Sorry, but I will give feedback to one story. If you want to, you can make another request with the second story, but you will have to wait for me to finish giving feedback to everyone else here. As you can undertand, I picked the first story(My Goddes).
Obligatory reminder that English is my second language, and this is subjective feedback from a reader. I stopped reading after I finished
Chapter 3 Skill Creation
I will start right away with mentioning two typos.
[Aww, you don't want to call me mommy. You're breaking mommy's hear
t,'
goddess
Nox from a game I played before.
Although it's nothing major, I don't like the way you write. Honestly, I didn't notice any mistakes, but simply looking at the text I felt like it's not right. There are probably punctuation mistakes, and wrong tenses used here and there. But I'm not sure about this. Perhaps the reason I think like this is because of how you write? It feels somewhat clunky.
The second thing I want to mention is formatting. I dislike double space between paragraphs. Makes it hard to read since majority of your paragraphs are very short.
The third thing I want to mention is pacing. Not sure if this is how it is called, but yeah, out of 4 starting chapters, 2 are fully about system. I don't know, maybe this is what LitRPG readers want? As for me, it discouraged me from reading more. I already pushed through two chapters that were basically nothing more than a simple infodump, reading two more chapters without any plot, sorry, not my cup of tea.
Yeah, and since I mentioned plot, I can't say much about worldbuilding since I read too little. The only thing I can mention about world is a negative point that you didn't even attempt to describe the void.
In an endless pitch-black void that stretched on into infinity To me it's not enough.
And now characters. Again, can't say much here. Lackluster descriptions, and a very abrupt change of personalities are downsides. The upside is that in so little amount of words you managed to create a personality. Not sure how fitting they are and what you will do in the future chapters, but for now it's a plus.
The last thing I will mention are dialogues. He said, she said, he wondered, he stated, he did that, she did that, and the lsit goes on. You overuse the dialogue and action tags, and there isn't enough diversity.
About overusing tags. Chill a little bit. Readers can understand who is who based on the context and previous tags. You don't need to put tag after every dialogue line.
About lacking diversity. First of all, stop calling characters by their names all the time. Use something other than Nyx and Zero. For example, you can call Nyx with; entity, primal goddess, otherworldy mother, and the list goes on. Depending on the context of what she said and did, you can switch how you name her.
Secondly, mix up where you put the said tags. Example of what I mean.
She said, "Blah-Blah." instead of
"Blah-Blah," she said. You already did it a couple of times, putting the tag between two lines, but I would like to see more diversity.
Thirdly I would like to see more diversity of actuall verbs. Not only said, but mumbled, roared, cackled, whispered, and the list goes on. Once again you did it, but not enough. And obviously it has to fit the context. So, how can you not overuse he\she said all the time, and make it fit the context?
Use action tags. Two examples.
Zero rubbed his chin. Nox brushed her hair. I understand the limitations you had in chapter 0 and 1, but later on, there is no limitation to the usage of action tags.
And that's the end of my feedback. Can't say or mention anything else. Overall, it was easy to read and relatively easy to understand, but it wasn't pleasant to read. As usual, I didn't rate your novel, but if I had to, 3 stars. If you have any questions, feel free to ask me. If I can, I will answer them.
