Too Offensive or Not?

[YeshuasHeart]

Spoiler Alert: I'm wondering if this excerpt is considered too offensive to post in my upcoming chapter on Scribble Hub. My main character's a minor getting bullied for her curvy body and I don't want to post sexualized minors on it. If it is offensive, what do I need to take out?

Excerpt: " Calpurnia quickly walked towards Tifara and tripped over Tifara's legs halfway towards Tifara's homeroom class. Eh?! Tifara thought while she fell down in the air. Once Tifara's body slammed against the white, tiled floor, the students around her chattered louder all the sudden. The boys' cheeks blushed when they looked at Tifara and the girls including Calpurnia and her friends laughed at her and gossiped about her even more than ever before. Tifara raised head up from the floor and curiously looked up at the crowd, raising her eyebrow.

"Nice panties you got there, Titsfara," Calpurnia said, "They look so good on you."

Huh?! Tifara thought, closing her eyes, reddening her embarrassed cheeks, when she quickly rolled down her skirt all the way down to two inches above her knees. Then she sat up and put her head down. She was lucky that the school banned their students from bringing their phones to school, because otherwise they would've taken pictures of her panties and posted them on social media! I-I-I can't believe it...Tifara thought, I can't believe my first day of school has gotten worse. First, I faced the same kind of treatment as last year. Second, Calpurnia had breakfast with Saul. Now Calpurnia embarrassed me like this. I have never been...this embarrassed in my entire life! How much worse can this day possibly get?! Tifara looked up at the ceiling with her sad look on her face. Oh, Elohim...Tifara sadly thought, Please help me... "

 

[Moonpearl]

I think this whole scene sexualised a minor, if that's what you're worried about. Reads a lot like fanservice.

If someone's getting bullied for having a curvy body, they usually just get brutally called fat or have people tell them that their thighs are thick and ugly, or whatever will tear down their confidence and give them life-long issues.

 

[Owl]

If you don't want to sexualize a minor, cut out the whole panty thing. Her falling flat on her face due to being tripped would have been embarrassment and humiliation enough.
Putting so much focus on it (even going so far as saying people would put it on social media...) does indeed feel like fanservice.

 

[HelloHound]

I mean it's a little weird to mention a kid's body in that much detail; might as well leave the bullying to calling her fat and pushing her on her face

 

[Daitengu]

Meh, I remember being a kid. I've heard girls call anything not top fashion granny panties, and even top fashion undies slutty.

Didn't matter if it's technically false. Bullies will pick on anything they can.

Doesn't matter if adults don't like kids talking about adult topics. Them kids want to be seen as adult, even if they aren't.

 

[Domoviye]

It's fan service, and young teens will pull crap like that. Looking at YA stuff today, this is a bit sexual, but hardly unheard of.
If you're worried, just remove the panties comment, and have the girl laughing at how clumsy she is.

 

[georgelee5786]

I mean, it isn't the worst thing ever. I would remove the panties comment, but that is ultimately up to you
Also, you used the name Elohim. Cool. I rarely hear that nowadays.

 

[K5Rakitan]

I'd say to keep in mind your audience and think about why you are writing that. If your target audience is girls in that age range, it seems that the goal is to help them feel less alone when embarrassing things happen to them. This whole scene reminds me a bit of a swimsuit incident I had in middle school. My friend was more embarrassed about it than I was.

Also, I remember a day when I was just having fun saying, "Plastic," over and over again in middle school. Some kids came over and started asking me questions, and then they asked what my dildo was made of.

They said, "Doesn't that hurt?" and got to laughing, so of course I had to go look up what a dildo was.

 

[T.K._Paradox]

Write how you want, just use the correct words to convey how a scene is supposed to feel.

If the girl is getting humiliated play up the sense of shame, and not too fan servicey.

 

[WinterTimeCrime]

I don't really see sexualization in the text, it's just a kid getting picked on by other kids... And apparently, the joke led to her getting her undergarments shown to the entire class.

It depends on the mood of the book and what idea you were willing to convey in this scene. If you wanted to show that a particular character is heartless and unempathetic in their harassment tactics to the protagonist then it should stay. Maybe this event would lead to another dramatic scene or a reminiscence for a character to gain inner feelings or reflection...?

OR maybe the author was just trying to have some fun; Either way, I didn't really notice any over-sexualization, but that's maybe because I'm a bit mature and I've been there and done that in grade school and know that kids can be stupid.

Like I said, really depends on your book's prose and the type of writer the author is.

 

[RavenRunes]

I wouldn't use the word 'panties' if you don't want to put ideas into readers' heads - other than that, it's fine.

 

[Ninini]

Kill the character off with something even worst!