depends on execution. I can give it a shot anywayIncest futa and NTR okay?
if you're interested drop a linkIncest futa and NTR okay?
Chapter 3: Heavy BurdenHey, if you're still doing this, do check out my story!
Spirit Exorcists
When Mark's troubled friend, Ruby, takes her own life, a grieving Mark heads to her suicide spot to pay his respects. In a strange twist of fate, he is attacked by a powerful spirit that reveals itself to be Ruby. Shen, an exorcist from the Spiritual Anomalies Investigation Bureau, an...www.scribblehub.com
Appreciate it!
nothing to be embarrassed about. I don't mind reading anything. I'll let you know what the voices in my head thinkI could need some feedback if I'm honest or just an opinion on what I should have done differently, but I've been too embarrassed to ask anyone till now so I might as well ask you All-knowing Blob.
Spatial magus, my novel is if I'm honest, your generic fantasy novel, at best and at worst my deranged thoughts.
may the schizophrenic voices in your head enlighten me.nothing to be embarrassed about. I don't mind reading anything. I'll let you know what the voices in my head think
Appreciate the review! You made some valid points, I'll see what I can do moving forward!Chapter 3: Heavy Burden
3.5/5: Slightly above average
the writing is fine and the dialogue could use some work. you've got the fundamentals down. you just have to start polishing now.
the main problem with this novel is tone. I did not find the action scene suspenseful nor did I find the scene with his mother emotional. both were dry and I just felt detached and was compelled to skip.
I read a bit of chapter 4 but couldn't really bring myself to continue. you introduced half a dozen new characters when you haven't even finished cementing the mc (and shen). all characters so far are one dimensional and lack depth.
finally there was something on ch1 that compelled me to drop right then and there. I don't like reading about stupid characters. when characters can 'see' the same thing as i do, i expect them to come to similar conclusions. mc heard the girl ask about 'where to die'. he saw her hide her arms. he saw her eyes dull and 'full of despair' as he put it. is it that difficult to connect the two?
Chapter 7There's no rush, but it might actually be better for you to read the scribblehub one. I actually made a few formatting/general improvements for it. The formatting in particular might count for a lot, so I think I'm going to go ahead and post the whole thing here too, just so I can apply it consistently.
17: A Trip to the ParkNot sure if you mind R-18 stories, but if you don't I can always use more feedback.
Inherent Skill of Corruption
I was a trashy NEET with no friends or ambitions, nevermind something like a girlfriend or a career. After years of lazing around and doing nothing, even I realized that it would take a miracle for me to turn my life around. Luckily, I got just that. A blue haired...www.scribblehub.com
Thanks for the feedback!17: A Trip to the Park
4/5: Above average
the writing is good and easy to read. the dialogue could use a bit of work but otherwise it's decent. it was pretty enjoyable. the overall quality improves further in. My main issue with this novel is the premise. MC has a functional family that loves him. you portrayed him as a decently moral person, yet he's trying to fuck his siblings (and stepmother) for seemingly no reason. there were also a few instances where their familial love was affirmed and he felt somewhat guilty. I just can't find his motivation for what he's doing.
this is just a guess but I think once you introduce smut between one of the sisters or the mother, you'll find more than a few uncomfortable readers.
Another thing that I wish I had seen was subtlety. instead of the maid repeating the command she received and stripping on the spot it would've been better if she just left and came back while tying the blue suit around her waist or something : her thoughts and reasoning are implicit not explicit.
other than that, I like all the characters (except the mc). they felt alive and animated.
the only reasoning i could glean was that he's horny. there are many ways this could go. I can throw a few ideas at you.Not that there's a non-weird way to write this, but I definitely don't want it to seem like there's just no real reasoning in his head for something like this, so I'll keep that in mind going forward.
the only reasoning i could glean was that he's horny. there are many ways this could go. I can throw a few ideas at you.
MC is also being 'corrupted' by his own skill
MC regrets what he's doing, stops, and goes back to before. Mother and sister don't like it and become obsessive and take initiative.
MC regrets what he's doing, tries to stop but accidentally makes it worse.
just keep in mind that this is simply my opinion. before you do anything drastic based on what I said, you should try consulting some of your readersThanks for the suggestions! I'd planned something similar for a little later on, but after rereading, I kind of feel like it might be better to move it up to before smut stuff happens.
I was trying to avoid the MC getting too incel-y or motivated-only-by-weird-pseudo-incest-y, but I seem to have overestimated how much of what I thought about actually got translated into what I was reading. Which, I guess is the point of writing a practice story, but it still feels a little frustrating.
Anyway, I'm more motivated to try to improve now, so thanks again!
Chapter 9It is a story with an old lady as a protagonist. There is a slight romance, but it is straight. The story is 13k words.Annie and the Rice Quest
In a world where there are healing properties to food, Annie Fargo has the power Rice Master. She can make rice, and only rice, perfectly. Just things that have rice in them. She is sent to the country of Marlworth to find Alarie Gluck, a woman with the power Mana...www.scribblehub.com
it's too early to rate this. that's why there's a 10k words minimum. it looks promising. I can sort of tell where you're going with this. the writing is alright. the second chapter is already better than the first so things should steadily improve. only advice is to try adding more body language and descriptionsI would appreciate if you reviewed my first chapter :)
Chapter 16: Essence CrystalSpark of the Revenant
In the far corners of the multiverse, anarchy reigns supreme. Entire sectors are dominated by smugglers and raiders vying for control over an ancient energy source that grants supernatural abilities alongside levels and stats. On a seemingly normal day, Eon, a hacker, comes in contact with...www.scribblehub.com
I'd like to hear your thoughts.
this is not really a novel so I can't rate it but I can give you a few thoughts on what i readIt'd be disingenuous if I didn't participate in these every now and then. Check out my scary story collection. "Collection".
review is finished above but post got merged so there might have not been a notificationI would appreciate if you reviewed my first chapter :)
I'm not sure if you're interested. if you are drop a linkIncest futa and NTR okay?
Not interested. I was just testing your limits. Think it's funny you can read FUTA NTR And INCEST but no GL or GB.I'm not sure if you're interested. if you are drop a link