Finally burned out

[nightshade.valentine]

please skip if you have nothing but harsh words..This is an emotional moment, and I am having a hard time judging if I even should post this.

I am writing this because I am burned out.

Well, I do write because I love my story and characters. but having that said. That's all, I am not a native English speaker. The amount I invest to finish 1000 words is utterly massive. I need to research grammar, wordings, and structure like hundred times until I publish a chapter. And even then it is bad and does not match the standards

Lately, I have realized that I was happy when going to work. I did feel proud doing something aside from work that makes me happier, and thinking about my characters when listening to music has never felt better.

I have a small child, a husband, and a full-time job. so to write, I am sacrificing my sleep and waking at 4:00 am in the morning for the past two months.

Though, when I look back at my chapters, I hate them ...I hate my English and then I lose hours editing again. and finally I know that they will never be up to the native standards. and yes, I did receive feedbacks that made this scar deeper.

Maybe I need to literally break up with my novel. As it emotionally exhausted me , and drained my soul and energy.

 

[lnv]

please skip if you have nothing but harsh words..This is an emotional moment, and I am having a hard time judging if I even should post this.

I am writing this because I am burned out.

Well, I do write because I love my story and characters. but having that said. That's all, I am not a native English speaker. The amount I invest to finish 1000 words is utterly massive. I need to research grammar, wordings, and structure like hundred times until I publish a chapter.

Lately, I have realized that I was happy when going to work. I did feel proud doing something aside from work that makes me happier, and thinking about my characters when listening to music has never felt better.

I have a small child, a husband, and a full-time job. so to write, I am sacrificing my sleep and waking at 4:00 am in the morning for the past two months.


When I look back at my chapters, I hate them ...I hate my English and then I lose hours editing again. and finally I know that they will never be up to the native standards.

Maybe I need to literally break up with my novel. As it emotionally exhausted me , and drained my soul and energy.

If it makes you feel better, even those of us who are native english speakers spend 10X more time editing our novels then writing them. And no matter how much some parts are rewritten, they may never fully satisfy.

Generally though, I do suggest writing things out first, then worry about editing. And if grammar and spell checks aren't enough due to say looking for certain phrases or not, see if any one of your readers will be up for proof reading. Might save you a lot of time and headache.

 

[Deleted member 29316]

Take a break for a moment and stay away from writing for a while. Your loyal readers would understand your predicament, and if they don't, then it's good riddance with them. Rest for a good while, even the most prolific authors get burned out sometimes.

And when you do get back to writing, take it slow. You write because you love your story, and it would not do you any good if you're doing it just to meet deadlines or requirements. Don't sacrifice your enjoyment for anything else.

Hope you recover soon!

 

[nightshade.valentine]

Thanks alot guys.

The thing is that if my novel was a person, I would have a complicated relationship with him/her. As much as I hate it, as much as I love it. As much as I feel ashamed of it. And it was my shameful addiction lately.

I will take a break and reflect. maybe it is not meant to be. Maybe writing a good story is not my forte.

 

[bananapink]

don't be too harsh on yourself. stay away from the keyboard first, do other stuff. maybe get some good sleep, eat your favorite food, anything that makes you comfy. don't think about your writing for a moment. well if ideas pop out, scribble them on paper. edit later. we are all writing because we love it. grammar shouldn't pressure you, this is not school hehe...

 

[TotallyHuman]

please skip if you have nothing but harsh words..This is an emotional moment, and I am having a hard time judging if I even should post this.

I am writing this because I am burned out.

Well, I do write because I love my story and characters. but having that said. That's all, I am not a native English speaker. The amount I invest to finish 1000 words is utterly massive. I need to research grammar, wordings, and structure like hundred times until I publish a chapter. And even then it is bad and does not match the standards

Lately, I have realized that I was happy when going to work. I did feel proud doing something aside from work that makes me happier, and thinking about my characters when listening to music has never felt better.

I have a small child, a husband, and a full-time job. so to write, I am sacrificing my sleep and waking at 4:00 am in the morning for the past two months.

Though, when I look back at my chapters, I hate them ...I hate my English and then I lose hours editing again. and finally I know that they will never be up to the native standards, and yes I did receive this feedback that validated this fear ...

Maybe I need to literally break up with my novel. As it emotionally exhausted me , and drained my soul and energy.

I hope you will feel better then. No need to drain yourself, nobody will blame you

 

[JayDirex]

please skip if you have nothing but harsh words..This is an emotional moment, and I am having a hard time judging if I even should post this.

I am writing this because I am burned out.

Well, I do write because I love my story and characters. but having that said. That's all, I am not a native English speaker. The amount I invest to finish 1000 words is utterly massive. I need to research grammar, wordings, and structure like hundred times until I publish a chapter. And even then it is bad and does not match the standards

Lately, I have realized that I was happy when going to work. I did feel proud doing something aside from work that makes me happier, and thinking about my characters when listening to music has never felt better.

I have a small child, a husband, and a full-time job. so to write, I am sacrificing my sleep and waking at 4:00 am in the morning for the past two months.

Though, when I look back at my chapters, I hate them ...I hate my English and then I lose hours editing again. and finally I know that they will never be up to the native standards.

Maybe I need to literally break up with my novel. As it emotionally exhausted me , and drained my soul and energy.

Hi, first of all there's nothing wrong with you. every symptom you have is classic writers burnout. I have it too right now and I'm taking a week off after writing 20 straight weeks of chapters...you just need a break, go do something else for a week or two.

 

[CypherTails]

please skip if you have nothing but harsh words..This is an emotional moment, and I am having a hard time judging if I even should post this.

I am writing this because I am burned out.

Well, I do write because I love my story and characters. but having that said. That's all, I am not a native English speaker. The amount I invest to finish 1000 words is utterly massive. I need to research grammar, wordings, and structure like hundred times until I publish a chapter. And even then it is bad and does not match the standards

Lately, I have realized that I was happy when going to work. I did feel proud doing something aside from work that makes me happier, and thinking about my characters when listening to music has never felt better.

I have a small child, a husband, and a full-time job. so to write, I am sacrificing my sleep and waking at 4:00 am in the morning for the past two months.

Though, when I look back at my chapters, I hate them ...I hate my English and then I lose hours editing again. and finally I know that they will never be up to the native standards. and yes, I did receive feedbacks that made this scar deeper.

Maybe I need to literally break up with my novel. As it emotionally exhausted me , and drained my soul and energy.

Like those above I would say take a break, writing should be fun, and when it gets too tiring just leave it for a while and come back if you want to.

I would also like to say don't be too worried about how your writing is not good enough, someone will always be better than someone else. Even if you were as good with English as a native speaker chances are you wouldn't be as good as published authors. Even if you were as good as a published author you wouldn't be as good as those people who wrote timeless classics. Every author has books they love, that tells stories that they aspire to match. So this looking up the ladder thing never really ends.

I guess I'll end this with a quote from Starcraft II that I always think of when I question my writing ability.

Never perfect. Perfection, goal that changes. Never stops moving. Can chase, cannot catch.

 

[Daitengu]

All the arts are the same. People tend to have a romanticized notion that it's a breeze for the talented and everyone else just shouldn't do it. When the reality is that those talented people worked at it. The difference is that they had the passion or stubbornness to keep at it for years to get good.

Example: Steven King wanted to be an author for years. And for years he just wrote smut for Playboy. His first novel, Carry, was written in stubborn response to the trash talk he received from Playboy readers. He almost have up halfway, but his wife dig his draft out of the trash and got him to finish by appealing to his desire to show them dickheads he's got the chops.

Where as Bob Ross started painting years before his show while he was in the air force in Alaska.

What I'm saying is to just see sh as a place to practice. I've seen a few authors do just that for years then publish what they liked on Amazon. Then others just write for fun. Their schedule gets wonky as life and inspiration slows them down, but they eventually finish even if it took a couple years for that 60 ch novel.

 

[namio]

Do what you need to do. Not everything needs to be something you must finish, especially if you know you'll be better off cutting ties. If you are writing for the satisfaction, then let it be that way: if it doesn't serve you anymore, you should allow yourself to break it off. Not everything should be "a passion you pour sweat and blood to". Sometimes, a hobby is a hobby.

Perhaps one day you will find that you're less burnt out. After all, you have a lot of real life obligations that are important, and you're probably running low on sleep and that ALWAYS takes a toll on people. But perhaps one day you'll have free time and would like to get back to it. Then allow yourself to! There's no need to always push yourself-- a hobby should ALWAYS be allowed to remain a hobby. Write short stories. Write for yourself, if you'd like! You can write on a notebook so you don't have to look at it again. There are so many different ways to write to serve many different needs.

Take a break when you need to. It's better to take the break now and allow yourself the space to re-form a healthier relationship with writing. You have the rest of your life.

That said, "native standard" is honestly halfway a myth. You would not believe how many of my native English speaker friends don't even know how to spell... That I'd have to spend $215 to get a piece of paper that expires in 1 year to "prove" to a bunch of snooty nitwits that I can speak English is insulting... /grumble

 

[Ai-chan]

please skip if you have nothing but harsh words..This is an emotional moment, and I am having a hard time judging if I even should post this.

I am writing this because I am burned out.

Well, I do write because I love my story and characters. but having that said. That's all, I am not a native English speaker. The amount I invest to finish 1000 words is utterly massive. I need to research grammar, wordings, and structure like hundred times until I publish a chapter. And even then it is bad and does not match the standards

Lately, I have realized that I was happy when going to work. I did feel proud doing something aside from work that makes me happier, and thinking about my characters when listening to music has never felt better.

I have a small child, a husband, and a full-time job. so to write, I am sacrificing my sleep and waking at 4:00 am in the morning for the past two months.

Though, when I look back at my chapters, I hate them ...I hate my English and then I lose hours editing again. and finally I know that they will never be up to the native standards. and yes, I did receive feedbacks that made this scar deeper.

Maybe I need to literally break up with my novel. As it emotionally exhausted me , and drained my soul and energy.

Don't worry about your grammar. Ai-chan is not a native speaker too (speaks only Malay, Japanese and Mandarin), and nobody gave a shit about Ai-chan's grammatical appropriations. Big words, yes! When Ai-chan started, Ai-chan's grammar was hugely worst than yours. Ai-chan blames that on the teaching of English in our country.

Scribblehub is not like royalroad yet. In royalroad, people expect the web novels to be of traditionally published novel quality from the get go. They didn't realize that a lot of things go into a traditionally published novel. And that even well-known authors actually had their drafts rejected and massively edited by paid editors many times before the books were considered good for publishing.

Did Ai-chan's feedback scarred you that much? Ai-chan tried to be helpful, but maybe that was the camel that broke the horse's back? That was why Ai-chan didn't review chapter 3 as Ai-chan thought you probably wouldn't be able to take the feedback of more than 2 chapters in one go.

To be fair, Ai-chan quite liked your story. In a way, you can say that it feels like it has more effort than Ai-chan's stories. If you feel like you can't do it anymore, then it's fine to take a break. Maybe one day you can continue or think you will be able to improve it somehow. So don't worry about it, do what you want to do when you want to do it. No pressure.

 

[K5Rakitan]

On the other hand, if you feel like your relationship with writing is unhealthy, it might be time to try a different hobby. There are lots of other ways to be creative.

 

[Deleted member 45782]

please skip if you have nothing but harsh words..This is an emotional moment, and I am having a hard time judging if I even should post this.

I am writing this because I am burned out.

Well, I do write because I love my story and characters. but having that said. That's all, I am not a native English speaker. The amount I invest to finish 1000 words is utterly massive. I need to research grammar, wordings, and structure like hundred times until I publish a chapter. And even then it is bad and does not match the standards

Lately, I have realized that I was happy when going to work. I did feel proud doing something aside from work that makes me happier, and thinking about my characters when listening to music has never felt better.

I have a small child, a husband, and a full-time job. so to write, I am sacrificing my sleep and waking at 4:00 am in the morning for the past two months.

Though, when I look back at my chapters, I hate them ...I hate my English and then I lose hours editing again. and finally I know that they will never be up to the native standards. and yes, I did receive feedbacks that made this scar deeper.

Maybe I need to literally break up with my novel. As it emotionally exhausted me , and drained my soul and energy.

Don't feel bad. Even native English speakers have a lot of grammar errors when they write. ;)

Don't give up your writing passion. Stories will always take a lot of editing. I think it also has to do with our artist mode - a lot of times we're unsatisfied with our artwork/writing/creation and always compare it to something we think is better.

I agree with others, a break from writing may help.

 

[yansusustories]

I am also not a native speaker so I somewhat understand how you feel. To be honest, when I started writing my first novel in English, I wasn't really confident in my language skills either and the chapters sounded quite stilted to me. But I do love writing so I pushed through. My thought process was that quite a few readers aren't natives either so it'll be alright for them to read something that wasn't up to a native's level and that with time, my skills would also get better.
For me, it's been more than 2 years since then. And when I compare what I write now to what I wrote back then, I can definitely see that I've gotten better. There are still things I need to look up and I certainly still make mistakes but it doesn't take as much time anymore to write a chapter and my edits have also gotten faster.
So from personal experience, I can say: Even if we might never get to the level of a native, we can advance as long as we give ourselves time and keep trying. Don't give up! I'm sure that if you keep at it, you will make the same experience and get better automatically. Obviously, you've been pouring quite a bit of effort into your story already so it'd be a pity for that to go to waste.

Some things that I think might help:
1. Take a break if you feel burned out. This is something I've also struggled with a lot which only caused me to take an even longer break later on. Sometimes, just a few days or a week doing something completely else than working on that story can do wonders for your mental well-being, so don't neglect that.
In fact, if writing really doesn't 'spark joy' for you right now, even a longer break might be good. I once took off several months because I was at my rope's end with everything. And then I slowly came to realize that not writing is more torturous than writing so I came back. Both are alright. It's your life so only you can know what is important to you and makes you happy. Maybe writing is part of that, maybe it isn't. Just give yourself time to figure that out and then act on it. There's nobody forcing you.
2. Check out old chapters in regular (but not super short) intervals. E.g., take a look at your first chapter after a quarter of a year or half a year. Don't even edit it but just take a look and compare your latest chapter with it. Oftentimes, you'll realize that you've become a lot better already which can be a motivational boost to keep trying because it'll make you see just how far you can go.
3. If you struggle with specific aspects of the language, try to identify them and work on them outside of writing. Truth be told, just judging from your post here, I think your English-level is actually quite good but maybe there are things you struggle more with. For me, it helped to tackle these one-by-one, look up the rules, do some exercises, and then go on my merry way. Don't rush to do this and instead do a little every now and then. Sooner or later, these things are going to stick and you'll be able to draw on them while writing.
4. Get help. Maybe you have some readers or friends that like reading and know more English or are even natives and could help you editing? It's not cheating to ask them to take a look. Famous authors usually have editors, so why shouldn't we have people look over our stuff when we can? If there's no person available, relying on programs or extensions like Grammarly also works.
5. This is difficult, I know, but: Don't be too harsh on yourself. It's alright to make mistakes. We're all just human, we miss things, and sometimes, those things are odd and make us scratch our heads. I have (most embarrassing story of my life, probably ...) even written down the wrong name on a publication before. Like, I wrote my own name wrong and only noticed after the fucking book was in the shops already. No matter what you do, it can't get much worse than that So, don't beat yourself up if things go wrong. You'll always be able to go back and change it later. Maybe nobody else even realized before that time.

 

[Wintertime]

Always take time if you feel burnt out. I usually read books and do small writing prompts to improve my writing. I also like reading other people work, and asking myself, "Would I have done this if I made a fantasy world such as this?" or something along those lines. Your hard work will always pay off in one way or another, just keep going you're nearly there. It will work out fine in the end.

 

[CookieCrumble]

Hi, nightshade.valentine, I'm sorry to hear that. While I don't pretend to know your situation, may I suggest you to try Grammarly? When I just starting my current novel, I have like 50++ grammar mistakes on the prologue alone?

From the verb in 3rd person pronoun missing 'S', confusing present and past tense, missing commas, incorrect placement of commas, wrong spelling, I had it all.

I think it was in mid of my chapter 5 when I decide to install it as Chromes' extension. I spent like an hour correcting all of it, I think

So, if someday you decide to write again, maybe give it a try?

Hope it help.

 

[Kuropon]

please skip if you have nothing but harsh words..This is an emotional moment, and I am having a hard time judging if I even should post this.

I am writing this because I am burned out.

Well, I do write because I love my story and characters. but having that said. That's all, I am not a native English speaker. The amount I invest to finish 1000 words is utterly massive. I need to research grammar, wordings, and structure like hundred times until I publish a chapter. And even then it is bad and does not match the standards

Lately, I have realized that I was happy when going to work. I did feel proud doing something aside from work that makes me happier, and thinking about my characters when listening to music has never felt better.

I have a small child, a husband, and a full-time job. so to write, I am sacrificing my sleep and waking at 4:00 am in the morning for the past two months.

Though, when I look back at my chapters, I hate them ...I hate my English and then I lose hours editing again. and finally I know that they will never be up to the native standards. and yes, I did receive feedbacks that made this scar deeper.

Maybe I need to literally break up with my novel. As it emotionally exhausted me , and drained my soul and energy.

Take a break, watch some English movies and read more books to improve your English, then try to write again. Join a discord group and talk in English till you get the hang of it, it will take some time but you will improve with time.

 

[Michuyu]

please skip if you have nothing but harsh words..This is an emotional moment, and I am having a hard time judging if I even should post this.

I am writing this because I am burned out.

Well, I do write because I love my story and characters. but having that said. That's all, I am not a native English speaker. The amount I invest to finish 1000 words is utterly massive. I need to research grammar, wordings, and structure like hundred times until I publish a chapter. And even then it is bad and does not match the standards

Lately, I have realized that I was happy when going to work. I did feel proud doing something aside from work that makes me happier, and thinking about my characters when listening to music has never felt better.

I have a small child, a husband, and a full-time job. so to write, I am sacrificing my sleep and waking at 4:00 am in the morning for the past two months.

Though, when I look back at my chapters, I hate them ...I hate my English and then I lose hours editing again. and finally I know that they will never be up to the native standards. and yes, I did receive feedbacks that made this scar deeper.

Maybe I need to literally break up with my novel. As it emotionally exhausted me , and drained my soul and energy.

Hey! Don't give up if you truly love your story and characters! I also feel this way about one of my current projects, but I just really love my characters and I believe every writer has the right to tell their story! I've read your story, and just to be clear, it is several times better than my story that I have been feeling bummed about, and I am actually a native English speaker.

Despite being a native English speaker, I've been told throughout my life that I write like a non-native English speaker hehe. Your English is actually really good, and if you never mentioned that English is not your first language, I would never be able to tell.

A good writing technique that I've heard from successful authors on wattpad and other sites is to just write, and don't pay too much attention on grammar etc, just write how it comes to your mind. After you finish writing the whole story, then start your editing process. After editing, then ask for feedback and critiques from others. This helps with being motivated to write your story without the pressure of making it perfect and to actually finish your story. No one writes a perfect first draft, and sometimes even the final publication could still use work, so don't be too hard on yourself!

However, if you truly still want to break up with your novel, then do what is best for you! (I still think you shouldn't give up >.<)

I hope you can continue writing! <3

 

[averagewriter]

I have been through this too, so believe me when I tell you that I know exactly how it feels. Well, maybe except for the negative comments part since I barely got any feedback.
A few times, I thought that I might as well give up since the efforts I put in were astronomical while I didn't really get anything out of it.
But, I truly wanted to finish my story, and despite anything that is. So, feeling like the novel in its current form is sucking at my motivation from the insecurities I have been feeling, going as far as to affect the quality of my work despite me undergoing some progress, I decided to simply rewrite it from scratch, discarding anything I have previously written, not even using it as a reference and simply writing from memory.
Naturally, it wasn't that easy, it took me almost 2 months to gain enough motivation to finally write consistently again, to finally enjoy the process again.
Now, I have yet to start publishing the rewritten version despite finishing quite a good number of chapters.
If there is anything I learned from my previous experience then it is definitely that having deadlines is stressful and affects creativity, so I plan not to put myself under deadlines ever again and that is by writing a good part of my novel first.
At my current pace, I should be good to go in around two months or so; hope it goes well this time and I also hope as a person who can empathize with you that you find peace and happiness in your novel, not stress and tension because that is never its purpose and never will be. Not when it is not money all least.

 

[nightshade.valentine]

Thank you, everyone, indeed I have not expected such a big support. This community is so supportive, and I hope to pay your kindness back someday. You rock.

Just to reply to one comment, I do write for fun. I do not have any earning interests in my mind. In fact, I am a software engineer ( not as awesome as Toni). But if I do coding in my free time. I will earn in a day what I might earn in several months of writing as immature hobbyist. So writing is my secret hobby that I do not share with the people I know in real life.

I have read each comment very carefully, and I will carry what you wrote in this post within my heart.

Thank you so much and much love to all of you: @averagewriter , @Michuyu , @Kuropon , @CookieCrumble , @Wintertime , @yansusustories , @ToastedStarfish_SweetFilledHoney , @K5Rakitan , @Ai-chan , @namio , @Daitengu , @CypherTails , @JayDirex , @TrashyHuman , @bananapink , @HansTrondheim , @lnv .