Post Your Synopsis & Get Feedback

[Nymus]

Okay... Ill be blunt. If that wall of text is your synopsis, just delete everything but the first five lines.
All the rest can go on the author notes of the first chapter. Having it all on the synopsis t's overwhelming. So please dont.

Okay, in my case my synopsis is a bit too short. But my story is kinda focused on the mystery of what is happening, so I cant go too much into details on the synopsis anyway.

"A brave boy who wanted to live his own life and a stubborn girl who wanted to rise over everyone else.
Fates intertwined, they will go in a journey to uncover the truth, side by side, as the silver-eyed one and calamity approach."

I think your reasoning is sound, consider it a typical rookie mistake on my part. There is no reason to be sad about it.

Basically, at first glance, there is nothing that speaks against proceeding according to your suggestion. Before I start with the next section, I had the intention to eliminate mistakes in this part anyway. I think about it.

Thanks for the feedback.


Regarding your synopsis, I think you said it yourself. A bit short. I would like to see a little more to draw me in.

If you don't want to go into detail, and I can understand that for a story that's specifically built on mystery, maybe include just that as an enticement in an additional sentence?

 

[owotrucked]

I'm preparing a story, halp

Spoiler: covers

A corrupted spirit, forsaken by its master and filled with madness…

A boy on a mission to get a girlfriend, destined to be part of a romantic comedy…

As the two collide, they lose everything, dragging each other to the depths of hell. They invade Inferno’s territory, seeking a way to get rid of each other.

Giving up everything for the sake of vengeance, they hunt the- wait, isn’t that succubus pretty?

“Ewww, get away from me, creep!”

Nevermind, purge them!

It's meant to adventure and comedy (inspired by Lineage2). Is there any mistake or stuff to improve?

 

[Spilled_Soup]

The Lost Spark

Tension between the Guilds of the Federation and the Kingdoms of the Outer Rim, boils. Planets caught between the two find themselves scorched, stripped bare of labor and resources. On a day of celebration, Eon, a Netrunner orphaned on the planet of Typhon, is caught between the two. His world...

www.scribblehub.com

[Synopsis]
Tension between the Guilds of the Federation and the Kingdoms of the Outer Rim, boils. Planets caught between the two find themselves scorched, stripped bare of labor and resources. On a day of celebration, Eon, a Netrunner orphaned on the planet of Typhon, is caught between the two. His world and population sold off to the highest bidder.

Sent to an asteroid to mine for Arc stones, his fate delves further into chaos once it's discovered that he can channel Psionic energy. An energy source that alters the very fabric of reality, sparking an arms race where Psionics dominate for superiority.

I welcome feedback

 

[BubbleC]

I'm preparing a story, halp

It's meant to adventure and comedy (inspired by Lineage2). Is there any mistake or stuff to improve?

Late reply, but I think your synopsis is great. Short, sweet, the tone and concept are both introduced concisely and clearly—It’s good. Since I’m into comedies, I’d definitely read if I came across it. You can add more detail if you’d like, but I think it’s fine.

Tensions between the Guilds of the Federation and the Kingdoms of the Outer Rim, boils. Planets caught between the two find themselves scorched, stripped bare of labor and resources. On a day of celebration, Eon, a Netrunner orphaned on the planet of Typhon, is caught between the two. His world and population sold off to the highest bidder.

Sent to an asteroid to mine for Arc stones, his fate delves further into chaos once it's discovered that he can channel Psionic energy. An energy source that alters the very fabric of reality, sparking an arms race where Psionics dominate for superiority.

I think this is good grammar wise, but personally I think there’s too much going on in the synopsis. There’s a little too much name dropping of entities we don’t really need to know (ex. Netrunner and planet of Typhon; maybe replace these with more descriptive general terms?). Next, some sentence structure may be a bit chunky. This is just a personal preference, but I think adding shorter, punchier sentences grab the reader’s attention better in the synopsis. Overall, however, it’s a solid summary that makes me curious about the setting, hero, and journey so well done!

 

[Hathnuz]

Can anyone please give feedback on my synopsis? Which one is better?

Spoiler: Old

Kane who once a mighty ax saint and master blacksmith fell from his glory after completing his vengeance. He fled to a faraway kingdom but was killed by an invading demon in an unfortunate event.

For an unknown reason, his journey somehow hasn’t ended. Kane found himself in the body of a lumberjack’s son. He had to return to his former strength before pursuing the demon. And thus, he worked hard and strives to become a strong warrior just like his previous life in the upcoming aptitude evaluation.

“I’m definitely going to become a warrior!”

The result came out. The horrendous muscle pain after training and countless times swinging his ax were only to become... a mage.

“Wait, what?”

Follow Kane Foxsnove — who had never used magic in his both lives — becomes the first ax-wielding mage, the magic lumberjack.

Spoiler: New. Less focus on the gimmick and shorter

Saint: an individual who has reached the apex in martial arts. Only one shall prevail for each path of mastery.

Kane the Ax Saint was among them, until he killed his nemesis and fellow saint, and stole his divine sword. Fleeing from his followers, Kane took refuge in a faraway kingdom, working as a weaponsmith — a skill he had mastered before.

His retirement didn’t last long. A powerful demon invaded the kingdom, killed Kane in the process, and snatched away the sword, turning the kingdom into ruins.

For unknown reasons, Kane woke up in the body of a child who had died recently. Burdened by the responsibility, he decided to pursue the demon and reclaim the sword before she could wreak havoc. But first, he had to regain his former strength!

However, his journey won’t be as simple as he thought…

Spoiler: More casual and even shorter alternative

Basically a level 100 barbarian, Kane, killed a level 100 swordsman plus stole his divine sword because of vengeance. After escaping from the dead saint’s followers, Kane was killed by some ancient demon and transmigrated into a child’s body for unknown reasons.

He then decided to become stronger in order to pursue her before she could misuse the sword. However, his new body is super talented in magic but crap potential in physical ability, forcing Kane to learn something he had never learned before.

Follow Kane in his journey to become the first ax-wielding mage, the magic lumberjack.

 

[owotrucked]

I prefer the second version, but the third one is really clearer.

If I understood correctly, there are two parallel story threads:
- Stopping the sword from being misused
- Poor lad is a mage but all he wants is swinging his axe

I think the first story thread is difficult to get the reader involved with just a synopsis. I would leave it in the bulk of the story so that the reader can properly feel the stakes.

The second one is easier to convey and doesn't require any background to feel the stakes.

My suggestion would be to drop the first thread and go all-in with the second. For instance, you can reduce the level of detail of everything else :
1. Establish that Kane really likes his Ax (you can add Kane's bias in the description, to mock swords for instance)

To Kane, the ax was more than a weapon, it was his sworn partner. He dedicated his life to master it, becoming the Ax Saint. His zeal led him to kill the Sword Saint in a legendary duel, proving his partner's superiority over the sword.

2. Deliver your central point

After dying at the hands of demons, Kane was blessed with a second life. To protect his loved ones, he didn't think twice about reuniting with his beloved partner. However... he could barely lift the weapon.

"What do you mean I'm a mage?!"

Follow Kane in his journey to become the first ax-wielding mage, the magic lumberjack.

 

[Sylverius]

Probably a horrible idea but eh why not? I see some mention they wish they could get some help with their synopsis or how its lacking and they don't know how to write a good one for their story. Not gonna be the one to critique here (I'm not that attentive), but maybe it would be nice to have a place where others can get some critique on their synopsis. I for one know I probably will have to work and tinker out my synopsis for some stories (not published on SH yet).

Post your synopsis or link to your story synopsis. It can even be a synopsis for a story you have in mind, but haven't really written just yet.

See how other critique your synopsis and whether it sounds interesting or need some improvements.

*This is not to review your story, just your synopsis itself. This way it saves time, and it can help straightforward see if the synopsis is interesting or not and needs improvement. A good synopsis is one that hooks you wanting to read more.

*When I mean synopsis, I mean the synopsis you see on ScribbleHub stories.

Well fk, I need publicity for my story. I'll drop it in here real quick

Story title: King

Synopsis:
Join the protagonist, Kuro as he dives in a new world with a new life! Power fantasy, harems, doing whatever you want, having whatever power you want, trample your enemies, it's the ideal isekai life for a guy like him! He was tired of reality, but by a stroke of luck, he was invited to go to another world.

"I'll enjoy this new life like those guys at the stories I've read."

A new fun, happy, and action-packed life awaits him!

... Or so he thought.

 

[Muddy]

Well fk, I need publicity for my story. I'll drop it in here real quick

Story title: King

Synopsis:
Join the protagonist, Kuro as he dives in a new world with a new life! Power fantasy, harems, doing whatever you want, having whatever power you want, trample your enemies, it's the ideal isekai life for a guy like him! He was tired of reality, but by a stroke of luck, he was invited to go to another world.

"I'll enjoy this new life like those guys at the stories I've read."

A new fun, happy, and action-packed life awaits him!

... Or so he thought.

Might drop my own here a little later. Have some feedback first.

• "Join the protagonist" is redundant. These words add no extra information, and only cut into already limited space you have to hook readers. Make your first sentence more active. Maybe something like this: "Kuro dives into a new world with a new life!"
• Your synopsis is upside down. Everything except "... or so he thought" is utterly generic. People will read your synopsis from the start, realize it's generic and drop out before they even get to this last bit, and that would be a shame. You need more of a hook closer to the start of the synopsis.
• Your last words tell me this is not a generic isekai, but you fail to tell me why. You should try to elaborate a bit more. The problem is, everyone claims to write isekai with a twist, so you need to give potential readers more to hook them.
• Maybe try and make me care for your protagonist and their plight. You've told me nothing about them (except generic isekai mc), and the synopsis did not give them any goals either.
• You named your protagonist "black". Be aware that this name might scare away potential readers. The glut of badly written fiction with wannabe edgy Japanese names has sort of spoiled names like that for a lot of readers. You'll need to work extra hard on your synopsis to get past that bias.

 

[Sylverius]

Your synopsis is upside down. Everything except "... or so he thought" is utterly generic. People will read your synopsis from the start, realize it's generic and drop out before they even get to this last bit, and that would be a shame. You need more of a hook closer to the start of the synopsis.

Yeah I need to fix this thing.

Your last words tell me this is not a generic isekai, but you fail to tell me why. You should try to elaborate a bit more. The problem is, everyone claims to write isekai with a twist, so you need to give potential readers more to hook them.

Well, I wanted to add in an element of surprise for readers, but I guess that didn't work.

Maybe try and make me care for your protagonist and their plight. You've told me nothing about them (except generic isekai mc), and the synopsis did not give them any goals either.

Noted.

You named your protagonist "black". Be aware that this name might scare away potential readers. The glut of badly written fiction with wannabe edgy Japanese names has sort of spoiled names like that for a lot of readers. You'll need to work extra hard on your synopsis to get past that bias.

Sorry, old habits die hard. I named him that when I was 12, and since then, I haven't really given any thoughts about it until recently.

Thanks for your feedback mate, using your points, I'll try to fix them up. Thanks!

EDIT: Can I post another one? Like, the edited synopsis?

 

[Muddy]

EDIT: Can I post another one? Like, the edited synopsis?

Sure, post the edited version. I'll take another look.

And um, here's my own synopsis, in case someone wants to take a look. It's for a story I'm wrapping the final chapters up for now. Hoping to get this in postable shape within another month or so.

Title:
Vale... is not a vampire

Synopsis:
Vale Bryce is a hunter because her dad wants her to be one. She is a loner because all hunters are. She is a drifter because that is how hunters find their jobs.

Those are lies. Vale is none of those things. All of her is a lie, because those lies are the only thing keeping her alive. Until one day she slips up. A single moment of truth ruins it all, awakening a longing for a life that is no longer built on things she isn’t.

Vale has to go back to lying. She has to. They will kill her if she doesn’t. But the truth is too addicting. Vale is not a vampire. That is a lie. That is how she will die.

Yet maybe... dying happy is better than dying a lie?

 

[Sylverius]

Sure, post the edited version. I'll take another look.

Alright, here's take 2 HAHAHA

Synopsis:
What is a King?
Kings aren't just known as Kings due to their bloodline. They are also known as Kings due to their power. "Dragon slayers" are another name for them, their generation had taken part in taking down the strongest dragon, Shin, the silver dragon.

Now, a once ugly, and sickly kid has been given a 2nd chance in life to redeem himself in another world. In the fantasy world, where he was given cheat powers which could only be used in the very endgame. He has to fight in a fantasy world where he must use his knowledge to the fullest and make sure he can use his ability even before endgame. His main goal? To fulfill his deal, to "live as long as he can". Our main protagonist now dives into the new world with a dark past. This time, as the "Silver King".

I tried to do what you said without spoiling too much of the story itself. How is it?

 

[Sylverius]

Much improved.

You still have a bit of repetition that can be cleaned up: '...in another world', 'In the fantast world...', 'dives into the new world'

Your what is a king question is a strong opening hook. It makes you want to know the answer, aware that it isn't going to be the usual definition. Yet instead of using that hook to lead the reader through the rest of the synopsis, you instantly answer the question. You might need to do some more juggling around of sentences and paragraphs to get the answer closer to the end of the synopsis.

Finally, a bit of a nitpick, but you have two mentions of endgame related to his ability. It might just be me, but the use of the term endgame doesn't really work for me. It feels too much like you wrote '...could only be used at the end of the novel'. Something with a little more oomph to it might work better. Here's an example of what I mean with oomph, don't know if it's relevant: '... given a cheat power that he can only unlock after he's become so powerful he no longer needs it'

REEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE (Take 3 in REEE language)

Synopsis:
What is a King?
Kings aren't just known as Kings due to their bloodline. They are also known as Kings due to their mysterious power. Their power allows them to destroy enemy armies, command their own race, split mountains, and kill dragons, the strongest type of monsters. Yet even after all these years, the origin of their powers still remain unknown.

Now, a once ugly, and sickly kid has been given a 2nd chance in life to redeem himself. He is to be transported in a fantasy world, where he was given cheat powers. However, that same cheat power is too strong, he can not wield it unless he wants to destroy himself as well as the world, until then, he must become strong. He will live in a fantasy world where he must use his knowledge to the fullest and make sure he can use his ability even before time renders him weak. His main goal? To fulfill his deal, to "live as long as he can". Our main protagonist now dives into the new world with a dark past. This time, as the "Silver King".

So, about the "Endgame" part, yep that was a mistake. It was mentioned in the novel that he was to be given a power which he could only use once he's strong enough, but he can only use it when he's as strong as the dragon mentioned, which is basically the strongest mortal in the novel. I used the wrong term, which was the fault I was referring to, so I decided to change it. Is it better now? I also changed the first one.

 

[Hadassah]

Ha, I’m so used to being in the trad publishing trenches that I was trying to figure out how synopsis was used in this context for a bit.

Anyway Muddy, you’ve been so kind as to give detailed feedback to others, I wanted to offer for you.

Title:
Vale... is not a vampire

Synopsis:
Vale Bryce is a hunter because her dad wants her to be one. She is a loner because all hunters are. She is a drifter because that is how hunters find their jobs.

Those are lies. Vale is none of those things. All of her is a lie, because those lies are the only thing keeping her alive. Until one day she slips up. A single moment of truth ruins it all, awakening a longing for a life that is no longer built on things she isn’t.

Vale has to go back to lying. She has to. They will kill her if she doesn’t. But the truth is too addicting. Vale is not a vampire. That is a lie. That is how she will die.

Yet maybe... dying happy is better than dying a lie?

So first off, I love the name of the character. It's not one I've heard before or often, but feels grounded. You've set boundaries in the world and started to build expectations.

The second paragraph starts off by using the word 'lie' two times in one sentence. Its a little quick, and I'd maybe drop the second "All of her is a lie" and just connect "Vale is none of those things, because..." just to nix a bit of repetition and keep new information coming at the audience. I like the rest of the paragraph overall, it is sharp and declarative. To add to it, I'd almost shorten the "for a life that is no longer built not" to just "for a life not built on..."

The third paragraph is quick and snappy, though I think it might do to give the audience just a momentary glimpse behind the curtain to explain what the threat is, since we don't know anything else about the story's setting. Is the 'they' other hunters? Vampires? Her father? Truth manifest? You might also want to use the word 'addictive' rather than 'addicting'. The rhyme at the end is cute, and I think any synopsis should have room for a little whimsy.

The last paragraph, while short and sweet, kind of repeats the same refrain of the previous paragraph, just quicker and with less motivation detail. I almost wish we had just a skosh more information about what the truth buys Vale that she's be willing to die for. Happiness is so subjective and ephemeral for everyone. Is she looking to make a friend? Is she just desperate to escape the complications of hunting and vampires and killing therein? Or is she just happy to be selfish for once?

Overall, I really like it. My criticality of details aside, I don't think there is anything actually dealbreaking or wrong with any of it, I just wanted to be thorough and pointed out what I saw each paragraph doing. Its got a good refrain, and you nail the basics of the character and her scope within it. Hope to see it up soon!

 

[Deleted member 45782]

Anyway Muddy, you’ve been so kind as to give detailed feedback to others

Agree! Thanks @Muddy for the feedback! :D

 

[Sylverius]

Agree! Thanks @Muddy for the feedback! :D

 

[Deleted member 45782]

View attachment 7452

If we can only teleport a chocolate milk mug to the other side...

 

[Sylverius]

If we can only teleport a chocolate milk mug to the other side...

If we have that, then world peace would be achieved.

 

[Deleted member 45782]

If we have that, then world peace would be achieved.

Unless a fly and chocolate milk mug gets teleported at the same time.

Then mug is like a fly but has a scooped back where the chocolate milk is. So fly mug.

When teleportation has a slight deviation of error. :D

 

[Hadassah]

I outta be willing to take it though if I am going to offer critique as well. So please take a moment to examine my own synopsis. I appreciate the help!

---

Erin Razor uses her coffee to get through the day, her motorcycle to get around Meridian City, and her constant research to survive what she - and most of the world - is pretty certain is a computer-generated reality.

Had she known a career in programming would put her in an office with Tyson, one of the Outsiders joyriding in her world, Erin might have sought isolation on a rural commune.

The mind-dominating system that controls the world now seems determined to force Erin to make friends with Tyson and his cohort of Outsiders. Erin quickly realizes she’s in a fight for her own mind as she tries to contain the havoc wrought by their ‘fun’, which starts with events as a seemingly low stakes date and morphs over their friendship into spectacles like Erin’s own live- streamed kidnapping.

Either she must resolve to absolve herself of the guilt of enabling these Outsiders and their deadly superheroic games, or else Erin will need to stand up to the system that has kept everyone, including the Outsiders, ignorant of the scope of its conquest to make any difference.

 

[tridetect]

Guess I've give this a shot, since my synopsis is still kinda up in the air for me. It's hard for me to describe down my story tones in an quick and entertaining way
Synopsis:
Turmoil brews in Japan when a mysterious man attacks seemingly random parts in Osaka. A lone individual joined a local detective agency to find the truths of this mystery as well as the secrets behind the two children who hold a strong power. They must be protect from the mysterious man who has his sights set on the children and the tools that contain magic. The world expands from here with grand ambitions that must be caught. Heroism lies dead in the corner and what binds humanity all together ends NOW.
There's a case that needs to be solved but at what cost? Their lives.

It's a mystery detective story if you couldn't tell