Short Feedback Thread

[Error403]

So I've seen a bunch of these lately, and might as well add my thoughts to the lot. A notice first.

Take any review I make with a pinch of salt, Most times, I am just as skilled as writing as you are, if not worse.

With that out of the way, you know how things work, you post a link to your story, I review it here or via PM, and we both go on with our days.

Edit:
Notice for Newcomers: I won't give you a detailed review, and sometimes my reviews might not be entirely "correct". If you want either of those, best to go to @SailusGebel 's thread or @greyblob 's thread.

 

[K5Rakitan]

I would like a one-star review, please! Link is in my signature

 

[E.M.Kaustinen]

May you do the review, please? I am currently fixing the issues with my tenses, but I am still curious to see what you think with how the story is now.

The Conqueror's Sister

 

[Deleted member 93348]

Much obliged, friend. I’m not sure if you’re fine with Google Docs, but I polished this new novel of mine enough to be somewhat concise and coherent. While I’d like your feedback here, giving me a few comments on my doc would be absolutely helpful.

World Story 2.0

If it’s not your cup of tea, believe me when I say that you would’ve burned my first novel to the ground. Now, I’m just curious what you think about it through a reader’s perspective. Sorry for the very few chapters as of writing this, by the way, but I’ll post more eventually.

 

[Error403]

The Conqueror's Sister

Well, it's alright. The beginning baby pov was a bit jarring, but a nice quirk. Not a lot of people write the way the character would think like at the time.

As for story itself, it's just okay. I didn't really feel like reading the next chapter, although that is probably because of my very narrow tastes, but there is still a need to work on captivating the reader more.

In numbers, this would be a solid 6-7 / 10. Not something I'd read for any long period of time, but others might enjoy it.

 

[Snowyflakes]

I want a review too. Link in the signature.

 

[Error403]

World Story 2.0

It's good, although a disagreement between your writing style and my reading preferences prevents me from enjoying it the way others might.

In terms of story, you have the same problem of captivation. The premise is intriguing, but not captivating. I could read the next chapter, but it doesn't give me the wanting feeling that comes from reading a captivating book.

Also, the way you transition between time periods could be more separated. It's jarring suddenly being in a different area and time period. Trying to figure those things out is extra work that most readers would just not do, which often leads to dropping the book.

 

[RaizarP]

I will put my newest story here, need some review.
Just click the image to go to the story.

 

[Error403]

I want a review too. Link in the signature.

Hmm. Well, the premise is interesting, and it's ever so slightly captivating. It's pretty good objectively, although subjectively I myself probably wouldn't finish It. I'd read it, and probably stay for 50 or so chapters, but any more needs a decent increase in chapter quality.

If you want numbers, this is a solid 7.5, maybe 8 if the chapter quality increases.

 

[Snowyflakes]

Hmm. Well, the premise is interesting, and it's ever so slightly captivating. It's pretty good objectively, although subjectively I myself probably wouldn't finish It. I'd read it, and probably stay for 50 or so chapters, but any more needs a decent increase in chapter quality.

If you want numbers, this is a solid 7.5, maybe 8 if the chapter quality increases.

Thank you for the review! Yes, I am working on the quality of the chapters, although it will take time. I don't want to stop posting, and I edit once in a while when I have the time. And I lack the time both to write and to edit, so I do what I can.

 

[Error403]

Well hmm. The writing itself is pretty good, there are no issues with it.

However, in terms of story, the words aren't really captivating, and there is no wondering going on. There are a few occasions where I could see that you have actually created some sort of world rather than a book setting (there is a difference), but you give the answer at the time the question pops up. There is no reason to read the next chapter after you not the bottom.

So I would say that in later chapters, add a little bit of mystery, so people want to hit the next chapter button as soon as it turns blue.

 

[RaizarP]

Well hmm. The writing itself is pretty good, there are no issues with it.

However, in terms of story, the words aren't really captivating, and there is no wondering going on. There are a few occasions where I could see that you have actually created some sort of world rather than a book setting (there is a difference), but you give the answer at the time the question pops up. There is no reason to read the next chapter after you not the bottom.

So I would say that in later chapters, add a little bit of mystery, so people want to hit the next chapter button as soon as it turns blue.

you got it. I always build the world first then add some mystery at chapter 10 and so. My readers know it so they are rather patient

I kept the words simple for non-native readers too (I have a lot of it)

 

[Error403]

you got it. I always build the world first then add some mystery at chapter 10 and so. My readers know it so they are rather patient

I see. I haven't read any of your other books, so I'll take your word for it.

 

[Jailbreak571]

...
Try mine

Project: Ancient times

Everything in this world is stale. Be it happiness, sadness, grief, anger, self-doubt, and every emotion thinkable are all stale. The first experience will always be the best, after those experiences, it all becomes stale and repetitive. That was until I died. Death was beautiful, it was...

www.scribblehub.com

 

[Error403]

Project: Ancient times

Everything in this world is stale. Be it happiness, sadness, grief, anger, self-doubt, and every emotion thinkable are all stale. The first experience will always be the best, after those experiences, it all becomes stale and repetitive. That was until I died. Death was beautiful, it was...

www.scribblehub.com

Hmm. Well, the writing style reminds me of light novels, which aren't inherently a bad thing.

In terms of story though, you are having just about the same problem as everyone else here. There's nothing making me turn the next page except for the fact that this is well within my reading preferences. There's also the fact that except for the MC, there is no characterization in their introductions. You go straight into the action without taking a step to at least begin to introduce a character.

 

[Jailbreak571]

Hmm. Well, the writing style reminds me of light novels, which aren't inherently a bad thing.

In terms of story though, you are having just about the same problem as everyone else here. There's nothing making me turn the next page except for the fact that this is well within my reading preferences. There's also the fact that except for the MC, there is no characterization in their introductions. You go straight into the action without taking a step to at least begin to introduce a character.

...
I see, thanks! Only do this as a hobby but still wanna get better at it even if only a little bit.

 

[Error403]

...
I see, thanks! Only do this as a hobby but still wanna get better at it even if only a little bit.

Happy to help.

 

[BenJepheneT]

Well shit, I got nothing to lose, so why not?

The Problem Store

There was a guy who went by the name of Guy. He lives in a World, and has many stories to tell about it. Stories of relationships, indulgence, brotherhood, reconciliation, women, and skinship. Especially women and skinship. Guy has a lot of stories about women and skinship. You may or...

www.scribblehub.com

 

[Error403]

The Problem Store

There was a guy who went by the name of Guy. He lives in a World, and has many stories to tell about it. Stories of relationships, indulgence, brotherhood, reconciliation, women, and skinship. Especially women and skinship. Guy has a lot of stories about women and skinship. You may or...

www.scribblehub.com

Well. It's something.
Not necessarily something I'd read personally, but it's something. I can only really judge on the writing level, since the story is pretty much non existent.

Overall writing level is on par with quite a few actual writers I read, so there's nothing lacking there.

I guess, for it's type, it's a solid 9.
It's self-indulgence of the highest level, but it's good self-indulgence, which is hard to find

 

[wingedcatgirl]

Sure, I'll take some free attention feedback on the thing I'm writing.