Free First Impressions Feedback Thread

[M.G.Driver]

Due to unpopular demand and the desire to find more ideas, I have decided to open this thread to lack of fanfare.

What I think my credentials are:

1. Have made big newbie author mistakes myself in my first novel, especially how it started.​

2. Actively planned and engineered a new novel to fix said mistakes.​

3. In 14 days after launching my new novel, on 14/04/2023 0000 UTC I hit Royal Road RIsing Stars #1. (I'm #2 as of 21/4, fuck)​

To achieve this, I spent a lot of time and research on what each website likes and so on and what the gaps are in the market.

I would like to think that I did not stumble upon luck, but rather explicitly designed the novel in such a different writing style. This, in my head, makes me qualified to see if your first chapter/impressions would do well and sell.

Readers on ScribbleHub are different from RoyalRoad, but they all have the same base common desires.

But enough about me bragging.

What I'll do for you:

1. Review your title​

2. Review your blurb​

3. Review your cover​

4. Review your first chapter and only your first chapter. ​

​

Unlike other feedback threads, my objective is not to have you writing perfect english, tenses, what not.

My objective for the review is to tell you if your novel can sell - e.g make money. However I can't tell you if you make a full-time job earning - it depends on how you carry the story as you go.

I will not vet grammar unless it is completely unlegible, I will not vet things like writing style unless it affects your selling.

My motto for writing is : write for the lowest common denominator.

Give me a link to your novel - and I'll give feedback only once in this thread. Any additional feedback requests is to be sent via private conversation.

No link = no review of novel.

Any genre goes.

 

[bokhi]

Intriguing. I'm surprised there are no takers. I'll go first so I can say "first!".

The Stormcrow Cycle

X-posted on RR as well (if relevant). Thanks!

 

[Paul_Tromba]

I accidentally summoned the hero! Now what?

After being framed for the use of necromancy, Nero was banished from his hometown and the great magic academy. Having nowhere else to go he was cast out into the swamps bordering his home country, Where he got lost in an Imperial city ruin and end up in a labyrinth....

www.scribblehub.com

Would you mind giving mine a try? I would like to hear your thoughts.

 

[M.G.Driver]

Intriguing. I'm surprised there are no takers. I'll go first so I can say "first!".

The Stormcrow Cycle

X-posted on RR as well. Thanks!

Ok lets start in sequence.

1. Title

The title does not tell me anything about the book. This is okay for traditional publishing, but not for webnovel publishing. Consider putting the tags directly in the title.

The title may mean something to you because of what you have written for the worldbuilding (you've put in a lot of effort), but it means nothing to someone scrolling latest updates, which is your main source of viewership on both ScribbleHub and RoyalRoad.

2. Blurb

The blurb is short and precise - that's good. However, the premise is not interesting enough to hook readers in. This blurb does not stand out against most other fantasy books IMO.

Your blurb seems to hint that there will be politics, empire stuff, romance etc, but it creates no immediate tension. It's too vague, essentially.

One thing good webnovel blurbs does is create immediate emotions in the reader for the character. Webnovels are character-driven first and foremost, so you must emphasis the reason of 'why should readers support your main character?'

3. Cover

Real talk? I would not click on this cover if I saw it on both ScribbleHub or RoyalRoad. Not because I don't like the premise of the story etc ( I read Desert Company, you should try that.)

I'm not an artist, but this cover doesn't convey the feeling of the first chapter at all. It's grimdark (based on first chapter and what you said at the bottom of the excerpt) but that mood is not in the cover.

4. First Chapter

Very good zoom-out sequence (e.g character focused before world-focused), but plenty of terms that would throw readers off. I know you added a glossary at the bottom, but readers hate reading things with complicated terms at the very start, especially for webnovels.

Otherwise, solid all around. If I had the energy to invest I would figure out what all the terms meant, but otherwise I won't.

My rule of thumb is : stick to three characters introduced per chapter if named, and stick to one term introduced per chapter if possible.

So far, character introduction, you have five (three named, two unnamed). New terms, you have three. Please correct me if I'm wrong. Each new term introduction becomes more jarring to potential readers.

Don't take my word for it, check your statistics on the fiction page of scribblehub and see where people are dropping. I can see right now most are dropping at chapter 1.

One last thing: There seems to be a case of overdescription. I don't find a problem with it because I like it, but I know readers won't. They want action or high tension scenes. Everytime you pause to explain clothing, armour, chariots, convoys, roads, empires, names of statues and number of days taken to travel somewhere, it kills their interest.

Get the readers to support your characters first, before you hit them with the setting.

Overall:

I think the book might sell on Goodreads or Amazon, but if this is your very first fiction, I suggest making an easily understood title from the get-go. You need to lower the barriers of entry for your readers before slamming them with the worldbuilding.

I know you had a note in your blurb that the first book is character driven, but each time you go into explanation of the area or setting in the first chapter = not character driven, but setting-driven.

Suggest reading Araki's 'Manga in Theory and Practice'. You can find the pdf online. Covers all of the points I mentioned.

Again, if you're writing for fun and only want a specific reader audience, then you don't have to take any of this feedback. Your readers seem fairly invested enough to give a review, but seeing your recent readers statistics show a different story.

 

[bokhi]

Ok lets start in sequence.

1. Title

The title does not tell me anything about the book. This is okay for traditional publishing, but not for webnovel publishing. Consider putting the tags directly in the title.

The title may mean something to you because of what you have written for the worldbuilding (you've put in a lot of effort), but it means nothing to someone scrolling latest updates, which is your main source of viewership on both ScribbleHub and RoyalRoad.

[...]

Again, if you're writing for fun and only want a specific reader audience, then you don't have to take any of this feedback. Your readers seem fairly invested enough to give a review, but seeing your recent readers statistics show a different story.

Wow, that was fast! Thanks for the very interesting (and informative) write-up!

 

[M.G.Driver]

I accidentally summoned the hero! Now what?

After being framed for the use of necromancy, Nero was banished from his hometown and the great magic academy. Having nowhere else to go he was cast out into the swamps bordering his home country, Where he got lost in an Imperial city ruin and end up in a labyrinth....

www.scribblehub.com

Would you mind giving mine a try? I would like to hear your thoughts.

Wassup big boi

1. Title
Great. Nothing else to say. Sells the setting/Premise of the story immediately.

2. Blurb
You need to format it. Right now it's too 'timeline-sequenced' - like person a did this, then he did that, then he did this, so he did that, then he felt this, then he did that.

Try this format:

Rumour has it that a Hero has been summoned. It might have been normal too, if it weren't for the fact that it was a heinous war crime and tantamount to an act of war.

Who would have thought that loneliness from being banished to the darkest labyrinths would be the cause?

Certainly not Nero.

I'm sure others can do a better version, but I wrote this blurb after reading your first chapter.

3. Cover
Text is too hard to read, pixelation makes it look low quality. Plenty of resources online to run stable diffusion locally to make your own and some really cool shit. Typography can be found online as well. Colour contrast is okay. Red black or stark contrast always gets eyes.

4. First Chapter

You're masking worldbuilding explanation as dialogue a lot. This doesn't solve the problem of overexplaining in the first chapter imo.

The summoning of the hero was a bit anti-climatic as well, making the entire first half of the chapter having zero tension.

The second half (King part) adds a bit of tension and overarching plot line, but it's not enough. I get the Tom and Jerry feeling, or those really old cartoons and comics where they have the villain laughing evily in the chamber as a easy setup.

If you ever redesign your first chapter, try to add more tension to the summoning of the hero. Perhaps the summoning attracted monsters? Adversaries? Something to put the MC in danger. This will create a scenario in which the newly summoned hero can show off her cool skills.

Also, don't throw a magic system at the readers from chapter 1. It kills them instantly, I know it killed me.

Due to dialogue being used to explain the world, it feels very very stiff. Doesn't feel like a natural interaction at all, with the sheer number of world questions being asked.

Overall:

Title, excellent. Blurb, can be improved much more. Cover, can be generated (ask in ai art thread?). First Chapter, if you got the time, suggest a total overhaul of how the start goes.

Premise is pretty fucking good, and if you used my war crime blurb it auto sets up tensions already without having to introduce the King even. Tension is what make readers turn the next page the most, more so than interest.

 

[Paul_Tromba]

Wassup big boi

1. Title
Great. Nothing else to say. Sells the setting/Premise of the story immediately.

2. Blurb
You need to format it. Right now it's too 'timeline-sequenced' - like person a did this, then he did that, then he did this, so he did that, then he felt this, then he did that.

Try this format:

Rumour has it that a Hero has been summoned. It might have been normal too, if it weren't for the fact that it was a heinous war crime and tantamount to an act of war.

Who would have thought that loneliness from being banished to the darkest labyrinths would be the cause?

Certainly not Nero.

I'm sure others can do a better version, but I wrote this blurb after reading your first chapter.

3. Cover
Text is too hard to read, pixelation makes it look low quality. Plenty of resources online to run stable diffusion locally to make your own and some really cool shit. Typography can be found online as well. Colour contrast is okay. Red black or stark contrast always gets eyes.

4. First Chapter

You're masking worldbuilding explanation as dialogue a lot. This doesn't solve the problem of overexplaining in the first chapter imo.

The summoning of the hero was a bit anti-climatic as well, making the entire first half of the chapter having zero tension.

The second half (King part) adds a bit of tension and overarching plot line, but it's not enough. I get the Tom and Jerry feeling, or those really old cartoons and comics where they have the villain laughing evily in the chamber as a easy setup.

If you ever redesign your first chapter, try to add more tension to the summoning of the hero. Perhaps the summoning attracted monsters? Adversaries? Something to put the MC in danger. This will create a scenario in which the newly summoned hero can show off her cool skills.

Also, don't throw a magic system at the readers from chapter 1. It kills them instantly, I know it killed me.

Due to dialogue being used to explain the world, it feels very very stiff. Doesn't feel like a natural interaction at all, with the sheer number of world questions being asked.

Overall:

Title, excellent. Blurb, can be improved much more. Cover, can be generated (ask in ai art thread?). First Chapter, if you got the time, suggest a total overhaul of how the start goes.

Premise is pretty fucking good, and if you used my war crime blurb it auto sets up tensions already without having to introduce the King even. Tension is what make readers turn the next page the most, more so than interest.

Thank you.

 

[TheTrinary]

Be brutual. I'm starting to get proud of my first chapter and would like to be taken down a peg.

Link is picutre below. The Dark Element.

 

[Erys]

King of Blue Flames

Rinaldo, of the Luminous Knights, is known far and wide as a brilliant swordsman who can cause injury or death with a glance. Despite being feared as “Evil-Eye Rinaldo”, he is actually a normal person with no special skills or power. To avoid an arranged marriage with his arrogant and...

www.scribblehub.com

Both Oreo and Thetrinary said the same thing about my novel. I am starting to think they are the same person. Do you have something else to add besides cutting unnecessary details? Something they could have missed in their feedback? Your feedback is appreciated!

 

[Kuromi]

Heya! I hope you can help me make my story better!

Kuromi Story

Thanks in advance!

 

[Nyctoria]

King of Blue Flames

Rinaldo, of the Luminous Knights, is known far and wide as a brilliant swordsman who can cause injury or death with a glance. Despite being feared as “Evil-Eye Rinaldo”, he is actually a normal person with no special skills or power. To avoid an arranged marriage with his arrogant and...

www.scribblehub.com

Both Oreo and Thetrinary said the same thing about my novel. I am starting to think they are the same person. Do you have something else to add besides cutting unnecessary details? Something they could have missed in their feedback? Your feedback is appreciated!

Aren't you and Thetrinary the same person? You two posted at the same time. Write carefully.

 

[melchi]

Aren't you and Thetrinary the same person? You two posted at the same time. Write carefully.

Oreo is infecting other people and cloning themselves over them. O_O

 

[M.G.Driver]

Be brutual. I'm starting to get proud of my first chapter and would like to be taken down a peg.

Link is picutre below. The Dark Element.

1. Title

Pretty good, will get clicks for sure. Explains about 33% of the story

2. Blurb

Three characters are introduced in a blurb even before the first chapter began. That's a bit impressive. Would work for traditional publishing, and I don't see any issues if it was on Amazon.

But on RR i think you kill maybe one-third of readers from my estimates. Most novels that do well do not introduce more than one character's name in the blurb, and perhpas you want to reformat your blurb into more Joshua-focused

Also, second paragraph of the blurb says Joshua decides to rescue an ex-superpowered assassin named Gianna.

I don't think the name of the assassin is particularly important. Remember that the blurb is trying to sell your book: why should a reader read your book? What words do you use when you verbally recommend your book to someone else? Would you say that 'oh and there's an assassin named Gianna.'

Every word in the blurb that does not sell the book is a missed opportunity.

3. Cover.

Not good enough given such a good title. Try local stable diffusion or ask in one of the ai-art threads. This just looks like an abstract painting in an RR thumbnail, which doesn't convey any info about the story (at least from what i've seen from chapter 1)

4. First Chapter.

Oh boy, people hate prologues. It's even a trend on Royal Road to skip any chapter that says prologue.

And foreshadowing a future event is a very hard trope to pull off on webnovels. Some of them do it, but all of them have one critical factor yours doesn't - the main character is explicitly in it.

If it's meant to be a twist that the main character was the narrator for the prologue, it will be difficult to hold readers that long till the point of reveal.

If it's not, it is meaningless to most people reading. Right now, prologue doesn't match almost anything mentioned in the blurb, which makes it even more jarring. Of course, it is marginally related to the 'global conflict', but they won't be sticking around long enough to find that out.

I did the same mistake on Ceres Chaos - was terrible, guaranteed. Also most readers skipped prologue, so it didn't matter either way.

Overall:

Great title, blurb can be improved, cover should be swapped completely, first chapter (prologue) should be blurb related or MC focused etc. Again, you want them to root for a character, but the prologue is selling a setting/story.

Four main points of webnovels that hooks readers in order:

1. Character
2. Story
3. Setting
4. Pacing

You're selling a story before selling a character. Most readers want self-inserts, so if you're looking for maximum views, the prologue won't cut it.

It's pretty good for amazon publishing though, so don't worry too much about it. Maybe different version for different websites.

King of Blue Flames

Rinaldo, of the Luminous Knights, is known far and wide as a brilliant swordsman who can cause injury or death with a glance. Despite being feared as “Evil-Eye Rinaldo”, he is actually a normal person with no special skills or power. To avoid an arranged marriage with his arrogant and...

www.scribblehub.com

Both Oreo and Thetrinary said the same thing about my novel. I am starting to think they are the same person. Do you have something else to add besides cutting unnecessary details? Something they could have missed in their feedback? Your feedback is appreciated!

1. Title

Good title, shows progression right off the bat. A bit misleading considering it has romance as main genre.

2. Blurb

Pretty straightforward, very clear it is romance-geared so readers of that genre would click immediately.

3. Cover.

Generally all big selling webnovels are single character focused. I understand its a romance novel and there are multiple leads. Maybe rotating covers could generate more clicks etc, it's a common strat on RoyalRoad.

Might consider also enlarging the characters. The thumbnail version don't look too good, too small to see the two characters.

4. First Chapter

holy norman empire, magnus, charlus, luminous knights, astoria, great sage, Rinaldo, Duke Dordogne, setem kingdom, Charlie, Astoria, Magecraft, Oeste Kingdom, OIlivia.

That's a lot of terms in the first chapter.

Character development is clearly forced here by sheer explanation, but that's fine. It is normal for webnovels to explicitly state character traits, it helps to cross barriers quickly. Many CN and JP light novels do this, so no problem. Might be flamed on RoyalRoad.

You were already told to cut unnecessary stuff, so I won't push that. The entire first half of the timeline could be erased and it would be even better - add some mystery to the worldbuilding.

Otherwise, really good setting, nice plot pacing, and dialogue is consistent. This would be a hit on other Romance websites, you should consider crossposting.

If romance is not your main focus and its meant to be a side plot, then the first chapter is a completely wrong tone and direction. But I'm making assumptions - i think romance is the main focus.

Overall:

Great title, good blurb, great cover(maybe rotate to another occasion), first chapter a bit of a slog, but overall great. Not a fan of the timeline thing or history thing at the start. Got my wife (big romance buff) to read it and she immediately tapped out in the first five paragraphs, so there you go.

 

[Erys]

1. Title

Good title, shows progression right off the bat. A bit misleading considering it has romance as main genre.

2. Blurb

Pretty straightforward, very clear it is romance-geared so readers of that genre would click immediately.

3. Cover.

Generally all big selling webnovels are single character focused. I understand its a romance novel and there are multiple leads. Maybe rotating covers could generate more clicks etc, it's a common strat on RoyalRoad.

Might consider also enlarging the characters. The thumbnail version don't look too good, too small to see the two characters.

4. First Chapter

holy norman empire, magnus, charlus, luminous knights, astoria, great sage, Rinaldo, Duke Dordogne, setem kingdom, Charlie, Astoria, Magecraft, Oeste Kingdom, OIlivia.

That's a lot of terms in the first chapter.

Character development is clearly forced here by sheer explanation, but that's fine. It is normal for webnovels to explicitly state character traits, it helps to cross barriers quickly. Many CN and JP light novels do this, so no problem. Might be flamed on RoyalRoad.

You were already told to cut unnecessary stuff, so I won't push that. The entire first half of the timeline could be erased and it would be even better - add some mystery to the worldbuilding.

Otherwise, really good setting, nice plot pacing, and dialogue is consistent. This would be a hit on other Romance websites, you should consider crossposting.

If romance is not your main focus and its meant to be a side plot, then the first chapter is a completely wrong tone and direction. But I'm making assumptions - i think romance is the main focus.

Overall:

Great title, good blurb, great cover(maybe rotate to another occasion), first chapter a bit of a slog, but overall great. Not a fan of the timeline thing or history thing at the start. Got my wife (big romance buff) to read it and she immediately tapped out in the first five paragraphs, so there you go.

Thanks a lot for the feedback! It's certainly the most informative! I might crosspost the story in Ritoria and Inkitt once I'm done with editing. I'm glad you shared it with your wife. Now I understand how to actually improve the first chapter!

 

[M.G.Driver]

Heya! I hope you can help me make my story better!

Kuromi Story

Thanks in advance!

1. Title

Zero explanation of what the story is. No one would click on such a title.

2. Blurb

Too basic, it's really too basic. There's no tension, no action, no consequence to face. No mention of any overarching plot. Is it slice of life? It reads like it, yet doesn't feel like it considering the character's background and motivation.

If you want slice of life, you got to be clearer about character objectives. Being declared as a public enemy and another being a princess doesn't sound like a slice of life setting to me. Sounds a Angolan pirate stole the Belgium royalty or something - definitely not slice of life

3. Cover

Best part so far, someone would click on this.

4. First Chapter

Terrible. I'm going to explain in sequence.

First point: No mystery. Zero. Nada. There is no 'oohhh what's going to happen' feeling or 'ooohh whats the MC looking for.' vibe. Nothing to hook the reader in at all.

Second Point: I know I said I would not vet grammar and punctuation, but this is pretty bad, even by my non-native standards. I suggest trying grammarly free to fix it. You have issues with nearly everything.

Third Point: Too short. First chapter should be much much much longer. Maybe close to 2k words if you can manage it. Short chapters are a killer for readers on RoyalRoad.

Fourth Point: Bartender had more character development than Black.

Fifth point: Every action and expression is told rather than shown through dialogue.

Overall:

Bad title, bad blurb, okay cover, bad first chapter.

Basically, your writing style is as though you're writing a screenplay rather than a novel. If you worked for a production studio, this might be a pretty good skillset to write in fine details.

If you want fame on RoyalRoad or you wanna sell this story, you need a complete overhaul. Don't write any more additional chapters until you rewrite your story from the ground up (e.g don't edit, write from scratch).

Then compare your first chapter to others' first chapter, and break down the elements of WHY it worked. You need this analyatical mindset to win.

Otherwise, your webtoon was drawn quite nicely. Well done.

 

[Akston93]

Hello

https://www.scribblehub.com/series/736131/dawn-of-a-thousand-suns-book-i--arch-de-angels/
Your opinion is much appreciated

 

[TheTrinary]

1. Title

Pretty good, will get clicks for sure. Explains about 33% of the story

2. Blurb

Three characters are introduced in a blurb even before the first chapter began. That's a bit impressive. Would work for traditional publishing, and I don't see any issues if it was on Amazon.

But on RR i think you kill maybe one-third of readers from my estimates. Most novels that do well do not introduce more than one character's name in the blurb, and perhpas you want to reformat your blurb into more Joshua-focused

Also, second paragraph of the blurb says Joshua decides to rescue an ex-superpowered assassin named Gianna.

I don't think the name of the assassin is particularly important. Remember that the blurb is trying to sell your book: why should a reader read your book? What words do you use when you verbally recommend your book to someone else? Would you say that 'oh and there's an assassin named Gianna.'

Every word in the blurb that does not sell the book is a missed opportunity.

3. Cover.

Not good enough given such a good title. Try local stable diffusion or ask in one of the ai-art threads. This just looks like an abstract painting in an RR thumbnail, which doesn't convey any info about the story (at least from what i've seen from chapter 1)

4. First Chapter.

Oh boy, people hate prologues. It's even a trend on Royal Road to skip any chapter that says prologue.

And foreshadowing a future event is a very hard trope to pull off on webnovels. Some of them do it, but all of them have one critical factor yours doesn't - the main character is explicitly in it.

If it's meant to be a twist that the main character was the narrator for the prologue, it will be difficult to hold readers that long till the point of reveal.

If it's not, it is meaningless to most people reading. Right now, prologue doesn't match almost anything mentioned in the blurb, which makes it even more jarring. Of course, it is marginally related to the 'global conflict', but they won't be sticking around long enough to find that out.

I did the same mistake on Ceres Chaos - was terrible, guaranteed. Also most readers skipped prologue, so it didn't matter either way.

Overall:

Great title, blurb can be improved, cover should be swapped completely, first chapter (prologue) should be blurb related or MC focused etc. Again, you want them to root for a character, but the prologue is selling a setting/story.

Four main points of webnovels that hooks readers in order:

1. Character
2. Story
3. Setting
4. Pacing

You're selling a story before selling a character. Most readers want self-inserts, so if you're looking for maximum views, the prologue won't cut it.

It's pretty good for amazon publishing though, so don't worry too much about it. Maybe different version for different websites.


1. Title

Good title, shows progression right off the bat. A bit misleading considering it has romance as main genre.

2. Blurb

Pretty straightforward, very clear it is romance-geared so readers of that genre would click immediately.

3. Cover.

Generally all big selling webnovels are single character focused. I understand its a romance novel and there are multiple leads. Maybe rotating covers could generate more clicks etc, it's a common strat on RoyalRoad.

Might consider also enlarging the characters. The thumbnail version don't look too good, too small to see the two characters.

4. First Chapter

holy norman empire, magnus, charlus, luminous knights, astoria, great sage, Rinaldo, Duke Dordogne, setem kingdom, Charlie, Astoria, Magecraft, Oeste Kingdom, OIlivia.

That's a lot of terms in the first chapter.

Character development is clearly forced here by sheer explanation, but that's fine. It is normal for webnovels to explicitly state character traits, it helps to cross barriers quickly. Many CN and JP light novels do this, so no problem. Might be flamed on RoyalRoad.

You were already told to cut unnecessary stuff, so I won't push that. The entire first half of the timeline could be erased and it would be even better - add some mystery to the worldbuilding.

Otherwise, really good setting, nice plot pacing, and dialogue is consistent. This would be a hit on other Romance websites, you should consider crossposting.

If romance is not your main focus and its meant to be a side plot, then the first chapter is a completely wrong tone and direction. But I'm making assumptions - i think romance is the main focus.

Overall:

Great title, good blurb, great cover(maybe rotate to another occasion), first chapter a bit of a slog, but overall great. Not a fan of the timeline thing or history thing at the start. Got my wife (big romance buff) to read it and she immediately tapped out in the first five paragraphs, so there you go.

Thanks for the feedback, very thourough.

You'd be right in saying that the prologue is tangentially related at best. I'm married to it to establish the framing device and am banking on it being entertaining enough to get people to chapter one should they want to read it.

I was hoping for feedback on chapter 1 if that isn't too much of an ask. Seeing my post. . . yeah I wasn't very precise.

 

[RaineAndBow]

Hey, I would appreciate such a review! Thank you very much for this!

Asleep – A LitRPG

Sariel follows his nightmares to Marshmallow Island, a secluded crater in the middle of the ocean, to find his brother once more. Nightmares become reality on the island; however, Sariel has been living with the very same nightmares for ten years. What lies at the bottom of the falls, and...

www.scribblehub.com

 

[M.G.Driver]

Thanks for the feedback, very thourough.

You'd be right in saying that the prologue is tangentially related at best. I'm married to it to establish the framing device and am banking on it being entertaining enough to get people to chapter one should they want to read it.

I was hoping for feedback on chapter 1 if that isn't too much of an ask. Seeing my post. . . yeah I wasn't very precise.

Chapter 1, formatting is bad for mobile, but otherwise pretty good. I don't see any major issues there.

The flowery descriptions may throw off most readers, so I don't think it'll do particularly well on RoyalRoad. Readers there are a bit.... ehh.... well, if they like my blackmarket and its barebones straight to the point chapter, you get the drift.

I think this first chapter would be fucking amazing on Amazon, Kindle and Goodreads though.

 

[Zinless]

Would love your feedback on my story!

Reincarnated Into Two Bodies

After falling to his death, he wakes up with two bodies?! Reincarnated as both a humble commoner boy and a privileged young noble girl, our protagonist enjoys their new chance in life with two different perspectives. Although they only wished for a peaceful life, the world had other plans in...

www.scribblehub.com

Note: The "Prologue" chapter isn't exactly a prologue, it's just chapter 1. Back when I first started writing, I thought Prologue just means the start of the story...

I intend on renaming all my chapters someday to accommodate this. (Or should I just rename it to chapter 0 to avoid confusion for long-time readers?)