatory reminder that English is my second language, and this is subjective feedback from a reader. I stopped reading after I finished Chapter Sowing (II) : … & Boo

Before I start with the feedback, here is a friendly advice. If you will continue to write and post on SH, use as many fitting tags and genres as possible. The more tags and genres you use, the better the visibility of your novel.

I should start by saying that your story is not my cup of tea. Will I add it to my reading list? No. But I was willing to read a bit more. Contradictory, but the reason behind this is quite simple. I needed to read more to form an opinion.

The next thing I want to talk about is your prose. The way you write, your grammar, your writing style, prose, call it however you want, it's good. Personally, I don't like it, but at the same time, it was easy to read, and it was easy to understand. And those are the things that matter to me the most. Though, I found a couple of typos.

“Let’s continue!”they said again after a while,

“ I hope that this geezer

activity.As they peered

“ Ouch looks painful”

And lastly, “Huh? What an interesting fellow. He is talking with a hoe” giggled the scholar. He then glanced behind him where darkness dwelt. Colorful glints answered his gaze. You constantly refer to the scholar with they or them, yet here you used he. Is this a typo or not?

Dialogues are okay, can't say they are remarkably good, but not bad either. Descriptions are forgettable. And that's it for this part.
About plot. As I said in the beginning, I've read way too little to actually form an opinion. Nothing happened so far. When I look at the ending of the second chapter, it makes me think. Maybe all of that was just a prologue that isn't related to the story, considering your synopsis. I don't know, but if it is, and this was a joke, it's not funny. Yeah, I have to mention that even though you have comedy in your genres, I didn't smile even once.

Worldbuilding is the same as the plot, can't say anything after reading so little.

However, I can say something about the characters. Considering the small spoiler, and this, "A little girl torturing an older boy." I assume the boy in the first chapter is a child, same for the girl. And they don't act like children at all. Yeah-yeah, it's fantasy, it's comedy, horror, and blah-blah, so suspend your disbelief. Well, I can't. I don't believe they are children, and I don't like it at all.

And this is pretty much it, I can't say anything else. Although personally I don't like a lot of things, I feel like your story is of good quality. As usual, I didn't rate your novel, but if I had to, 3.5 stars. If you have any questions feel free to ask me. If I can, I will answer them.

 

[RepresentingEnvy]

To get to the blood drive.

 

[SailusGebel]

Can you possibly check mine out, please :) https://www.scribblehub.com/series/729348/the-vampiric-lover/

I don't think I will be able to give you proper feedback because the quality of your novel is too bad. Sorry for phrasing it like this, but I don't know how to say this better. After skimming through the first and last chapters, I saw that you didn't fix any mistakes.

Here is an incomplete list of your mistakes. Bad dialogues, bad descriptions, bad pacing, bad connection between the scenes, and punctuation mistakes.

And here is a couple of different mistakes with examples. Bad paragraphing. You don't split the dialogue lines properly. Whenever a new person starts talking or does something, you have to show it by starting a new paragraph. You don't do it.

"What's up Jenny?" I asked. "I don't think I can be friends with you anymore, I'm sorry." Jenny said.

"W-why, what happened, did I do something?" I asked confused. "It's nothing you did, it's just my family, they don't want me to be around you anymore."

Unnecessary and redundant repetitions of words and phrases.

Thunder was heard all around as the lightning was seen in the sky illuminating the night sky.

"I don't understand why she had to say that before we graduated, I thought we had something." I thought back

"What was that?" I ask myself as I run to the door and open the door. As I open the door,

I will be honest, I'm too lazy and not competent enough to explain every mistake while providing a proper explanation of why it's bad, and how to change it. So ask around in other feedback threads. The last thing I want to say is the usual stuff in such cases. Go read a well-written story and read some guides. Compare it with what you wrote and make appropriate changes.

 

[RepresentingEnvy]

 

[Rockingashe]

I'm sorry that the novel is a let down, I try to write after work. I promise that I will take what you said to heart and try to re-write them.

Again, I apologize.

 

[Jacks]

Hi, I am a new author, please provide me feedback on my first novel: Jade Edge

If possible, please give me your thoughts on my synopsis, Chapter 1 and 2.

Thank you!

 

[SailusGebel]

I'm sorry that the novel is a let down, I try to write after work. I promise that I will take what you said to heart and try to re-write them.

Again, I apologize.

You don't have to be sorry, you didn't do anything wrong, and good luck with your writing.

 

[Ge-O-Fey]

Obligatory reminder that English is my second language, and this is subjective feedback from a reader. I stopped reading after I finished Chapter Sowing (II) : … & Boo

Before I start with the feedback, here is a friendly advice. If you will continue to write and post on SH, use as many fitting tags and genres as possible. The more tags and genres you use, the better the visibility of your novel.

I should start by saying that your story is not my cup of tea. Will I add it to my reading list? No. But I was willing to read a bit more. Contradictory, but the reason behind this is quite simple. I needed to read more to form an opinion.

The next thing I want to talk about is your prose. The way you write, your grammar, your writing style, prose, call it however you want, it's good. Personally, I don't like it, but at the same time, it was easy to read, and it was easy to understand. And those are the things that matter to me the most. Though, I found a couple of typos.

“Let’s continue!”they said again after a while,

“ I hope that this geezer

activity.As they peered

“ Ouch looks painful”

And lastly, “Huh? What an interesting fellow. He is talking with a hoe” giggled the scholar. He then glanced behind him where darkness dwelt. Colorful glints answered his gaze. You constantly refer to the scholar with they or them, yet here you used he. Is this a typo or not?

Dialogues are okay, can't say they are remarkably good, but not bad either. Descriptions are forgettable. And that's it for this part.
About plot. As I said in the beginning, I've read way too little to actually form an opinion. Nothing happened so far. When I look at the ending of the second chapter, it makes me think. Maybe all of that was just a prologue that isn't related to the story, considering your synopsis. I don't know, but if it is, and this was a joke, it's not funny. Yeah, I have to mention that even though you have comedy in your genres, I didn't smile even once.

Worldbuilding is the same as the plot, can't say anything after reading so little.

However, I can say something about the characters. Considering the small spoiler, and this, "A little girl torturing an older boy." I assume the boy in the first chapter is a child, same for the girl. And they don't act like children at all. Yeah-yeah, it's fantasy, it's comedy, horror, and blah-blah, so suspend your disbelief. Well, I can't. I don't believe they are children, and I don't like it at all.

And this is pretty much it, I can't say anything else. Although personally I don't like a lot of things, I feel like your story is of good quality. As usual, I didn't rate your novel, but if I had to, 3.5 stars. If you have any questions feel free to ask me. If I can, I will answer them.

Hellossu!

Thanks for reading my story, and thanks a lot for your feedback!

Me too English is not my first language, so there's some things I miss some times.
And indeed there's a lot of typos in there

The chapters that you read are prologues. But they are linked to the story.

My jokes attempt didn't make you smile...
I would like to know what kind of things makes you laugh. I'm a bit accustomed to a special kind of humor, and I'm trying to expand my horizons. I really appreciate it if you could help me a bit.

The characters in the first chapter. Well, I didn't write them really well. I tried to edit it recently to make them talk like kids.
If you have some suggestions about how kids should act I would gladly accept!

Too bad my story's not to your liking.
Thanks anyway for reviewing.

I'm still struggling with tags and genres. Do you have ideas of tags I can put here?
Thanks again!!

 

[SailusGebel]

If you have some suggestions about how kids should act I would gladly accept!

Unfortunately, I don't have any suggestions.

I'm still struggling with tags and genres. Do you have ideas of tags I can put here?

I read 2 chapters, I have no idea what your story is about, so I can't suggest anything.

I would like to know what kind of things makes you laugh. I'm a bit accustomed to a special kind of humor, and I'm trying to expand my horizons. I really appreciate it if you could help me a bit.

I don't remember the exact date when I laughed the last time, I think it happened a couple months ago. But I remember what made me laugh. The last thing that made me laugh was the slap of god meme, the short clip from the movie.

 

[Anon2024]

Wireless caller

 

[SailusGebel]

Hi!
Are you still giving feedbacks?
I'm a beginner writer and would like to have some feedback. Thanks!

Crystal Evolution

For months, Kieran's nights have been tormented by relentless nightmares. Every time he closes his eyes, he is thrust into a nightmarish realm where a brutal and bloody battle unfolds between countless races and an onslaught of infinite beasts. Amidst the chaos is a mysterious figure, a woman...

www.scribblehub.com

Obligatory reminder that English is my second language, and this is subjective feedback from a reader. I stopped reading after I finished Chapter 2 – Awakening Day and skimmed through Chapter 3 – Double Awakening.

Before I start with the feedback, here is a friendly advice. If you will continue to write and post on SH, use as many fitting tags and genres as possible. The more tags and genres you use, the better the visibility of your novel.

With this out of the way, let me start my feedback by mentioning the good parts. It's easy to read and comprehend. I didn't notice an awful lot of mistakes. That doesn't mean there are no mistakes; it's me who didn't notice any. I rate both of these things highly.

The neutral parts are worldbuilding, character(s), and plot. After reading so little, I can't possibly say anything good or bad about these things. Again, I didn't notice any major mistakes, plotholes, or inconsistencies.

Now it's time for the last and most lengthy part. Mistakes and things I didn't like.

And I will start with dialogues. Dialogues are bad. I didn't like them at all, and there are two reasons for that. First reason; I didn't like the absence of dialogue and\or action tags, while tags present in the story are bad. I don't really care about different styles or some other crap. This is subjective feedback. I don't like such dialogues.

The second reason; is the actual content of dialogues. Characters don't feel like real humans. Even monologues and soliloquies don't feel like human speech. It's a bit hard to phrase this properly, but dialogues and monologues feel like barely masked infodumps.

Take for example the paragraph that starts with this, "Sigh, it's been six months since these nightmares started, and I still don't understand it.

The difference between the third-person narrator and MC's first-person rumination is non-existent. You simply wrote an exposition, a part of MC's biography, his backstory, call it however you want, slapped quotation marks, and didn't bother to actually change the content, so it would feel like a real human speech. By the way, the absence of dialogues or action tags contributes to the second problem.

One more thing that bothers me is info dumping. The first half of chapter 2 is a very bad infodump.

It's bad because you didn't bother to stylize the text to actually fit what you wrote later on. The movie stopped at this point. The teacher deactivated the holographic display before turning to his students. It was a movie, yet the narrator's voice didn't change at all.

Another problem is this. The energy had not only made animals and plants evolve. The humans too, could evolve thanks to this energy. Scientists called this energy crystal essence. Why did the scientists call this energy like that? What is the reason? Since it's an educational movie, there should be an actual scientific explanation of the terms. Yet there is none. Again, you simply infodump without trying to change the tone or voice of the narrator.

Example of what I mean.
In the history of the Aegis Alliance, the double awakening was known as a blessing. Those who possessed it could cultivate two different crystal seeds at the same time. Possessing two different abilities as well as double the crystal essence reserve that a normal cultivator should have, their prowess was truly oppressive to anyone who faced them.

The crystal seeds, once awaken, develop a special ability. Each person develops different abilities, some gaining abilities that help them control the elements, others abilities that allow them to fight crystal beasts with just the strength of their bodies.

What's the difference between the two paragraphs? One is from an educational movie in an academy, and the other is told through a third-person POV. Where is the difference?

Moreover, since this is a movie, it would be fitting to mention at least once, what actually happens in a movie. Stuff like, "The holographic display showed an intricate circuit." Or stuff like, "The anchorman pointed to a picture of a human body." Something along these lines to actually show that this is a movie.

You might think I'm nitpicking, but this is what makes a difference for me. Such things are what separates a good novel from a bad one.

Another thing that bothered me are descriptions. There aren't enough descriptions, and the ones present are lackluster.

The young man looked like he was in his mid-twenties. Measuring 1.80 meters, He had a light skin tone, reddish brown eyes resembling two sparkling ambers, and black hair with shades of dark green that were stained with blood. This is an extremely forgettable description.

The reason for that is not because it's small or there aren't enough metaphors or some other bullshit; it's not a bad design either. It's all of that and none of that at the same time. My advice, if you don't want to write long descriptions, which can be detrimental, focus on one or two striking features. Instead of briefly mentioning every part, focus on eyes and physique, hair and mouth, and so on. Depending on the situation.

This example I used from the first chapter. I'm not sure what you wanted to convey or portray, but since he is in the middle of a battle, he is probably tired, right? Describe it. Say how his emaciated chest kept heaving heavily, while his brown eyes were like that of a dead fish. Or say how his cheeks are sunken, and so on. Same for everything else. If you need to, you can add more description further in the story, but at the moment, focus on something meaningful.

Another mistake is repetition. I will be honest, this is mostly a chapter one problem. This sentence is the best example. The blood that flowed on this plain had long since formed rivers of blood.

There is no need to use the word "blood" twice. The blood that flowed on this plain had long since formed rivers. Maybe I'm wrong here, but this sounds better.

Anyway, what's the problem here? Why repetitions are bad? Well, in the case of your first chapter, and your usage of the word "blood" and "bloody", it diminishes the impact. You see; when you write how bloodied bodies form bloody hills while they soak the land with blood, it doesn't read like a desperate situation, a grimdark description, or something like that. You have to show some kind of contrast, you have to use synonyms and different phrases. Also, it simply doesn't look good when you constantly repeat words and phrases.

There is also the usual problem of writing weird phrases that can be easily paraphrased without losing the meaning.

Rage rose increasingly inside his body as he watched this dragon emerge from the rift little by little. I don't like how this is phrased.

As he finished that sentence, another pain hit, Same.

The Director's words had the effect of a bucket of cold water Same.

There aren't an awful lot of such weird phrases, but they are present.

Lastly, you have some minor problems with tenses. Same as weird phrases. Didn't notice a lot, but this problem is present.

For each beast that was slain, two others replaced it, leaving them no respite and making them feel a sense of despair every second that they struggling to survive.

"It’s our class turn. Everyone goes to the main hall.

And this is it, I don't have anything else to say. As usual, I didn't rate your novel, but if I had to, 1.75 stars. Although it's easy to read and comprehend, although I rate it highly, I can't close my eyes when it comes down to everything else and rate your novel higher. I'm sure I forgot something as I had a lot to say, or made some mistakes. So, if you have any questions, feel free to ask me. If I can, I will answer them.

 

[Anon2024]

Incest MILF

 

[Sleds]

Obligatory reminder that English is my second language, and this is subjective feedback from a reader. I stopped reading after I finished Chapter 2 – Awakening Day and skimmed through Chapter 3 – Double Awakening.

Before I start with the feedback, here is a friendly advice. If you will continue to write and post on SH, use as many fitting tags and genres as possible. The more tags and genres you use, the better the visibility of your novel.

With this out of the way, let me start my feedback by mentioning the good parts. It's easy to read and comprehend. I didn't notice an awful lot of mistakes. That doesn't mean there are no mistakes; it's me who didn't notice any. I rate both of these things highly.

The neutral parts are worldbuilding, character(s), and plot. After reading so little, I can't possibly say anything good or bad about these things. Again, I didn't notice any major mistakes, plotholes, or inconsistencies.

Now it's time for the last and most lengthy part. Mistakes and things I didn't like.

And I will start with dialogues. Dialogues are bad. I didn't like them at all, and there are two reasons for that. First reason; I didn't like the absence of dialogue and\or action tags, while tags present in the story are bad. I don't really care about different styles or some other crap. This is subjective feedback. I don't like such dialogues.

The second reason; is the actual content of dialogues. Characters don't feel like real humans. Even monologues and soliloquies don't feel like human speech. It's a bit hard to phrase this properly, but dialogues and monologues feel like barely masked infodumps.

Take for example the paragraph that starts with this, "Sigh, it's been six months since these nightmares started, and I still don't understand it.

The difference between the third-person narrator and MC's first-person rumination is non-existent. You simply wrote an exposition, a part of MC's biography, his backstory, call it however you want, slapped quotation marks, and didn't bother to actually change the content, so it would feel like a real human speech. By the way, the absence of dialogues or action tags contributes to the second problem.

One more thing that bothers me is info dumping. The first half of chapter 2 is a very bad infodump.

It's bad because you didn't bother to stylize the text to actually fit what you wrote later on. The movie stopped at this point. The teacher deactivated the holographic display before turning to his students. It was a movie, yet the narrator's voice didn't change at all.

Another problem is this. The energy had not only made animals and plants evolve. The humans too, could evolve thanks to this energy. Scientists called this energy crystal essence. Why did the scientists call this energy like that? What is the reason? Since it's an educational movie, there should be an actual scientific explanation of the terms. Yet there is none. Again, you simply infodump without trying to change the tone or voice of the narrator.

Example of what I mean.
In the history of the Aegis Alliance, the double awakening was known as a blessing. Those who possessed it could cultivate two different crystal seeds at the same time. Possessing two different abilities as well as double the crystal essence reserve that a normal cultivator should have, their prowess was truly oppressive to anyone who faced them.

The crystal seeds, once awaken, develop a special ability. Each person develops different abilities, some gaining abilities that help them control the elements, others abilities that allow them to fight crystal beasts with just the strength of their bodies.

What's the difference between the two paragraphs? One is from an educational movie in an academy, and the other is told through a third-person POV. Where is the difference?

Moreover, since this is a movie, it would be fitting to mention at least once, what actually happens in a movie. Stuff like, "The holographic display showed an intricate circuit." Or stuff like, "The anchorman pointed to a picture of a human body." Something along these lines to actually show that this is a movie.

You might think I'm nitpicking, but this is what makes a difference for me. Such things are what separates a good novel from a bad one.

Another thing that bothered me are descriptions. There aren't enough descriptions, and the ones present are lackluster.

The young man looked like he was in his mid-twenties. Measuring 1.80 meters, He had a light skin tone, reddish brown eyes resembling two sparkling ambers, and black hair with shades of dark green that were stained with blood. This is an extremely forgettable description.

The reason for that is not because it's small or there aren't enough metaphors or some other bullshit; it's not a bad design either. It's all of that and none of that at the same time. My advice, if you don't want to write long descriptions, which can be detrimental, focus on one or two striking features. Instead of briefly mentioning every part, focus on eyes and physique, hair and mouth, and so on. Depending on the situation.

This example I used from the first chapter. I'm not sure what you wanted to convey or portray, but since he is in the middle of a battle, he is probably tired, right? Describe it. Say how his emaciated chest kept heaving heavily, while his brown eyes were like that of a dead fish. Or say how his cheeks are sunken, and so on. Same for everything else. If you need to, you can add more description further in the story, but at the moment, focus on something meaningful.

Another mistake is repetition. I will be honest, this is mostly a chapter one problem. This sentence is the best example. The blood that flowed on this plain had long since formed rivers of blood.

There is no need to use the word "blood" twice. The blood that flowed on this plain had long since formed rivers. Maybe I'm wrong here, but this sounds better.

Anyway, what's the problem here? Why repetitions are bad? Well, in the case of your first chapter, and your usage of the word "blood" and "bloody", it diminishes the impact. You see; when you write how bloodied bodies form bloody hills while they soak the land with blood, it doesn't read like a desperate situation, a grimdark description, or something like that. You have to show some kind of contrast, you have to use synonyms and different phrases. Also, it simply doesn't look good when you constantly repeat words and phrases.

There is also the usual problem of writing weird phrases that can be easily paraphrased without losing the meaning.

Rage rose increasingly inside his body as he watched this dragon emerge from the rift little by little. I don't like how this is phrased.

As he finished that sentence, another pain hit, Same.

The Director's words had the effect of a bucket of cold water Same.

There aren't an awful lot of such weird phrases, but they are present.

Lastly, you have some minor problems with tenses. Same as weird phrases. Didn't notice a lot, but this problem is present.

For each beast that was slain, two others replaced it, leaving them no respite and making them feel a sense of despair every second that they struggling to survive.

"It’s our class turn. Everyone goes to the main hall.

And this is it, I don't have anything else to say. As usual, I didn't rate your novel, but if I had to, 1.75 stars. Although it's easy to read and comprehend, although I rate it highly, I can't close my eyes when it comes down to everything else and rate your novel higher. I'm sure I forgot something as I had a lot to say, or made some mistakes. So, if you have any questions, feel free to ask me. If I can, I will answer them.

I think this is one of my biggest problems when I write. I’m bad at describing or writing interactions between two characters.

For dialogue tags, I try to use them only when it is really necessary. They appear more often in the last chapters. I personally thoughts when reading that too much of it is boring, but that is just my personal point of view on them. I may not use them in a good way in the story.

When I started writing, I wondered if it was good to put so many infodumps at once, but as this is useful information for the story, I tried to convey them in this form, but as you say, I could have taken it differently so that the movie would be seen more as educational and written in a different way.

For the part of the descriptions, it is true that depending on the chapters, I do not describe things as much as others. I’m still struggling with whether I’m describing enough for the reader or too much that it gets boring.

English is not my first language, and I still have problems with grammar and tenses but I try to improve on it.

Thanks for your feedback. I will try to improve on the parts you point out.

 

[SailusGebel]

For dialogue tags, I try to use them only when it is really necessary. They appear more often in the last chapters. I personally thoughts when reading that too much of it is boring, but that is just my personal point of view on them. I may not use them in a good way in the story.

Yes, too much tags is bad, the same was as too little. You need to balance it. Unfortunately I can't help with this.

When I started writing, I wondered if it was good to put so many infodumps at once, but as this is useful information for the story, I tried to convey them in this form, but as you say, I could have taken it differently so that the movie would be seen more as educational and written in a different way.

For the part of the descriptions, it is true that depending on the chapters, I do not describe things as much as others. I’m still struggling with whether I’m describing enough for the reader or too much that it gets boring.

Same for these things. I can't properly explain certain things as I'm not good enough. However, I know what can help you.

[Tutorial] For new users of Scribble Hub!

This tutorial is constantly maintained by yours truly and encompasses the basics for readers and writers. Check Section-C for finding more writing tutorials and a helping hand in developing your story by other ScribbleHub users! To navigate more easily ctrl+f the titles in the table of contents...

forum.scribblehub.com

After you click on that link, you will see that there is a table of contents. You need section C. There you will find a lot of different guides, including guides about dialogues and descriptions. It's not panacea, but those guides are way better than anything I can do for you.

Good luck with your writing.

 

[Sleds]

Thanks!

 

[Ge-O-Fey]

Unfortunately, I don't have any suggestions.

I read 2 chapters, I have no idea what your story is about, so I can't suggest anything.

I don't remember the exact date when I laughed the last time, I think it happened a couple months ago. But I remember what made me laugh. The last thing that made me laugh was the slap of god meme, the short clip from the movie.

Thanks for your reply.

 

[SailusGebel]

Hi, I am a new author, please provide me feedback on my first novel: Jade Edge

If possible, please give me your thoughts on my synopsis, Chapter 1 and 2.

Thank you!

Obligatory reminder that English is my second language, and this is subjective feedback from a reader. I stopped reading after I finished Chapter 1: Little Girl

Before I start with the feedback, here is a friendly advice. If you will continue to write and post on SH, use as many fitting tags and genres as possible. The more tags and genres you use, the better the visibility of your novel.

Thoughts on the synopsis, I think it is way too barebones, and you have a mistake there. In the ordinary world, where Tsui had led a typical life in the modern era. The way you wrote it, this is only a first half of a sentence. Where is the second one? You cut a sentence in half in an inappropriate place.

I didn't get enough sleep, and the heat is melting my brain, so this is going to be very short; sorry for that.

Your story is not my cup of tea, so I have no intention of reading more. This leads me to the plot, characters, worldbuilding, and so on, I can't say much. Usually, when I read so little, I can't say a lot unless there are problems. In your case, you didn't have any problems apart from that one line. This is also a plus since I saw some stories that had a lot of logical mistakes or minor plotholes in the first few chapters.

Another good thing is that your novel is easy to read and understand.

Bad parts. You have tense issues. You have way too many dialogue tags. Too many are just as bad as too few. You have paragraphing problems. It's not even about half of your paragraphs being one-two sentences long. It's about cutting a description or exposition into two, three, or four parts, thus ruining the pace and ruining your prose.

And the usual, weird phrases.
their bond for each other is strong.
his armor has been ruined from the countless damage he had received, rendering it unrecognizable.
It was like the manifestation of a god, took on the mantle of death.

As usual, I didn't rate your novel, but if I had to, 2.5 stars. Your novel isn't bad at all, but I can't say that it is good either. If you have any questions, feel free to ask me. If I can, I will answer them.

 

[RepresentingEnvy]

Job done~