Please give a feedback on my synopsis.

[vish]

I wrote a new synopsis for my novel, here it is:

Ren, is a Reincarnated Individual, in the world he is reincarnated into, people awaken their skill between the ages of 9 and 11. Despite the priest's assertion that he possessed a skill, he was unable to use it. He still lives a quite normal life until one day, a luminous pillar of light descends upon him and his one another classmate.
The two are led to a Goddess who rules over a a certain country. She labels the two Humanity's Traitor and sends them back to a dungeon where they are supposed to live, with their masters, that is.
Was what the Goddess said, truth? Were they indeed out to aid the fall of humanity?
But one thing was sure, the dungeon dwellers wouldn't accept those two as their own.
Will they survive?

The title of the novel is : HOW TO KILL A GODDESS OF ANOTHER EARTH.

Please tell, if it attracts you into reading the novel also if you have time give the prologue a read too.
Link to my novel:

KILL A GODDESS

Jack an ordinary person. His world has the same name, Earth. But that was the extent of the resemblances. Jacck has a skill as well, or at least he was told he did, but he had no inkling of how to use it. He was disheartened at first but his...

www.scribblehub.com

 

[Scaver]

I wrote a new synopsis for my novel, here it is:

Ren, is a Reincarnated Individual, in the world he is reincarnated into, people awaken their skill between the ages of 9 and 11. Despite the priest's assertion that he possessed a skill, he was unable to use it. He still lives a quite normal life until one day, a luminous pillar of light descends upon him and his one another classmate.
The two are led to a Goddess who rules over a a certain country. She labels the two Humanity's Traitor and sends them back to a dungeon where they are supposed to live, with their masters, that is.
Was what the Goddess said, truth? Were they indeed out to aid the fall of humanity?
But one thing was sure, the dungeon dwellers wouldn't accept those two as their own.
Will they survive?

The title of the novel is : HOW TO KILL A GODDESS OF ANOTHER EARTH.

Please tell, if it attracts you into reading the novel also if you have time give the prologue a read too.
Link to my novel:

KILL A GODDESS

Jack an ordinary person. His world has the same name, Earth. But that was the extent of the resemblances. Jacck has a skill as well, or at least he was told he did, but he had no inkling of how to use it. He was disheartened at first but his...

www.scribblehub.com

nope sounds way too generic. I'm not trying to discourage you but...
And rather than 'Earth' use world

 

[vish]

nope sounds way too generic. I'm not trying to discourage you but...
And rather than 'Earth' use world

Ok thanks for your view. I'll see if can make it any better.

 

[K5Rakitan]

I always recommend including a question or three to entice the reader, and you have questions, so that's good. However, I think that yes/no questions are not ideal for novels. I use yes/no questions for my poetry collection because it's not one cohesive story but rather a matter of themes the reader might enjoy.

You can follow the links in my signature for examples, and please be sure to give me one-star ratings!

 

[Ai-chan]

Ren, is a Reincarnated Individual, in the world he is reincarnated into, people awaken their skill between the ages of 9 and 11. Despite the priest's assertion that he possessed a skill, he was unable to use it. He still lives a quite normal life until one day, a luminous pillar of light descends upon him and his one another classmate.
The two are led to a Goddess who rules over a a certain country. She labels the two Humanity's Traitor and sends them back to a dungeon where they are supposed to live, with their masters, that is.
Was what the Goddess said, truth? Were they indeed out to aid the fall of humanity?
But one thing was sure, the dungeon dwellers wouldn't accept those two as their own.
Will they survive?

Ren is a reincarnated individual. In the world he is reincarnated into, people awaken their skills between the ages of 9 and 11. Despite the priest's guarantee that he possessed a skill, he was unable to use it. Despite that, he continues to live a normal life until one day, a bright pillar of light descends upon him and one of his classmates.

They are led to a Goddess who rules over a certain country. She labels them both Traitors of Humanity and sends them into a dungeon where they were supposed to live. That is, with their masters.

Was what the Goddess said the truth? Were they indeed meant to aid in the fall of humanity?

But one thing was for sure, the dungeon dwellers wouldn't accept them as their own.

Will they survive?

Ai-chan provided correction for you in case you want to continue to use this. As synopsis goes, it's not too bad. The 'will they survive' part is a bit bland, so maybe you want to improve on that. One important thing is missing in this whole synopsis, though. What are their feelings or reactions about this? There is not a single mention. You can dedicate a paragraph just for that.

 

[Deeprotsorcerer]

Take Ai-Chan's syno, and if you tweek it as suggested, make sure you do three or more editing passes.

A lot of the time people come up with awkward or slightly underdelivered text because they simply post a first draft. Read your text out loud, then read it backwards, then forwards again, pretending each time that you aren't a writer, but a reader; that you know nothing of the world you're trying to advertise and all of the information you're going to get about it is what's written on the page.

As far as making it less generic, focus on these bits:

in the world he is reincarnated into

What is the name of the world? If it's generic, use the continent or region and cover the general state of it or it's culture.

the priest's

A priest of what kind of religious order? Priesthoods come in a million different flavors even if they serve the same deity. You can use implements; texts, braziers, sigils, or some other iconic tool to hint at this one's. What kind of process reveals someone's skill? A ceremony in front of millions of people? A private consultation? What was the meeting with the priest like in the Ren's eyes? What did Ren feel like when he discovered he couldn't use his skill in the context of a culture where everyone and their mum can?

a Goddess

Who is this goddess? What kind of goddess is she, and what is she like, or rather, what does Ren think she is like?

And so on with the rest:

a certain country

their masters

dungeon dwellers

It's good that you're presenting the basic premise but you should spice everything up, tell us why this story in particular is interesting and what, if anything, separates it from from anything else on SH.

 

[wingedcatgirl]

It's... decent. It could use a lot of grammar clean-up (Ai-Chan made a good start above), but it does describe a story, and the story it describes is potentially interesting.

Its main issue is being incredibly vague. Why do we care about "a certain country"? What do the dungeon masters signify? Who are the dungeon dwellers and why does it matter what they think of our heroes?

And why does it matter that Ren is reincarnated, as opposed to a native of the world experiencing these events?

 

[vish]

It's... decent. It could use a lot of grammar clean-up (Ai-Chan made a good start above), but it does describe a story, and the story it describes is potentially interesting.

Its main issue is being incredibly vague. Why do we care about "a certain country"? What do the dungeon masters signify? Who are the dungeon dwellers and why does it matter what they think of our heroes?

And why does it matter that Ren is reincarnated, as opposed to a native of the world experiencing these events?

I always recommend including a question or three to entice the reader, and you have questions, so that's good. However, I think that yes/no questions are not ideal for novels. I use yes/no questions for my poetry collection because it's not one cohesive story but rather a matter of themes the reader might enjoy.

You can follow the links in my signature for examples, and please be sure to give me one-star ratings!

Ren, is a Reincarnated Individual, in the world he is reincarnated into, people awaken their skill between the ages of 9 and 11. Despite the priest's assertion that he possessed a skill, he was unable to use it. He still lives a quite normal life until one day, a luminous pillar of light descends upon him and his one another classmate.
The two are led to a Goddess who rules over a a certain country. She labels the two Humanity's Traitor and sends them back to a dungeon where they are supposed to live, with their masters, that is.
Was what the Goddess said, truth? Were they indeed out to aid the fall of humanity?
But one thing was sure, the dungeon dwellers wouldn't accept those two as their own.
Will they survive?

Ren is a reincarnated individual. In the world he is reincarnated into, people awaken their skills between the ages of 9 and 11. Despite the priest's guarantee that he possessed a skill, he was unable to use it. Despite that, he continues to live a normal life until one day, a bright pillar of light descends upon him and one of his classmates.

They are led to a Goddess who rules over a certain country. She labels them both Traitors of Humanity and sends them into a dungeon where they were supposed to live. That is, with their masters.

Was what the Goddess said the truth? Were they indeed meant to aid in the fall of humanity?

But one thing was for sure, the dungeon dwellers wouldn't accept them as their own.

Will they survive?

Ai-chan provided correction for you in case you want to continue to use this. As synopsis goes, it's not too bad. The 'will they survive' part is a bit bland, so maybe you want to improve on that. One important thing is missing in this whole synopsis, though. What are their feelings or reactions about this? There is not a single mention. You can dedicate a paragraph just for that.

Take Ai-Chan's syno, and if you tweek it as suggested, make sure you do three or more editing passes.

A lot of the time people come up with awkward or slightly underdelivered text because they simply post a first draft. Read your text out loud, then read it backwards, then forwards again, pretending each time that you aren't a writer, but a reader; that you know nothing of the world you're trying to advertise and all of the information you're going to get about it is what's written on the page.

As far as making it less generic, focus on these bits:



What is the name of the world? If it's generic, use the continent or region and cover the general state of it or it's culture.


A priest of what kind of religious order? Priesthoods come in a million different flavors even if they serve the same deity. You can use implements; texts, braziers, sigils, or some other iconic tool to hint at this one's. What kind of process reveals someone's skill? A ceremony in front of millions of people? A private consultation? What was the meeting with the priest like in the Ren's eyes? What did Ren feel like when he discovered he couldn't use his skill in the context of a culture where everyone and their mum can?


Who is this goddess? What kind of goddess is she, and what is she like, or rather, what does Ren think she is like?

And so on with the rest:








It's good that you're presenting the basic premise but you should spice everything up, tell us why this story in particular is interesting and what, if anything, separates it from from anything else on SH.

Thanks a lot for your valuable advices. You all made me aware of many things. I'll try my best to improve them.

 

[vish]

I always recommend including a question or three to entice the reader, and you have questions, so that's good. However, I think that yes/no questions are not ideal for novels. I use yes/no questions for my poetry collection because it's not one cohesive story but rather a matter of themes the reader might enjoy.

You can follow the links in my signature for examples, and please be sure to give me one-star ratings!

I already gave your novel a rating

 

[K5Rakitan]

I already gave your novel a rating

As long as it was one star, that makes me happy!

 

[vish]

I have updated the synopsis, please tell if it is any better or did I make it too long.

Ren is a reincarnated person. His new world had the same name as his old one, Earth. But that was the extent of the resemblances.

Eons ago, goddesses descended from the heavens to guide and protect this world from the monstrosities known as Devils, who devoured humankind in their thirst for power.

People in this world awakened skills or supernatural abilities at a young age. Ren had a skill as well, or at least he was told he did, but he had no inkling of how to use it. He was disheartened at first but eventually learned that the use of skills by common folks is prohibited. His goal too wasn't the path to power, the world was modern enough for enough peaceful occupations such as software engineering.


All he wanted from this world was to continue the peaceful life, but the world didn't even provide him with that.
Everything changed, when a luminous pillar descended upon him and one of his classmates. Goddess Helastia, the most revered goddess and the guide of the Mayahel Kingdom, the most powerful nation in the globe, called them to herself, probably not a good news given the situation. However, there, he finds that a group of heroes has been summoned from his past world to confront the Devils that will be rising soon. The Heroes were his past life's classmates and somehow he had acquired the system similar to that of Heroes too.

But contrary to his assumption of being a hero himself, she referred to him as a reincarnated imposter. She labeled both of them as Traitors of Humanity and sent them into a dungeon where they were supposed to live. That is, with their masters and comrades, the Devils and their minions.

The monsters in the dungeon were not likely to accept them as allies, instead, they were out to devour the delicacies that appeared in their home. Only despair awaited them.

How will they survive in one of the most dangerous dungeons in the world that too in the deepest of the floors?
Will it be an ordinary execution of the so-called traitor or the rise of the worst enemy of the humanity?

 

[CarburetorThompson]

You‘re giving up a lot of information in the new synopsis. I can’t speak for everyone but I have a very short attention span when it comes to reading so I need it to get my attention, but also not be too long. For my synopses I looked at the community written ones on the My Anime List website since they usually do a pretty good job. I‘d recommend doing the same.

 

[ModernGold7ne]

@Ai-chan and @Deeprotsorcerer
I have updated the synopsis, please tell if it is any better or did I make it too long.

Ren is a reincarnated person. His new world had the same name as his old one, Earth. But that was the extent of the resemblances.

Eons ago, goddesses descended from the heavens to guide and protect this world from the monstrosities known as Devils, who devoured humankind in their thirst for power.

People in this world awakened skills or supernatural abilities at a young age. Ren had a skill as well, or at least he was told he did, but he had no inkling of how to use it. He was disheartened at first but eventually learned that the use of skills by common folks is prohibited. His goal too wasn't the path to power, the world was modern enough for enough peaceful occupations such as software engineering.


All he wanted from this world was to continue the peaceful life, but the world didn't even provide him with that.
Everything changed, when a luminous pillar descended upon him and one of his classmates. Goddess Helastia, the most revered goddess and the guide of the Mayahel Kingdom, the most powerful nation in the globe, called them to herself, probably not a good news given the situation. However, there, he finds that a group of heroes has been summoned from his past world to confront the Devils that will be rising soon. The Heroes were his past life's classmates and somehow he had acquired the system similar to that of Heroes too.

But contrary to his assumption of being a hero himself, she referred to him as a reincarnated imposter. She labeled both of them as Traitors of Humanity and sent them into a dungeon where they were supposed to live. That is, with their masters and comrades, the Devils and their minions.

The monsters in the dungeon were not likely to accept them as allies, instead, they were out to devour the delicacies that appeared in their home. Only despair awaited them.

How will they survive in one of the most dangerous dungeons in the world that too in the deepest of the floors?
Will it be an ordinary execution of the so-called traitor or the rise of the worst enemy of the humanity?

Too long, too many spoilers, why are you treating us like we're publishers?

 

[vish]

You‘re giving up a lot of information in the new synopsis. I can’t speak for everyone but I have a very short attention span when it comes to reading so I need it to get my attention, but also not be too long. For my synopses I looked at the community written ones on the My Anime List website since they usually do a pretty good job. I‘d recommend doing the same.

Too long, too many spoilers, why are you treating us like we're publishers?

I see. I did thought that I made it too long.. gotta trim it nice and good.

 

[Ai-chan]

I see. I did thought that I made it too long.. gotta trim it nice and good.

Yeah, what they said, it's too long. Basically, think of it as the back of the book. If your synopsis can't fit the back of the book, it's too long. Here's Ai-chan's correction, you can use it or you can continue to change it. Ai-chan doesn't know what you want to do with your story. You also mixed up present tense and past tense here. Ai-chan changed it all to present tense, but if you wish to tell it in past tense, just change everything into past tense.

Ren is a reincarnated person in a world called Earth, the same as his old one.

Eons ago, goddesses descended from the heavens to guide and protect this world from the monstrosities known as Devils, monstrous beings who devoured mankind.

People in this world awakened skills or supernatural abilities at a young age. Ren has a skill as well, or at least he was told he did, but he has no inkling of how to use it. He was disheartened but eventually lived with it.

Everything changed when a blinding pillar of light descended upon him and one of his classmates. Goddess Helastia, the most revered goddess, has summoned them. There, he finds that a group of heroes has been summoned from his past world to confront the Devils that will soon arise.

But contrary to his assumption of being a hero himself, she calls him a reincarnated impostor. They are labelled as Traitors of Humanity and are sent into a dungeon where they are supposed to belong. That is, with their masters and comrades, the Devils and their minions.

The monsters in the dungeon are not likely to accept them as allies, instead, they are out to devour the delicacies that appears in their home. Only despair awaits them.

How will they survive in one of the most dangerous dungeons in the world?
Will it be an execution of the so-called traitors or the rise of the worst enemy of the humanity?