Would you tell your friend to call the police? (kinda 18+ ish)

[ohko]

Too many cookies in one day. Maybe it's Halloween in April...?

You have an online friend who recently turned eighteen. She has a boyfriend who is ~two years older than her (age 20), and they've been dating for four years. They are in an LDR and they see each other around once a month. One day, she messages you wanting to talk about something with you.​

​

So earlier in the day she was on her laptop, and she noticed that her boyfriend never signed out of Google Drive (he had just come over to visit for the weekend). She clicked on it out of curiosity, and was shocked to discover that he has a folder of suggestive images (and nudes) on his Google Drive. Most of the pictures were of her, and she hadn't ever sent him nudes. Most of them had taken when she was sleeping, so she was completely unaware that her boyfriend had been doing this for years and years.​

​

Incidentally, he also had folders of other girls (although these folders were much smaller in size). Your friend had no idea who those were, but anyways she kind of freaked out and closed her computer immediately so she didn't look very carefully. Your friend consulted with one of her other friends before contacting you, and the other friend thought that she should go to the police since technically she was underage when they first started dating. The other friend is also worried that the guy might be collecting the photos for blackmail or sending them to other people, especially since the "share links" thingy on Google Drive was on. There is also the worry that the guy might react poorly if he is directly confronted and do something stupid like posting all the photos online.​

What would you tell your friend?

 

[AliceShiki]

Too many cookies in one day. Maybe it's Halloween in April...?

You have an online friend who recently turned eighteen. She has a boyfriend who is ~two years older than her (age 20), and they've been dating for four years. They are in an LDR and they see each other around once a month. One day, she messages you wanting to talk about something with you.​

​

So earlier in the day she was on her laptop, and she noticed that her boyfriend never signed out of Google Drive (he had just come over to visit for the weekend). She clicked on it out of curiosity, and was shocked to discover that he has a folder of suggestive images (and nudes) on his Google Drive. Most of the pictures were of her, and she hadn't ever sent him nudes. Most of them had taken when she was sleeping, so she was completely unaware that her boyfriend had been doing this for years and years.​

​

Incidentally, he also had folders of other girls (although these folders were much smaller in size). Your friend had no idea who those were, but anyways she kind of freaked out and closed her computer immediately so she didn't look very carefully. Your friend consulted with one of her other friends before contacting you, and the other friend thought that she should go to the police since technically she was underage when they first started dating. The other friend is also worried that the guy might be collecting the photos for blackmail or sending them to other people, especially since the "share links" thingy on Google Drive was on. There is also the worry that the guy might react poorly if he is directly confronted and do something stupid like posting all the photos online.​

What would you tell your friend?

Well, I assume they never had sex then? Because I think she wouldn't care much if he had taken naked photos of her if they had sex... Though in that case I'd wonder how he even got her naked to get the nudes while she slept, so... I guess they did have sex?

Honestly, I'd ask why she even cares. Those were probably photos of his exes or something. And she was the one she had been in a relationship with him for the longest time, so he got more pics of her than he got of the other girls.
... Or maybe he is cheating on her, hell if I know.

Call the police though? Nah, who cares for that? They were in a relationship, it doesn't really matter if he had naked photos of her at that point, does it? Even if she was a minor when he took them, so what? You were dating anyways...

If she cares this much about the photos, just break up or confront him about it... If not, just leave it be, it's not really a big issue.

As for blackmail... What will naked photos of her even accomplish for blackmail? Geez, what will he do? Share it with her school's social media? She'll just go through some embarrassment I guess? But then what? It will fade after a while and it will be said and done.

Like... I honestly can't even imagine why she'd care about her boyfriend having naked pictures of her. I dunno, maybe I'm just lax about these things, but if my boyfriend took some pics of me while I was sleeping and I found out, at most I'd tell him that he could have just asked if he wanted some pics, no need to take them while I slept.

 

[weakwithwords]

Reminds me of Justin Lee and Edison Chen.

"The number you dialed is no longer in service." Then, hang up since she woke me up with her call and I'm too groggy to think of a serious answer for her.

 

[K5Rakitan]

Yes, I'd tell my friend to call the police. A boyfriend who does that sort of shit without her consent isn't worth keeping.

 

[ohko]

Well, I assume they never had sex then? Because I think she wouldn't care much if he had taken naked photos of her if they had sex... Though in that case I'd wonder how he even got her naked to get the nudes while she slept, so... I guess they did have sex?

Honestly, I'd ask why she even cares. Those were probably photos of his exes or something. And she was the one she had been in a relationship with him for the longest time, so he got more pics of her than he got of the other girls.
... Or maybe he is cheating on her, hell if I know.

Call the police though? Nah, who cares for that? They were in a relationship, it doesn't really matter if he had naked photos of her at that point, does it? Even if she was a minor when he took them, so what? You were dating anyways...

If she cares this much about the photos, just break up or confront him about it... If not, just leave it be, it's not really a big issue.

As for blackmail... What will naked photos of her even accomplish for blackmail? Geez, what will he do? Share it with her school's social media? She'll just go through some embarrassment I guess? But then what? It will fade after a while and it will be said and done.

Like... I honestly can't even imagine why she'd care about her boyfriend having naked pictures of her. I dunno, maybe I'm just lax about these things, but if my boyfriend took some pics of me while I was sleeping and I found out, at most I'd tell him that he could have just asked if he wanted some pics, no need to take them while I slept.

Yes to the sex.

...As for the rest, I guess maybe it depends on the person? TBH, I'm not a good reference either because I know I'm pretty weird/sheltered, but I'm kind of prudish about my own body. I think I would hesitate for a long time before agreeing to have my picture taken, and even then I think I would probably feel insecure.

I think it probably doesn't help that I don't really understand guys very well.

Is it common (or considered normal?) for people to keep nudes of the people that they like?

 

[Vaerama]

I think it probably doesn't help that I don't really understand guys very well.

Is it common (or considered normal?) for people to keep nudes of the people that they like?

Not a guy ---> still have some nudes of my ex-girlfriend around. Deleted most of them a few years ago, but I really hate deleting memories, good or bad, especially when they meant something to me. She meant the world to me at the time those were taken. She never asked me to delete anything, and we parted on amicable terms. Saw her a year or so later, and we got lunch together.

I mean, I've still got nudes of myself too. Nudes I sent to her, nudes I took while drunk, nudes I sent to my husband, nudes I took to check on my own growth...

That said, it's pretty fucking sketchy to be taking photos of your partner naked while they're asleep... and to not reveal it even once over YEARS... AND to share your naked photos around to people you most certainly did not consent to receive them? That's pretty fucking gross behavior at the least.

Sure, it isn't going to hurt a person much in the west in the modern age if people do that to them.... but that doesn't mean it's reasonable: it's still my body. I don't know how much calling the police would help in the situation, but *technically speaking*, if she felt as I do about people sneaking photos of me asleep and sharing them with unknown persons: the police would absolutely be able to fuck that person up for creating child pornography (yes, 16-17 is still 'child' in those laws).

Actually an interesting case happened a while back where a ~16year old girl got slapped with 'distributing child porn' because they *sent* their boyfriend a nude photograph. Really outrageous shit happens in law: no victims, no crimes I say. Victims (such as the OP's suggested girl character) have to choose how to deal with that situation.

 

[Thor]

Having nude pictures of your bf/gf is fairly common but having them without the partner knowing and on a google drive wich is shared with other people is sketchy as hell. In my opinion she should atleast confront him. If his response is not acceptable and the breach of trust too much for her then I guess a break-up is the only possible consequence, with him making sure that the picture are deleted.

If he reacts poorly and refuses to delete them or resorts to some kind of blackmail then she should get the police involved. Since the picture got taken without consent while she was underage, he is already in deep shit, legally. Circulating them will do him no favours and only break more laws. (Thats a case of producing, owning and distributing child pornography. Easily traceable because he was so smart to have them on gdrive...)

The worst thing that could happen to her is embarrassment, being blackmailed is worse. Also, if for some reasons her family or friends get to see the pictures there wont be a negative consequence because she is a victim but he will gather alot of hate for what he has done from them.

In any case, he has not the 'upper hand' if she can life with 'possible' short-time embarressment but she really should confront him first and then involve the law if needed.

 

[Sabruness]

I'd say dont confront him. He may either flip his shit or try to gaslight her into thinking nothing's wrong. Dude's actions probably would have broken so many laws, and especially considering the creepy and questionable circumstances of how the photos seemed to have been taken, that to do anything other than go to the police and explain everything would be risky.

TL;DR: Dude sounds like a hell of a closet creeper and considering there's folders of images of other girls, while the dude's been in a 4 year relationship, it's highly likely he's a creeper of the highest order and potentially a budding rapist in the making? (not a huge leap from taking photos like that to then raping while sleeping). Go to the cops and throw him under the proverbial bus.
It may be a little embarrassing at first but that's a small price to pay to deal with a huge, pervert creeper.

In terms of evidence to get the police investigating, i would think it's ironclad enough for them to take a serious look at this guy for a litany of possible charges.

 

[AliceShiki]

Yes to the sex.

...As for the rest, I guess maybe it depends on the person? TBH, I'm not a good reference either because I know I'm pretty weird/sheltered, but I'm kind of prudish about my own body. I think I would hesitate for a long time before agreeing to have my picture taken, and even then I think I would probably feel insecure.

I think it probably doesn't help that I don't really understand guys very well.

Is it common (or considered normal?) for people to keep nudes of the people that they like?

I dunno! I never even saw the point of sharing nudes with someone you can have sex with tbh, like... Why?

I get it in a LDR, but still... Dunno, I never saw the appeal of pornographic images in general, so I guess I'm kinda whatever to them.

*hugs* I can understand how you feel though! I just wouldn't mind it if it was my own boyfriend asking for the photo, for other people I'd be very troubled! >.<

Not a guy ---> still have some nudes of my ex-girlfriend around. Deleted most of them a few years ago, but I really hate deleting memories, good or bad, especially when they meant something to me. She meant the world to me at the time those were taken. She never asked me to delete anything, and we parted on amicable terms. Saw her a year or so later, and we got lunch together.

I mean, I've still got nudes of myself too. Nudes I sent to her, nudes I took while drunk, nudes I sent to my husband, nudes I took to check on my own growth...

That said, it's pretty fucking sketchy to be taking photos of your partner naked while they're asleep... and to not reveal it even once over YEARS... AND to share your naked photos around to people you most certainly did not consent to receive them? That's pretty fucking gross behavior at the least.

Sure, it isn't going to hurt a person much in the west in the modern age if people do that to them.... but that doesn't mean it's reasonable: it's still my body. I don't know how much calling the police would help in the situation, but *technically speaking*, if she felt as I do about people sneaking photos of me asleep and sharing them with unknown persons: the police would absolutely be able to fuck that person up for creating child pornography (yes, 16-17 is still 'child' in those laws).

Actually an interesting case happened a while back where a ~16year old girl got slapped with 'distributing child porn' because they *sent* their boyfriend a nude photograph. Really outrageous shit happens in law: no victims, no crimes I say. Victims (such as the OP's suggested girl character) have to choose how to deal with that situation.

Wait, wtf!? The girl was distributing child ponography for sharing nudes with her own boyfriend?

Geez, laws are crazy sometimes...

Having nude pictures of your bf/gf is fairly common but having them without the partner knowing and on a google drive wich is shared with other people is sketchy as hell. In my opinion she should atleast confront him. If his response is not acceptable and the breach of trust too much for her then I guess a break-up is the only possible consequence, with him making sure that the picture are deleted.

If he reacts poorly and refuses to delete them or resorts to some kind of blackmail then she should get the police involved. Since the picture got taken without consent while she was underage, he is already in deep shit, legally. Circulating them will do him no favours and only break more laws. (Thats a case of producing, owning and distributing child pornography. Easily traceable because he was so smart to have them on gdrive...)

The worst thing that could happen to her is embarrassment, being blackmailed is worse. Also, if for some reasons her family or friends get to see the pictures there wont be a negative consequence because she is a victim but he will gather alot of hate for what he has done from them.

In any case, he has not the 'upper hand' if she can life with 'possible' short-time embarressment but she really should confront him first and then involve the law if needed.

That's a good point! Confronting him about it first and then calling the police if things go poorly would make more sense.

OTOH, I could see her being scared that he might try doing something to her if confronted about it...

On yet another hand though, they're in a LDR, so she could confront him over a video conference if she is scared so... It seems like a good plan.

 

[Yorda]

It's police time! (Probably)

I'd check the metadata of those pictures first though. I would look at timestamps to see when those files were created and any other information so that I could understand the situation more. Who are those other girls, etc.

Since I don't know how he got those pictures I would assume that he set up a hidden camera, which I think is pretty terrible.

That being said, I don't know what kind of relationship they have going on. I don't know what he is like. I don't know how she feels about him. It could be worse, at least it's just photos of his likely past girlfriends ...

I'd be very alarmed.

 

[Thor]

That's a good point! Confronting him about it first and then calling the police if things go poorly would make more sense.

OTOH, I could see her being scared that he might try doing something to her if confronted about it...

On yet another hand though, they're in a LDR, so she could confront him over a video conference if she is scared so... It seems like a good plan.

Yeah, even so he did what he did without her knowing, there should always a little bit of trust left to atleast confront him if she doesnt know the 'why' to clear things up. You can always involve the police or lawyers after that.

From what we know, they still meet frequently on weekends, otherwise she couldnt have had access to his laptop. In that case she could confront him in company of someone who she trusts, just to prevent him doing something stupid. One of my sisters once also asked me to accompany her to break up with her bf because he did something, not similar to this case but still delicate and was prone to act on impulse.

In any case, if she is scared she shouldnt confront him alone.

 

[AliceShiki]

Yeah, even so he did what he did without her knowing, there should always a little bit of trust left to atleast confront him if she doesnt know the 'why' to clear things up. You can always involve the police or lawyers after that.

From what we know, they still meet frequently on weekends, otherwise she couldnt have had access to his laptop. In that case she could confront him in company of someone who she trusts, just to prevent him doing something stupid. One of my sisters once also asked me to accompany her to break up with her bf because he did something, not similar to this case but still delicate and was prone to act on impulse.

In any case, if she is scared she shouldnt confront him alone.

*nod nod nod* Having someone around helps if you're scared... OTOH its an uncomfortable topic to talk about when near others, but... Safety first~

 

[Thor]

*nod nod nod* Having someone around helps if you're scared... OTOH its an uncomfortable topic to talk about when near others, but... Safety first~

Emphasis lies on some you trust because between them there is nothing that would be uncomfortable. Hypothetically the OP would be that someone because she already confided in them. I like to think that everyone has one or two people in their life to have such a degree of trust to get them involved without feeling uncomfortable.

 

[Sabruness]

Wait, wtf!? The girl was distributing child ponography for sharing nudes with her own boyfriend?

Geez, laws are crazy sometimes...

It's to do with the wording of the law as opposed to the "spirit" of the law. It's not the only case that's happened (though they only seem to happen in the US, at least from what i've seen) but even if they're in a consenting relationship and the same age (within 1-2 years variance as long as they're both under 18) then to the letter of the law it's producing and distributing child porn, though the "spirit" would probably be to overlook it as not worth the effort and not really a problem.

It's one of the unintended consequences of laws around photos of minors of an adult nature meant to punish pedos.

 

[AliceShiki]

Emphasis lies on some you trust because between them there is nothing that would be uncomfortable. Hypothetically the OP would be that someone because she already confided in them. I like to think that everyone has one or two people in their life to have such a degree of trust to get them involved without feeling uncomfortable.

Well, I certainly have nobody I would be able to take to a confrontation with a boyfriend with me without feeling uncomfortable...

Like, talking about it is fine, but taking them to talk to my boyfriend about an issue in our relationship? I'd be extremely uncomfortable with that.

But if I was scared he'd do something to me, I'd prioritize my safety~

It's to do with the wording of the law as opposed to the "spirit" of the law. It's not the only case that's happened (though they only seem to happen in the US, at least from what i've seen) but even if they're in a consenting relationship and the same age (within 1-2 years variance as long as they're both under 18) then to the letter of the law it's producing and distributing child porn, though the "spirit" would probably be to overlook it as not worth the effort and not really a problem.

It's one of the unintended consequences of laws around photos of minors of an adult nature meant to punish pedos.

Welp.

On the plus side, this weird law would only be applied if someone reported the nude sharing, which most likely won't happen for most people.

 

[Vaerama]

It's to do with the wording of the law as opposed to the "spirit" of the law. It's not the only case that's happened (though they only seem to happen in the US, at least from what i've seen) but even if they're in a consenting relationship and the same age (within 1-2 years variance as long as they're both under 18) then to the letter of the law it's producing and distributing child porn, though the "spirit" would probably be to overlook it as not worth the effort and not really a problem.

It's one of the unintended consequences of laws around photos of minors of an adult nature meant to punish pedos.

Well of course: ‘Them Europeans do it with kids’

USA’s got whole lobbies built around protecting the children. Europe is very... non-Puritan from my experience in England, which is by far *the least* of the offenders to my sensibilities.

Trying to create a more proper environment builds a more sensitive environment... and this doesn’t lead to good ends. Japan and SKorea for instance, hyper ‘proper’, but look at their art

 

[AliceShiki]

Well of course: ‘Them Europeans do it with kids’

USA’s got whole lobbies built around protecting the children. Europe is very... non-Puritan from my experience in England, which is by far *the least* of the offenders to my sensibilities.

Trying to create a more proper environment builds a more sensitive environment... and this doesn’t lead to good ends. Japan and SKorea for instance, hyper ‘proper’, but look at their art

Isn't Japan one of the countries with the lowest numbers of sexual assaults on minors though? I think their policies were pretty successful, even with the weird art! >.<

 

[Thor]

Well, I certainly have nobody I would be able to take to a confrontation with a boyfriend with me without feeling uncomfortable...

Like, talking about it is fine, but taking them to talk to my boyfriend about an issue in our relationship? I'd be extremely uncomfortable with that.

But if I was scared he'd do something to me, I'd prioritize my safety~

Mhhm, thats too bad that you have nobody you can trust to such a degree. Who knows maybe you will find that someone in the future, I certainly hope so, because no one should be without that one friend who will be always at your side, no questions asked or judged.

But I kinda get why there would be a difference, to talk about problems with someone, but would still feel uncomfortable confronting a bf. Like if the bf would drop something you wouldnt want your friend to know for example.

Atleast you would take someone with you if you are concerned with your safety. There are people out there who wouldnt.

Well of course: ‘Them Europeans do it with kids’

USA’s got whole lobbies built around protecting the children. Europe is very... non-Puritan from my experience in England, which is by far *the least* of the offenders to my sensibilities.

Trying to create a more proper environment builds a more sensitive environment... and this doesn’t lead to good ends. Japan and SKorea for instance, hyper ‘proper’, but look at their art

I'd like to think that we have some really good laws in that regard, even if we are europeans :P The whole non-puritan approach is very much to my liking. Its important to judge to the spirit of the law and not strict to its wording.

About the 'art' in japan or skorea, well, for being hyper proper on the surface they do allow some really shady art :P

 

[AliceShiki]

Mhhm, thats too bad that you have nobody you can trust to such a degree. Who knows maybe you will find that someone in the future, I certainly hope so, because no one should be without that one friend who will be always at your side, no questions asked or judged.

But I kinda get why there would be a difference, to talk about problems with someone, but would still feel uncomfortable confronting a bf. Like if the bf would drop something you wouldnt want your friend to know for example.

Atleast you would take someone with you if you are concerned with your safety. There are people out there who wouldnt.

Oh no, I totally have people I trust to this degree! Ohko would be one of those people actually! XD

Trusting someone and feeling comfortable with having them at your side when handling relationship troubles are two different things though, like... I just feel like it's something too personal, that I should solve with my significant other and nobody else.

I'm fine with talking about details of my life, and about my relationships as well, so... Consulting about the matter and asking for help in coming to a decision are things I'd do easily.

It's just the confrontation part that I feel very uncomfortable with... I wouldn't want to expose someone I love to a 3rd party interference in our relationship... It's just... It feels unfair to them I guess.

 

[Thor]

Oh no, I totally have people I trust to this degree! Ohko would be one of those people actually! XD

Trusting someone and feeling comfortable with having them at your side when handling relationship troubles are two different things though, like... I just feel like it's something too personal, that I should solve with my significant other and nobody else.

I'm fine with talking about details of my life, and about my relationships as well, so... Consulting about the matter and asking for help in coming to a decision are things I'd do easily.

It's just the confrontation part that I feel very uncomfortable with... I wouldn't want to expose someone I love to a 3rd party interference in our relationship... It's just... It feels unfair to them I guess.

Oh yeah, that makes sense. Its about respect/love towards your significant other. Thats why I said in a early post that you should confront the person first before going to the police/lawyer. To take someone with you should only happen if there is no other way.