The bible is a bad novel

APieceOfRock

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Just read some of it yesterday. Spoiling future events with the subtlety of a train crashing into an oil truck, Gary Sue MC, contradictions, and many more.
I can see the author(s)' fetishes in every page.
2/5. Only reason why it isn't a 1 is because John the Baptist is the coolest man I've seen.

People are turning this into a serious religious thing. Why didn't I see this coming?
 
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Paul_Tromba

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You are free to believe what you want but what books of the bible did you read? Old testament? new testament? Just the gospels? I agree that John the Baptist is awesome but there are many other cool people. If you have any questions, I will do my best to answer them.
 

Corty

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I once said that the Bible is the first cultivation novel. I maintain my opinion of that.

  • Multiple MCs with hidden masters who talk to them via voice transmission.
  • Weird missions and cultivation for a long time to get closer to the top level of the power structure.
  • One MC even transcends onto a different realm at the end.
 

APieceOfRock

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You are free to believe what you want but what books of the bible did you read? Old testament? new testament? Just the gospels? I agree that John the Baptist is awesome but there are many other cool people. If you have any questions, I will do my best to answer them.
Just the gospels. Maybe the other versions are better? I'm not sure. But as of right now, I see it as a collection of barebone stories that are barely exciting.
 

melchi

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How many novels have as many people writing different chapters / story arcs like the bible does? Also, big parts of it are a collection of poetry / proverbs.

Also, to be fair the original audience is 1st century humanity. The culture at the time was very different.
 

Redemit

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I like Jesus in the bible, he's a cool guy.
The kinda guy that'd give you the shirt off his own back and die for you
Just read some of it yesterday. Spoiling future events with the subtlety of a train crashing into an oil truck, Gary Sue MC, contradictions, and many more.
I can see the author(s)' fetishes in every page.
2/5. Only reason why it isn't a 1 is because John the Baptist is the coolest man I've seen.
Reality is stranger than fiction
 

Paul_Tromba

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Just the gospels. Maybe the other versions are better? I'm not sure. But as of right now, I see it as a collection of barebone stories that are barely exciting.
So, the old testament has all the action. The gospels contain the life of Christ and is the major basis for Christianity as it covers salvation and spiritual growth. The rest of the new testament is Apostle's of Christ setting up churches and further explaining what Christ has already taught. The setup of the old testament really cements Christ as the prophesied savior of the old testament prophets.
 

Prince_Azmiran_Myrian

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And yet your skills as a writer could never be as good as that author's. And it's funny seeing poorer writers try to criticize better author's work.
Edit:
If you do a deep dive, you'll understand more and more why it is written this way.
 
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Alski

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you should check the game and the netflix adaptation.
The game was fine, from what people tell me online it holds true to the lost source material. The adaptation on the other hand was just down right terrible like some poorly written fanfic.
 

vzymmer

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This is actually comedy gold.

Did you even think about how many authors wrote the book and yet there's not a single contradiction in the whole book?

Did you even think about how people from 3000 years ago (with no general education and the literary arts is in the infancy stage) could create a master piece still being debated today?
 

bulmabriefs144

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I once said that the Bible is the first cultivation novel. I maintain my opinion of that.

  • Multiple MCs with hidden masters who talk to them via voice transmission.
  • Weird missions and cultivation for a long time to get closer to the top level of the power structure.
  • One MC even transcends onto a different realm at the end.
That's awesum! I actually like the Bible, along with other religious text, and use religion alot in my books. Oracle of Tao has mostly Taoist stuff, but Jesus shows up as some sort of shapeshifting superbeing. Town of Winter continues the trend, also making him a foxgirl (it makes sense in context).

I once added in this scene...
Currently though, he was not teaching, he was feeding Followers.

Followers of the Way, they were originally called. But this term became confusing, since there were not only Revival Church, but also Messianic Jews, and Taoists (who also called their path the Way). Ultimately, though, these weren't the followers we saw inside the church. To be blunt, they were basically a type of vampires. There were not the typical vampires, who feared the light of the sun, were averse to holy symbols, disliked garlic, and had a craving for blood. And then there were the Followers, who never craved anything including food, loved garlic, attended church and wore crosses as sign of commitment to Christ, and love to sunbathe. They were still pale and still had sharp fangs, but you could typically tell the difference in behavior.​

There were some new people who had as of yet not become Followers. Jesus told them, “Truly, truly, I tell you, he who believes has eternal life. I am the Bread of Life. Your fathers ate the manna in the wilderness, yet they died. This is the Bread that comes down from Heaven, so that anyone may eat of it and not die. I am the living bread that came down from Heaven. If anyone eats of this bread, he will live forever. And this bread, which I will give for the life of the world, is My flesh. Truly, truly, I tell you, unless you eat the flesh and drink the blood of the Son of Man, you have no life in you. Whoever eats My flesh and drinks My blood has eternal life, and I will raise him up. For My flesh is real food, and My blood is real drink.” At this, these men and women, and even small children, began to bite him, sucking his blood.
So ummm yeah, Jesus is letting vampires drink his blood.
I don’t think I have known anyone who reads the Bible like a Novel. Even Bible scholars don’t exactly get entertained by it.
There is actually a novelization of the Bible. It's called The Book of God: The Bible as a Novel.
 

J_Chemist

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I mean, Revelations and the world burning was a pretty cool bit. All that mess about the rapture and the creative ways the world was destroyed seemed kinda fun.

Reminds of that one fiction story I read as a kid. I forget the name of it but the way it depicted the Rapture happening was actually kind of cool.
 

melchi

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I mean, Revelations and the world burning was a pretty cool bit. All that mess about the rapture and the creative ways the world was destroyed seemed kinda fun.

Reminds of that one fiction story I read as a kid. I forget the name of it but the way it depicted the Rapture happening was actually kind of cool.
Is it a thief in the night? I think that is a really really old movie about the rapture.

 

bulmabriefs144

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I mean, Revelations and the world burning was a pretty cool bit. All that mess about the rapture and the creative ways the world was destroyed seemed kinda fun.

Reminds of that one fiction story I read as a kid. I forget the name of it but the way it depicted the Rapture happening was actually kind of cool.
Ugh. Revelation was the one book I outright tore out of the Bible.

Alot of ppl think it's the most exciting part. Until your realize that humans are the ones who lose in this thing, and the entire thing reads like a bad temper tantrum (it also contradicts the Gospels, making it subject to the curse in Galatians 1:8).

You're probably thinking of Left Behind. That was the longest-running and most famous Rapture story offhand.

(Update: yup, called it)

Oracle of Tao basically rejected Revelation to come up with a cyclic apocalypse (basically, the world might be destroyed, but God can just create it again) where everyone including atheists were saved. Basically, an angel or Jesus dressed up like revived Stephen Hawking, and told them they were going for a ride in a rocket ship while Earth was being destroyed and a new one made.

My philosophy for book writing is "add it in."
 
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