If your story was a video game, what would be your loading screen tips?

[K5Rakitan]

Imagine for a moment that your story is a video game and the players get to be your characters. What are some helpful hints and tips that should appear on the loading screen? Here are mine:

• Never turn down jewelry. It sometimes grants special abilities.
• If you run out of condoms, just ask Roland for more.
• Singing is a great way to earn XP.
• Think carefully before you make promises to Laura.
• Throwing money at a problem is a good first resort, but it only works half the time.
• If things are moving too fast for you, say "yellow" to slow down the game and "red" to pause it.

If you can only think of one or two, feel free to post those now and come back if you think of more later!

If those piqued your interest, you know where to click

Kaiba’s Prostitute

When CEO Seto Kaiba propositions Joan, she expects a one-night stand, but he and his brother keep coming back for more. Now the Kaiba brothers want an heir from her and will pay any price to get it. How do Joan’s husband and boyfriend feel about her new profession?...

www.scribblehub.com

 

[AliceShiki]

Uhn... Let's see...

Lying is bad.
Don't overexert yourself.
Try to understand the feelings of the other party.
Cherish yourself.
Don't give up.
1 week is not too long.
Your life isn't determined solely by your love life.

I think those are some good tips~

 

[Moonpearl]

(Misread this as "your life as a video game". Here's a real response.)

The Spring of Xuriral soothes.

Dark Elves do not like colourful gifts.

Sunlight is a necessity for humans! Remember to expose yourself daily in the nursery.

Magic can heal all ailments, but not all wounds are worth the discomfort.

Everyone sucks, but women-loving women suck a little bit less.

 

[yeetrium]

•Sometimes, luck is all you need.

•Skills degrade when not in use, so keep at it!

•Find balance in life; too much or too little of anything is not good.

•Healthy mind, healthy body.

•A single strand of spaghetti is called spaghetto.

•Under normal circumstances, you don't notice your breathing, blinking, or the prescence of your tongue inside your mouth.

•You might learn something if you trace a circle on one hand and a square on the other at the same time!

•It's been so long since you started sleeping. You need to wake up. We miss you.

 

[DekuKurohi]

Let’s try this out... (Mind you at the point of posting this the story doesn’t allude to all of these tips yet)
Tip as Maova

• No drinking blood in public. Obviously.
• Don’t use [Appraisal] on everything and spoil the story please.
• Don’t bother Mom a lot lest you lose your arm again.
• Kaa-san is good at giving tips so go to her for more.
• Killing humans is totally okay if you ‘reasons’
• Quests don’t provide EXP. Killing does.

Tip as Rosia

• Don’t hesitate to kill.
• Don’t be a jerk toward your loved ones, snarking is fine. Screw everyone else.
• Just because your class is paladin doesn’t mean you’re the good guy.
• It’s not cannibalism.
• Being critical toward Maova is fine.
• Perhaps being more savvy would’ve move the plot faster...

 

[Jemini]

Hmmm....

Remember, life is hell.
Nothing is more dangerous than a good idea in the wrong hands.
Politics suck!
Lawyers are lawyers in any world.
No matter what you think, you are not the one in charge.
Being a princess is definitely not all fun and games.
The best way to stay sane, keep a few very close friends.
Walls are good at keeping people in, sometimes better than they are at keeping people out.
Sometimes, you are just born into a very bad situation. Try to make the most of what you have.
Things may be hard for you, but they're even harder for someone else.
If someone says "help me," look for a flower stem before rushing in.

Yeah, my story is not very nice to it's main cast, and even less nice to the side characters.

 

[Polarize4777]

Risking for the biscuit is always rewarding, and living on the edge is highly recommended.

 

[K5Rakitan]

I'm having so much fun seeing these that I decided to do it on Twitter too!
Feel free to jump in

https://twitter.com/i/web/status/1261018457203564544

 

[PrincessFelicie]

Miaoh's journey:

* Press A to jump.
* Everything is fine.
* You can turn the camera using the right joystick.
* Pushing the left joystick forwards will make you move forwards.
* This isn't real.
* Try to raise your skills by completing actions related to them.
* The beginner town is a good place to stock up on basic supplies for the journey ahead.
* You weren't supposed to exist.
* Oops! This is our bug handling message. If you see this, contact us on our forums.
* Collect new party members as you play through the game!
* You can use fast travel.
* Combat is turn-based.
* How does it feel to breathe? And would you know the difference?
* Press start to pause.

 

[Nahrenne]

- Remember that the Lunar Wave occurs every 60 in-game days on the full moon. Keep an eye out for potential dangers while traversing the lands, and be more mindful of your words when speaking to people because they might just lash out in irritation - or worse...

- Nymphs are seen as sex-slaves within human territories. Be sure to be mindful if entering such places as one.

- Magic can heal many things, however, this only counts for flesh wounds and fevers. Broken bones, damaged nervous systems, or even brain haemorrhaging would require the most expert of medical personnel to deal with due to lack of knowledge of internal bodily functions.

- Each deity is a patron to a specific race/s of their choosing, be sure to keep the benefits of having such a patron in mind when choosing your race.

- All actions and words have a consequence.

- Be mindful of who you interact with and keep in mind what their true motives could be. You might find it saves your life from poisons and assassination attempts.

Can't think of any more atm, without spoiling the story too much.
'-'

X

 

[Amarathia]

Eggplant's Tips:

• Remember to photosynthesize for 8 hours a day.
• Flowers are not to be touched.
• You are a member of the nightshade family.
• The morals of a human no longer apply.
• Daily activity options include: absorbing sunlight, predation, and harassing others.
• Purple is the best color in the universe.

 

[Nyaa]

I'm not an author, but if I ever made a video game, instead of making helpful loading screen tips, I'd base them on Confucius say jokes:

• Stand on toilet to get high on pot.
• Sneeze without a tissue to take matter into your own hands.
• Run behind a car to get exhausted.
• If you go to bed with an itchy bum, you'll wake up with smelly finger.
• If you piss into the wind, you'll get wet.
• Push a piano down a mineshaft to get A flat miner.
• Women who go camping must beware of evil intent.
• etc...

 

[Assurbanipal_II]

• Barrels are longs, our lives are short.
• If it's stupid but works, it's not stupid.
• When in doubt, empty the magazine.
• Never share a foxhole with anyone braver than you.
• If your attack is going really well, it's an ambush.
• The easy way is always mined.
• Teamwork is essential. It gives the enemy other' to shoot at.
• The only terrain that is truly controlled is the terrain upon which you're standing.
• The easy way generally gets you killed.
• Ammo is cheap; your life isn't.
• Always keep in mind that your weapon was made by the lowest bidder.
• The law of the bayonet says the man with the bullet wins.
• Tracers work both ways.
• Don't look conspicuous, it draws fire.
• Try to look unimportant, they may be low on ammo.
• If the enemy is within range, so are you.

 

[Mihou]

• The system keeps changing every day.
• Do not worry, you won't die.
• Follow your instincts.
• Find that one confused girl first.
• Make sure to go check weird places.

 

[GDLiZy]

Don't assume anything, even if it's most likely the truth.
Don't deal with evil.
Nothing is of no significance.
Free Will? What's that?
If anything can go wrong, then it will go worse.

 

[weakwithwords]

disclaimer: based on a truly non-existent story

• (fact) The AI are cheating bastards. // Deal with it.
• (fact) The other players are cheating bastards. // Deal with it.
• (fact) The other players are actually AI. // Deal with it.
• FUQ: Frequently Unasked/Unanswered Questions
• (fuq) The game is too boring. Can you not make an effort to make it interesting? // No, unlike you, we actually have a life.
• (fuq) The game is too addictive and my children won't stop playing. // Are you complaining or praising us?
• (fuq) My hamster ate my homework. // Hamsters aren't goats until further notice.

 

[BenJepheneT]

"Keep scrolling. Those other things can wait."

"You missed deadlines, but that's okay because you don't care anyway."

"Side objectives are more important. The main quest is too hard anyway."

"If it doesn't work, try it again. Finding a new way is too hard for you."

"Don't listen to yourself."

 

[AliceShiki]

• (fuq) My hamster ate my homework. // Hamsters aren't goats until further notice.

@Discount_Blade might disagree with that~

"Keep scrolling. Those other things can wait."

"You missed deadlines, but that's okay because you don't care anyway."

"Side objectives are more important. The main quest is too hard anyway."

"If it doesn't work, try it again. Finding a new way is too hard for you."

"Don't listen to yourself."

Those would be hilarious regardless of the game! XD

 

[ShrimpShady]

If you're in a pinch, try punching their liver

 

[BenJepheneT]

If you're in a pinch, try punching their liver

My man when you're in a pinch you're most likely facing a giant. Don't think punching their liver would work anymore than biting their pinkie.