How have you changed in the last four years?

[ohko]

The older I get, the faster time seems to fly.

What are the biggest changes that you've experienced in the last four years? Are you a different person now than you were in 2016?

Have you grown in any ways? Regressed? Do you like yourself today better than 4 years ago? Or worse?

Did things go just as expected? Or was it entirely unpredictable?

 

[ohko]

As a side note, I've been part of some online communities for >4 years, and it's been really satisfying to watch a lot of the younger members grow. I think it's easiest to notice when other people change, especially younger people who grow more mature.

 

[gaylolis]

basically i just see more dead people.

 

[RedPanda]

I think I aged more than four years in this four years... I get more and more gray hair... I'm just getting old.

 

[Cedestroyer]

Sometimes I feel like I've gotten worse, like before I felt like I could do anything because I wanted to. But now, I feel like I have to conform to some standards (when writing and drawing etc)

 

[K5Rakitan]

While change is the one constant in our lives, it tends to slow down as we get older. I haven't had any profound/sudden changes lately. It's mostly fine-tuning for me at this point. I think 2009 was the biggest year of change for me, when I gave up on monogamy.

 

[Vaerama]

The older I get, the faster time seems to fly.

What are the biggest changes that you've experienced in the last four years? Are you a different person now than you were in 2016?

Have you grown in any ways? Regressed? Do you like yourself today better than 4 years ago? Or worse?

Did things go just as expected? Or was it entirely unpredictable?

Four years ago I couldn't cross a street by myself for the sheer weight of anxiety's effect upon my psyche. All of my matyroshka, other dolls, dream/lightcatchers, figures, candles, posters, chairs, bottles of lotion for my eczema, and stuffed animals had to be hidden away from my sight if I was going to sleep, and sometimes I could not even bear for them to be in the same room as me while I was awake. I had to sleep in all of my clothes with my room so overfull of light that it was unpleasant, with emergency complete-shadow/darkness-banishment in my hands in case I awoke in the night for any reason. I was ever so slightly below 120 pounds at 5'9, which certainly 'could be much worse', but it was a pretty miserable thing to force myself back up in weight all the same (took me a year to gain the first ten pounds despite eating to hurting with every single meal I forced myself to take 3 whole times a day and then some if I could make myself, had to start a hobby in cooking just to make myself eat), and a particularly acute case of costocondritis (rib cartilage inflammation, was so relieved it wasn't a broken bone problem. Husband came with me to the doctor, and the nurse who brought me in to the doctor gave him such a dirty look, it was the funniest thing xD) made every significant enough meal for my weight-gain extremely intolerable. Also, I had to change over a bunch of legal information, because I wanted to marry someone with my actual name and such, and that finally gave me the gumption to do that very stressful thing.

Now the only thing I can't go outside by myself for is bears (and only until I can carry something on me, fam). I've got Mary Marrow hanging with her hat in hand and a necklace of skulls around her chest, and all of my hard-earned bling is back where I can actually enjoy it. I can enjoy sleeping again in near-complete darkness and while totally naked (major bonus!). I successfully went all the way up to 185 over those four years to see if it'd stop the costocondritis, it didn't, so I'm now back down to a healthy-enough 158 (writing's dropping it fast though, so I've gotta be at least a little careful I don't drop too quickly, don't really want to go sub 140 again if I can help it). The costocondritis only really bothers me in winter now, or when anything hits my ribs, or just occasionally: it's not even on the second pain scale anymore. I'm not only entirely changed over legally in every possible way (went blessedly easy, actually, everyone was quite lovely to me), but I'm also married to an Englishman who's successfully through the big bad and ugly part of the immigration process.

TLDR: my mental state's onset of rapid deterioration (from a state that was never quite 'good') and subsequent slow improvement over the last 4 years has had an extreme effect upon me. Towards the positive, I'd like to think, and although I'll never be quite the same as I used to be: I don't actually think that's a bad thing.

4 years ago I was told by almost everyone I knew that I would never get better (that I'd always been like 'this', or that I was still so 'crazy', or alternately: one person tried going behind my back to my ex-girlfriend to see about getting me sent to one of those lunacy homes/deposited there without my knowing about it. That friendship most certainly didn't last, though that wasn't the end of it, merely temporary 'respite' from its infliction). I don't interact with any of them anymore, and not because they were 'wrong' (they thankfully were, because that was all very unpleasant). A long seclusion from people was necessary, and so my reintegration with society of sorts has been a long time coming :) Can't just stop talking to anyone but my husband and limited interactions with family members (his and mine) without some social cost though. So my weirdness is probably a bit up, but I don't care if others think I'm a touch strange now: they're probably pretty weird themselves, if they think about it. :D

 

[Grim_Ether]

I got 4 years older.

 

[GDLiZy]

I'm more grounded and grumpy. More cynical and a lot more sarcastic.

I'm getting old, ain't I?

 

[Megurashimono]

I think I fucked up in my life. I got more pessimistic and had a lot of times where I was in a depressed state and sometimes I cry and started to regret a lot of things. I am also getting tired and these days I am already in a state of acceptance of my life and my near future. But I would also have some what if moments inside my mind sometimes and still feel regretful for a lot of things.

 

[Nanakawaichan]

I'm just getting old and gained weight... I miss my 2016 body

 

[ChronicleCrawler]

I think I changed a lot. From a scrawny kid, I earned quite a few fats.

Four years ago, I was feeling quite lost. At least, now I could see the direction I want to go.

What else, hmnn? Before I thought everything was a bore. But now, I understood that I was the bore. So, I changed my mindset and invested in things that could improve myself. Like books and developing hobbies such as writing. Learning new things.

Then from a perfectionist --> to pessimist --> and now 2020 I knew I became a reasonable optimist.

 

[BenJepheneT]

i don't feel the four years i've grown, but i can definitely feel the four years my parents have went through. if anything, i've been thinking more about them than myself. since then i've been thinking about the coming years, and the inevitability of that year to come

 

[Moctemma]

I'm always changing for the better, because I put effort into it and I'm conscious of my bad habits, mindset, etc. (I also think it's inevitable to improve, life is always creating more life and searching for ways to improve itself, as living beings we're condemned to be better)

In this four years I went from being an intolerant guy who hates the world, unhealthy obsessed with the future, who doesn't express his opinion, is always angry and reacts violently. To a far more tolerant guy, with better character, more calm, learning to live in the present and value the things I have, who finally shares his opinion instead of remaining silent and has patience. From the outside I look the same, the guy who quit college and is unemployed. But I have learned a lot and honestly I would have ended in jail or killed with my previous personality.

Now I'm serious about making a living as a writer, but I'm open to other possibilities.

It was an unpredictable journey, but expected if I see it backwards.
First my grandmother got sick and died, all the family members became poor, we had it more rough and there were days we could only eat tortillas. Seeing my grandmother like that made me think "I don't want to die like that" so I focused on the things I desired. Quit college, got a job, went to music school to learn how to play the keyboard, was the best and progressed fast but became frustrated because it would take me more than 3 years to be good and make money. I quit after 6 months, got another job quit in a month, then I had severe anxiety for 6 months and became addicted to anime. My father had a hard time but succeeded on making me understand the damage I did to my body by sitting all day without moving and my mind deteriorating more. I gave drawing a try, became frustrated when I made no money.

So here I am, after changing a lot of beliefs, my mindset and personality, ready to become a writer. And I'm sure that if I gave writing a try before I would have failed, the experience from music and drawing prepared me to succeed in my next choice.

 

[ohko]

basically i just see more dead people.

Oh dear... I hope things are are okay

I think I aged more than four years in this four years... I get more and more gray hair... I'm just getting old.

My fiancee pulled a grey hair out of my head a few days ago, which was because I'm still in my twenties...

Sometimes I feel like I've gotten worse, like before I felt like I could do anything because I wanted to. But now, I feel like I have to conform to some standards (when writing and drawing etc)

Yes, I empathized a lot with this feeling, especially as I progressed through college and was trying to decide what I wanted to do after that. It's disheartening to see your potential vanish in certain things, if that makes sense. On the other hand, I think as years have passed, I've also come to realize that my potential in other areas has also grown.

Four years ago I couldn't cross a street by myself for the sheer weight of anxiety's effect upon my psyche. All of my matyroshka, other dolls, dream/lightcatchers, figures, candles, posters, chairs, bottles of lotion for my eczema, and stuffed animals had to be hidden away from my sight if I was going to sleep, and sometimes I could not even bear for them to be in the same room as me while I was awake. I had to sleep in all of my clothes with my room so overfull of light that it was unpleasant, with emergency complete-shadow/darkness-banishment in my hands in case I awoke in the night for any reason. I was ever so slightly below 120 pounds at 5'9, which certainly 'could be much worse', but it was a pretty miserable thing to force myself back up in weight all the same (took me a year to gain the first ten pounds despite eating to hurting with every single meal I forced myself to take 3 whole times a day and then some if I could make myself, had to start a hobby in cooking just to make myself eat), and a particularly acute case of costocondritis (rib cartilage inflammation, was so relieved it wasn't a broken bone problem. Husband came with me to the doctor, and the nurse who brought me in to the doctor gave him such a dirty look, it was the funniest thing xD) made every significant enough meal for my weight-gain extremely intolerable. Also, I had to change over a bunch of legal information, because I wanted to marry someone with my actual name and such, and that finally gave me the gumption to do that very stressful thing.

Now the only thing I can't go outside by myself for is bears (and only until I can carry something on me, fam). I've got Mary Marrow hanging with her hat in hand and a necklace of skulls around her chest, and all of my hard-earned bling is back where I can actually enjoy it. I can enjoy sleeping again in near-complete darkness and while totally naked (major bonus!). I successfully went all the way up to 185 over those four years to see if it'd stop the costocondritis, it didn't, so I'm now back down to a healthy-enough 158 (writing's dropping it fast though, so I've gotta be at least a little careful I don't drop too quickly, don't really want to go sub 140 again if I can help it). The costocondritis only really bothers me in winter now, or when anything hits my ribs, or just occasionally: it's not even on the second pain scale anymore. I'm not only entirely changed over legally in every possible way (went blessedly easy, actually, everyone was quite lovely to me), but I'm also married to an Englishman who's successfully through the big bad and ugly part of the immigration process.

TLDR: my mental state's onset of rapid deterioration (from a state that was never quite 'good') and subsequent slow improvement over the last 4 years has had an extreme effect upon me. Towards the positive, I'd like to think, and although I'll never be quite the same as I used to be: I don't actually think that's a bad thing.

4 years ago I was told by almost everyone I knew that I would never get better (that I'd always been like 'this', or that I was still so 'crazy', or alternately: one person tried going behind my back to my ex-girlfriend to see about getting me sent to one of those lunacy homes/deposited there without my knowing about it. That friendship most certainly didn't last, though that wasn't the end of it, merely temporary 'respite' from its infliction). I don't interact with any of them anymore, and not because they were 'wrong' (they thankfully were, because that was all very unpleasant). A long seclusion from people was necessary, and so my reintegration with society of sorts has been a long time coming :) Can't just stop talking to anyone but my husband and limited interactions with family members (his and mine) without some social cost though. So my weirdness is probably a bit up, but I don't care if others think I'm a touch strange now: they're probably pretty weird themselves, if they think about it. :D

I'm really glad that things have turned for the better! It always makes me happy to read when someone's story floats to one of the happy endings, so I really wish for all of your best! It sounds like your husband is super loving, and it's great to see how your life turned around.

I'm more grounded and grumpy. More cynical and a lot more sarcastic.

I'm getting old, ain't I?

The years just trickle by.

I think I fucked up in my life. I got more pessimistic and had a lot of times where I was in a depressed state and sometimes I cry and started to regret a lot of things. I am also getting tired and these days I am already in a state of acceptance of my life and my near future. But I would also have some what if moments inside my mind sometimes and still feel regretful for a lot of things.

Ganbatte Megu-san! I'm not quite sure what you went through, but it sounds difficult.

I'm just getting old and gained weight... I miss my 2016 body

Ahh... me too....

I think I changed a lot. From a scrawny kid, I earned quite a few fats.

Four years ago, I was feeling quite lost. At least, now I could see the direction I want to go.

What else, hmnn? Before I thought everything was a bore. But now, I understood that I was the bore. So, I changed my mindset and invested in things that could improve myself. Like books and developing hobbies such as writing. Learning new things.

Then from a perfectionist --> to pessimist --> and now 2020 I knew I became a reasonable optimist.

I like the sound of that progression! A 'reasonable optimistic'... that's a nice term!

I mean, I'm struggling with my life in some ways too (the stress, omg haha), but I think it's valuable to find things that you can still be optimistic about!

i don't feel the four years i've grown, but i can definitely feel the four years my parents have went through. if anything, i've been thinking more about them than myself. since then i've been thinking about the coming years, and the inevitability of that year to come

I wish for the health of your parents, Benben.

I'm always changing for the better, because I put effort into it and I'm conscious of my bad habits, mindset, etc. (I also think it's inevitable to improve, life is always creating more life and searching for ways to improve itself, as living beings we're condemned to be better)

In this four years I went from being an intolerant guy who hates the world, unhealthy obsessed with the future, who doesn't express his opinion, is always angry and reacts violently. To a far more tolerant guy, with better character, more calm, learning to live in the present and value the things I have, who finally shares his opinion instead of remaining silent and has patience. From the outside I look the same, the guy who quit college and is unemployed. But I have learned a lot and honestly I would have ended in jail or killed with my previous personality.

Now I'm serious about making a living as a writer, but I'm open to other possibilities.

It was an unpredictable journey, but expected if I see it backwards.
First my grandmother got sick and died, all the family members became poor, we had it more rough and there were days we could only eat tortillas. Seeing my grandmother like that made me think "I don't want to die like that" so I focused on the things I desired. Quit college, got a job, went to music school to learn how to play the keyboard, was the best and progressed fast but became frustrated because it would take me more than 3 years to be good and make money. I quit after 6 months, got another job quit in a month, then I had severe anxiety for 6 months and became addicted to anime. My father had a hard time but succeeded on making me understand the damage I did to my body by sitting all day without moving and my mind deteriorating more. I gave drawing a try, became frustrated when I made no money.

So here I am, after changing a lot of beliefs, my mindset and personality, ready to become a writer. And I'm sure that if I gave writing a try before I would have failed, the experience from music and drawing prepared me to succeed in my next choice.

This is a sweet story too! It's nice to see that you're always trying to change yourself for the better. It sounds like there were a lot of obstacles, but you're slowing moving forward!

 

[gaylolis]

Oh dear... I hope things are are okay

who knows. i might probably be next, but that's okay i guess?

 

[RedPanda]

Oh dear... I hope things are are okay


My fiancee pulled a grey hair out of my head a few days ago, which was because I'm still in my twenties...

I‘m in the later half of my twenties, but I unfortunately got the genes from my father. He was gray on his head with 35.

 

[ForestDweller]

Nothing.

Or maybe I grow more depressed.

 

[AliceShiki]

Uhn... Well, I went from not knowing anything about myself to hating myself to accepting the parts that of me that I still hate, and actively trying to change them...

I also got a lot calmer and much less stressed...

I fixed my relationship with my parents after about a decade of it being extremely strained.

I gave up on university and tried to focusing on working at home-office, which... Isn't working out nearly as well as I wanted, but I'm happy with the small bits of progress I have made.

I went from gloomy and introverted to very happy, cheerful and extroverted.

I went from eternally single to having had 2 different LDRs that were the best moments of my life so far~

I went from being a very lazy to person to someone that procrastinates a lot... Which is still pretty bad, but also a bazillion times better than being too lazy to do anything.

And I found my love for actively talking and interacting with people and how much that matters to me.

Overall, I think I have grow more in the last 4 years of my life than I had in the first 20! xD

Things are by no means perfect to me right now, but they've certainly improved a huge lot~

 

[kaese]

Oh geez, 2016 was already 4 years ago... Hmm, since 2016 I've moved a bit (one continent to another) and started university. Personality-wise, I'm a lot less socially awkward then I was during my first years of university, so I guess I've got that going for me